//------------------------------// // The City That Never Saddles // Story: Appledashery // by Just Essay //------------------------------// “Hey, watch where you're flying!” A window-washer shouted while waving an angry hoof. “You want I should pile-drive you into the concrete, ya bird-brain?! Ponies are trying to work here!” Rainbow Dash nevertheless glided past him, soaring her way down a bustling street at a tenth-story glide. “Hmmm...” Lancie leaned his head out and looked all around as Rainbow glided through the heart of the maretropolis. “Charming town.” “Your sarcasm is a thick syrup and I'm all out of waffles.” “Less breakfast analogies and more shard-finding, please.” “Could do with a little compass work, buddy.” “Oh, very well.” Lancie climbed up her mane and pointed his talon over her head so she could see it through her goggles. “That way.” “Lotta buildings in the way there, chief.” “I'll tell you when to move. Consider me your wingpony.” “Yeesh. Better get you clipped.” “Hardy har har.” Lancie pivoted his talon left. “Hang a left here, and keep low.” “Can't keep too low,” Rainbow said, veering after his directions. “They've got flight regulations in this sort of a place.” “Surely you jest.” “Nope. That's why I rarely visit places like Manehattan or Fillydelphia.” “Except when you do every week when you have to make illicit meetings with members of a lunar secret society?” “Dude, shut up.” “Heheheheh...” Rainbow sighed, glancing at her blue reflection blurring in the windows to her right. “I never get why every friggin' place with skyscrapers has somehow gotta cater to unicorns and earth ponies.” “Oh, you poor, poor oppressed pigeons.” Lancie pointed right. “This way.” Rainbow swerved after his guidance. “In Cloudsdale, you could fly anywhere you want. Walls and windows? Pffft. Don't need them. Heck, even the big government buildings are open for anypony with wings to come in, visit, take a nap—whatever. Everything's all chillaxed, you know?” “Sounds like you've just reduced all of pegasus culture to a bunch of cloud squatters.” “Hey... when you think really hard on it... money's both a ball-and-chain and a crutch.” Rainbow smirked bitterly. “All that's real is wind and thunder. If ya ask me, once a culture's got that figured out, then what's the point in fretting over anything else?” “Spoken like a true chaotician.” “Bite your tongue.” “Forsooth, Sparky...” Lancie tugged on her mane and stuck his head so that he was smirking at her upside down. “Haven't you ever thought hard on the topic? You and I are birds of a feather.” “You're one ugly dove.” “What I mean is... both of us see the trivial constructs of equine civilization for what they really are—trite inventions made to enforce a series of 'checks and balances' that are valid in name only! All rules ever do is single out ponies and elevate an elite group of flank-sniffers above the rest! Why, without money and laws and fears, we are all equal, floating through the cosmos without a care in the world. Carelessness isn't a sin, really, but rather the weight we put on it is, considering the more harm than good it's done.” “You are completely out of your antler-space if you think I'm capable of thinking that hard about life to even remotely understand you.” “Ah, but you feel it, yes?” Lancie smirked. “Every day you trudge to work... every night you fall asleep for fear of losing your house—which is somepony else's property and not yours—you know deep down inside that you're an unnecessary slave to some system that pretends ever so hypocritically to emulate the haughty values of 'harmony' that your monarchy blindly enforces!” He leaned casually against her neck with a smirk. “Heck, no wonder you infatuate so hard over the Princess of Frecklestan. It's a terminal case of escapism if I ever sniffed one.” “Eeeeunnngh...” Rainbow grumbled. “I thought I was here to help you find a criminally exploited chaos shard, not get into some long-winded conversation about anarchy and sour grapes.” “Oh, I'm sure we'll get to explosions soon enough.” Lancie flicked her ear, making it twitch. “You're smarter than you give yourself credit for, Sparky, which makes it all the more tragic that you don't try to live half as much as you're capable of doing.” “Next you're going to say that I'm a masochistic glutton for punishing myself.” Lancie whistled innocently. Rolling her goggled eyes, Rainbow grumbled, “Just tell me where I need to go already.” “Hmmmm...” Lancie waggled his stone digits in the air. “Chaos senses... tingling...!” “And don't be so coy about it!” Rainbow barked. “Buck...” “I thiiiiiiiiink...” Lancie rolled over and pointed past her shoulder. “Thattaway!” Rainbow took a hard right, threading her way past a flinching pegasus and a winged newsy. Wincing, Rainbow scoured the buildings with her eyes. “You'd better not be sending me in circles, dude!” “Oh, don't you worry, I do believe swirly circles is exactly the headspace of the pony who's got my next piece.” “How can you tell?” “The same way I always tell!” He shrugged with a smirk. “A hunch of a hunch of another hunch!” “Unnngh...” “Whoopsies!” Lancie glanced over his shoulder. “I think we passed it!” “Huh?!” Rainbow did a double-take, already pivoting her wings to perform a massive backflip. “Where? How?” “Zip back and find out, Sparky! What do you think I am, a homing pigeon?” “At least you don't poop as much.” “You know... come to think of it—” He toyed with his fang. “Don't you friggin' dare!”