//------------------------------// // Chapter 13 // Story: Those Beautiful Magenta Eyes // by Upatree502 //------------------------------// *Warning: Couple F-Bombs in this chapter. Just a heads up.* Chapter 13 A week and a half later, I waited at the café for Rainbow Dash. I had on a light jacket and was drinking some hot cocoa. We agreed to have a little coffee date after school on Monday, after she was done with track practice. I sat there for a little bit, until finally I noticed her jogging down the sidewalk toward me. As she neared, I waved at her and she waved back, clearly a little out of breath even from afar. She was wearing Under Armour running shorts and a blue track jacket. Her hair was up in a pony. She reached me quickly and sat down across from me at the table. Today was a little bit overcast. “Hey, hope I’m not late,” she said, out of breath. “No, you’re fine,” I answered. “How was track?” “Good,” she panted. I was expecting a bit more of an explanation of some sort but she just left it at that. I mentally shrugged it off. It was probably just because she was out of breath. “Want a drink? I’ll buy,” I offered. She looked up at the clouds as if completely ignoring me, but she looked down right after and answered, “Nah, I should probably just stick with water.” She held up her water bottle and took a swig. A nervous knot tied itself in my stomach, although surprisingly, I wasn’t as nervous as I had expected to be. I guess I was just fed up with all this waiting. Today was the day I was going to confess to her. I had decided it a couple days ago, which is mainly why I wanted to have this coffee date with her. I was sick of feeling so horrible lately. It was trivial that I couldn’t just express my feelings. Twilight was right, even if Rainbow Dash didn’t feel the same way towards me, there’s no way she’d ever hate me or think of me any differently. That’s why I ultimately swallowed my fear and decided to just go for it. The clouds started to clear up a bit and the sun shone in patches on the ground. “Hey, Applejack. There’s been something I kind of want to talk to you about,” Rainbow Dash said, not meeting me in the eye. I looked at her curiously. She was acting strange; something clearly was bothering her. She fiddled with her water bottle nervously and her eyes darted around. “What is it? You can tell me anything,” I assured her. She glanced up at me, only to look away quickly. “Um, well lately I’ve been thinking and I… I kind of…” I raised my eyebrow. I hadn’t seen her this nervous in a while. She rubbed the back of her neck. “I think I may have feelings for…” My eyes widened and my heart suddenly skipped a beat. Wait a second. Was she… confessing to me?! Suddenly a flame of hope flickered inside of me. What if she’s liked me this whole time, but I never realized it because I was too caught up in my worry about me liking her? A tiny smile played at my lips. I waited eagerly for her to finish. “…Big Mac.” … What…? In that moment, I think everything inside of me just stopped. I can’t even describe it. I felt like every part of me in that moment was just gone. My stomach fell to the floor, my eyes glued to Rainbow Dash in disbelief. My mouth went dry. I didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to feel. How was I even supposed to react? She looked up at me expectantly after I didn’t say anything. I showed little emotion, but behind the façade I had died. I said absolutely nothing. At this point, Rainbow Dash started to get nervous. “Applejack?” I looked down, eyes dry and burning from lack of blinking. I couldn’t move; no, I didn’t want to move. I literally did not want to do anything. I just wanted to sit there and fade away. “Applejack? Fuck, you’re mad aren’t you? I’m sorry, but this is why I wanted to tell you first because obviously you’re not okay with this.” How could I have been so stupid? What could have possibly made me think that she was going to confess her feelings toward me? Rainbow Dash waved a hand in front of my face. “AJ, please say something.” My fists tightened. Anyone would have been able to see this coming. I’m such a moron. That’s the only reason she’s been hanging out with me so much lately— so she could talk to Big Macintosh. I’m such a moron… Suddenly, I slammed the table with my fist and spun around, burying my face in my hands. I couldn’t keep it in anymore, and started sobbing into my hands. “Applejack, fuck I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d take it this hard,” Rainbow Dash said. She got up and came over to me. I pushed her away angrily, not meeting her in the eye. “What the fuck makes you think I’d be okay with that?!” “Woah, Applejack, it’s not like we’re dating or anything. Jesus, I get it. I’ll stay away from your brother.” “No, you don’t fucking get it at all. Date my brother. I don’t care. I don’t give a single crap. Do whatever the hell you want, and stay away from me!” I yelled and stormed away from the table, letting angry hot tears run down my face. I didn’t look back at her, but I knew she wasn’t following me. She was probably standing there in shock, watching me run away. I didn’t even care. I was beyond pissed off. I couldn’t see because of how enraged I was and from the amount of tears flowing from my eyes. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to die. I didn’t look where I was going. I didn’t know which way was home, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to lay down somewhere and die. Eventually I found myself in the forest. I couldn’t really see but I felt the leaves and soft ground under my feet and the air was always cooler in the forest. I stumbled my way over to a tree and collapsed, hugging myself as I curled into a ball. A stick was stabbing me in the ribs, and my head landed pretty hard on a rock when my feet gave out under me. I didn’t care. Let me be in physical pain, why would I care what happened to me? I let the apathy wash over me and I closed my eyes. Darkness shrouded me and I was left with silence and the drumming of my pulse throbbing in my ears. The ground was wet. How trivial it all was. Falling in love, having your heart broken. Why do we humans have such fragile hearts and bodies? Maybe we have fragile bodies so it’s easy to die when our fragile hearts have broken. As I laid there, I hoped nobody would ever find me. I wish they’d just let me die. ~ ~ ~ I woke up in my bed Monday morning. Right, everything had been a dream… I’d been having night terrors like these for a while, and lately it’s been the same dream over and over again. It was exhausting, mentally and physically. I was starting to fear that this dream would come true. Rainbow Dash certainly had been spending more time with Big Mac lately, but perhaps that was just a coincidence. Whatever the case, clearly I was worried since my subconscious kept giving me these recurring night terrors. The worst part was, though, I wasn’t truly sure what I was so scared of. Was I scared that Rainbow Dash would actually turn out to have feelings for Mac, or was I more scared that if that were the case, I would actually resort to something like suicide? I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. No, suicide is a cowardly move, and I could never do that to my family. I forced myself to get out of bed and to get ready for the day. Another day at school. ~ ~ ~ After school, the gang decided to get together for lunch at the café. I wore a light jacket and got some hot tea, deciding against hot cocoa. It reminded me of my dream and I wanted to do everything in my power to make sure it didn’t actually come true. At first it was just small talk like usual but when the chatter slowed down a bit, Rainbow Dash seemed to make her move. She was fiddling with her drink cup and looking at the table when she asked me, “Hey Apples, how’s Big Mac and everyone doing?” She looked up at me and took a drink. It was then that my fears had been confirmed… Or at least, my fears that she might have had a crush on my big brother. Sure, it was normal for her to ask how my family was doing, but never before had she specifically asked about Big Mac, unless he had been sick or hurt or something in the past. I knew it. She was interested. At that moment, strangely, I actually felt a bit angry. It pissed me off, quite honestly, that she basically used me to get closer to him. She’d been hanging out with me a lot lately, and it was really only just to find a way to be with Big Mac without it being suspicious. I bit back my angry feelings and nodded casually. “They’re all doing fine. Everyone’s pretty busy I guess. Applebloom and I have schoolwork, and Big Mac’s real busy on the farm.” I had hoped that maybe expressing that he was really busy would get her to step off a little bit, but in fact it did the opposite. She looked a little excited and leaned forward a bit. “I could help out, you know! I mean, I’m pretty strong and durable, I could totally help out Big Mac with some chores on the farm.” Unintentionally, I glared at her. I clenched my jaw slightly and my gaze flickered elsewhere; in fact, it landed on Rarity. She was staring at me with a strange look, almost a squint actually, but I couldn’t pinpoint what she was thinking or feeling. The other girls actually seemed a little bit surprised at what RD said, because Rainbow Dash never offered to help out, especially if it was manual labor. I didn’t know if they knew what was going on, but I didn’t really care. I didn’t want Rainbow Dash hanging out on my farm with my brother. “Thanks for the offer, but we’re good, really. He has Caramel to help him out and we can’t really afford paying for another worker,” I said bluntly. Rainbow Dash looked a bit confused. “Oh, but I’d do it for free—“ “I said we’re fine,” I said coldly. Unfortunately, the girls all noticed that, including Rainbow Dash who looked a little hurt and confused. I took a drink of my tea and looked away, sulking a bit. I didn’t really care what the girls thought. They could assume that I’m PMS’ing or that maybe there was something going on in the family. As long as they didn’t realize what I was actually feeling, I didn’t really care what they thought. “Applejack, you okay?” Fluttershy suddenly asked. I looked over and saw all the girls had concerned looks. I resisted rolling my eyes. I sighed and decided to lie. “Sorry, I’m just… a little on edge. Sorry guys…” I said, genuinely sorry for expressing the bad attitude. The girls seemed to be pleased with the answer and a couple smiled at me. “Well you know we’re always here to help,” Fluttershy said sweetly. Pinkie piped up. “Yeah! But for now, let’s just all enjoy our drinks and each other’s company!” Pinkie’s optimism actually made me smile, and I agreed to toast to that. I noticed, however, that Rarity kept glancing at me. I wondered what her deal was, but put it off for now and just decided to try and enjoy the rest of my time with the girls. I tried to ignore the fact that my heart was slowly breaking again. The group hung out for a little while longer but eventually we had to part ways. The group got up to leave and I was about to head my own way when suddenly Rarity walked up to me. “Applejack, would you mind coming over to the Boutique for a little bit?” she asked. “I want your opinion on this new dress I made.” I had a feeling that this wasn’t the case at all. “Why?” I asked, unsure about her true intentions. “The dress has more of a rural style… I was thinking your opinion could really help,” Rarity said, looking at me expectantly. “Uh, yeah alright. I’d love to help,” I said. ~ ~ ~ “Take a seat, darling,” Rarity said, going towards her cabinet and getting out two tea cups. I sat down, watching her. I knew this wasn’t about a dress at all, and I had been wondering the whole car ride what was up. I guess I was about to find out finally. She filled our cups with tea, handed one to me, and then sat down across from me. I took a sip and looked at her. She took a moment before saying something. “I know, Applejack,” she said seriously, meeting me in the eye. My heart leapt and I raised an eyebrow. “Know… what?” Rare’s lips twitched into a small smile. She looked down at her tea cup. “I know you’re in love with her.” My heart leapt again just hearing those words. I looked away, heart beating fast and my mind racing. I don’t know what else I was expecting. Rarity had an intuition for these kinds of things. “Why don’t you just tell her? Darling… it’s killing you,” she said sympathetically. I felt a painful lump in my throat but I held back the tears. I took a deep breath and met her in the eye again. “I can’t,” I said, my voice cracking unexpectedly. Rarity said nothing, but just looked at me as if expecting me to say more. I didn’t. Instead, I looked away again, my eyes darting around the room. Eventually, Rarity got that I wasn’t going to say anything else, so she took the liberty herself. “You should at least tell her, privately, that you don’t like the thought of her being with your brother,” she stated. I looked up in slight surprise at her. “Come on, it’s obvious she likes him. We both know that. That’s why you got so defensive at lunch today,” she said. I nodded slowly. “I know… But I can’t do that to her. To either of them. It’s not fair to them that I say they can’t be together simply because of my jealousy.” The lump in my throat came back but this time I couldn’t hold my tears back. I covered my eyes with my hands and sobbed quietly into them. Rarity scooted over to me and hugged me, bringing me in close to her. I didn’t resist, but I didn’t hug her back. I didn’t want to get tears on her clothes. She shushed me softly, calling me names like “darling” or “honey” that were surprisingly calming to me. She laughed softly; the sound of her laugh calmed me even more, to the point that I actually stopped crying. That was one of Rarity’s greatest powers. No matter the situation, she calmed me and made me feel so loved. Well, except of course whenever we were at each other’s throats, but I mean in situations like these where I needed her. “You have to tell her. Even if she doesn’t return the feelings, you have to tell her, Applejack. It’s the only way you can finally take this load off your shoulders,” Rarity spoke calmly. I finally shifted myself and put my arms around her, returning the hug now that I was no longer crying. I think I felt her smile, but maybe that was my imagination. Eventually, I pulled away, wiping my eyes. “Rare… Are you okay with, you know, me?” I asked. She looked a little confused at first but then understood. “If you mean your sexuality, dear, then of course I am. I love you no matter what; I’m certainly not that shallow to where I’ll judge you based off who you like. I mean, you put up with my constant moaning over not having a boyfriend,” she smiled. That got a little chuckle out of me, and she seemed relieved to see me lightening up a little bit. After a moment, I sighed and shook my head. “What should I do?” “Like I said before, you need to tell her. Please, Applejack. It hurts me so much to see you like this. You’ve been slowly getting worse and worse as the year has progressed and it kills me inside to see you, the strong and independent woman I know, to deteriorate like this,” Rarity said. I looked up at her curiously. “How long have you known?” She shrugged lightly. “I caught on a little while ago. You’re not that great at hiding it, dear, no offense.” I smiled sheepishly. “Well, Twilight knows too. I told her. I’m not sure about the other girls. I don’t really want them to know yet.” Rarity nodded. “I understand that.” “Do you think…?” I trailed off. Rarity raised an eyebrow, expecting me to finish. “…Do you think I should tell the group about me? I mean, that I’m interested in girls…” I asked. “I think that’s up to you. You should do it when you’re ready.” I nodded. “Okay, yeah. Thanks Rare. For everything, really. You… you help me more than you know,” I said genuinely. She smiled. “Of course, darling. Anytime, really.” I smiled, so glad that Rarity was not only a great friend to me, but also able to see through my façade and try to help me through my struggle. Now that she and Twilight knew, maybe it was time for me to do what Rarity said… Maybe I should finally tell Rainbow Dash. I suppose I could try. But sometimes trying is much easier said than done. ~ ~ ~ Later that evening, I was having dinner with my family. It was a delicious dinner of steak, carrots, and green beans. I jabbed my fork into a steamed carrot and popped it into my mouth, savoring the flavor. The conversation had come to a little pause so I decided to say something, my curiosity getting the better of me. “So Big Mac, I’ve seen you talking with my friend Rainbow Dash quite a bit lately… You two got somethin’ going on?” I asked with an eyebrow raised, trying to look more curious than prying. Big Mac looked a little bashful and he shrugged and said nothing. He didn’t really need to, because the rest of my family perked up right away. “You’ve got yer eyes on a girlie, do ya?” Granny Smith said and teasingly elbowed Big Mac. He looked a little flustered and shrugged. “I dunno. I mean, sure, I think she’s real cute but she’s AJ’s friend. It’d be weird if we dated.” “Aww, you two would make the cutest couple!” Applebloom said. Big Mac looked over at me both expectantly and apologetically. “I’m sorry AJ. I guess there’s nothing that gets past your eyes…” “Don’t be sorry,” I said, trying not to show my jealousy. “I don’t blame you for crushing on her…” “Aww come on, Applejack! Let Big Mac date Rainbow Dash! You gotta admit they’d be the cutest,” Applebloom said. “Hey! What if you guys got married? Then maybe Scootaloo and I could be like half-sisters or something! Although Scootaloo isn’t really her sister but she…” Applebloom continued babbling, and Big Mac shook his head, still looking a little bashful. He turned to look at me. “That wouldn’t be… weird for you, would it? If I… asked her out,” he asked timidly. I took a moment to think. Of course it’d be weird for me, even if I didn’t have feelings for Rainbow. And I’m not sure I could even stand the thought of her being with my brother, and having to watch them or even just know they’re together… The thought of my brother getting what I want the most. But then again, I loved my brother more than anything and it would be unfair of me to do that to both of them when clearly they both had feelings for each other… I buried my feelings deep down inside of me and said what I said next before I thought twice about it. “Mac, you’re my brother and I love you, so I want you to be happy. If you think you want to ask Rainbow Dash out, then I think you should go for it.” I thought I was doing a pretty good job of lying, but unfortunately, no matter how good the lie is Big Mac is always able to tell. I could see it in his eyes, and through the fact that he just nodded in response. The rest of dinner wasn’t very exciting, and soon we all rinsed off our plates and headed to our individual rooms to get ready for bed. Before I closed my door to change, Big Mac stepped into my room like I expected he would. “Hey,” he said. “I appreciate what you said at dinner, but I know you’re not okay with it… I won’t ask her out, it’s okay.” I smiled weakly at him. “No, Big Mac, it’s okay. Ask her out. It just might be a little weird for me at first but it’s fine, really. I meant what I said and I want you to be happy.” He smiled back. “Well, alright. Don’t worry too much. Even if we do start datin’, there’s no promise that it’ll last very long.” I chuckled a little bit, and that seemed to make him happy. He left to go get ready and I closed my door and changed into my pajamas. As I got into bed, I looked out my window at the sky and sighed. Okay, Applejack. You’ve got to do one of two things. One: you bury your feelings forever and realize that you’ll never be with Rainbow Dash and carry on with your life with a fake smile until you get over her… Or two: you confess your love for Rainbow Dash and just get it all over with… But if I do that, she might get hung up on that and not date Big Mac, and I’d feel horrible if I ruined that for the both of them… As I tossed and turned in bed, these choices ran through my mind. Eventually, I fell asleep to these thoughts, and a restless and agitated sleep followed.