//------------------------------//
// Of Dragons and Dandelions 
// Story: Of Vodka and Cider 
// by UglyTurnip 
//------------------------------//

Pinkie was bouncing energetically through the town, followed by a calmer Nikolai and Twilight. It was still morning, but the sun was much higher in the sky. More ponies were out now, and stares did not cease. Nikolai began to stare at them back, purposefully putting on a look of awe meant to mock them.

"Just ignore them, Nikolai," Twilight assured. "They're not going to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" Nikolai asked, before breaking off into sharp laughter. "Good one, Twilight! Like I'm afraid of a few brightly-colored horses."

"You'd be surprised about us," Twilight assured. "We may look small, cute, and friendly. For the most part, we are, but we're not helpless," she thought of the time changelings invaded Canterlot. That had been a fierce battle for innocent-looking ponies to fight in.

"So," Pinkie butted in. "We got Nikolai a job, and he's got somewhere to stay. What now?"

Twilight's stomach growled. Nikolai's followed, as if responding. "Breakfast wouldn't hurt."

"Oh, we could go back to Sugarcube Corner and get leftover cake from the party!" Pinkie cheered.

Twilight shook her head. "No thanks, Pinkie, I'm craving real food. Does a sandwich sound good to you, Nikolai?" 

Nikolai nodded. "Yeah, and some vodka to wash it down with. Oh, that reminds me. Pinkie, was there any leftover vodka from that party?"

Pinkie nodded. "Yes indeedie. I figure you want it, right?"

"You read Nikolai's mind."

"No I didn't, I just assumed since you like vodka so much. I'm not a mind reader, silly!"

Twilight facehoofed and decided to change the subject. "Anyway, why don't we go home and enjoy some food? It will give you the chance to meet Spike, too."

Nikolai smiled warmly. "Da, Nikolai would enjoy a nice meal with dragon."

"Great!" Twilight smiled. "Oh, by the way, Spike is just as smart as us ponies. He can speak, he can write, and he can grasp concepts like sarcasm. And don't try anything around him. If you do, I swear to Celestia I will rip you into pieces with my bare hooves!" Twilight growled with a surprising change in hostility.

"Woah, woah, woah," Nikolai put his hands up in surrender. "Calm down, Twilight. I have no reason to hurt Spike."

Twilight sighed, and calmed down. "Sorry, Nikolai. It's just that Spike is like a son to me, and I just want what's best for him. Do you know what that's like?"

Nikolai shrugged. "Nikolai used to shout 'Stay away from my vodka!' at zombies. I guess you could say that my vodka is my child. Only I can drink it."

Twilight decided that was good enough for her, and nodded.

"So, what is Spike like?"

Twilight smiled warmly at the thought of the baby dragon's behavior. "He's got a good heart, even if tries to play himself off as cool. He'll respect you," Twilight gulped after saying that, the realization that they may not be the best dawning on her.

"Aw, Nikolai was hoping he would be badass and super cool. But let me guess, you ponies used 'friendship' to make him soft, didn't you?"

Twilight sighed. "I've been watching over Spike since he was hatched. He never was 'made soft', he's just been raised right."

Nikolai blew a raspberry. "Whatever. Why are we walking to the that big tree?" He pointed at the Ponyville Library, which had now come into view.

"That's the library, Nikolai. It's where Spike and I live."

"So, you live in a tree?"

"Library," Twilight corrected again, growing impatient. 

"Nikolai's no rocket scientist, but I'm pretty sure that's a tree with windows and a door."

"Yes, Nikolai, it's a tree. But it's also a library!" Twilight screamed in frustration.

"Oh, OK. Do you use the tree for paper?"

Twilight facehoofed and didn't even bother to come up with a response. She trotted slightly faster to open the door for Nikolai and Pinkie.

"Come inside," Twilight smiled happily.

Nikolai walked in first, eyeing the small purple dragon with green scales sweeping the floor, unaware of the human behind him. Pinkie bounced happily after him.

"Hey Spike!" She greeted with her normal bubbly self.

"Oh, hey, Pinkie! What brings you-" Spike turned and stopped talking once he noticed Nikolai standing there. "Are you a-? How did you-? What brings YOU here?" Spike finally found the words.

"Dempsey brought me here."

"What's a Dempsey? Twilight, did you go back to that magic mirror again?" Spike asked.

Twilight shook her head. "No, Spike. He came to us. He's not even from the same world that we went to. He's from a post-apocalyptic nightmare.

"Really?" Spike asked. "That sounds AWESOME!"

"No it does NOT," Twilight assured. "Poor Nikolai here turned to alcohol just to forget the fact."

"Uh, no, Nikolai turned to vodka because Nikolai liked vodka," The drunk Russian corrected.

"Promise me, Spike, that you will drink responsibly when the time comes," Twilight pleaded, ignoring Nikolai's previous sentence.

"Uh, OK, I guess."

"Good!" Twilight happily smiled. "Now, I'm going to make some sandwiches for all four of us. It shouldn't take too long."

"A princess that makes her own food? I see you're trying to maintain a humble public image, Twilight."

"Or maybe I just want to make my own food. Why do you believe that everything I do has some hidden political agenda behind it?"

"Uh, well. . ."

"Exactly. Nikolai, I wasn't born into royalty. I was once a common pony, and I prefer to live a lifestyle like a common pony. Is that clear?" Twilight frowned.

"OK, OK. You want to be normal. Nikolai gets it now."

Twilight grumbled something unintelligible and went into the kitchen. Meanwhile, Pinkie left the library to grab the vodka."

Spike walked up to the human, setting his broom down. "I know this must be tough for you, being in a world you don't understand at all. I know how you feel, believe it or not."

"Like how?" Nikolai asked.

"Twilight didn't tell you the full story. It figures. A few months ago, somepony named Sunset Shimmer stole Twilight's crown and was sent to a world full of people like you, and I kinda tagged along. . . As a dog."

"And you two went through the trouble of crossing dimensions just to get back a crown that your princess doesn't even wear? Seems like a waste of time if you ask me."

"Not just any crown, the Element of Magic."

"Oh, so there's power in the crown. OK, makes sense. So, there was a battle for the crown that left behind a path of destruction and violence? Buildings collapsing, people running in terror, etcetera?"

Spike chuckled. "I wish. School dance."

Nikolai facepalmed. "Of course, there can't be any kind of action and excitement if Ponyland is involved. What was Nikolai thinking?"

"Not always true, but it sounds like things are more exciting in your world."

"We kill zombies that are controlled by a little girl! Hell yeah it's exciting!"

Twilight's head poked around and glared at Nikolai for using language in front of the impressionable young dragon. She slowly shook her head, not taking her glare off him for a nanosecond, and then turned back into the kitchen.

"She babies you, doesn't she?"

"You bet. So, tell me about this world."

Nikolai proceeded to tell him the entire story of how he fought zombies with Tank, Takeo, and Edward. Of course, Nikolai stretched the truth of his awesome badassery quite a lot, while Takeo was portrayed as the stupid fool that everyone hated and saw as a liability.

"And then, Takeo foolishly shot the teleporter with the DG-2, sending Nikolai to this land. If I could see him now, I bet Dempsey and Richtofen are chewing him out big time. He's always-"

"But I thought you said Dempsey had the DG-2," Pinkie interrupted, causing Nikolai to jump. She had come back in with the vodka in a brown bag. Nikolai had surprisingly not noticed

"Well, uh, yeah, but he let Takeo borrow it."

"But you also said Dempsey sent you here. . . I'm confused."

"Ugh, fine. It was Dempsey. I was making it more dramatic."

Spike smiled. "Man, I wish I could go on an awesome adventure like that."

Twilight's head once again peeped around the corner, and she shook her head, disapproving without saying anything about it.

Nikolai uncapped a bottle and took a sip. "Ah, this is delicious stuff. Thanks Pinkie, Nikolai likes you the best."

Pinkie grinned.

Twilight finally walked back into the main room, holding four plates with her magic, and set down one in front of each pony.

"Oh, boy!" The drunk Russian smiled. Nikolai is starved. He happily picked up the sandwich and wasted no time biting into it, only to immediately gag and spit it back into the plate.

"What's on this sandwich, flowers?" Nikolai asked, removing the top layer of bread. Sure enough, there were dandelion petals inside the sandwich. "Wow, there are flowers on it. Color Nikolai surprised."

"Oh, right," Twilight flashed an embarrassed smile. "Humans don't eat dandelions. I had forgotten about that."

Nikolai removed the flowery substance and just ate the bread, downing it with several ounces of vodka. Pinkie scooped up the uneaten parts of the dandelions and added them onto her sandwich. All four ate happily.

Unfortunately, their meal was cut short by a knock on the door. Twilight stood up and trotted over to the door, opening it without any hesitation.

"Oh, hello Berry Punch. What brings you here today?"

"I'm here to return the cookbook I borrowed yesterday. 'Cooking with Beer', remember?" The earth pony opened her saddlebag and fished out the book with her mouth.

Twilight happily took the book and set it aside to be put back on the shelf later. "Thank you. Did you enjoy it?"

"You bet! I learned all sorts of ways to make cooking much more fun. You got any other alcohol cookbooks?"

"I think I have just the thing," Twilight assured as she trotted off to look for it.

But, when Twilight trotted off to go look for the book, Berry noticed that Nikolai was sitting there, a brown bag stuffed with vodka bottles lay beside him.

He turned in her direction, now noticing her for the first time.

"Rematch!" They screamed simultaneously.

Twilight stopped looking for the book and widened her eyes in horror. She had let the incident at the party slip into the back of her mind, but apparently it was still fresh in the minds of the two drinkers.

Spike looked confused. "Twilight? What's going on?"

"Spike. Upstairs."

"But what-"

"UPSTAIRS, NOW!" Twilight screamed urgently. "This isn't meant for your eyes!" This caused the dragon to reluctantly go up into Twilight's bedroom and shut the door behind him.

Berry Punch trotted over and sat down next to Nikolai, uncapping a bottle with her hooves.

"I'll admit one thing, Nikolai, was it? I've never drawn a drinking contest before. You are a worthy opponent."

"Likewise, Berry pony, likewise."

Pinkie and Twilight could only watch in horror as the situation continued to intensify in front of them. These two would not stop until a winner was finally declared. The two both took their first swigs from their bottles, starting the match.

"You're going down," Nikolai warned.

"We'll see about that, monkey."