"Welcome back to what was previously known as Queen Scootaloo's Adventures! I am now taking over, and this show will be known henceforth as The Diamond Tiara Show! It will be run a little differently than when Scootaloo was still in business. First act of order, I will go through Scootaloo's files and read all of the secrets!" Diamond Tiara smiled, and winked at the camera.
Ever since Scootaloo was removed from Ponyville, it was up to Diamond Tiara to cause chaos. Well, that was Discord's job. It was Diamond's job to cause insanity. And scar ponies for life. She had it all on her business card.
Diamond Tiara trotted happily over to Scootaloo's giant file cabinet, labeled SECRETS OF THE CMC. Diamond Tiara flipped through them. Most of them she already had, from when she ran the Ponyville Confidential. There were only two she didn't. The first was what shocked Diamond Tiara the most. She quickly dashed over to her camera and shoved it in front.
"Sweetie Belle has a little crush on two ponies! And although no names are mentioned, keep in mind that Sweetie Belle might like you! And somepony else!" Diamond Tiara squealed, happy to know the new information. "Now, second secret. ZKKOV YOLLN ORPVH WRZNLMW GRZIZ. Huh?" Diamond Tiara shook it off and began the second segment.
"Now, I will be interviewing anypony I pull from this hat. Ok, first up, Sweetie Belle?" Diamond Tiara twisted her face into an unseemly snarl. The exhausted and underpaid Silver Spoon dozed off in the corner, putting only one hoof on the camera making it sway back and forth.
SWEETIE BELLE
Diamond Tiara tiptoed her way over to Carousel Boutique, rubbing her hooves together in a very diabolical way. She slinked towards the window, and finally caught sight of Sweetie Belle, who was staying with Rarity while their parents were off in Los Pegasus watching the latest blockbuster at the premiere.
So, by every logic, Diamond Tiara decided the best way to enter the boutique to interview Sweetie Belle would be smashing through the window while shouting "incoming". Seems legit.
"Eek!" shrieked the startled Sweetie Belle. "Diamond Tiara? Aren't you supposed to be in the insane asylum with Scootaloo?" Sweetie asked, levitating a chair in Diamond's direction.
"Why, hello to you too. I'm here to interview you, Sweetie Belle. Or should I say, filly who likes 2 different colts!" Diamond Tiara said, laughing maniacally, something only Scootaloo could've taught her.
"Okay, fine. I like 2 different guys. Will you leave me alone now?" Sweetie continued to sweep up the room, waiting for Rarity to return so she could get rid of Diamond.
"Tell. Me. Who. They. Are." Diamond spoke in such a way there was a period after every word. She moved closer and closer to Sweetie Belle, getting in her face.
"Okay. I'll tell you who they are in exchange for another secret." Sweetie smirked, excited about having the ability to gain access to a secret of Diamond's.
Diamond slid her hoof down to mute the speaker. The two secrets would have to stay quiet until maybe a few episodes later. According to Scootaloo's chart, anyways, the season would be over very soon. It was already the 4th episode out of 5, but there was also a special at the end.
"That's it for our little interview here. I'm a little disappointed Sweetie Belle is such a boring pony. Next up is..." Diamond Tiara reached into her hat. "Apple Bloom." Diamond Tiara shrugged before bouncing towards a newly renovated Sweet Apple Acres. Ever since Applejack had moved part of the barn closer to Twilight's castle, the rest of the Apple family had been working together to renovate Sweet Apple Acres so if Applejack ever went to visit, there would be a spare room.
All of the Mane 6 had moved their houses closer to Twilight, with a lot of help using Twilight's alicorn magic. Now, Fluttershy's cottage had been turned into an animal shelter which Discord took care of; Rainbow Dash had moved her house on top of the castle; Applejack moved part of the barn to the castle and turned the rest into a little petting zoo; Pinkie Pie simply moved her furniture into one the castle's spare rooms.
APPLE BLOOM
"Hey Apple Bloom!" Diamond Tiara yelled, dashing towards Apple Bloom. "I'm interviewing you right now! First question, what does ZKKOV YOLLN ORPVH WRZNLMW GRZIZ mean?"
"Ah don't know. Stay away." Apple Bloom backed up, noticing the crazy look in Diamond Tiara's eyes.
"What does it mean?!" Diamond Tiara shrieked.
"Ah dunno. And as surprising as it is, the show was better when Scootaloo was still here. Right now, it's boring. HORSEAPPLES!" Apple Bloom shrieked, having dropped a basket of apples on her hoof.
Diamond Tiara sighed, knowing Apple Bloom actually didn't have any idea what she was talking about. And what she said was also true. Scootaloo hadn't given her much to use, other than a long list that made no sense.
So far, the items titled Episode One, Episode Two, Episode Three, and all their subcategories had been crossed off. Now, Diamond Tiara was crossing off stuff from all the subcategories under Episode Four. She had already scribbled off 'Interrogate Sweetie Belle' in a fit of anger.
Diamond Tiara slumped down on the frozen ground.
"I'm not doing very well, am I?" Diamond sighed. "I know the perfect way to get this show back on it's feet. The biggest secret reveal ever..."
Sweetie Belle popped out of nowhere, due to a little magic mishap, and charged towards Diamond full speed.
"RIGHT AFTER THIS BREAK!" Sweetie Belle shrieked, slamming into Diamond Tiara's colon and punching her in the jaw. Silver Spoon awakened from her nap, and realizing what had happened to Diamond, quickly dragged her towards the insane asylum.
"Silver Spoon has found Diamond Tiara, who is currently being relocated to the Radley Mane-itarium*. However, due to a faulty window, it seems the other resident of Radley Mane-tarium has escaped. Scootaloo has escaped, and is on the loose! Tonight, board all windows shut!
Rarity gasped as the TV in front of her started fizzing. And then it came back, but not with the reporter. It was Scootaloo, looking more disshelved than ever. Her mane was a mess, her eyes were twitching, and their was a vein popping out of her head.
"I have returned! Bow down to me, Queen Scootaloo! I WILL TAKE OVER PONYVILLE!
"She's back!" Rarity shrieked, looking at an equally startled Fluttershy and Twilight. Fluttershy was hiding in her tail, and Twilight...well Twilight was as fiery as usual. And by fiery, Twilight literally was a ball of flame.
"Now, for a very special clip." Scootaloo giggled. Rarity watched as it flashed to Diamond Tiara sitting in the Radley Mane-itarium. She still wasn't as crazy looking as Scootaloo, but still quite crazy.
"I have a very special secret-" Diamond Tiara coughed, "It's Sweetie Belle's secret sweethearts-" Diamond coughed again, "They're Button Mash and-" Diamond started hacking, "Spike."
For the very first time, Rarity actually fainted. When she finally got up, 5 hours later, she dashed towards the room where Rainbow Dash and Applejack and Pinkie Pie were hiding.
"I'll call Derpy." Fluttershy whispered, quickly dashing out of the room, as if the TV were a contagious disease.
Celestia sighed, as she watched Scootaloo reenter everypony's lives. Scootaloo had a bad effect on her, much like cake. It made her bloat, like Scootaloo was making her bloat out with craziness. She was losing it by the minute. Scootaloo had to be caught before the so called 'special episode' Diamond Tiara kept murmuring about.
It was supposed to be the 6th episode. They didn't have much time left.