“Twilight! Twilight!?” shouted Spike as he entered the library. The library was much in the same state that he had left it in. Except for one corner which for some apparent reason was completely black. Spike wandered over to it but was suddenly cut off when a voice called from the blackness.
“What’s the matter, champ?” it said. Then a light bulb flashed above Spike to reveal a certain draconequus sitting in an armchair. He was wearing some reading glasses attached to a chain. There was book in his lap which was currently missing some pages which were spike on a fork that Discord held in his right claw. Spike’s eyes widened.
“Discord!” The little dragon stomped forward and accusing claw pointed at the chimera. “Where’s Twilight?”
“She’s deeeaaad ohhhhhooohh!” said Discord as he held his two claws out in front of him and twiddled his fingers in a poor imitation of a ghost.
“What?!” gasped Spike. His eyes threatened to break into tears. Upon seeing this Discord frowned and quickly retracted his statement.
“Nah, I’m just messing with you.” Spike’s face immediately lightened up as he let out a sigh of relief.
“Oh, that’s good.” Spike took a quick breath before regarding Discord again. “Seriously though, where is she?” Spike’s tone then took a dark turn. “You better not have done something to her or else I swear Fluttershy’s going to hear about it.” Discord let out a sinister laugh that was certainly not suspicious in the context.
“There is no need for idle threats my boy.” Discord then realised that he had not thought ahead and actually made an excuse for Twilight’s departure. Quickly pulling a piece of paper out with writing on it. “I- Twilight has-uh, been well you see.” Discord squinted at the page. "She has, um, gone to…Canter-lot. Wait, no that’s Canterlot. Sorry.” Discord tried closing one of his eyes as he gripped the page tightly. “For- uh, why are the words on this page so small? For a special Princess meeting. That’s it, hah! I mean well as you can clearly see a-.”
“Well that explains things,” interrupted Spike.
“Look, I know it’s not the best excus-, wait, it does?”
“Yeah,” said Spike completely straight-faced as if it were nothing. “Twi would never refuse a call from Princess Celestia even if she didn’t have a massive crush on her.” Spike shrugged his shoulders and turned away from Discord. “I better start packing.”
"Wait, how do you know that?" exclaimed Discord stopping Spike with his paw. Discord was now standing behind Spike holding the same sheet of paper in his other claw. He shook the page to emphasise his point before flicking through it. “Did you read the script too?”
“What are you talking about?” replied Spike as he raised his eyebrow pushing Discord away. “Of course I know Twi has a crush on the Princess. I’m her number one assistant.” Spike puffed his chest out proudly and pointed at himself with his thumb. “I know everything about her. Besides I sort out all the books in this library.” Spike’s face dropped a bit.
“Even the p-”
“All of the books” said Spike with the most serious face Discord had ever seen the young dragon. Discord was actually put off by it for a moment. Spike then resumed his walk away from Discord to ascend the stairs. Suddenly it occurred to Discord that Spike may cause some problems if he was allowed to go to Canterlot. Problems that would definitely ruin his hastily put together plan. Discord decided that perhaps it was best to convince him to stay.
“Spike wait!”
“What?”
"Well how ‘bout you crash with your buddy Discord for a while?" Discord gave his best puppy dog smile. Spike crossed his arms unimpressed.
“Number one, you don’t have a place to live, two, you are not my buddy, you're like ten thousand years old and three, you tried to ruin my life before. So yeah, my answer is no.” Discord was deflated by Spike's criticism. Literally.
“I-I.”
“Excuse me. I’ve got things to do.”
“Wait! I-I why don’t you…” Discord racked his mind for everything he could summon with his vast cranium about the purple dragon. Discord bit his bottom lip in concentration.
‘Think Discord! What did Fluttershy say about Spike? Well he’s a dragon. Uh, he lives with Twilight. Why didn’t I watch more Spike related episodes. Umm, wait! Rarity! He likes that fashion designer. Ah hah, perfect. Looks like Discord the matchmaker is back in business. Oh divines I love me.’
“What about Rarity?” asked Discord. Spike stopped. Discord pumped his fist in triumph. Spike looked over his shoulder back down at Discord from the stairway.
“What about her?” Discord smiled as he took on a smug look.
“Well, if you go to Canterlot, I can’t exactly help my favourite buddy catch the girl of his dreams.” Discord took two steps towards Spike.
“How do you know about me and…”
When Spike blinked next Discord was no his normal self. Well normal for Discord anyway. Instead he was now dressed in a paddy hat, a black vest over an emerald green shirt with grey shorts, white socks pulled up to the shins and he was smoking a pipe which spurted bubbles.
“Tis me ancestry sure” said Discord with a stereotypical Irish accent. Spike could only grimace at the uncomfortableness of it all. “Love is a wee bit of chaos is it not? And who be a better matchmaker than I Discord, to help mee poor fellow, Spike the dragon.” Then when Spike blinked again the whole get up was gone like a bad dream. Spike tentatively replied
“What? No. I don’t need help. I-.” Then a miniature Discord popped up on Spike’s shoulder and with one hand leaned against Spike head.
“Really? ‘Cause kid you really look like you need it. I mean all this time and you still haven’t made your move. It’s kind of sad.” Spike flicked him off sending him flying across the room. Spike sighed defeated. He sat on a step of the stairs his head held in his claws. His gaze far off away from Discord who was standing before him.
“Fine,” he sighed. “I like Rarity. I just I don’t know what to do. I mean sometimes I think it’s just a waste. I mean I try and try and nothing.” Spike flailed his claws for emphasize before returning to his defeated posture. “Sometimes I feel that she is just using me.”
“Spike, she’s a mare. Of course she’s using you,” scoffed Discord. Spike just glared at him.
“That’s an extremely sexist comment.”
“Tell me it isn’t true,” said Discord while pointing at Spike.
“Whatever,” whispered Spike waving off Discord’s remarks. He continued with his pitiful monologue. “I just… I want her to at least acknowledge my feelings but sometimes I think she does. Then I get all hopeful and then bam!" Spike slammed his claw. "It’s right back to not even seeing me. I… I don’t know I’m just a stupid kid way out of his league.” Discord felt something stir within him. It wasn’t disgust or delight but something more subtle and deeper. This is what empathy was he supposed. “She’s like this super successful fashion designer. I’m just some stupid assistant to another highly successful mare. She could have any stallion she wanted. What good am I?” Spike buried his head in his claws having seemingly forgotten that Discord was even there. “I’m an idiot for even trying.”
Discord rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. This was not exactly what he had intended when he started this conversation. With a deep sigh, he approached Spike hesitantly as if the dragon was on fire. Seeing that Spike was upset made him feel acutely unpleasant inside. Taking an awkward seat on the step next to the dragon.
“Look, Spike you’re not an idiot.” Spike peaked an eye at him. “It’s okay to have hopes and dreams. But it’s up to you to make them real. I mean come on! Rarity wouldn’t want you moping around like this. You can only make this happen if you want it to! You’ve got the makings of greatness kid.” Discord gave Spike a friendly nudge. “Rarity just…needs to open her eyes to realise what a catch you are.” Discord winked at Spike.
“You think so?” said Spike looking up at Discord.
“I know so, kid” said Discord with a smile and a pat on Spike's back. Suddenly Discord was grabbed by something. For a moment Discord thought he was under attack and prepared to snap his fingers to teleport away. Discord then glanced down to find Spike wrapped around his barrel. 'A hug,' thought Discord. Discord had barely been hugged his entire life. It was a terribly cumbersome process. Eventually with the clumsiness of a baby chick trying to fly he managed to reciprocate the hug even if he almost felt sick to the stomach while doing it.
“Thanks Discord,” said Spike. Spike then found himself being pushed away while Discord summoned a brush to clean his coat.
“Okay, enough with hugging. This whole sentimentality smuck is not really my thing,” grimaced Discord as the brush disappeared again.
“Yeah,” said Spike trying to hide his embarrassment. “Okay. Why do you want to help me anyway?”
“Because anatomically incorrect love is the best kind of love!” proclaimed Discord as he did a flip in the air, his body parts swapping around with each other and laughed having returned to his more care free self. Spike was unamused by his antics.
“But why?” said Spike ignoring Discord’s statement.
“But look at you,” said Discord smashing his face up against Spike’s. “You know you want my help. I want to help you. What’s more to it?” Discord giggled maliciously. “We can do this man. Sure I want my help and who better to give advice than me.” Discord looked into a mirror and smiled though proceeded to frown as it cracked into a million pieces. Spike fell back on his buttocks his head spinning before he voiced his concerns.
“Uh, I don’t know about that!”
“Shut up Spike,” snapped Discord once again returning to treating Spike like a secondary character as he tried to put the mirror back together. The mirror pieces caught on fire. Discord frowned. Why did everything he cared for always burst into flames. Like his former train set. Well Button's former train set in actuality but that was just frivolous matter, it was the thought that counted.
“N-now, wait a second!”
“Look I’m willing to make a deal with you,” sighed Discord after putting out the flames. He tossed his claw into the air. “I’ll get you and what’s her face.”
“Rarity,” growled Spike.
"I knew that. Lapse in concentration," he said as he dismissed his blatant mistake. “I’ll get you together with her using my skills and then were all happy.” Discord clapped his claws together and chickens exploded onto the floor. Along with Scootaloo. Spike seemed upset at Discord’s sudden summoning of poultry and a pony. "Oops that wasn’t meant to happen." Discord snapped his fingers removing the poor filly and chickens hastily. Spike carried on where they left off.
“But what about Twilight?”
“Who cares?” laughed Discord pulling Spike close to him. Spike started to become nauseous at the amount of movement going on. “Let her be. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. She’s probably off reading some book or screwing around with Princess Luna or-.”
“What was that?”
“Forget about that,” deadpanned Discord. “Slip of the tongue. Affliction since I was a child. Anyway, She’ll be back soon is the point. One thing at a time Spike. Rarity is the prize here. Together me and will be unstoppable. Just think of the songs we can write about our adventures." Discord waved his arm out in a semi-circular motion and distant look in his eyes. “’Helping Spike win the crown- I mean the mare’ by Discord. We’ll sell millions because no one will care that it is a rehash of a song because the music industry has absolutely no originality. Hah!”
“Is that your plan?”
“Yes do you like it?” said Discord with an expectant smile.
“No,” scowled Spike. Discord scoffed.
“Well, what do you know? You’re just a supporting character,” said Discord haughtily. "I’ve got main antagonist status.”
“I don’t even know what that means!” exclaimed Spike growing worried at this increasingly unstable draconequus.
“Don’t think just take my advice and we’ll conquer this mare!” shouted Discord shaking his fist in front of Spike who was looking at Discord with a mix of awe and complete terror. Then Discord went over what he just said. Blushing deeply as he put Spike back down on the step he coughed. “I could have possibly phrased that better.”
“Yeah,” replied Spike with an equally visible blush.
“So? How about it?” asked Discord changing the subject.
“Are you sure you really want help me? I mean this isn’t just another scheme of yours, is it?” Spike raised his eyebrow at Discord and returned to a more cautious posture.
“Nonsense. What plan? I totally don’t have ulterior motives. Now are we going to do this or not?”
“But that sounds like you do! I-ah!” Spike suddenly found himself pulled on the arm as he was dragged across the room by Discord’s magic. Discord headed for the exit of the library.
“Ah, close enough. Quickly now Spike, we don’t have much time there’s mares to be wooing. To Rarity’s it is!”
“But wait, were are going there now?” protested Spike. “But I just left Rarity’s.”
“Good. Mares love when you pester them. By giving them attention you’re inflating their ego. Oh, this gold. I should write a book,” chuckled Discord. “Remember that Spike always compliment them and that you’re always wrong even if you’re right, okay?” Spike was dropped onto the floor unceremoniously with a resounding thud. Discord glared at him. “You’re taking this down, right?. God no wonder she hasn’t given you a chance. You don’t listen. You're just like my mother. She never cared of me as a boy." Discord took out a handkerchief and blew his nose into it. "That’s why I’ve got so fat," he cried as he dropped to his knees. He then began to eat from a tub of ice cream that looked quite like the one from the fridge before stuffing his face with its contents. He then saw Spike looking at him. Discord covered his face with one of his wings. “Don’t look at me. Why can’t I be pretty?!” he sobbed.
Spike was beginning to think that he made a big mistake.