The tortuous sensations piled on one another, pain, thirst, and now exhaustion. She wanted to sleep, she had never felt so tired before. The allure of peaceful sleep tugged at her fatigued mind, all the sadness and betrayal and anguish she felt pulling her down to some dark, endless place one strengthened her desire to sleep. If I slept, I would forget all of this. I wouldn't know my friends are going to kill me, I would be able to forget this feeling of constant suffocation... If only I could sleep.
She couldn't tell how long it had been since Rarity's visit, and the words that were spoken seemed distant and hazy, like remembering the words spoken in a dream, she felt far too tired for terror at her slipping memory, instead, the despair only grew where fear should have been. The only thing she felt fearful of now, was that she could only hear the high pitched beeps of the monitor. No longer could she distinguish the soft hums or buzzes of the other machinery, she could feel her last link to the world fading right before her, and she could only watch helplessly as her hour glass ran low. Despite the separation she felt from reality, she could feel only one thing strongly that was neither pain nor sorrow; The last goodbyes from her friends.
If I sleep... will I die? If I just, let go, will this all be over? Is it that simple, just, drifting off? Maybe I should try... She wished for the satisfying feeling of closing her eyes just before easing in to sleep's embrace, that final flutter of consciousness before the peaceful dark, even if she couldn't have that, maybe, if she just... gave up, it would all go away.
Her thoughts, which had ceaselessly tormented her and bombarded her with stimulation of fear and pain, emotion and memory, began to form an amorphous white noise, that became duller and duller. The beeps of her life support smoldered out, until they were nothing at all. Silence. She felt the first part of sleep's grasp, perfect silence. Rainbow could feel herself, sinking, being pulled down. Cold and darkness filled her, as though a freezing sea rushed into her body as she drowned, replacing her blood with icy water and filling her lungs. She didn't fight it, not a shiver or a gasp, just sinking, distancing herself from the pain and torment. She could feel it, she was so close and any moment now, she would slip away. Will it all be over?
Suddenly, the soft and gentle void she was dreaming into began to quake. Rainbow felt a pain grip her, not just a superficial pain, but a pain that permeated through her entire existence. No... just let me go, I don't want any of this... Weakly, she tried to keep fading, denying the new sensation as best she could, but soon, the pain was joined with something else, something she couldn't place. What is that? It seems so familiar but, I just can't... I can't remember.
Something stirred within her, dragging her up from the fringes of peace, ripping her back to the world she dreaded. One by one, pain, thirst, anger, betrayal and fear flooded back to her, the beeps of her life support came back into focus. No! No, no, no! I don't want... I don't want to go back! The beeps of her machines were soon stifled out for a new sound, it was hushed and fuzzy, but, it was louder than the rhythmic sounds of her hospital room. What is that? I can't tell, it's too blurry. Is this what brought me back here? Is this why I can't go to sleep? Why? Just let me rest... please, I'm so tired.
“I- I didn't-” The vague sound solidified into a coherent voice. It was quiet and distant, but Rainbow knew, it was from the world outside of herself. The voice was familiar, it was painfully close, right at the threshold of her thoughts. Rainbow agonized over it, the powerful familiarity, it pained her to not know. Who is that? Do I know them... Do I? Who could it be, what is their name? What do they want?
“P-please... don't blame Rarity. It's all-” The voice faded in and out of focus. She felt a crushing weight on top of her, exacerbating the feeling of suffocation. Even as the voice faded, she could tell it's owner was in a lot of pain and sadness. They were sobbing, they were crying. Crying... are they crying for me... Rarity? Who... Rarity! Terror ripped the last hope of peace she had from her as her memories began to reform. I'm forgetting my friends... I forgot them. I- I can barely remember what Rarity looks like. I'm losing them, my friends, the most important ponies in the world to me! What's happening to me? Why can't I remember clearly anymore?! No! No more, I can't stand this!
“I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I- I just wanted to see you smile... I'm sorry...” The voice from the outside was shaking, trembling with grief. Rainbow's heart ached as the voice became clear. She knew who it was, but her voice had an aspect Dash had never heard from her. The storm in Dash's mind vanished, leaving her in a vacuum of thought, stunned numb by the pain she could feel from her friend. In the deathly quiet of her mind, one name was whispered carrying a heart breaking realization; Pinkie Pie...
“I don't want to let you go! Y-you can't die like this... It's all my fault!” She was screaming, the power behind it almost made her voice feel close, it was painfully clear. I didn't even hear her come in... what did she say? How long has she been here? I- I missed something she said... she's going to leave without me ever knowing what she said. “I don't want you to go... please, just- just give me one more smile... let me see you happy one more time. Please... you can't die looking like this. You-you look so sad!”
Don't... don't cry. Please... don't cry. Why do I look sad? I can't move, my memory is slipping... It's not fair. I- I don't want her to cry. Fury surged through her. She wanted to lash out, to shout, to kick and scream, but trapped in this pitch black hell, she could only wallow in her rage and frustration, unable to release anything, not a tear or shout. I can't feel or move or talk, but I still look sad?! What is this?! What did I do to deserve this?! Why do my friend's... the last thing they'll see, is me looking like I'm sad? What the hell is that!? It's not fair!
“T-they said... you aren't with us anymore. You'll never laugh, or smile or fly again... what have I done!? I- I swear, I didn't want this for you Dashie, I didn't! I wanted you to be happy, that's all I've ever wanted... was for you to be happy. I- It's selfish but... I wish you could hear me... I wish you knew how much we all love you, how much I love you. I- I know it's the right thing to do, to let you go... but, for me, I don't want to lose you!”
Pinkie... I'm already gone. There's nothing left of me except this. I don't want any of this. I can't stand anymore of this. I can barely remember what you look like, I can't remember what Rarity said to me...
“I want what's best for you... I know it won't mean you'll be happy but, if you are in there, if you can hear me... we need to let you go... You'll... you'll never feel anything again... you'll be gone. It- it's what best for you right? It's the right thing to do... right?” Rainbow could hear Pinkie Pie begin to fall apart as she cried, her heart was broken with doubt. “How much pain are you in to make it the right thing? Oh Dashie, I- I wouldn't want that for you, I promise, I don't want you to be in pain, I would be anything to make you feel better but... is it really better?”
Nothingness... forever.
“It was the hardest thing we've ever had to do... I- I don't think I'll ever forgive myself but, we had to do something. Oh Rainbow, we couldn't let you live like this!"
Is that where I almost went? Is that what it would have been like for me if I slept... forever? Just... nothing?
"I- I'm sorry... I just can't see you like this anymore. G-goodbye... goodbye... I- I... I'll... I'll never forget you, you'll always be in my heart... Pinkie promise.” The pressure lifted from her and Pinkie's hoof beats receded away slowly. Rainbow could hear each of her friend's tear drops slamming into the ground like deafening thunder. The sound of her hooves faded to nothing as Dash's hearing ebbed away, leaving her with no sound save for a painful ringing in her ears. She felt alone, and the pain intensified, her every moment was torture and as the ringing subsided and she could once again only hear the sound of her life support she wished for only one thing; I wish those machines would shut up...