Well as you can imagine, it went as well as expected. Queen Chryssie the Stiffie took aim and fired, with little ol' me dodging for my life (as if), unable to get in nary a word. And it ends with Discord being impaled and imprisoned, forever, in a very spiky ball of spikes (thanks a lot ParadigmShift).
How anti-climactic.
Well what really happened was after shoving a giant marshmallow over her magic maker, I sat her down on her throne with some extra sticky fly paper and explained the whole shebang; Celestia, our wager, and the necessity of the filly in question to have a 'mother'. I also I may not have mentioned that if I win I get my full powers, but such details are quite insignificant don't you think? Especially when said Changeling Queen hates your guts. "And why the Tartarus should I care whether you become Celestia's lap dog or not?" See what I mean?
Discord floated above the crystal throne filing his eagle talons. "Because my dearest Chryssie, as you can see, I know where you live, and should I become Celestia's errand colt, it'd be a shame if I let the location of your lovely hive...oh I don't know, slip my tongue?" His tongue fell to the floor. Chrysalis' eyes narrowed and her ears twitched in annoyance. But Discord wasn't a cruel chaos spirit, he had a heart...even if it was as twisted as a braided sailor pony's knot. He patted the changeling queen's noggin
"Come now Chrysalis, its not that bad. In fact, it could be quite beneficial to you."
"Oh yeah, how?"
"Well, it's not like you've ever had a foal?" Hurt flashed across her eyes. Looks like I touched a nerve, oh goody! "It's not like it's a secret that you've always wanted a little one of your own."
"My people are my children." Chrysalis ground out. Grit your teeth like that my dear and your teeth with be grinded to nubs.
"Yes, I'm sure to them your just mummy dearest." Really my nails look great!
"I've taken care of the hatchlings in the nursery before."
"For an hour each then their mommies and daddies come to pick them up. So your less than a mother and more of a babysitter."
Her horn started glowing ominously, weakly, but it was enough to get the point across. However I must admit, it's not as intimidating with a puffy sweet speared on top. She was m-a-d, mad. "I've been singularly supplying enough love and care to feed the entire hive, to feed my children, for months. While normal parents care for one or two younglings, I'm responsible for thousands, some as old as the dragons. Fools like Celestia cannot even fathom what I've had to do to keep my people alive." And that's the opening I needed.
"But at the end of the day, each of your subjects have their own families to return to right? They may love you, but your their leader,it's just not the same as the unconditional love of a child of your own is it?" Discord could sense the queen's growing doubt, so he pressed on. "And think of the advantages you have in this situation. Get the filly to believe the mother act, and you'll have an untapped and unlimited supply of love to feed off of. Best of all, due to the rules of the wager, Celestia can do nothing to stop you."
He could practically see the cogs turning in her head.
Now what many don't know about changeling is this: as creatures that feed solely off of love, they could easily feed off of each other. However due to the practice leading to unrest in the hive with the uncertainly of whom was exploiting whom for a free meal ticket, Chrysalis banned the practice. Chrysalis genuinely loves (oh I think I'm going to be sick) the changelings, so using the Hive Mind, she allowed her people to feed off of her, though not vice versa. However, as any mother knows, feeding the little ones is extremely strenuous work, and you can only go so long without your own little pick me up; so came the practice of feeding of other ponies/griffins/any other living thing's love to keep the hive thriving. Feeding off the queen was now an emergency measure, and as seeing that every changeling had been driven underground, this time would count as such. Isn't history amazing? In short, get queen fed equals more power for her which equals more power for the hive. Now back to our featured presentation.
"Discord!" Oh I must have zoned out again.
"Yes?"
"I said does the filly know about the situation?" That's a good sign.
"Of course not" Discord scoffed. "What do you take me for?" Chrysalis opened her mouth to replied, but seemed to think better of it, instead asking another question. Smart of her.
"You honestly think the child will let me feed off of her?"
"It won't hurt her."
"Usually does."
"My dear Chryssie," Oh really can't anybody express their anger better than am eye twitch? What about a horn twitch? Or a clenching their wings? Ooo, what about fireworks! "You'll be her mother. Does it hurt when you feed the hive?"
"...no"
"Exactly!" Discord bopped her nose with a claw. "Love given freely tends not to leave anypony with ouchie ouchie side effects."
"I suppose. If I have a disguise-"
"No. No disguises."
"Why not?" Because I much rather have Celestia freaking out when she see's who I really had in mind for this mother shtick. And to those of you who for some strange reason thought I was going to ask Fluttershy, I just went to ask her about letting me grow snapping sunflowers around her chicken coop, you know to keep away the predators and all that. Plus flustered hens are always fun to watch. Poor dear was hesitant at first, but I promised that neither predator nor prey would be harmed (physically, I don't know of funny others might fine flowers with teeth) she was right on board.
"Because love is built on trust (or so I'm told), and showing your real self right off the back will get to trust you faster."
"What about other ponies"
"Feel free to transform all you want then. But no feeding, we don't want to attract to much attention from Celestia"
"But you said-"
"I'm not the only one that can find loopholes."
She considered this for a moment. "Fine. Let's say I agree to this scheme of yours," She is so in. "Whose the filly in question?"
"Just a second" Discord pulled out and opened a carpet bag. Reaching in and pulling out a broomstick here, a lamp there, he finally tugged out an impossibly large ornate mirror. "Now if you would step forward." Chrysalis pointed to her flypapered tushie. "Oh how silly of me." he laughed. He snapped his fingers and the queen poofed from her throne, to his side, flypaper free. "Now," he faced the mirror. "Mirror, Mirror let us see, Who my new daughter -to-be." The surface of the mirror fogged and swirled, clearing away to reveal the image of an orange, purple maned pegasus filly chatting with a cyan, rainbow maned mare. Chrysalis recognized her immediately.
"That mare-" she spluttered angrily
"The one, the only, Heeeerrrreeee's Rainbow! Dash that is." Wonder what my chances of hosting the Bits is Right are?
"Why is she with the child?"
"She is what you would call..."How did Fluttershy put it? "...A surrogate sister to our Scoot-to-the-loo, my darling. Well that'll be the first thing to go."
"No." Discord raised a brow.
"No?"
"No. This child according to you, has a direct connection to at least one of Celestia's, Elements of Harmony." She spat at the title.
"This can help us."
"Oh?" Discord laid his chin on his hands gossip girl style. "Do dish"
"After your allotted time-"
"I'll be free" Discord interrupted.
Chrysalis laughed mockingly. The nerve of some ponies! "What's so funny?"
"You haven't stopped to see the big picture Discord. Don't you realize that even if you win, your freedom is not guaranteed?" Now what's Queen Bee talking about?
"Of course it is. Weren't you listening?"
"According to you, your freedom was dependent on the contract. When you called the wager, you only mentioned having your crimes cleared. Or was there something you failed to tell me. Chrysalis gave Discord a hard stare. He merely blew a raspberry.
"Of course not." Except I get my full powers back, but you don't need to know that dearie.
"Then, there's nothing stopping her from controlling you for future crimes." Oh this does not sound good.
"I assumed all conditions transferred from deal to wager." Oh Faust, even I think that sounds pathetic. Beetles for brains is looking at me as if I'm an idiot. Rude.
"Assuming makes an ass out of you and me Discord." She replied.
"Celestia wouldn't pull that." At least I hope she wouldn't. She's changed over the millennia it seems.
"Discord, you said it yourself: your not the only one that can find loopholes. Take it from me as a ruler. You've set yourself up. Even if you win, she can still take you down." Oh damn it all to Tartarus. I've been getting soft headed in my old age!
"Then what do you suggest my dear?"
"Use the child." Discord removed his goat horn and began polishing it thoughtfully.
"....As a buffer?"
"And as a weapon." Ooo, this is gonna be good. Discord placed the horn back on his head.
"So I'm guessing your in?"
Chrysalis reached out a Swiss cheese hoof. "Shall we?" I shook her hoof with my paw feeling a grin spread across my face.
"Well then, let's get too work."
______________________________________________________________________________
"Scootaloo get out here!"
The filly rushed out of her room to meet the stern faced, sand colored, red maned mare at the front. "Yes Ms. Hannigan?"
"There's someone outside to see you." She said through gritted teeth.
Scootaloo couldn't understand why she was upset. As far as she knew, she hadn't done anything. She dragged herself to the orphanage's lobby, quickly going over anything she could have done to upset Hannigan (or Hag-igan as she liked to call her). Breaking the table at Sugar Cube Corner? No, the Cakes said it was okay, they were throwing it out anyway. Letting the pigs loose? No, Apple Bloom covered for her. Messing up the library? Spike was made, but Twilight was able to fix it in a jiffy. "Hurry up you little runt." Hag-igan snapped, practically pushing her through he door.
"Hey! Watch it-" Scootaloo looked up in wonder at one of the most beautiful Pegasus ponies she'd ever seen. She was tall as Princess Cadence, slim, graceful, and pure white. She had a long, chest length soft glimmering gold mane with round warm, grass green eyes. She had a magnifying glass on her flank. Detective maybe? She looked like a model straight out of Manehatten! No wonder Hag-igan was so mad, she hated any mare prettier than her. In Scootaloo's opinion, that was just about everyone. The pretty mare smiled sweetly down at the awestruck filly.
"Hello."
"Umm, h-hi"
"You must be Scootaloo" Danger Alert, Danger Alert! Scootaloo was immediately on her guard. She had never met this pony before, what'd she do? As if sensing the little pegasus' unease, the beautiful pony continued. "It's nice to meet you."
"Thanks?"
"Excuse me, Ms...?" Hag-igan interrupted. Scootaloo inwardly cringed, and she thought the strange pegasus' eyes flash with...surprise? Irritation? She couldn't really tell.
The Pegasus turned towards the unpleasant Earth Pony in question. "Chrys-" she paused, catching herself. "Crystal. Crystal Cove."
"Well Ms. Cove, I'm sorry for whatever the filly's done, but-"
"I'm not here for that." She quickly interrupted.
Hag-igan blinked in surprise. "Your not?"
"Your not?" Scootaloo echoed. Crystal smiled in amusement.
"No, I'm not. In fact I came in here to pick her up."
"Wait a sec. You are adopting that?" Hag-igan jabbed a hoof towards the filly in question. Scootaloo was too shocked to react, but Crystal's eyes hardened.
"Yes I am. I believe the paperwork was already taken care of." She said with a slight edge.
Hag-igan rushed to her desk, flipping through paperwork, leaving the two Pegasi. Finally Scootaloo spoke up. "You're adopting me?"
Crystal raised her eyebrow, a warm smile on her face.
"Of course. Didn't you just hear me?" Scootaloo smiled back, liking this mare more by the minuet. What she said next made Scootaloo buzz with excitement. "I'm sorry for coming to get you alone, but your father's back at the house making sure everything is ready."
"Wait, I'm getting a Dad too?" Crystal gently laughed.
"Why of course! But be warned-"
"Here it is! But these are from Canterlot."
"Yes, we moved here from Canterlot very recently."
"But-"
"Look Ms. Hag-igan," Crystal interrupted. The earth pony looked flabbergasted as the orange filly below her tried desperately to hide her giggles. The mare looked unabashed. "I really must be going, the filly's father is at home, and frankly the sooner I get back, the less damage he can do. So are we free to go, or do I have to stay here and listen to you further degrade an innocent filly?" The cold radiating from Crystal's glare even gave Scootaloo chills.
Hag-igan stood there gaping like a dead fish. "I'll take that as a no then. Let's be off Scootaloo" She trotted towards the door, her new charge hesitantly following behind her.
As she opened the door, she heard the nasaly earth pony shout from behind her. "The runt can't fly." Crystal immediately studied the Scootaloo's wings. Scootaloo shank under her analytical gaze. Her wings were small and underdeveloped, which tended to be a deal breaker in most adoptions. Raising her head Crystal faced Hag-igan, face impassive. Scootaloo bracing herself for the inevitable.
"Well neither can you, you pathetic waste of space." Useing her head to slide the filly onto her back, and expanding her large white wings, Crystal took off without another word.
They flew in silence for a while until it was too much for the young filly to bear. So came the inevitable question. "Are we there yet?"
"Almost" was the patient reply.
"Where are we going?"
"Home"
"Which is?" Scootaloo asked snarkily. Crystal smiled, she was going to like this kid.
"Here" Crystal smiled as she heard the filly squeal in delight.
"This is AWESOME!" She had seen the house herself, and it looked pretty good if she said so herself. As she turned back to see the house however, she automatically filled with dread.
"Oh no." The house itself was nice. It was a large two story cloud cottage floating right over the center of the EverFree Forest. The problem was that the house was built upside down, under the cloud. It was also various colors, messily splashed on as if someone had just taken random buckets of paint and just threw them across the house's surface. There were various colors and patterns: red, blue, yellow, purple, leopard spots, stripes, polka dots, the whole works. As if that wasn't bad enough, there was a moat. A freaking moat. Of chocolate pudding. How did that not fall out of the sky? Crystal thought it was the dumbest thing she'd ever seen. Scootaloo on the other hand, thought it was the greatest thing ever!
This is where we're going to live?" Scootaloo's wings buzzed excitedly.
"Apparently." The landed on top of the cloud. Sliding of Crystal's back, Scootaloo zipped around taking in the view. In the meantime, Crystal searched for a way into their new 'house'.
"Hey Mom, look at this!" Crystal looked up in surprise. Scootaloo blushed. "Umm-I found something." Upon inspection there was a large black button sticking out from the cloud's floor. Gingerly pressing it, both ponies jumped in surprise as a loud ding sounded and an elevator appeared. Shaking her head Crystal entered, Scootaloo bashfully following behind her.
The silence inside the Elevator was awkward and pregnant. Crystal glanced down at the orange filly who was determinedly looking at the floor. "I don't mind you know." The orange pegasus looked up in confusion. "I don't mind."
"That I called you mom?"
"What else? I just didn't expect you to do that so early. We just met after all." Scootaloo shuffled her hooves nervously. Once again as if reading her mind, she said. "You can call me 'Mom' if you wish...however, I think you may want to hold such terms of endearment until are able to...assess us in a proper light first." She was met with a confused stare.
"Wha?" Crystal nuzzled the filly reassuringly.
"You'll see in a moment." The Elevator opened and the duo stepped out into a beautiful living room.
"What do you mean...." Coastal's jaw went slack at the scene in front of her. Crystal's was surrounded by a green aura, her white coat was turning black, growing thinner and taller, holes on parts of her legs. Her eyes grew brighter and sharper, like that of an insect. Her soft feathery wings became thin and glossy, with a green tinge like a dragonfly's. A jagged black horn grew from her forehead, topped with a small crown perched behind it. He mane went from thick and gold to a thin brittle green.
"Hello Scootaloo." The Changeling Queen said. As she stood before her, and the little pegasus trembled. Without taking her unreadable gaze off the petrified filly, she called out. "Come out Discord."
"Oh your such a spoil sport Chryssie." A voice emanated from all around the room, though Chrysalis seemed unperturbed. Scootaloo looked around wildly. "Behind you my dear." She spun to face a manically grinning dragoneques. Grin growing wider at the filly's obvious fear, he broke out into jazz hands (paws...claws...you get it).
"Oh filly, Daddy's home!"