//------------------------------// // Chapter 11 // Story: The Hostess // by Gaekub //------------------------------// You could have heard a pin drop in the control room at that moment. All eyes were locked on a monitor, all jaws were slack, and all minds were overwhelmed by sudden and aggressive confusion. The blue eye on the monitor retreated into the background, revealing a pink pony head with a cotton-candy mane puffed out behind it. “Hello?” the pony said, reaching up with a hoof to knock on the glass with a loud tapping. “Can anypony hear me?” The Hostess was the first to recover from the complete mental derailment, pushing all questions from her mind in favor of doing something actually useful. “Pinkie!” she shouted, causing the ponies at her feet to jerk in surprise. “Do you have access to the energy suppression field?” “Mmm… dunno! Let me check!” responded Pinkie, grinning wildly before bouncing out of sight. A series of clanks and thuds emanated from the speakers, as a series of increasingly strange objects arced through the field of view. Dahy’v suddenly jerked back into motion. “What is that, and why does it look like the Time Lord?” it hissed at the nearest keyboard using Falaxaporian. “Time Mare” objected the Hostess. “…That blip in the data stream seems to have been some sort of AI, and it’s infected the system” replied the minion after a few seconds of typing. “She had an AI in her head?” Dahy’v asked, but raised a hoof when the other alien tried to respond. “It doesn’t matter, delete it.” The Falaxaporian hit a few more keys, but only managed to cause a sort of spastic giggling from the speakers. “Hey, cut that out, it tickles!” Pinkie chuckled from off-screen. “We… we don’t have access” the underling said hesitantly. “What do you mean we don’t have access, it’s our computer system!” Dahy’v snarled. The other Falaxaporian remained helplessly silent. “Oooh!” the speakers suddenly squealed. “Is this it?” Pinkie said, bouncing back into view carrying a small metal box. She squinted at the faceplate, reading slowly. “Regional… Isolation Field… Generator.” “Yes!” the Hostess shouted. “That’s it! Shut it off!” “Okie Dokie Loki!” “Stop her” ordered Dahy’v. “I’ll try, but-“ “You will stop her, or you will be joining the ponies when they are executed” Dahy’v growled. Pinkie examined the device very carefully from every angle, raised a hoof above the controls on the front, and drove her foot straight through it with a electric crackle and a shower of sparks. “Whoopsie” she giggled. Half a mile away, a dragon let out a burst of flame and a letter went through. “…Energy field is offline” whimpered the Falaxaporian tasked with stopping exactly that. “I’m sorry! It’s the way the computer’s built, I can’t override the AI!” The furious leader backhanded the simpering minion with a hiss. It paused for a few seconds, staring at the pink pony on the monitor. Suddenly, it turned to the Hostess and the three ponies at her feet. “Fine, we’ll try another tactic.” It reached down, grabbed Twilight around the neck, and addressed the Hostess. “Tell your doppelganger to stand down.” "Apologies sister" Celestia said, wrapping a tendril of force around the scroll that appeared in front of her. "I hate to interrupt our dinner, but I should really read this." "It is of no concern to us" Luna replied from the other end of the table before taking a bite of her meal. Celestia's customary smile dropped from her face as she scanned the letter. "Is something wrong?" asked her sister, noticing the change. By way of reply, the older sister threw the letter down the table before vanishing in a blaze of light. Luna caught the message easily. Her eyes grew wide as they skimmed the letter, and she puffed into smoke that filtered out an open window. “No!” Twilight yelled. She swung her head backwards, trying to connect with the alien’s snout, but was only given a dizzying smack for her efforts. “Quit struggling. And if I see that horn even start to glimmer, I'll rip it off your stupid skull.” “Hey! Don’t hurt Twilight” shouted Pinkie, the speakers reaching an uncomfortable volume. Dahy’v turned back to the monitors, momentarily confused. “What’s this? The AI cares for the ponies too?” Spike waited for the letter to return, as it had every time so far, but the rise in his gullet never came. He was just wondering whether the letter had finally gone through when a burst of light confirmed his suspicions. "Celestia! Twilight! Monsters! We need-" Celestia cut him off by throwing him onto her back. "I can find her" the alicorn said, before the two of them disappeared from the library with another blinding flash. “Pinkie, don’t-“ the Hostess began to caution her, but was cut off by the crackling speakers. “She’s one of my best friends, of course I care about her!” Dahy’v grinned. “Well then, that will make this simpler. Restore the energy field.” “Why should I?” Pinkie asked, indignantly. “Because if you don’t, I will slit your friend’s throat.” Pinkie began to reply, but the words died in her throat when the room was suddenly filled with blazing white light. Dahy'v turned to face the source, dragging Twilight with it, and ended up face to face with a huge, gently smiling white alicorn with a baby dragon on her back. “Under the circumstances, that would be a fantastically bad idea” Celestia said. Dahy’v let out a noise of exasperation. "More ponies who think they can stop me. Kill her" it ordered, motioning with a front hoof. A nearby Falaxaporian leaped towards her, teeth shining. Celestia glanced at the attacking monster and her horn gleamed. The creature stopped dead in the air and fell to the ground screaming, covered in burns. The air filled with the smell and sizzle of cooking meat. “I assure you, just because I’m smiling does not mean I’m joking” said Celestia over the cries of pain, the soft smile never leaving her face. “If you harm a single hair on my student, your death will be quick, but far from painless.” “Get her” the opposing leader growled, but not a single Falaxaporian moved. "What are you doing?” it asked, head swinging from one minion to the other. The technician it had backhanded earlier kneeled down on its front legs, bowing to the princess. “Surrendering in the face of overwhelming power” it said. All around the room, the other aliens followed its lead, one by one. "Cowards!" Dahy’v snarled, backing slowly away from the princess while making sure to keep a tight grip around Twilight's throat. Suddenly, it pushed the hostage away and galloped towards a rack of devices in a back corner of the room. “Those are weapons, you might want to stop it” the Hostess advised to the princess next to her. “Sister, if you would” Celestia said, catching the collapsing Twilight with her magic. The shadows that surrounded the weapons rack abruptly swirled and coalesced into another alicorn, this one a dark blue. “Of course sister” Luna replied, placing herself between the weapons and the Falaxaporian. “What are these disgusting looking things?” "Luna, you of all ponies should know how unfair it is to be judged on your appearance” Celestia reprimanded in a motherly voice. Meanwhile, the one remaining resisting alien darted towards the still open door, only to have it close when it was a foot away. “Computer, open this door!” it shouted desperately. “I’m sorry Dahy'v, I'm afraid I can’t do that” Pinkie replied. “You are outnumbered, out powered, and trapped. I would suggest you join the others in surrender” Celestia said, in a calm pleasant voice. “Never” it hissed. Celestia sighed, the smile leaving her face for the first time. “Fine” she said, her horn glowing. There was a flash of light, and when it cleared, standing in the alien's place was an extremely accurate statue. “There we are. Much more effective than rope” she said. It was, as they say, all over but the screaming. The Falaxaporians had been carted (literally, in the case of Dahy'v) off to the now severely overcrowded jail to answer for their crimes at a later date. Celestia had decreed that they would be given a trial like anypony, with herself as judge, jury, and if she deemed it necessary, executioner. Celestia had been promised a detailed overview of what exactly had happened, start to finish. The Hostess had been surprised by how laid-back she had been about that; in her experience, most supreme rulers were absolutely paranoid about knowing everything immediately. On the other hand, or rather, other hoof, most dictators did not have the inherent power to turn her subjects to stone. As soon as the Hostess had been let down from the table, Pinkie had vanished from the screen with a burst of static. Twilight had let out a stifled cry when Pinkie vanished, and had not said a single word to the Hostess since. In true Pinkie Pie fashion, the Hostess had thrown a party to celebrate the defeat of the aliens. She had expected ponies to be curious as to the reason for the party, but apparently throwing random parties had been a common habit of Pinkie, and one more attracted no attention. She trotted through the crowd of ponies, checked the refreshment table, and surveyed the room. No problems presented themselves immediately. John was talking to Applejack. She still seemed a little shook up from the bump on the head, but she was conscious and her shoulder was bandaged. On the other end of the room, Twilight and Big Mac were deep in conversation. The Hostess had wandered by them earlier, and Twilight had been coaxing one word answers from the farmer pony about the experience of being pumped full of magic. She turned away and trotted outside, finding the white alicorn standing outside. “Ah. I suppose you want your explanation now” she said. “If it’s not too much trouble” the princess responded, smiling the same soft smile she had in the control room. “Alright, well, first off, I’m not a pony, I’m a Time Mare, which is a derivative of-“ the Hostess began, but was cut off. “Which is a derivative of a Time Lord, which is an alien species from Gallifrey that has mastered time travel. You are not Pinkie Pie, you are the Hostess, and you disguised yourself as our favorite pink mare six years ago. I know about that, what I want to know about is these green ponies.” The Hostess stared. “How did you know about that? Who told you?” she spluttered. Celestia smiled slightly wider. “You did. Or rather, you will. As a mutual friend of ours would say, ‘wibbly wobbly, timey-wimey’.” “…You know the Doctor.” “The green ponies, please.” The Hostess sighed, and quickly ran down everything she knew about Falaxaporians and the last few days. “There’s a few details I wasn’t present for, so I’d talk to John and Ms. Sparkle if you get a chance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, there is one more thing I must do.” “Of course” the princess said, standing aside to let her pass. A few minutes later, Big Mac stepped out the front door, bowed to the princess, and headed in the same direction the Hostess had. A pair of heavy red hooves clopped down the stairs to the basement of the police station. It was there where the Falaxaporians had been stored, a fact that Big Mac had managed to get from Twilight. He stepped into the stone room and stared at the cages full of aliens. He glanced around the room and found the set of keys that sat on a nearby table. He lowered his head to grab them, but when he looked back up, another pony stood in the shadowy dungeon. “Hello Mr. Macintosh.” “Hostess.” “We both know why you’re here.” “Eh-yup.” “I won’t let you hurt them.” “Ah won’t let you stop me.” Big Mac walked towards the cages, keys in mouth, but the Hostess stepped in front of him. “They don’t need to die.” “They hurt mah family.” “They won’t do it again.” “Doesn’t matter.” “They’re going to be punished.” “Doesn’t matter.” “Not all of them hurt your family.” “Doesn’t matter” said the red pony for the third time, pushing past the smaller pink pony easily. “Killing them won’t bring your parents back” the Hostess said. Big Mac stopped. “What did you just say?” he asked. “I said, killing them won’t bring back your parents.” Big Mac spat out the keys. “Don’t you talk about mah parents” he growled, turning back to the pink pony. “They didn’t kill them. Nopony killed them” said the Hostess calmly. "You shut your mouth. That has nothing to do with this" the red pony said, voice rising in volume. "It was an accident. You couldn't have-" “DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TALK ABOUT MY PARENTS!” Big Mac burst out. “YOU WEREN’T THERE! YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” he screamed. The Hostess stared the raging pony straight in the eye. “I saw in your head, Mr. Macintosh. I know why you're doing this. And I can sympathize, I really can.” “No you can’t” the stallion snarled. “Yes I can. I already told you I'm from a different race. Well, my entire race is dead. Every one, except me and the one who killed them. And the worst part is that he was right to do it." A quaver entered her voice as she spoke, and she took a deep breath. "So believe me when I say that I know what it's like to lose people.” Big Mac was silent. The pink pony swallowed the lump that was suddenly in her throat. “I understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. But as a favor to me, I’m asking you not to do it. Please.” Big Mac looked back towards the creatures he had come to kill. “Why should I listen to you?” “I saved your life. I helped save your sister. You owe me.” A long moment passed. “…Fine.” Big Mac said finally and turned back towards the stair. He began walking back up them, footsteps heavy. “Macintosh?” the Hostess said, before he was out of earshot. “Eh-yup?” “We’re not friends, are we.” Big Mac paused. “No, I don’t reckon we are” he said, before heading up the rest of the stairs. John knocked his head against his front door. “Stupid, stupid, stupid” he muttered. Applejack, still apparently a little woozy, had said that the aliens said Big Mac thought John had feelings for her. Not sure how to respond, his first instinct had been to laugh. Not a little titter either, or a chuckle, he had laughed right in her face as loud as he could. As if such an idea was ridiculous. And then he had run away with some stupid excuse about clocks. “You are an idiot” he said. “Who is?” asked a voice beside him, causing him to jump in shock and crack his head on the door. “Me?” asked the Hostess. “Oh. No, I was just talking to myself” John said, rubbing his forehead. “Ah. Alright. Well, I’m glad you’re here. You have my TARDIS, yes?” the Hostess said, seemingly distracted. “Umm… yes. It’s in my basement.” “Wonderful. Could we go take a look at it? I’d like to start repairing the damage as soon as possible.” “In that much of hurry to leave us?” John asked, pushing his door open and trotting through his kitchen. “This isn’t my home John, its Pinkie’s. There’s too much guilt for me to be comfortable living here.” She paused, following John to the basement stairs. “Also I think Big Macintosh might try and kill me if I stay too long.” “He what?” sputtered John, spinning to face the pink pony. “He and I... disagree on certain things. He's a good pony, but not a merciful one” she said, walking down the stairs ahead of him. “Besides, it’s all academic. Fixing that kind of damage will probably take me years, if I can do it at all.” “I wouldn’t be so sure about that” grinned John, hopping ahead of her. “I have a surprise for you.” The Hostess eyed him suspiciously. “What are you talking about?” Rather than speaking, John nudged the door of the wardrobe in his basement open and gestured for her to go inside. The Hostess raised an eyebrow, but stepped through the door. On the other side lay a TARDIS she barely recognized. Although the control panel and sleek engine of the original still lay at the core, the golden glint of brass overlaid it. Thousands upon thousands of gears, ranging from pony-sized to the size of a small coin, meshed with each other and with the original machinery. “You... you... my TARDIS” the Hostess breathed. “…Is it alright?” John asked nervously, standing next to her. “Alright?” she asked, looking at him like he was crazy. “John, it’s BRILLIANT!” She laughed out loud and began to prance around the room, examining the machinery. “A clockwork TARDIS! You are a verifiable genius! Assuming it works of course.” “It should” John said, walking after her. “All I did was fix the damage, I still don’t understand how the core of it works.” “Well then!” the pony shouted, flipping a switch with her nose. “I think you’ve earned a trip! Where would you like to go? Anywhere in the universe. Pick a star! Pick… pick a…” she froze in place, her mouth hanging open. Thoughts of the stars had triggered one of Pinkie's memories, she could feel the familiar rush. Pinkie dropped the world on her. Twilight stepped out into the cold night air and took a deep breath. She didn’t quite know who to talk to. John and Applejack had both run off blushing, Big Mac had left in the middle of the conversation without an explanation, and Celestia was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t talk to the rest of her friends either without explaining about the Hostess, and she wasn’t ready to do that yet. She was jerked out of her melancholy thoughts by a pounding of hooves on the dirt behind her. Her head whipped around, body still amped on adrenaline, and she was tackled by a pink blur. “TWILIGHT!” the blur yelled giddily. “I remember you! I remember it all! The Elements of Harmony and Celestia and Luna and Nightmare Moon and Discord and oh god Pinkie was the bearer of Laughter I wonder if I’m the bearer of Laughter now but that’s not the point the point is I remember you! And you! Are! Fantastic!” “Hostess?” asked Twilight, sitting up painfully. “Twilight Sparkle! Got stars on your flank and you think they’re pieces of the moon!” The Hostess laughed and planted a kiss directly on the tip of Twilight’s horn. “Well I’m going to show you the stars Twilight! You me and John, we’re going to… Pinkie’s telling me I shouldn’t have kissed your horn.” “Guh” Twilight mumbled. “It is a somewhat more intimate gesture than I think you intended” John said, strolling out of the party and leaning against the doorway. For an imperceptible moment, the giddy smile on the pink pony's face was replaced by confusion. She forced her mouth back into the smile and looked at Twilight. “Sorry about that. You know where John lives, right? Go meet me outside his place” the Hostess ordered, pushing her in the right direction. Twilight stumbled away. The Hostess watched her leave, and said to the pony behind her without looking at him “you’re not John.” John trotted up beside her. “Of course I am” he replied. “No, you’re not. John wasn’t at the party, he was at his house.” The brown pony sighed, and when he spoke again, he had slipped into an accent. “Damn. Rookie mistake.” “Hello Doctor.” “Hello Hostess. How’d you know it was me?” the Doctor asked. “You friend, the pegasus. She mistook John for you. I see you still insist on speaking in that stupid accent.” The brown pony snorted. “Oy! Watch it! Sun never sets on the British empire.” “Pretty sure that only matters on that backwater planet you used to spend all your time on. How’d you know it was me?” the Hostess said, cutting off the other pony’s protestations with her question. “Recognized your TARDIS’s energy signature. You still driving that old thing?” “You’re one to talk. I bet you’re still cavorting around in that T-40. That junk heap was obsolete when you stole it.” “Hey, it’s a military model. Built to last.” “Built for six, you mean. How do you fly it by yourself?” “I manage.” The Doctor paused in his banter, and when he spoke again, his voice was somber. “You escaped the time lock.” “Yes, I did” the Hostess said simply. “The Master escaped too.” “I know. He did it before me. I had nothing to do with him, if we got out the same way it was a coincidence.” “How did you get out?” growled the stallion. “A lady never tells” the pink pony responded. “And a gentleman never asks. Yet here I am, asking. So what does that say about me?” “And here I am, not telling. What does that say about me?” the Hostess chuckled, brushing her tail across his face. The Doctor’s face didn’t move as the pink hair skimmed his nose. “Do you… do you think I did the right thing?” She glanced back at him. “What, with the time lock? You did what you had to do.” “But did I do the right thing?” "I'd be lying if I said I was happy you did it. I hated you for it for... a very long time. Maybe I still do, at least a little bit. But..." The pink pony paused. “What was that you used to say? That you were the highest authority? That it stopped with you?” “I see what you’re saying. If I’m going to make these sorts of decisions, I need to be confident in my ability to make them.” “...Actually, my point was that you’re too much of a pompous ass to be feeling sorry for yourself.” She smiled. “But yours works too.” The brown pony smiled back and turned back towards the party. “I’m sure this isn’t the last time we’ll meet.” “No, I’m sure it’s not” said the mare, walking towards John’s place. Celestia smiled gently at her subjects from the corner near the snack table. While the rest of the room was packed, nopony stood within seven feet of her. They weren’t afraid of her, she knew that. They were just extremely, extremely respectful. Annoyingly respectful. She understood why Luna had declined her invitation. “I’m just going to grab some chips!” came a voice from next to her. Her head shot to the side. She had only heard that accent come out of the mouth of one pony before. She looked down at the smaller pony next to her, currently ransacking the chip bowl. He looked up at her, crumbs covering his chin. He didn’t look like the pony she was thinking of, but she knew he could change his shape. “Doctor? Is that you?” asked the princess, craning her neck to look him in the eyes. The other pony stared back with wide eyes. “Er… no ma’am. I’m Pipsqueak.” Twilight stood outside John’s door, shivering in the cold. She was just considering going inside when the Hostess’s excited voice reached her ears. “Pick a star Ms. Sparkle, any star at all! Just point to one.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the request, but pointed a hoof at the brightest star she could see. “The bright one? Good choice. Follow me” the Hostess said, pushing into John’s place and leading her down to the basement. John was standing next to a large bureau, which the Hostess went into. “Weren’t you just at the party?” asked Twilight, confused. “What? No. I left twenty minutes ago.” “In here, both of you!” came a voice from the cabinet. John shrugged at the purple unicorn and stepped through the door. “There won’t be enough room for all of us in… there…” Twilight trailed off as she stepped into a room much too large to fit in the cabinet. “Alright, ladies and gentlecolts!” the Hostess shouted, smiling at the shocked look on Twilight’s face. “Hold onto something. I haven’t flown this thing in six years, and it’s changed a little since then.” She pulled a lever with her mouth, and the machine burst into life. The regular ticking of clockwork filled the cavernous room. High above, a long brass bar began to spin around the center column. Gears spun and ratchets clicked. In John’s basement, the cabinet slowly faded from view with a soft grating. The Hostess will return in: Wrong Axis Or Running of the Winter Wrap Up