Jen
Jen woke to the sound of something crashing in her flat. For a moment she thought it was a burglar, but then a decidedly un-burglar yell in what sounded like an American accent… a south American accent: “Consarnit, where the hay am I?”
Jen turned the words over in her mind, on the one hand it really could be a burglar, or even a rapist… on the other hand it could be a lost tourist. A really lost tourist.
“Why the hay won’t this door open!?” the voice yelled out.
Yeah, probably not a burglar.
Jen grabbed a shoe and held it up as if to bludgeon the intruder, it probably would have been useless but for the wicked looking spike of the high heel — that was probably sharp enough to kill a horse — and crept towards the noise.
There, in the middle of the livingroom was a pony. An orange pony. An orange pony wearing a cowboy-hat… had the intruder brought the pony? And if so, why the hat?
Jen looked around for the voice she’d heard just moments ago, glancing toward the kitchen and then the laundry-room… maybe the intruder was in the loo?
“Erm, excuse me… but where am I?” asked the voice.
Jen jumped, whirled around and pulled back the shoe to strike at the voice that came from behind her, but the only thing that was there was the pony. Only the pony.
“Wait… no. No, no, no no.” Jen said, shaking her head in denial. “There’s no way there’s a talking pony in my house.”
“What’s so odd `bout a talkin’ pony?” the pony asked, confirming Jen’s fears.
“Nope.” Jen said, shaking her head again, “Ponies can’t talk. It’s just impossible.”
“Well, Ahm here, an’ Ahm talkin’.” The pony responded, “So ‘course it’s possible.”
Jen sank to the floor in a squatting position and mumbled to herself how this couldn’t be happening.
“Anywhay, Ahm tryn’ to get outta here — got work to do on the farm.” The pony said, looking for an exit to the house.
“I– there’s no farm’s `round here.” Jen replied, “we’re in the middle of the city.”
“City, what city?” the horse asked.
“London.” Jen replied, finally coming to terms with the fact she was conversing with an equine.
“Lunden?” The horse repeated, trying out the foreign-sounding word, “Ah ain’t never heard o’ Lunden.”
“Well you should have… it’s the capitol of the United Kingdom.” Jen replied.
“Tha what?” the horse asked.
“You’ve never heard of the UK?” Jen asked, incredulous.
“Nope.”
The two stared at each other for a few moments.
“So, what’s yer name?” the horse asked,
“Um, I’m Jen…” Jen replied, then asked “You are?”
“Ah’m Applejack. Pleased ta meet’cha.” Applejack introduced herself, offering a hoof in what looked oddly like an offer for a handshake.
Jen eyed Applejack, then jumped when a knock came on the door.
“Jen, are you home…” the voice of a middle-aged woman came from the other side of the door, “Open up for your mum.”
“I can’t…” Jen yelled back, a look of surprise tinged with terror touching her face.
“Why not?” the voice asked.
“I’m indecent.” Jen yelled back, hoping to buy herself some time.
“Oh come on, I changed your diapers!” Jen’s mom yelled back.
“No I mean…” Jen’s eyes flicked about before setting on Applejack, “I’m with my lover… my lesbian lover.”
“What!?” Applejack’s eyes shot open in surprise, almost yelling herself, “Why’d ya go an’ say that for?”
“Yes,” Jen shouted back toward the door, “I’m with my luscious lesbian lover.”
There was silence from the other side of the door for a few moments before Jen relaxed a bit, got to her feet and looked out the peephole… she breathed a sigh of relief when the peephole revealed nobody standing outside and collapsed against the door in relief.
The silence was interrupted by Applejack, “So, why’d yah tell your ma I’m yer ‘lesbian lover’… an’ what’s a lesbian lover, anyway?”
“My mum… well, she’s overly critical.” Jen replied, “I had to get her to go away before she started going on about ‘grandbabies’.”
“An’ ‘lesbian’?” Applejack asked accusingly.
“Um, well, it’s a relationship between women… one that precludes children.” Jen explained, suddenly embarrassed for some reason. Maybe it was explaining it to a pony who seemed to have a rather childlike naivety.
“But Ah’m not yer lover,” Applejack stated, “Yah shouldn’t’a’ lied.”
“Oh sod-off, miss honesty… you have no idea about what’s going on.” Jen said, suddenly angry on being called out on lying.
“Ah’m serious… lyin’ like tha’ ‘ll only cause troubles.” Applejack nodded at her own wisdom.
“Yeah?” Jen asked incredulously, “How’s getting rid of my mum going to cause trouble?”
“Ah don’t know, but I do know you’ll be sorry ‘bout it.” Applejack responded.
● ● ● ● ●
“Aw, c’mon… take me with you.” Applejack pleaded, “Ah don’ wanna stay here, alone.”
“And how do you think people will react to seeing a pony with me? A talking pony?” Jen retorted.
“How should Ah know?” Applejack replied, “But it’s not like Ah’d be involved in their business.”
“Look, I’ll put the tele on for you.” Jen offered.
“The wha?”
“Tele. You know, television…”
“No, Ah don’ know.”
“Well, it’s...” Jen paused unable to explain it. After a long, awkward silence she walked over to the TV and turned it on, “this.”
Jen flipped the channel to the cartoons, those would probably be the best thing for the pony… or so she thought.
● ● ● ● ●
Jen returned home from the store with the groceries only to here yelling coming from her flat — her unexpected houseguest was excited about something.
“Um, excuse me.” Jen interrupted.
“This ‘tele’ is awesome!” Applejack cried, turning her attention to Jen, “Ah, jus love this Spider-man!”
“Spider-man?” Jen asked, unsure of anything regarding the wall-crawler… she wasn’t a geek and Spider-man was something only geeks paid attention to.
“Yeah, the only thing I’d change is if he were a bit more honest… he gets into a lot of trouble with his folks, and friends, because he ain’t honest with ‘em.”
“Right…” Jen said, hoping that the conversation didn’t go any deeper, pulling what would hopefully be a distraction from one of the grocery-bag, “anyway, would you like a carrot.”
“I’d love a carrot!” Applejack jumped up, she hadn’t had any breakfast and so she was a mite bit hungry… though on the plus-side she hadn’t been doing any farm-work.
Jen moved over to the kitchen and began to cook up breakfast, more a brunch really, as was her habit over the weekend. She would have slept in, had she not been awakened so early… she eyed the pony and debated not asking if it wanted any food.
“So… would you like some French Toast?” Jen asked, finally deciding to be a good hostess.
“Um, yes. Ah’m a mite bit hungry, so that would be nice.” Applejack answered.
Minutes later, as they ate the tele blared on as useless background noise. Their meal was interrupted by the phone ringing.
Jen answered and was dumbstruck when the other party was revealed to be the hospital, calling her because her mother had been found, collapsed…
“My mum…” Jen said numbly, and she put her phone back in her purse… “She’s in the hospital.”
“Oh no! We gotta go see her.” Applejack said, jumping away from the table.
Jen was so numb she didn’t object, didn’t think of what it would look like to be in public with a pony.
● ● ● ● ●
“Oh, Jen…” her mother cried as she entered the room…
“It’s ok mum… I’m here. I’m here for you.” Jen said, trying to comfort her.
“It was such a shock…” The elder woman said, shaking a bit.
“What was, mum?” Jen asked.
“Finding out your… predilections.”
“Ah’m sorry you collapsed.” Applejack said, trying to offer consolation.
Unfortunately the older woman looked over and saw that her daughter’s lesbian lover was also a horse… the strain was too much.