//------------------------------//
// Chapter 11: If You're Not Indy, Eff You! 
// Story: Pessimism and Sarcasm 
// by Jerec the Ascendant 
//------------------------------//


Pessimism and Sarcasm


Chapter 11


If You're Not Indie, Eff You!


Another Saturday is being spent sitting in Twilight's library doing something I'd rather not be doing. This time, Pinkie Pie has thrown a party, calling it the "National Random Holiday Party Day".

The job’s been about the same as usual - just as awkward as ever. I’ve encountered a few of the dreaded musical numbers so popular in Ponyville, and so I’ve learned to keep my earbuds and Vita with me. I’ll go deaf soon, with how loudly I have to play my music. I think I may have missed something the other day, though. Lyra and a group of others popped in while I was giving a massage, and they started singing, possibly about me. All I know is Lyra’s been looking at me disappointedly ever since then.

I also had another encounter with Firebrand. I didn't have time to talk to him though, as he was running from a crowd of possibly possessed ponies chasing after him, carrying some dark red Pegasus. He seemed quite panicked and I didn’t want to bother him, so I just stayed out of it.

In other news, the Pony of Shadows is the newest resident at the library. Everypony took to her rather easily, and soon the only problem we had with her was what to call her. We couldn't just keep calling her the Pony of Shadows, after all. We eventually decided on Joyous Shadow, but I like calling her Shade. Twilight’s put her research into the lockbox on hold; now she's looking for a spell that will make Shade permanent, as it were. That way she would no longer need to be afraid of a third of the population. Maybe it’d also help the population not to be afraid of her; so far, we’ve been keeping the shadow pony a secret from the town.

"Heya, Twilight! Aren't you excited that—" Pinkie interrupts Rainbow Dash with a loud party horn and tosses confetti in her face.

As Rainbow glares at Pinkie and brushes the confetti off her muzzle, Twilight smiles and responds, "So glad you've finally made it!"

"What's everypony doing here?"

Pinkie leaps into the air and squeals, "We're having a holiday party!" She once again blows the party horn.

Still confused, Dash asks, "So what holiday would today be?"

"National Random Holiday Party Day! Woo-hoo!"

Rarity walks over with a tea cup. "I've never heard of it either, but the punch is quite tasty."

Pinkie leans in close to Dash, and makes a squeaky smile. "You might say the secret ingredient is... a secret!"

Pushing Pinkie away, Rainbow asks, "How come nopony bothered to invite me?"

"I came to invite you personally, but it seems you were a speck too busy reading the last Daring Do book - for the twelfth time." Applejack's eyebrow lifts as she looks accusingly at Rainbow.

"Yeah, well, in three months and twenty-six more days, I'll be able to read the next one." Dash beams, then tries the punch. I'm a huge Mass Effect fan, but I didn't act like this over Mass Effect 3.

Twilight looks up from her book. "Oh, haven't you heard? The release of the next book got pushed another two months." I raise my Vita toward the interaction and ready the camera.

Dash spits out her punch right in Twilight's face. *Click* Got it. "Two more months?! I've been waiting so long already! I don't think I can take another two months! I'll never make it!"

Fluttershy pipes up, "Yeah. I can vouch for that..."

Dash quickly turns back to Twilight, "Did they give a reason?"

Calmly cleaning off her face, she responds, "The publisher just said author A.K. Yearling won't be able to finish the book for another two months. Cupcakes?" Pinkie accepts her offer immediately and horks one down. That's right, desserts - beware. There's a wild Pinkie nearby.

Rainbow crosses her forelegs and pouts. "How could you possibly know that before me? I'm the series' biggest fan!"

Twilight pouts back. "I'm just as big a fan as you! In fact, I'm the one who first introduced you to the books, remember?"

At that, Rainbow switches from frustrated to embarrassed. "Oh. Right."

Forgiving her friend, Twilight begins, "A.K. Yearling just might be my favorite author. I know everything about her. Where she grew up, where she studied literature, where she wrote the first Daring Do book..." I don’t know. That just screams creepy stalker.

Rainbow’s eyes light up. "Where she lives?"

"Uh... no, though I could probably find out somehow. Why?" Because she wants to be a creepy stalker, too. Isn’t it obvious?

Dash can't contain her excitement. "Don't you get it? The new book is obviously delayed because she needs help dealing with whatever everyday nonsense is distracting her from spending her every living, breathing second writing! So I - I mean - fans like me can get to read the new book ASAP! Think about it! We could help her with her laundry, buy her groceries, cook her meals, whatever! Now, who wouldn't appreciate that?"

"Hmm, I don't know... What she probably wants most of all is respect for her privacy." Sounds like a dream come true.

"She can always just say no." Gee, wouldn't that be nice?

"Mmm...I suppose you're right..." Twilight appears apprehensive to take her stalking to the next level.

"Of course I am. So... how's about getting that address?" Can I please wake up from this nightmare?

Just an hour later and we’re starting our journey across Equestria to find A.K. Yearling's cabin. 

"Yay, I finally get to leave the library!" Shade squeals at my side. She does go outside, but only to attend school. She’s been sneaking in with the help of Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo by hitching a ride in their shadows.

"Well, I figured you deserve to have some fun. Besides, I couldn't just leave you behind, li’l sis." As I look down at her, I spot something that makes me cock my eyebrow. "Pinkie, why are you painting that red line on the ground?”

The party pony suddenly drops everything and jumps at me, wrapping her limbs around me in a hug. I recoil and tried to squirm out of it, but Pinkie seems to all of a sudden possess an indomitable strength. "Don't tell anypony else, but it's part of the script."  She leaps off and returns to her work.

Still frozen from the hug from out of the blue, or in this case pink, I try to piece together what she just whispered.

Meanwhile, Twilight seems to be rather annoyed. "You see what I mean? Why would she live in this remote part of Equestria except to keep folks from intruding on her privacy? We should respec—"

"I think I spotted the house!” Dash squeals. “We're super close! This way!"

“Wait!” Twilight warns, but Dash is already flying off ahead, and soon we spot a rundown cottage. “Oh no. What happened?"

Dash walks to the door. "Apparently somepony has intruded on her privacy pretty hard already..." After she knocks on it, the splintered door just falls.

We decide to crawl in and take a look around. The cottage looks like a tornado’s run through it. "Hoo-wee, somepony really trashed this place."

I glance over at AJ. "Thanks, Captain Obvious." She shoots me an annoyed look.

"Hmm...maybe. Or maybe A.K. Yearling's just a terrible, horrible, unbelievable slob!" Pinkie Pie hops through the wreckage, splashing wooden remnants and books everywhere.

"I hope A.K. Yearling's alright!" Rarity cried.

"Oh no! What if something terrible happened to her?"

"I know! There might be no more books!” We all turn to Rainbow, and I almost let out a snicker. “Uh...but, of course, I'd be worried about her, too. Heh." Nice save, genius.

"What are you all doing here?" 

Shade hides in my shadow and we turn toward the broken door and the mysterious voice. "A.K. Yearling?"

Suddenly Twilight is insisting that we found the house in its current state. Well, that’s mostly true. Pinkie did help a bit, though. I’m surprised that this great author apparently hasn’t even noticed me yet. Then again, she is rushing like she’s on a mission.

"What have you done to my house?" She asks, though seems not to really care.

"We didn't do this, Ms. Yearling - whoa!" I watch Applejack go flying as A.K. Yearling tugs a carpet right out from under her, and I can’t help but look down at her with a smirk.

She continues to search the wreckage of her house, tearing it further asunder. I ask her what she’s looking for, but she goes on like she didn’t hear me.

“You’re too timid, big bro,” Shade whispers to me. I scowl at her and we step into a dark corner, where she climbs onto my back.

"Okay, clearly this isn't the best time, but…” Come on, Rainbow. “...I've just gotta say how much we all really love your books." She lets out a nervous laugh, as we all roll our eyes. Then A.K pulls a book out from under her, and Rainbow tumbles to the ground next to Applejack. Shade and I smile.

Then A.K Yearling catches sight of me, and she stares hard, clearly trying to figure out what I am.

"...Hi." I wave, still smiling, though I feel my cheeks growing warm. "I'm with them." Her eyes flit to my shoulder, from behind which Shade is peering, her gleaming yellow eyes focused on the cloaked pony.

She looks from Shade back to me, then from me to Shade again. I feel sweat break out on my forehead; it is pretty stuffy in here. I twitch my shoulder and bounce Shade. She stutters, but then spits out, "Oh, hi! I'm with them too!" 

Her red eyes are open wide, but she just shakes her head and begins fiddling with the book. "I don't have time for this." Between its pages, we discover a large golden ring, which she tucks under her cloak with a sigh of relief. “It's safe."

“Big brother,” Shade whispers to me.

“Yeah, what?”

“What’s that pretty thing?”

“Beats me.” I wipe my forehead with the back of my hand. “I have no clue what’s going on here, but isn’t it weird how this writer looks just like the character in her books?”

“Maybe they’re autobiographical.”

“That’s a big word.”

"Rainbow Dash, a minute please!" Suddenly Twilight has her magic cast over Dash, and she’s pulling her outside. Not wanting to miss something hilarious, I head out after them, only to see Twilight unceremoniously drop Dash onto the ground. "A.K. Yearling has made it pretty clear that she wants to be left alone. We need to respect her wishes!" Darn, nothing funny.

Just then, Pinkie pops up. "You should tell that to those guys."

These guys had just entered the cottage through a window on the roof. We race to the window, and I feel Shade shivering on my back. The intruders had surrounded A.K., and were growling as they closed in. But then, she throws off her cloak and large red glasses, revealing herself to be none other than Daring Do.

Twilight and Rainbow gasp. "A.K. Yearling is Daring Do!"

"Called it," Shade smirk.

Then the fight commence.

"Amazing!"

"Incredible!"

"Wow! So much action! Whee!"

"How long ago was it that I showed you Jurassic Park?” I ask Pinkie. “Seriously, this is rather tame."

Things start to look bad for Daring, and soon enough the ring is in the hooves of a fourth guy. And none of you ponies think to help. Good job. It’s not until the bad guys leave that Fluttershy finally suggests we go help. Everypony rushes back into the cottage, but as I follow, I realize that the weight on my back is gone. 

"Shade? Sis, where are you?" I decide to search the nearby trees for the shadow filly. Still unsuccessful, I suddenly hear Twilight shouting.

"That's not a plan!" I turn around to see Rainbow fly off, leaving the others to run after her - at a much slower pace. Rolling my eyes, I turn back to the trees. I finally find her behind the cottage, watching a brightly colored butterfly.

"So there you are." At my voice, Shade jumps and looks up at me with a crooked smile and scared eyes. "Calm down, I’m not mad."

Her face relaxes and she looks back to the butterfly. "Isn’t this thing cool?"

"Those are some interesting colors, that’s for sure.” We watch it flutter around for a while longer before it disappears behind the big leaves of the forest. “Well, come on Shade. We should get going - otherwise, we'll probably get lost."

With a giggle, she leaps onto my shoulders once more, wrapping her forelegs around as much of my head as she can.

We make our way through the forest, heading in the direction Dash flew off in. We eventually catch up with the mane six, and in time to hear Twilight shouting again.

"-she's in the fortress, and we're here, and we wouldn't be who we are if we didn't go in after her! And neither would you! So, are you with us, or not?" Wait, we’re going where?

After navigating various traps in this curiously nearby fortress, we make it to an open area where there are many ponies with their hooves wrapped around spears. The noodle-like flexibility of these creatures’ limbs astounds me. In the center of these ponies was a giant stack of golden rings just like Daring’s. Then I see Daring’s ring - in the hands of this giant blue monster! No wonder she wasn’t thrown off at the sight of me and Shade.

Everypony charges onto the scene, and the monster and his goons are confused, allowing Pinkie to capture the ring and send it flying to somepony else. We play this game of back and forth, and eventually the ring makes its way into my possession, and some spear-wielding pony stampedes up and attempts to use his spear to catch the ring and pull it out of my hand. I instead rip the spear out of his grip; it isn’t difficult, considering he has no hands.

"Careful with that! You could have poked my eye out, idiot." I hear Shade’s laughter behind me and I throw the ring to Rarity. The stallion I took the spear from turns around and tries to charge at her. Just as he takes off, though, I jab him where the sun don't shine with the haft of the spear. He rolls forward and curls into a little, whimpering ball. "Yeah, you'll feel that for a while."

Shade hops off my back and starts running around among the havoc. As I watch her, she grows in form until she’s twice the size of any of the ponies here. The two she starts chasing are screaming bloody murder, but she’s still just giggling. She stops when she hears Rainbow Dash, though.

"Ponies! Run! This place is goin' down!”

Immediately, she scurries back to me and I catch her as she shrinks down, placing her much smaller body into my pocket.

Daring and Dash fly over us as we rush to get away from the collapsing temple. We make it just in time.

Our little adventure over, we headed back to Ponyville.