“Celestia.”
“Ngh.”
“Celestia!”
“Ugh.”
“Celeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—”
“Damnit Luna, I’m trying to sleep!” Celestia called out from her bed.
Luna, sensing that her sister was now awake, barged into her room while breaking the chair that was oddly placed underneath the doorknob, as if to jam it shut from anyone on the other side from entering.
“Celestia, guess what I did?”
Celestia cradled her head between her hooves and shoved it beneath her pillow. “Got a what?” she muttered.
“What?” Luna asked, trotting over closer.
“I mean… what is it, dear and beloved sister?” Celestia said. She poked her head out from beneath her pillow, her fuzzy vision bringing Luna’s prominent smile into focus.
“I got your next date all organized just for you!” Luna tossed a laptop on Celestia’s stomach, the browser open to notforeveralone.com on her profile.
Celestia blinked several times, then shrugged and tightened her sheets around her body. “Wonderful. Hip-hip hooray. My mood just skyrocketed into the astounded territory. Nothing could possibly make this better… except for some sleep.”
“Oh, don’t be like that, sister, I’m sure this one will be different! It says right here he’s a doctor!”
Celestia’s eyes snapped open the moment she closed them to return to dreamland. Sitting up in her bed, she brought her face inches away from the laptop’s screen. “Doctor? Luna, please don’t tell me this is the Doctor!”
Luna pursed her lips. “Um… it isn’t? Wait, is this one of those rhetorical questions this modern era is so smitten with? I still haven’t gotten sarcasm entirely down so often times I—”
“Never mind, checked out his profile page. It is him.” Celestia frowned, her eyes scurrying across the screen. “He’s the one who stole the Captain from me. Jerk.”
“Well, technically speaking that was Deadpool’s doing.”
“Which is why he’s been locked away in the dungeons.”
Luna blinked. “Wait… wasn’t that date over two weeks ago?"
Celestia smiled.
Luna blinked again. “Wait… damn, how did I not notice that?”
“You were marathoning Lost on Netflix,” Celestia reminded her.
Luna slowly nodded her head. “Oh yeah… anything else happen in the meantime?”
“Solaire and Twilight got married and now Discord is duke of Equestria,” Celestia said, scrolling down the Doctor’s page.
“Whoa, seriously?”
“Remind me again to teach you what sarcasm means.” Celestia hummed under her breath, tapping her chin with her hoof as she brooded. “Wait one second… this Doctor page. Something about it is strange.”
Luna glanced over Celestia’s shoulder to the screen. “Strange how? You need to be extremely specific when it comes to immortals.”
“Well, I remember the Doctor from before mentioning he was the ‘Twelfth’ one. I thought at first that was an odd nickname, but it seems like this account is actually a main account for a bunch of alts.” Celestia clicked a link, opening up a screen with around twelve smaller profiles popping up all across the browser. “Twelve, to be exact.”
“So what you’re telling me is that there’s more than one Doctor?” Luna asked.
Celestia shrugged. “From what he said all he mentioned was regenerating. This could be a form of reincarnation where he lives forever by taking on different bodies. Kind of like a phoenix. Although I hope not exactly, since cleaning up Philomena’s ash messes each time she reincarnates herself is such a bother. I can’t even imagine the process and mess that a fully grown man could produce.”
“So, sister, how are you going to deal with this problem?” Luna asked, smirk widening every second.
Celestia sighed, then fished out a flask from inside her mane. Taking a long sip from it, she choked back the hard liquor and sighed once again. “Like I do with every problem when it comes to romance. Go at it head first while slightly intoxicated and pray for the best, and if that doesn’t work, beat out the best with my own two hooves. I guess I’ll go on a date with every one of them and see which one is the most bearable… or the least likely to lead me to my doom.”
“Wait, since when did you have a flask there?”
Celestia guzzled a few more mouthfuls. “Since romance.”
“Huh…” Luna dug her hoof into her own mane, only to withdraw a Cheetos bag. “Aww man.” Luna stared at the bag with a mix of regret and misery, only to open it anyhow and eat the cheese-flavored snacks.
On the whole, it is still unknown which sister was the more pathetic one.