//------------------------------// // Guest Chapter: Sunny Letdown (Razalon The Lizardman) // Story: Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “Are you quite sure this is necessary, sister?” Luna asked. She watched from her own seat while the solar alicorn scrolled the mouse down the list of replies in her notforeveralone.com profile’s message box, briefly checking over each one and occasionally hitting the ‘delete’ button. “You could be passing up a plethora of immortals that you’d truly love once you get to know them.” Celestia’s gaze never left the computer screen as she replied. “I don’t care, Luna. I’ve got so many replies that I’ll still be going through this list when mother finally decides to end our universe.” She moved onto another page of replies and resumed her self-imposed task of weeding out which ones she thought would end in disaster. “No... no... no... never in a whole lifetime.... hmm?” “Something the matter, sister?” Luna asked, looking over her sister’s shoulder to view the screen. “Not really,” Celestia answered. Her eyes were transfixed to the computer screen; specifically, at the user’s profile she had selected. The most apt description it could be given was fiery, and Celestia couldn’t help but blush at the handsome figure depicted in the various pictures strewn about the page. “I just noticed this guy is a fellow sun god is all.” “Really!” Luna exclaimed, and shoved her sister out of the chair. “Hey!” Celestia said. Luna eyed the profile with a critical gaze, and after a few moments of doing so wolf-whistled. “Celestia, if there was ever a date which you absolutely, positively, irrefutably had to accept, it would be this one.” Celestia stood up and brushed some dirt off her pristine white feathers before casting a doubtful look at the screen. “I don’t know, Luna; I’ve never been into boisterous types, and this guy clearly is that type.” “Irrelevant!” Luna declared dramatically, shooting a hoof toward the ceiling. “He is a sun god, therefore the two of you are mutually compatible!” Celestia shot Luna a furrowed gaze. “Luna, there’s more to compatibility than one shared trait, even one as large as having control over the sun. Even I know this.” “Yes, but, uh...” Luna quickly used her magic to move the mouse and click the ‘accept’ button. She then bolted from the room quicker than a cheetah, giggling the whole way. Celestia sighed in exasperation and turned to the computer screen. “This can’t possibly end well.” “So,” Celestia said, using her magic to stir some sugar into her coffee, “what’s life like being your world’s sun god?” The solar alicorn and her date were in what was possibly the only completely fireproof restaurant in all of existence. Every single surface was built to withstand temperatures of over ten million degrees Fahrenheit, which included all the tables, booths, and seats as well as the dinnerware and utensils. It was the only restaurant which Celestia’s date could visit without burning the place down just from stepping in the door, as his muscular bipedal body was completely engulfed in flames. His skin was bright red and had yellow markings along each limb, his chest, and his neck. His entire body had a glowing green outline which was the same color as both his eyes and a round jewel of sorts in his forehead. “Well, pretty pony,” Pyrrhon said, his voice radiating with energy and confidence, “some like to think Pyrrhon isn’t really a god, saying I’m only the self-proclaimed god of the sun.” He flexed his arms and flashed Celestia a cocky smirk. “They would be wrong, for only Pyrrhon can command that big flaming ball of life-giving heat in the sky!” “I don’t doubt your status as a god,” Celestia replied, suppressing the urge to roll her eyes. “I’m just curious as to how our jobs compare to each other.” “That depends, beautiful,” Pyrrhon said, cupping his flaming hands under his chin while retaining his confident expression. “Does your reign entail taking down villainous scum and giving them a heaping helping of stir-fried justice!?” Pyrrhon ended his query by striking a heroic pose, making sure to show off every last inch of his bulging, uber hot muscles. Celestia wasn’t impressed by the display, and she merely shook her head with a small smile. “No, no, that’s my student-turned-fellow princess Twilight Sparkle’s job.” A mischievous glint shined in her eye as a cheeky smile spread across her lips. “Whenever one of my past nuisances returns and begins causing trouble, I always send her and her friends to deal with it.” Pyrrhon regarded her with a curious expression before letting out a hearty laugh. “You don’t say? Reminds me of Palutena always sending Pit to mop up evil doers even though she’s capable of doing it herself.” Celestia’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, you know Palutena?” “Indeed, Pyrrhon does,” he confirmed. “Sweet gal, but she doesn’t like interfering with the lives of mortals... directly at least.” He rested an elbow on the table with a single hand cupped under his chin. “So, how’d you meet her?” “I had a date with Hades a while back,” Celestia replied. “Turns out Palutena was also dating one of my.... associates, let’s say, at the same restaurant.” “No kidding,” Pyrrhon said. “Let me guess, things went south?” “They always do on my dates,” Celestia groaned. ”Perhaps I can lift your spirits then,” a heavenly voice soothed from above. Both sun deities craned their necks upward, and were met with the smiling face of Lady Palutena through an astral projection. Behind her was a sky backdrop with the tops of some buildings peeking over the bottom of the image. “I hope I’m not intruding on anything too . . . intimate,” the light goddess said with a cheeky tone. “Palutena?” Celestia said, very much surprised. “What are you doing here?” “Shouldn’t you and Pit both be at that—oh what’s it called,” Pyrrhon snapped his flaming fingers repeatedly, trying to remember, “Super something-something?” “Yes, we’re at the Super Smash Bros tournament,” Palutena answered, before returning her attention to Celestia. ”But a goddess can drop in and say hi to a friend, right?” Celestia smiled. “Of course.” Palutena observed the setup. “I see you’re still on the dating scene,” she noted before looking to Pyrrhon with a concerned frown. “Pyrrhon, does this mean you’ve found a safe location to dump the Aurum at?” The boisterous sun god appeared to space out for a moment before bringing his hands down to his sides and chortling. “Pyrrhon knew there was a reason he asked Celestia out on this date!” Celestia looked back and forth between the two gods before settling on Pyrrhon with a furrowed expression. “Pyrrhon, what aren’t you telling me?” she ground out. “Well, princess,” Pyrrhon said, still not breaking his confident demeanor, “Pyrrhon may have asked you out on this date to ask for a favor.” Celestia groaned, then rubbed the bridge of her muzzle before returning a hard stare to her date. “Okay then, what is it you want my help with?” “Pyrrhon has a bit of a dilemma on his hands,” he explained. “You see, beautiful, our world was attacked by the Aurum, who are ‘beckoned by destruction and corruption’ and came to harvest the Earth for themselves.” He cracked his knuckles and struck another pose. “Of course, no space invaders win when put against Pyrrhon and his almighty pyroblasters!” Palutena tsked. “Don’t believe that last part, Celestia,” she told the solar alicorn. “All he did was merge with the Aurum and try to take control of them, only to get controlled by them instead. It’s only because of Pit that we were able to put a stop to their plans.” Celestia did her best to suppress a giggle in response. “Anyway,” Pyrrhon continued, his outgoing attitude dampened a tad, “now Pyrrhon needs to find a place to put the Aurum where they won’t be a harm any longer, and since your world is known for its harmonious nature—” “—you want to move these aliens to Equestria, because it’s plagued with so little destruction and corruption?” Celestia finished. “You read my mind, beautiful,” the sun god replied. “So, whaddya say, princess? Care to help a fellow sun god out?” “...You know what? Sure.” Celestia smiled mischievously. “And I know exactly where to put them.” “I will ruin you, sister!” Luna screeched as she chased a hysterical Celestia down the halls of Canterlot Castle. “Nopony defaces my moon and gets away with it!” “Serves you right for forcing me onto that last date!” Celestia called back through her giggles. She made a sharp turn around a corner, passing two night guards who watched with indifference as she barreled down the hallway. “ARRRRRRGH!” Luna screamed, turning the corner and charging like a locomotive down the hallway after her sister, eyes blazing with pure, unbridled rage. “Hey, dude?” one guard said to the other once the sisters were out of earshot. “Yes?” the other replied, turning to face his partner. “On a scale of one to ten, with one being ‘she’s taking it very well’ and ten being ‘she’s lost her marbles’, how much is her highness overreacting?” The other guard looked through the window across the hallway. The moon shone brightly in the sky, radiating a calming energy which helped to soothe the ponies of Equestria into slumber. Orbiting around the giant rock was a ring of glowing green lights, each individual one representing the presence of an Aurum ship. The sight made some ponies ask whether a snowstorm was forthcoming, but the pegasi denied the possibility because weather protocol forbid snow during the summer months. Other than the oddity, however, no actual harm had come about from the Aurum’s relocation around the moon. The guard looked back to his fellow. “Twelve,” he replied. “‘She’s gone batshit crazy’.”