//------------------------------// // The Bridled Banker: Stop Asking/To The Bank // Story: Twilight: The Consulting Detective // by A Wise Pony //------------------------------// SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown. The floor of the Equestrian Antiquities Museum was quiet as the demonstration took place. Inkie Pie carefully lifted a kettle from a stove. She spoke as she poured water from the kettle into an ancient pot. “The great artisans say, 'the more the teapot is used, the more beautiful it becomes.'” Gently, she placed the lid onto the full pot, causing the excess water to spill over and coat the artifact's surface. “The pot is seasoned, by repeatedly pouring tea over the surface.” She poured cups of fresh tea from the antique and then poured the cups back over the pot. The foals in the audience watched the waterfall with interest. “The deposit left on the clay, creates this beautiful patina over time.” The grey earth pony held the pot up, the light catching the finish. “Some pots, the clay has been burnished by tea made over four hundred years ago.” She repeated the process with other pots as the museum guests looked on. The demonstration ended and the crowd of tourists dispersed. Inkie carefully dried the pots and placed them one at a time back in their silk-lined carrying case. A voice over the loudspeaker reminder her that the museum was closing in ten minutes. Another pony walked up behind her. “Four hundred years old, and they're letting you use it to make yourself a brew,” Written Script commented. “Some things aren't supposed to sit behind glass,” Inkie told him. She smoothed the silk of the case so that it cushioned the pots properly. “They're made to be touched, to be handled.” She looked at the other pony to make sure he understood, then turned back to the pots. A sigh left her as she noticed a fissure in one of them. “These pots need attention.” She lifted the flawed pot and traced the imperfection with one hoof. “The clay is cracking.” “Well, I can't see how a tiny splash of tea is going to help,” Written Script said. He winced, realizing that that might have sounded dismissive of her work. “Sometimes you have to look hard at something to see its value.” Inkie picked up another pot and held it up so the unicorn could see it. “See? This one shines a little brighter.” The pot in question did gleam more than the others. But they weren't what Written was here about. “I don't suppose…um, I mean, I don't suppose that you-you wanna have a drink?” he stammered. “Not tea, obviously,” he added. “Um, in a pub, with me, tonight?” Inkie paused before answering. “You wouldn't like me all that much.” “Couldn't I maybe decide that for myself?” the unicorn pleaded. Inkie thought about it, but finally shook her head. “I can't. I'm sorry. Please stop asking.” She set the pots back in the case and snapped it closed. *** The museum was closed for the night. Inkie carefully placed each pot back on its shelf. Outside the storage space, a latch opened. She looked up sharply. That hadn't sounded like a door. “Is that security?” she called. There was no answer. Cautiously, Inkie walked out into the dim hall. “Hello?” The sound of cloth rustling caught her ears. She turned and saw a statue, covered in a shroud that now flapped in a breeze from somewhere. But there shouldn't have been a breeze in here. And the statue hadn't been covered when she'd entered the room. She approached the statue with trepidation. After a moment's hesitation, she grabbed a corner of the cloth and pulled it away. Her eyes widened, and she dropped the cloth, a hoof flying to her mouth to stifle an exclamation of horror. *** The next morning, Applejack waved a saran-wrapped clump of broccoli over a checkout scanner. The machine beeped reassuringly, and she dropped the florets into a bag. The checkout machine made an angry sound. “Unexpected item in bagging area,” it complained. “Please try again.” The earth pony groaned. Of course, something had to go wrong. *** In the sitting room of 221 B, Twilight ducked. A sword sang through the air where her head had been the moment before. She spun around and kicked her attacker into the couch as they readied themselves to swipe at the unicorn again. Twilight turned around, adjusted her jacket, then rushed her assailant, horn aglow. *** With utmost care, Applejack passed the broccoli over the scanner again. The machine took no notice. “Item not scanned. Please try again.” “Do you think maybe you could keep your voice down?” Applejack snapped at the device. She was already getting funny looks from the ponies behind her in line. But these annoyingly loud error messages kept assailing her. *** The assassin had pushed Twilight back, and now had her pinned against the kitchen table. They turned their head and swung the sword again, only for the blade to glow blue as the unicorn struggled to keep the blade still. They spent a moment wrestling to move the blade one way or another. Then Twilight kicked her opponent in what she presumed was the hip (hard to tell with the full body covering the other pony wore), once, twice, thrice. The attacker groaned as something gave, and Twilight shoved them away, the sword's tip catching the table right over her ear. *** Finally, the machine had recognized the broccoli. Applejack swiped her card and punched in her PIN. No error message sounded immediately, and she sighed in relief. Then: “Card not authorized. Please use alternative method of payment.” “Yes! Alright, I've got it!” She noticed even more odd looks being thrown her way by the ponies waiting their turn at the machine. The device droned on: “Card not authorized. Please use alternative method of payment.” “Go on then, keep it!” Applejack shouted. She moved as if to kick the machine, then thought better of it. “Keep that,” she told it again as she stormed off, leaving the broccoli and other groceries behind. *** Despite having received several injuries, the attacker still hadn't given up. They swung again, and Twilight ducked the blow once more. She pointed at something behind the other pony. “Look!” she cried. The covered pony fell for it and turned around. Twilight swung the pointing hoof into the side of her attacker's head. The other pony dropped the sword with a clatter and collapsed into Twilight's chair, out cold. The unicorn stood for a moment, panting, then righted her jacket again and brushed at it with one hoof. She left the unconscious pony where they lay and went into the kitchen to wash up. *** Applejack trotted up the stairs into the flat. Twilight was sitting in her chair, reading, just as she had been an hour ago. “You took your time,” the unicorn commented, not even looking up from her book. “Yeah,” Applejack said. “I didn't get the shopping.” “What?” Twilight peered up at the earth pony. “Why not?” she asked. “Because I had a fight, in the store, with a checkout machine,” Applejack explained angrily. “You...you had a fight with a machine?” Twilight asked, still confused. “Sort of. It sat there and I shouted at it.” Applejack considered what to do next. They needed something to eat, after all. “Do you have cash?" “Take my card,” Twilight offered. She gestured towards where her wallet lay on the kitchen table. Applejack trotted into the kitchen, then stopped. She turned and faced the unicorn. “You could always go yourself, you know?” Twilight looked up with what Applejack assumed was a guilty look on her face. “You've been sitting there all morning. You haven't even...moved since I left.” The unicorn recalled her recent fight. Still, no need to bother Applejack with that event. After all, there was no evidence of the home invasion except...Oh. Right. She returned to her book nonchalantly, waiting for Applejack to look away so she could correct that oversight. When Twilight didn't answer, Applejack sighed and turned towards the kitchen table. Strangely, there was for once a large, clear space on the table, occupied only by Twilight's wallet. The earth pony flipped it open and searched for the correct card. “And what happened with that case,” she asked. “The Sapphire Statue?” Twilight slid a marker between the pages she was reading and clapped the book shut. “Not interested.” She reached a hoof under the chair and slid the dropped sword further out of sight. “I sent them a message,” she explained, rotating her hoof as she remembered the finale of the fight. Applejack found the charge card and withdrew it. She noticed a new scratch on the table. With a sigh, she tried to rub it out, but found it was too deep. It was a wonder Ms. Matilda didn't charge them extra for all the damage Twilight's experiments had done to the table. She glared accusingly at Twilight, who was looking at the closed book contemplatively. After a moment, the earth pony gave up at trying to communicate her displeasure and went out to (hopefully) get groceries. *** When Applejack next returned, with the groceries this time, Twilight had in fact moved from her favorite chair. The unicorn was now seated at the desk, gazing at a familiar computer. “Don't worry about me, I can manage,” Applejack said sarcastically. The unicorn made no move to help the her as the earth pony entered the flat through the kitchen. She began sorting through the bags and putting away the items. Twilight scanned the email she'd been reading again: Twilight - How are things? Been a long time since we last spoke I hear on the grapevine that you're now a consulting detective. There's been an 'incident' at the bank. I'm hoping you can sort it out for me. Please drop by. Needless to say, I'll be relying on your discretion. -Moony She weighed the benefits and detriments of accepting. On the one hoof, this was an offer for a job, and it must be a interesting 'incident' if Moondancer had chosen to ask for her help. On the other... well, they'd not been what anypony would call close friends. Intrigue against abrasion. Hmm... “Is that my computer?” Applejack asked. She'd finished with the groceries, and had returned to the sitting room. “Of course,” Twilight said as she began typing her reply. “What?” “Mine was in the bedroom,” the unicorn explained. “What, and you couldn't be bothered to get up?” Applejack glared at her in a mixture of anger and confusion. “It's password protected!” “In a manner of speaking,” Twilight said, still typing. “Took me less than a minute to guess yours. Not exactly Midnight Castle.” Applejack trotted over to the desk. “Right, thank you.” She slapped the computer closed, scooped the device up and carried it away. Twilight sat there, hooves still poised to type, then sighed. A reply wasn't really necessary, since it had been more of an invitation. Still, she still wasn't sure if she'd look into this. Applejack had secured the computer elsewhere and had returned with the mail. She leafed through the notices, many of which were stamped OVERDUE. “Oh.” She counted them. One bill for gas, a bill for electricity, a bill for water... With a sigh, she flopped down into her chair and tossed the bills onto a side table. “I need to get a job.” “Oh, dull,” Twilight said absently. She had almost decided... “Listen” Applejack began, “if you'd be able to lend me some…” She saw that the unicorn was staring off into space. “Twilight, are you listening?” “I need to go to the bank,” Twilight said suddenly. She stood and trotted over to the door, pulling her coat off the hook at the same time. Applejack followed her; maybe she could get a loan. ***