“Alright, two royale daisy sandwiches, two strawberry milkshakes, two baskets of hay fries, and a hayburger and shake for the two legged-I mean, the human from South Jersey,” Spike announced.
He heard no response.
Was everything going okay down there? Had the human broken loose? Hadn't he read something about humans with ingenious traps and tools hunting down young dragons to make armor out of their skins? He liked all his skin firmly on his body, were it kept his insides inside.
Then again, maybe Twilight Sparkle hadn't been able to wait long enough. He balanced the silver tray and hurried his steps down the stairs. He'd hate for her to lose a one-of-a-kind specimen that he might still share with Rarity. If he was being completely honest with himself, he still held out some hope for that.
He heard a low roaring, like a wyvern with a bad throat infection, and tiny little scratching noises, like somebody sharpening a flint knife.
The cold air hit him like a kick to the gut. He bit his tongue and coughed. Frigid drafts ripped the moisture from his throat. He almost dropped the tray, he was trembling so hard.
Spike puffed out a little flame to clear the condensation from his body.
This was odd. Very odd.
On the upside, the strawberry shakes would stay nice and cool. He puffed a little hot air over the hayburger to keep it warm for the guest.
The low roar's source became clear when Spike cleared the corner. The human was splayed on the slab with an icicle of drool hanging from its mouth. Its nostril's flared, and there was another low rumbling snore.
The reason why a naked human had fallen asleep in this icy cellar became clear as well. Twilight Sparkle was scratching equations and arcane analogue diagrams on the chalkboard.
"So, with that relativity theory you told me about, I can actually DISPROVE Gorpolot's Fourth Law, and assuming it applies equally and that light isn't just slower and heavier in a low intensity magical field, Clover the Clever's theorem of orbital constancy is a complete load of horse-apples!" Twilight Sparkle said, pausing to rub her hooves together. "This is so exciting! Thank you for telling me this Jamal!"
Twilight Sparkle blinked. The area where she stood was free of frost, probably because of the heat of her frantic exuberance.
Spike poked Jamal in the side. He awoke with a snort.
"What? Oh, yeah, thank you." The human winced in pain as it broke off the icicle from its face. "Why is it so cold in here?"
Twilight Sparkle blinked. "Is it? Sorry. The Pegasi shouldn't have any snowstorms planned this early in the year. Are you sure it's that cold?"
The human covered up his groin and his nipples, teeth chattering. "Yes, it is. C-could you g-get m-me a blanket?"
Spike set down his tray on a work table, between the small-scale morphic resonator and the barometer. He looked at Twilight Sparkle.
"Go ahead, grab him a blanket. I've just been learning so much about the flexibility of what I previously thought to be universal constants!"
"I guess I could grab something," he grumbled, fumbling around and pulling out a wool blanket. He tossed it at the human, who wrapped himself up eagerly.
"By the way, I brought your food." Spike said. Twilight's chalk continued scraping. She didn't so much as nod in acknowledgement.
"You're welcome," Spike added, handing the hayburger to the human en route to Twilight Sparkle. She tended to forget about things like food, sleep, and pain when she was on a really "interesting" project. It was times like these when she really needed her number one assistant.
Before he reached her, the food was levitated directly to her mouth. She licked her lips and burped. She did not stop writing on the chalkboard.
The human bit into the hayburger, then spat it out, coughing. "What's in this?"
"Hay of course," Spike said, rolling his eyes.
"Um, I appreciate the offer, but d-do you have anything else?" The human said, baring its microfangs in a sheepish grin.
"Well, uh, what do humans eat?" Spike asked. Twilight used her magic to snatch up the unfinished burger, included , ew, no, she's not going to…yes, she did eat the part that the human spit out.
Spike shuddered and tried to erase his short-term memory.
Twilight turned around, eyes gleaming. "Humans are omnivores, like bears or dragons. Well, not quite like dragons. They're bio-omnivores, and can't digest stone. But the primal humans trapped rabbits in snares, cooked carrion, foraged for vegetation, and made insects into a nutritious paste."
Jamal the human looked just as grossed-out as Spike felt. "I assure you that I have never eaten bug paste or cooked roadkill."
Twilight frowned. "Well, maybe you've adapted your culture a bit since the indigenous days. Do you still eat fledgling dragon hearts for protein?"
Spike decided this was time to fetch more food.
#
Fluttershy sorted out the last of the fertilized roe from the dead eggs. Dead roe made excellent food for the tadpoles and triops in the ponds. She looked at the pile of fish, dead from exhaustion, they had netted out of the pond.
Gingerly, Fluttershy picked up the cleaning knife with her wingtip. She had salt and other preservatives ready, along with plenty of iceboxes. Most of the tails would be distributed to pregnant bears, while the lungs tended to be picked for fertilizer because of their minimal nutritive value. Some of her ferret friends had come out, eager to get their share of the harvest.
"Now now, you know that all of this fish has to be distributed fairly," Fluttershy chided.
Some hungry wyverns had slunk up to the pond. She blew on her whistle, and Bulge Biceps showed up to kick them into next week.
The weakest of the wyverns went down from a blow to the neck. Its siblings immediately turned on it, seeking a supply of less-guarded meat. Their paralyzing stingers dived into its open wound, but they fed even before the venom could take full effect.
Nature was so fascinating.