"Welcome to the second episode of Scootaloo the Awesome Detective! Wait, Detective Scootaloo's Adventures is a better name...okay! Welcome to Detective Scootaloo's Adventures! Today my helpers and I are going to uncover the secrets of everpony's least favorite pony, Diamond Tiara!" Scootaloo shrieked, pretty much blasting the sound machine into oblivion.
Both Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle groaned. The last time Scootaloo had asked them to help her with her little show, they had ended up having several lawsuits, and their families had to bail them out of jail. To top it all off, it had gotten onto their permanent record. Somehow, Scootaloo had earned her cutie mark in jail.
Now, Scootaloo was sashaying her flank in front of the camera showing off her cutie mark, a pair of crazy eyes. Scootaloo was now bonkers, and probably would never be normal. Ever.
"Ah was thinkin', Scoots, we could help out Applejack and forget all this detective business. Y'all can do that on your own." Apple Bloom said before quickly dashing out of the clubhouse, sprinting as fast as she could.
"Well, Sweetie, it's just you and me." Scootaloo laughed maniacally, once again reverting to her 100% crazy self.
"RARITY'S CALLING ME!" Sweetie Belle shrilled before galloping out after Apple Bloom. As soon as she was out of the clubhouse, she used her magic to transport herself to Carousel Boutique. (And even though she ended up stuck in a tree, at least she got away from Scootaloo.)
"Oh, horse apples!" Scootaloo yelled, furious her slaves had disappeared. "Now I need new slaves..." With that, Scootaloo trotted out the door, already decided on her target. In fact, she was so focused she didn't realize she was covered in cameras that were all on and recording her every movement and sound.
Scootaloo quickly located her scooter before riding it towards the Rich mansion where she knew Diamond Tiara stayed on weekends, because of Diamond Tiara literally handing out her day to day schedule to everypony in class instead of an actual card on Hearts and Hooves Day.
She quickly knocked on the door of the mansion, waiting for one of Diamond Tiara's butlers to open the door. Sure enough, the oldest butler that Scootaloo had forgotten the name of did.
"I'm here to see Diamond Tiara on official business." Scootaloo squeaked, trying to sound professional...and failing miserably. The fact she was covered in a camera suit didn't help either. Strangely enough, the butler still let the deranged filly see Diamond Tiara.
Scootaloo found Diamond Tiara sitting in a spinning chair. As soon as Scootaloo entered, Diamond Tiara whirled around in her chair, with a sinister grin on her face that almost beat Scootaloo's crazy laugh. Almost, but not quite.
"I've been expecting you, Scootaloo." Diamond Tiara said, tapping her hoof on the desk. All in all, it was the weirdest situation ever to happen in Ponyville. Two enemies facing each other using a very cliche line, both of them needing mental help.
"I'm here to offer you a job. You will be slave...FRIEND! I said friend when I film these episodes of Detective Scootaloo's adventures, and I will pay you nothing at all. Just sign here, here, initials here, do you want the pink pen or the purple? Totally up to you.*" Scootaloo handed Diamond Tiara the contract.
Diamond Tiara quickly signed everything, all the while grinning in a really creepy way. In fact, she looked like she was going to murder everypony. She could pretty much murder everypony just by smiling.
As soon as Diamond Tiara finished signing everything, she and Scootaloo went to hunt down Silver Spoon. Every evil dictator of a secret society needs two slaves at the very least. The two enemies became demonic friends bounced towards Silver Spoon's mansion, looking like two mini Pinkie Pies. Well, if Pinkie Pie was a demented mass murderer, they would look like two mini Pinkie Pies.
"Silver Spoon! SIGN THE CONTRACT!" Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara yelled in sync, shoving a pen into Silver Spoon's hooves. Silver Spoon, worried about what the two psychopaths would do is she didn't sign the contract quickly signed it. Then she followed the two crazies out of her mansion, making sure to be 10 ft away from them.
As the new threesome trotted through Ponyville, a chill ran down the spine of every single pony causing them to lock their doors, hide their fillies and colts, and then double lock their doors again. The fact that Scootaloo was wearing a suit made out of cameras that would flash every five seconds didn't help. Neither did Diamond Tiara running up in front of every camera screeching about how pretty she was. In fact, only Silver Spoon looked relatively normal if she wasn't drooling over Diamond Tiara (Celestia knows why).
And then Derpy dropped a gigantic order on their heads. And crushed them. To extreme agony. It hurt them very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very much.
"We'll return after the break!" Silver Spoon groaned from under the box, being the only conscious one. Then, she also passed out along with the two psychos.
In the hospital, all three ponies had to be put in a full body cast. And then their full body cast had to be put in a cast. After all the putting them into a cast stuff, they all looked like snowponies. And somehow, all of Scootaloo's cameras survived. They had been retaped onto Scootaloo's cast.
"Hey Scoots. Are you still crazy?" Sweetie Belle asked, entering the room wearing armor to protect herself from inevitable doom.
"Grbleqffff." Scootaloo answered.
"Ah take that as a yes." Apple Bloom said, wearing two suits of armor.
"Grbleqffff." Scootaloo replied.
"Somehow this show always makes you end up in a hospital." Sweetie Belle pondered.
"Grbleqffff."
Cheerilee and Big Macintosh stared at the screen of their TV, mouths wide open, scarred for all eternity. No, scarred for longer than all eternity. Big Mac reached out and turned off the TV, which was playing a commercial for cat food.
"ARE ALL OF MY STUDENTS CRAZY?!" Cheerilee shrieked, downing a bottle of vodka in one gulp. "I always expected Scootaloo, because of this crazy detective stalker show but Diamond Tiara?" And then she passed out, foam coming out of her mouth.
The rest of the Apple Family piled into the living room. Apple Bloom looked bored. Applejack was rocking back and forth, trying to remove the scarring image from her mind. Granny Smith seemed to have had a heart attack.
Twilight entered the room quietly. She had already visited Fluttershy, Rarity and Pinkie. Rainbow Dash was still locked up in her room, refusing to leave. In fact, she had paid Derpy to deliver pizza to her window every day. Scootaloo had pretty much destroyed Ponyville's mentality.
"Sooo..." Twilight started. "Want to gather the rest of the ponies and blast Scootaloo to the moon? I mean, now that I'm an extremely powerful alicorn princess, I have the right to blast her to the moon. And Luna even gave me a permit!" Twilight seemed strangely excited about sending Scootaloo to the moon.
"Ah'm going to lock myself up in a room. Apple Bloom? Can ya go call Derpy? Ah'm gonna need that package with the pizza." Applejack groaned, bolting every room in Sweet Apple Acres shut.
"I don't know what her deal is. This time the exclusive clip had nothing to do with her!" Twilight mumbled, snorting to herself.
The exclusive clip was more about Macintosh than Applejack. It showed him playing with the Smarty Pants doll, after paying Twilight an even 200 bits for it. In fact, Macintosh had been seen doing...unmentionable stuff with Smarty Pants. Very disturbing. Then again, it was Scootaloo.
Twilight groaned. Both Rainbow Dash and Applejack were now locked up in their rooms. Without them, she wouldn't be able to use her friendship powers to blast villains into Tartarus, the moon, a stone prison, the Outlands, or any other place she had banished someone or something. Without her blasting powers, why bother being a princess?
Of course, Scootaloo was sued. Immediately. Multiple times. And of course, so was Diamond Tiara. Repeatedly. Celestia had even issued out an order to put Scootaloo and Diamond Tiara in a mental asylum. But even a big order like that takes a few days to actually be put in use, so Scootaloo made a new plan with Diamond Tiara and a reluctant Silver Spoon.
"Next episode will be...awesome." Scootaloo giggled an unearthly giggle before putting on a new disguise. "MWAHAHAHA!"