//------------------------------//
// Chapter 20: The Mess Hall? 
// Story: Piercing the Heavens 
// by Calm Wind 
//------------------------------//

MLP: FiM
Piercing the Heavens
By: Calm Wind

Chapter 20:





Dash groaned, grunted, and grumbled as she groggily carried her tray towards the tables in the mess hall. She wasn’t the only one dragging her hooves. Everypony was feeling the lack of sleep. There was very little talking and much more mumbling mixed with yawns and curses. 

Today’s theme was the unexpected? Dash suddenly had the urge to murder Fleetfoot… and it was barely past 5am. 

Dash sighed and plopped down at a table. They were only serving pancakes and eggs. She didn’t mind. She was honestly expecting to find chicken and broccoli on her plate again. At least they made breakfast different. With her body relaxed and sitting down, she found that her eyelids felt heavy. She caught herself as she began to sway, but not before bumping against something soft.

“Not used to early rising?” Matteo’s voice came from beside her as she quickly sat back up straight. Dash blinked and looked to her right to see Matteo sitting beside her, casually eating his breakfast. Okay, this was the… third… fourth time now? 

“Seriously big guy, how do you keep appearing out of nowhere?” Dash eyed him carefully.

“I was sitting here before you were,” he tipped his head while looking down at her.

“The past like, I dunno, seven times I’ve run into you, you’re just suddenly there. You’re like a giant ninja or something,” Dash shrugged as she began poking at her pancakes. Matteo chuckled and shook his head.

“Do I scare you?” he asked with a slight grin cracking on the edge of his beak. Dash scoffed.

“Please, I’ve kicked a dragon in the face,” she waved a hoof at him.

“And how did that end up going for you?” he quickly asked. Dash paused.

“Eh… not well, but I ain’t scared of you!” She huffed up at him as he went on eating. 

“Good, I’d hate to scare off a friend of my wife,” he suddenly brought up Gilda again. Dash kept looking at him. They were at breakfast, why not ask him now? She already sat by him by accident, so that saved her the trouble of figuring out how to approach him.

“Say, big fella…”

“My name is Matteo,” he suddenly snorted and gave her a stern look. Dash didn’t falter.

“And you’re huge, so deal with it,” she said while remaining completely calm beneath his gaze. He rolled his eyes.

“Yes..?” 

“You don’t mind me asking about… Gilda do you?” she made sure.

“Of course not… if you are a friend of hers I’d be happy to answer,” he nodded.

“Okay… I was wondering… I haven’t seen Gilda in a long time, but the way I remember her she was definitely not the type to settle down and get hitched. She was a bit of a wild rebel, you know?” Dash stopped briefly, not really thinking about that last part before she said it. She was hoping Matteo didn’t take offense to it. Thankfully, he scoffed while smiling.

“Oh, that is not far off from how she is,” he took a drink of water before continuing. “She is the very definition of a rebel. I don’t think I could count how many times she’s yelled at me or we’ve gotten in fights… And by fights I mean throwing punches,” he started chuckling. Dash lifted her brow, half confused, and half amused.

“Before or after getting married?” Dash questioned.

“Before, during, and most certainly in the future too,” Matteo confirmed while shaking his head.

“Then how the hell did you convince her to marry you?” Dash chuckled while shrugging. Matteo sighed and glanced at Dash.

“She’s strong, she’s a fighter, and she never backs down. What more could a warrior want in a mate?” his choice of words was interesting. Griffon culture was so much different from pony culture. “We had been at each other’s throats for years, did she not ever mention me to you?” he suddenly asked. Dash was caught off guard by the question. She and Gilda stuck together in flight school all the time. She had a good memory of all the stuff they used to do and talk about. 

Dash blinked as she remembered one thing in particular. Dash once asked Gilda about life the Griffon Kingdom. The first thing Gilda mentioned was some jerk she was always getting into fights with when she was very young: “There was this one idiot I could never stand… Fatty Matty… I silently pray every night he gets his face stuck in a waffle iron.” Dash’s ears stood up as she recalled Gilda’s words.

“WAIT! You’re Fatty Matty?!” she stared at him wide eyed. Matteo flinched hard at the name, and then sighed heavily. 

“Yes… she used to call me that…” he said with an audible amount of frustration in his voice. 

“Dude, whenever you came up, she’d tear on you for HOURS! And…” Dash snickered. “Now she’s married to you? Seriously, how did that happen?” Matteo grunted and rested his arms on the table.

“When she finally came home after years of being away, it was as I was training to become a Sky Wing. She didn’t believe me when I told her who I was because as the nickname suggests, I was quite… overweight for a long time. One would think this would change her opinion of me, but Gilda is stubborn as I’m sure you know. Things went on as they always had, only this time I could fight back. One night we got into a rather… deadly brawl,” he paused and looked at Dash. “Do you know the significance of a griffon’s talons?” he suddenly asked.

“Uh…” Dash tried to remember if Gilda had said anything, but nothing came to mind. Matteo took her silence as a no and continued.

“It’s not widely known beyond the kingdom,” Matteo held his talons towards Dash and opened them fully to show her all the sharp points. They looked like they could puncture anything with a simple jab. “The Sky Wings, and griffons from all past ages, fight with spears. It is to honor the only ancient tradition of our kind to survive to this day. Throughout our history, for centuries we were considered to be the fiercest warriors in all of Equestria. Because they are a part of our bodies, our talons were considered to be a weapon bound to us and our own honor. If a griffon were to use their talons to draw the blood of another living creature, they were sworn to kill it, or else their talon would be forever stained by the blood of a creature that yet lives. This warrior tradition… includes other griffons,” he closed his talons into a fist.

“Um, that seems a bit… brutal,” Dash commented while leaning away from his talons. Matteo chuckled and shook his head.

“These days Griffons are strictly taught from a very young age never to use their talons against other griffons. However, while very few and far between, I have witnessed a few fights to the death… I even once lost a close friend to it.

“So if a griffon is attacked by another griffon with its talons… they have no choice but to defend themselves… and kill them or be killed?” Dash scrunched her face in disbelief. 

“Correct, but as I said. I have seen it happen only twice in my lifetime.”

“Sheesh… I always kinda wondered what it would be like to be a griffon… but I guess I got my answer, no thanks!” Dash shook her head.

“You may have thought differently were you a griffon from birth. It is merely our ways,” Matteo nodded while poking back at his food.

“So how does this tie into Gilda?” Dash wondered out loud to him. Matteo looked back to her and smiled.

“Because I should have killed her,” he said without a single bit of hesitation in his voice. Dash flinched and leaned away from him. He snorted and let a few laughs go. “Are you sure you’re not afraid of me?” he gave her a smirk. Dash puffed her cheeks out and sat back up straight. 

“Of course not! Continue,” she crossed her hooves and nodded.

“It was still a few months to go before the Sky Wings recruitment drive… mind you this was about a year and a half ago. I didn’t come straight here after I got rejected. Anyway, Gilda had been training to become a Sky Wing herself. Despite how much I had changed she still despised me and still lashed out every time we spoke. She desperately wanted to know what I had done to become so strong, but I felt I owed her nothing for the way she treated me over the years. I always went out into the Sky Skimmer mountain range to the west of the kingdom to do my training. She followed me and demanded I show her my training. This was the last straw. She had been on my back for months, doing nothing but insulting me, yet demanding I share my secrets. I told her to buzz off, and that I would never share my methods with a bitch like her.”

“Oooo… if I know one thing Gilda hates… it’s being called a bitch,” Dash chimed in. 

“I soon learned that too,” Matteo added. “She went for the verbal deathblow for a griffon. She insulted my family name. In our traditions, challenging the credibility of one’s family is no different than starting a war. Now remember, she had softened me up with insults and demands for months… I completely snapped. With no other griffon around to witness, I charged at her with my talons drawn. On the first swipe I left a large cut on the side of her shoulder, and drew blood. I didn’t care, I was so fed up with her I didn’t care how I removed her from my life. What I didn’t expect was how fiercely she defended herself,” Matteo looked up towards nothing in particular with a smile on his face. “She didn’t even hesitate. She came right at me with her talons and plunged them into my chest. We had both drown blood, It was a battle to the death.”

Dash’s mouth hung open as she listened. She was friends with Gilda for so long and she had never heard of anything like this. Griffon culture was so different she could hardly believe it.

“We were locked in deadly combat for half an hour at least. It wasn’t long before we were both drenched in our own blood, trickling from multiple small cuts and gashes from each other’s talons. Being much more powerful than her, I eventually wore her down, grabbed her by the neck, and pinned her against a boulder. I drew back my arm with my talons opened and covered in her blood. I was ready to rip her face to shreds… but I… I couldn’t,” he paused.





Art by: Colorstrike


Dash glanced at him with confusion. His eyes changed as he recalled the moment.

“Through my days of training before Gilda’s return… I had fought and bested countless other griffons in combat. Every single time I overpowered them, they would cower in fear and beg for mercy beneath my strength. Not a single true warrior among them. Gilda however… Gilda was not only the most skilled griffon I had ever faced in combat, she also stared headlong into my feral glare, as if daring me to kill her. All I had to do was bring my talons down and she’d be dead. Yet she wasn’t even the slightest bit afraid of me,” Matteo turned to Dash. This was the first time she had seen a full blown smile on Matteo’s face. 

“It was… magnificent,” he chuckled. “She was the only true warrior I had ever faced. We gave each other our fiercest glares for minutes that seemed like hours… but I could not kill her. I refused to. I will never forget the look in her eyes when I closed and lowered my talons. I had violated our most sacred and ancient tradition… to spare her. Why? I could not put a reason into words, and she could not put her feelings into them either. It was right then and there, when we first mated. Soon after that, we were wed,” he ended, on a note Dash was not expecting. 

“Well… that escalated quickly… twice…” she winced uncomfortably. “Talk about an interesting first date… Griffons are crazy…” she shook her head. “Thanks for… opening up though,” she jabbed him on the shoulder. “I’m glad you trust me. Just… keep those talons away from me okay?”

“Heh, the tradition only stands if we initiate the attack ourselves. If you are idiotic enough to trip and fall on my talons I don’t have to kill you.”

“Good to know,” Dash rolled her eyes. She went back to eating her breakfast as she thought over everything she had just been told. What an interesting culture indeed. Wait…

Dash blinked and dropped her pancake back onto her plate. One word stood out from everything she had been told. Her eyes widened and the word “REALIZATION” could have easily flown out of both of her ears to match her expression. She turned back to Matteo.

“Hey… you said… you mated…?” she asked. Matteo looked back at her.

“Yes,” he answered simply.

“Speaking in… nature terms… that means…” Dash hesitated, not quite sure how to word it. So she pointed at her stomach. Matteo caught on.

“We have two children with a third on the way.”

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFWHAAAAAT!??!?!?!?!” Dash slammed her head down on the table, then leaned back while groaning because, well, it hurt. She ignored the pain and the red spot on her head while turning wide eyed to Matteo for the second time in twenty four hours. “GILDA’S… A… MOTHER?!” This just kept getting better and better. 

“Again, is something wrong? Every time I tell you something about her, you hurt yourself,” Matteo gave her a confused look.

“Look, do you blame me?” Dash held her hooves out at her sides. “This is a childhood friend of mine that’s suddenly fives steps too far forward in life at the age of twenty. I’m not even thinking about that kind of stuff!” she exclaimed while trying to wrap her head around everything.

“It is customary for us to find mates around that age,” Matteo cut in. “In our culture I’m late to the mating process. I’m twenty-four. It’s just another difference in our cultures.

“NICE STORY. Bet I could top it!” 

Both Dash and Matteo flinched and looked across the table. Twister was sitting directly across from them. He had a tray at his place, but there was nothing on the tray. He was resting his elbows on it and slowly sliding the tray back and forth against the table while resting his chin in his hooves.

“How long have you been there?!” Dash’s mouth hung agape as she stared at him. Twister chuckled slowly and creepily.

“Only the whole time, it’s your fault for not paying attention,” as soon as he finished the sentence we was sitting beside Dash, in the exact same position and still sliding the tray back and forth.

Dash thought about retaliating, but took a moment to think. Twister did things in a similar manner to Pinkie Pie and Surprise. She had seen Fleetfoot handle him flawlessly. Dash wondered if she could copy Fleetfoot in such a manner. One thing she had noticed about Twister, was that he followed a pattern when he did his silly antics. He wasn’t quite on the level of Surprise or Pinkie Pie. He always went for those around him and used them for his effects. Meaning he’d go for Matteo right after she retaliated. 

A while ago, Pinkie Pie had said something to her that she really didn’t quite understand: “If you wanna keep up, you gotta THINK like the PINK!”

Dash smirked. She stuck her wing out at Twister, and reached her opposite hoof behind her at the same time. Twister vanished from the spot, but—

“OOF!” He grunted as he ran smack into Dash’s hoof.

“Heh, Fleetfoot was right! You aren’t that—” Dash pulled him around, but found only Twister’s tray in her hooves. “Huh?”

“Fleetfoot was right…” Twister was sitting right back where he started across from them. “But you... aren’t Fleetfoot,” he bounced his eyebrows.

“Feh,” Dash scoffed and tossed his tray back at him. He made no effort to catch it. It smacked right against his face, fell back to the table, and he put his elbows on it. He was back in the same position he started in.

“Heeeeehehehe…” he chortled to himself as Dash rolled her eyes.

“Alright smartass, you said you could top Matteo’s story? Well let’s go! Where are you from?” Dash quickly asked.

“The sky is blue,” he fired back.

“How old are you?”

“Dandelions.”

“What do you do for a living?”

“Exactly three cups of baking powder.”

“You know what?” Dash flattened her ears and brow. “I don’t know why I expected a clear answer from you on anything," she sighed and went back to eating. Twister glanced at Matteo, who was looking up and over Twister. Twister suddenly appeared on Matteo’s back.

“Hey birdie! Whacha lookin’ at? Whatcha lookin’ at?” he said while staring in the same direction atop Matteo’s shoulders. Matteo growled.

“You have to the count of five to get off me before I actually consider killing you,” he threatened. “One,” Twister didn’t move. Matteo’s eyes narrowed. “Four.”

“Alright, alright, made your point,” Twister was back down at his place. His tray suddenly filled with pancakes and eggs. Dash didn’t ask. Some ponies were just… different. Dash glanced back at Matteo and, like Twister, noticed he was looking towards the wall just below the ceiling. 

“What are you looking at?” she asked while following his eyes. There was nothing special on the wall above the mess hall entrance. Nothing besides the wall clock at least.

“We’ve been in here for about half an hour…” Matteo began but trailed off. Dash blinked and looked back to him.

“Yeah, I’d say so. Why?” she asked while scrunching her brow in confusion.

“The wall clock still says 5:00am,” Matteo said while pointing a talon towards the clock. Both Dash and Twister turned and looked at the clock. As Matteo said, it hadn’t moved from exactly 5:00 o’clock. The second hand was even frozen to the twelve. Dash gave it a puzzled look, but shrugged.

“Maybe it just broke when we got here,” she suggested. Matteo shook his head.

“I saw Wonderbolt staff members fixing the clock yesterday during dinner.

“Hmm…” Dash took another look at the clock.

“Also, the chefs are all gone,” Matteo turned and pointed at the serving area. Dash glanced back and saw that everypony had their food, the chefs were long gone, and the buffets were all cleaned out too. That was rather puzzling.

“Uh… I dunno, maybe they got pissed about being up so early and refuse to give out seconds?” she made up as she spoke. Matteo shook his head.

“No, something is definitely wrong here,” Matteo’s eyes darted about. Twister snickered.

“What, little bird is afraid of a broken clock and angry chefs? Careful you might—” he halted mid-sentence and turned his head sharply to beside Dash’s left. Dash blinked.

“What are you—” she turned and froze as well. 

A penguin waddled casually past them. The three all followed it with their eyes as it went past their table and turned down the aisle. When it was gone they all looked back at each other. Even Twister looked stumped.

“Was...” Dash slowly began. “Was that a… penguin?”

Suddenly loud crashes rang out from near the entrance. Dash, Matteo, Twister and everypony else sitting in mess hall all looked towards the doors. They had been covered by steel shutters.

“What the—” Dash flinched as she heard sharp clicking and snapping sounds.

“The walls!” Matteo exclaimed. Dash turned to see the three other walls of the mess hall slowly buckle and begin to fall back. Panic began to run through the cadets as the walls fell down around them. When they hit the ground, the area was filled with a very thick fog. Dash quickly lost sight of the cadets sitting on the far end of the hall. The visibility had been cut to no more than twenty feet.

“WHAT IS HAPPENING?!” Dash freaked out. Suddenly, her seat fired upward below her like a spring. She was catapulted into the air. Twister was flung upward as well along with every other pony. Matteo proved to be too heavy, instead receiving a very uncomfortable spank to the rear while releasing a startled BRAWCK!

Dash grunted and quickly extended her wings to control her flailing trajectory. She evened out and hovered while examining the situation around her. A few other ponies managed to gain control, but a good number of them fell back to the floor while flailing and trying to find their wings. Dash was still within view of the ground below her and the blocked exit, but every other direction was completely shrouded by the thick fog.

“Seriously, what is—WHOA!” Dash ducked to the side as a pie came flying right at her face. It careened past her and went SPLAT against the wall above the doors. “Was that a pie?! OH SHIT!” Dash began ducking and weaving as more pies came flying towards her. A few ponies in the air took them right to the face so hard that they were knocked back and fell to the ground. Dash glanced down as she moved and saw ponies on the ground were also being assaulted with pies. Yelling and screaming ensued as ponies ducked for cover under tables and a few charged for the blocked doors. They banged their hooves against the shutters as they got hit with pies. 

Spring loaded benches…

False mess hall…

Dense fog…

Pies out of freaking nowhere…

A certain light blue, white maned pegasus mare came to mind…

“I am in charge of today’s trials and today’s tests will focus on one thing! How you handle the unexpected!”

“FLEETFOOT,” Dash growled as she put it together. The unexpected? This was the definition of the unexpected. This was supposed to be a test, but what the hell was it testing? Reflexes?

Dash continued dodging the pies as they came searing towards her. There was no other thing she could think of. The dense fog made it so they’d have to react on short notice. She wondered for how long it would go on for. Nearby she spotted Twister dancing about as pies seemed to come a little more readily towards him. None were making their mark however as he continued to twist and turn briskly as they whisked by.

Dash took in the rest of the area as she moved about. There were two other pegasi still in the air. She didn’t recognize either of them and it was hard to make out their colors in the fog. What she could see though, was that one of them was small and moving sharply to avoid the pies, much different from Twister’s curving and twisting style of movement. The other was bigger than Dash, and it looked like he was batting the incoming pies away with swift hoof movements that looked to be martial arts.

“AHHHH!!!” A familiar nearby scream caught her attention. Dash’s ears sprang up and she glanced in the direction of the scream. Derpy was in the air, having managed to even out, but was doing little to try and dodge the pies. She was flying erratically, and only that was saving her from being hit.

“Derpy!” Dash called out, but somepony bumped into her roughly. She turned and met the eyes of Arctic Blast. Dash glared for a moment, but Arctic only turned her head as a pie came flying at them. 

“EEK!!!” she screeched and quickly grabbed Dash.

“Hey!” Dash grunted as Arctic moved Dash in front of her. Dash blinked and saw the pie mere feet from her face. Her reflexes were quick, and she ducked as soon as the pie was in her view. The pie went right over her head and slammed HARD into Arctic’s face, blowing her right out of the air.

“MYYYYYY MAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNEEEEE!!!!!” she cried out dramatically while furiously rubbing her hooves through her mane, completely disregarding the fact that she was falling.

“Pff… serves you right bi—DERPY!” Dash quickly forgot about Arctic and glanced around while evading two more pies. She spotted Derpy a little ways away and made ready to chase, but a pie glanced off her nose. “AH! Damn!” Dash winced and shook her face out as tiny bits of pie sprinkled over her face.

“I’ve got you Derpy!” a voice came from below. Dash looked down to see Storm Front rocket up from the ground towards Derpy. He took three body shots from the pies as he flew up and put himself in front of Derpy just in time before she took a pie directly to the face. He quickly grabbed hold of her and tried to evade more incoming pies.

“Phew!” Dash felt relieved for Derpy, but she was still stuck dodging seemingly endless pies. What was the point of this? Was Fleetfoot just trying to annoy the hell out of them? 

A loud BANG from below caught Dash’s attention. She glanced down to see that Matteo had pulled together two of the dining tables. He looked like he had taken a few hits. Dash began making her way down towards him. As she glided and dodged, he kicked the tables up and onto their sides to make a makeshift barrier. Dash dove down, angled, and did a sharp U-turn before slamming her hooves to the floor and sliding to a stop behind the barrier beside Matteo.

“Well this odd,” Matteo said casually as he ducked behind the tables with Dash beside him. 

“Gee, what tipped you off?!” she asked sarcastically as pies splattered against the upturned tables.

“The penguin,” Matteo answered seriously as he peered over the edge. The whole mess hall was still in mass hysteria. The ponies who were banging their hooves on the steel shutters had given up and it had mostly become everypony for themselves. “It’s amazing how easily some panic…”

“OOF!” Thunderlane suddenly dove over to them from beneath a table. His face was covered in pie bits.

“This is not what I signed up for!” he shook his head while frantically brushing pie off his face and mane. Dash shrugged.

“They said the unexpected… weren’t you listening or were your stiff wings in control of your brain earlier?” Dash rolled her eyes as Thunderlane huffed at her.

“Well excuse me for—” he stopped and looked up. “Whoa! Incoming!” he pointed. Dash followed his hoof and gasped. Storm Front was tumbling down towards them with his arms and legs tucked into his body. He took a sharp angle down and slammed back first against the ground with a painful grunt. He bounced a few times across the floor before skidding to a stop near the barrier. Thunderlane tried to reach out, but Matteo’s wing extended and pushed him back against the barrier. Using his long arms and body, Matteo quickly reached out and pulled Storm Front into the protection of the tables.

“Storm! You okay?” Dash quickly scooted over to him. He pushed her away and shook his head.

“I’m fine, worry about her!” he unfolded his arms to reveal Derpy. Dash eyes widened as she examined her. She was shivering and looked absolutely terrified.

“I don’t know what’s going on!” she cried out as Dash quickly pulled her into a hug.

“Derpy! Stay calm!” she quickly spoke to her as more pies battered against the table. Thunderlane shifted around so Derpy could see him. 

“It’s only pies, Derpy! Nothing to be afraid of!” He patted her on the back.

“It’s one of our tests, Derpy! Fleetfoot’s a practical joker!” Dash said as she let go of Derpy and set her down against the barrier to keep her completely out of the line of fire. Derpy seemed to calm down in the presence of her friends.

“O-okay,” she nodded, but still looked scared and shivered.

“Just sit right here, you’ll be completely safe,” Dash patted her on the head as Storm Front shook himself off and put his back to the barrier beside Matteo.

“You look like you still have your head on your shoulders… any ideas?” he asked. Matteo flinched as a pie went right over his head and skimmed against his head feathers.

“They seem to all be coming from the same direction,” he explained. Dash blinked and realized the pies were only hitting the barrier. None were flying in from the left or right. Matteo must’ve have realized earlier, hence the tables facing one direction.

“You sure?” Storm glanced up at the pies flying overhead. Matteo took a chance and popped his head up over the top of the tables. A pie caught him square in the face so hard that his beak went through the pie tin and stuck out the other side of it. He didn’t even as much as flinch though. He sighed and sat back down with the pie tin stuck to his face. 

“Yes, they are definitely only coming from that way,” his beak moved with the pie tin over it. Dash snickered and helped Storm pry it off his face.

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Storm shifted and pressed his hooves to the ground.

“Wait!” Dash reached up and yanked him down right as he put his head above the barrier. A pie flew right over him. Had Dash not pulled him down, he’d have received a similar blueberry facial.

“Whoa… that was close,” Storm winced as he realized Dash saved him from a painful hit. Dash shook her head.

“I think the pies are reacting to our movement!” Dash blurted out to both of them. Storm and Matteo both looked at her blankly. 

“You know… if it were under any different circumstances I’d think that was the silliest thing I’ve ever heard,” Storm chuckled. Dash shrugged.

“Think about it!” she pointed at Matteo. “He got hit the instant he popped his head up,” she pointed to the tables. “Every time we shift, more pies hit the table,” then she pointed at Storm. “I took a gamble and pulled you back down as you looked over… if I hadn’t, you’d be licking pie off your chops right now!” 

“Interesting observation,” Matteo rubbed the tip of his beak. He looked at the table he was sitting against, balled up his left talon, and gave the table a solid, but soft punch. Three pies smacked against the other side of the table in the exact spot. “I think she’s right.”

“Okay, so what do we do?” Storm asked while testing it himself. Just like with Matteo, pies flew right to the spot he knocked his hoof against.

“We know what direction the pies are coming from… but they are coming in insanely fast and are responding to our movement…” Matteo thought out loud. Dash perked up.

“A distraction! We need somepony to distract the pies!” she exclaimed. Storm Front snickered. 

“This is by far the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had,” he shook his head. “So somepony who can dodge pies at that speed has to fly in front… can either of you dodge like that? I sure can’t,” he looked to Matteo.

“You’re kidding me, right?” Matteo shook his head while motioning to his large body. Storm looked to Dash. Dash shook her head.

“Don’t look at me… I’m fast, but those things are already coming in at the speed of sound. I could barely dodge them flying in place, forget while flying AT them…” they were stuck in their dilemma. Thunderlane was sitting off to the side, listening while staying with Derpy. He looked up and blinked.

“Guys…” he spoke up. All three looked to him. “What about… him?” Thunderlane pointed up. Dash, storm and Matteo all looked directly above them. 

Twister was the only pony still in the air. He was casually twisting and winding as the pies flew at him furiously. Not a single one of them was hitting their mark.

“HAHAHA! You can’t hit me! You can’t hit me! HEHEHEEEEE!!!!” he taunted into the fog as the pies continuously failed to hit him.

“Talk about an unlikely hero…” Storm sighed while watching the crazy pony above.

“TWISTER!” Dash called up to him. The instant she called his name the barrier suddenly began buckling as a barrage of pies thundered against it. Matteo and Storm quickly put their bodies against the undersides of the tables to keep them from tipping back up.

“You RANG?” Twister appeared in front of them. His body was facing away from them, but his head was turned all the way around at them. Thunderlane reclined in horror, but Dash wasn’t taking his crap right now. She reached forward and smacked his head. It did a full 360 before making another half turn and locking back into place. He leaned back and put his head in Dash’s lap. She grunted in annoyance, grabbed his head and forced him out of her lap. He rolled once and ended in a relaxed, reclined position, while bouncing his eyebrows at all of them. Dash eyed him cautiously, and then smirked. She knew how to get him to cooperate. 

“So you think your pretty good at dodging, eh Twister?” she spoke with a jeering tone. Storm and Matteo glanced at each other as they braced themselves against the barrier. The pies seemed to continuously splatter against the barrier as if a good number of them were locked on Twister.

“Oh, I’d say I’m the best…” he shot forward and pressed his face against Dash’s. “WHY DO YOU ASK, HM?!” he stuck his tongue out between his teeth. Dash didn’t even flinch, she just maintained the smirk.

“I bet you can’t fly head on towards where the pies are coming from… without taking… at least twelve pies to the face,” she pressed her face back into his.

“HAH!” he fell backwards onto his back. One pie flew over the top of the barrier. He reached up and caught it, taking a bite out of it as he eyed Dash. “Nice try…” he said with his mouth full of pie. “But you want me to fly decoy while you all slip by… riiiiiiiight?” he sneered. Dash flinched and glanced at Matteo and Storm. They both just rolled their eyes and shook their heads. Twister appeared between the two of them while laughing maniacally. “That’s the craziest idea I’ve ever heard! LET’S DO IT!” he sneered even harder and bumped his hooves together.

Before any of them could react, Twister fired directly upward into the line of fire. The pies seized their assault on the tables, following the crazy pony into the air.

“I suppose this works!” Matteo chuckled as he stood up and vaulted the barrier. Dash leapt up and followed close behind. Storm hesitated and glanced at Derpy. 

“Stay here, you’ll be safe,” he patted her on the head. She only nodded while still shivering slightly. He pulled himself over the tables and gave chase. Thunderlane blinked, looked up to see pies still flying at other ponies, and then back down at Derpy.

“Rgh!” he chook his head and stood up. He refused to sit by while the others looked badass. If this really was part of the tryouts he wasn’t going to sit back while they had all the action. He gave Derpy a quick nod and pat on the shoulder before taking off and following the others.

“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!” Twister cackled as he flew high above the floor and headlong into the endless barrage of pies. There was definitely a much larger number of pies being launched at Twister. Either it was because he was the closest, or he was being personally targeted by whatever was launching the pies. Despite flying at a high speed and flying against the pie trajectory, Twister still managed to twist, turn, and spin his way past every pie that came his way. 

Slightly behind him and down below, Dash, Storm, and Matteo pumped their wings to keep up. They flew low to the floor, dodging any pies that happened to come their way. With Twister effectively distracting a majority of the swarming pies, the three were able to speed along with little resistance.

“Keep moving, but stay behind him!” Dash yelled to the other two as she took a small lead. She pitched left and right as a few stray pies whisked by. What a strange scenario indeed. Pies being launched through fog, using a presumably mentally unstable pony as bait, flying side by side with a griffon that was married to one of her oldest friends, and another pegasus who she probably lived next to her whole childhood. Stranger things had happened, but it was definitely interesting.

“Whoa! Look out!” Storm called to them. Dash and Matteo glanced up to see the amount of pies flying at them was increasing. Matteo slammed to the ground and pushed off hard to the left as a stream of constant pies followed him. Dash did Twister’s Spiral Turn, followed by Matteo’s Air Burst to propel herself out of the way as pies came for her as well. Storm dove down and pressed his hooves to the ground. He slid along the floor on his hind hooves while using his wings and arms to bat away six pies that flew towards him. He ducked, tucked and rolled, and fired back up as Dash angled around and rejoined him. 

“Uh oh… he’s being overwhelmed!” Dash pointed to Twister. The pies seemed to be coming in even faster now. Twister was not laughing anymore, he was wheeling, turning, and twisting as he had been, but now he was only barely dodging each pie. It was pretty damn impressive, but he had been slowed almost to a complete stop.

“Yikes!” Storm quickly grabbed Dash’s arm and pulled her aside as pies came raining down upon them. They evened out and pumped their wings in unison to propel themselves along as the pies thundered to the ground in their wake.

“Gah! Twister yelled out from above. 

“Oh man…” Dash cringed as she looked up and saw Twister finally falter. He proceeded to get absolutely peppered with pies. He was only stationary for a moment before the force of the pies knocked him back and effectively put him behind the others. Dash gulped, knowing full well it meant that she, Storm, and most likely Matteo were the closest target. They were bound to get sprayed with pie fire shortly. 

“Dash! Storm!” Matteo suddenly appeared from the fog directly in front of them. 

“Huh? WHOA!” Dash yelped as she and Storm were lurched backward. Matteo had hooked them both by the torsos with arms as he passed and pulled them back the other direction with him. 

“Matteo, what are you—” Storm tried to question him.

“No time! Ready yourselves!” he slammed his hind paws to the floor and skidded to a stop. He locked his eyes in the direction the pies were flying from, but grunted. “Damn!” he yelled as the concentrated stream of pies was seconds away from hitting them. 

“I got it!” Thunderlane’s voice suddenly called out from behind Matteo. Dash watched while stuck in Matteo’s grip as Thunderlane leapt up and kicked off Matteo’s shoulder. He put himself into the path of the rapid firing pies and crossed his hooves over his face. The pies began pounding and splattering against him as he grunted in discomfort.

“Fantastic!” Matteo smirked as Thunderlane sacrificed his body to shield them. “Now FLY!” Matteo yelled out. He took a step to the left while holding up Dash and Storm in his talons. He griped them gently before turning three times, the first was slow, the second faster, the third even faster, then pumped his wing hard, using his Air Burst to create a blast of wind behind him. He used the extra momentum as a boost while flinging the two of them towards the target, first Dash, then Storm. As soon as Matteo launched them, he was absolutely assaulted by the pies and forced to the ground.

“WHHHOOOOAAAAAAA MAAAMAAA!!!!” Dash yelled as she and Storm shot through the fog at an incredible speed. It was hard to tell how fast she was going, but Dash was sure she was going faster than she could with the Sonic Blast-off. The stream of pies turned towards them, but they were moving so fast it just couldn’t follow their flight path.

Then suddenly, Dash and Storm fired out of the fog and into the clear. All Dash saw upon emerging was some sort of giant contraption. She was going too fast to make out what it was exactly, but she had only one objective in mind: break it. She pulled back a hoof, ready to blow a hole right through the machine.

“Whoops! I don’t think so!” 

Fleetfoot’s voice.

Dash yelped as she was suddenly forced to a full stop. After lurching forward and getting some nasty whiplash. She pushed off of whatever stopped her and blinked.

Fleetfoot was directly in front of her, wearing red flight goggles and smirking. 

“I don’t think Rivet would be too happy if you broke it… he spent months on this one,” Fleetfoot winked. Dash glanced back at Storm Front to see Soarin, also wearing red goggles, had stopped him as well. She finally got a good look at her surroundings.

“What…? How did we get in the battle dome?!” Dash exclaimed as Fleetfoot snickered. They were indeed in the battle dome, which was one facility over from the mess hall. There was a large collection of fog packed into the first half of the dome, being created by the same machine that was launching the pies into said fog. The machine itself was a large, cubical contraption that had multiple cannons, slingshots, and catapults all over it, firing, slinging, and launching pies. One large barrel in the center of the machine was firing pies at an incredible rate. That explained the one constant stream of pies. The machine had a sign on the front that read: “Surprise’s Pie n’ Fog Two-for-One.”

All of the Wonderbolts were gathered around and all of them wore strange red goggles.

“Surprise! That’s it, turn it off!” Fleetfoot yelled down by the base of the machine. Surprise peeked out from behind the machine, balancing a stack of at least twelve blueberry pies on her head.

“WHAT?! Already? Awww, how did they figure it out so fast?” she whined as the pies tipped off of her head and scattered out on the floor.

“We’ve got some talent this year it seems,” Fleetfoot nodded and smiled as she pushed her goggles up.

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine,” Surprise pouted before pulling a large lever on the side. The machine stopped completely, no longer launching pies or spewing the thick fog. The fog slowly faded, revealing all the confused ponies back by the entrance. Matteo and Thunderlane sat up from the ground close by completely covered in crusty and goopy bits of blueberry pie. There was a large collection of pie debris built up on the wall above the doors. Eventually a shape that looked like a pony peeled off of it and fell to the ground. It got up and shook itself off, revealing Twister’s crazy mane and sneer.

“Surprise were you… aiming the main cannon at him?” Fleetfoot joked as Surprise flew up beside her. Surprise looked towards Twister as he tried to shake pie off every inch of his body.

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhh…” Surprise rolled her eyes up, then back down. “No?” she smiled super wide.

The rest of the ponies emerged from beneath the tables and from pie piles littered about the fake mess hall as the Wonderbolts approached them. Spitfire beckoned Dash and Storm to follow them. Dash and Storm gave each other a quick, very confused glance. Storm shrugged and chuckled before following as Dash followed while contemplating all of it.

Just how the hell did they get them into the battle dome without noticing? Dash knew the Wonderbolt compound layout quite well. She was more than certain they took the first left after the stairs. The entrance to the battle dome was an extra forty or so yard walk down the hall. She was groggy from lack of sleep, but she wasn’t that unaware of her surroundings.

“Well now!” Fleetfoot called out from above as the confused ponies all began gathering around. “How was that for a surprise test? Never thought you’d be eating breakfast then BAM dodging pies in the fog! Eh? Ehhhhhh?” Fleetfoot glanced around while holding her hooves out bouncing her eyebrows. She didn’t get a single response. In fact all of the cadets looked rather pissed off. Fleetfoot clapped her hooves together. “Just the reaction I was going for! But really, this was a test. Wonderbolt life isn’t always scheduled, sometimes things come up and you have to be able to adapt or react quickly. Luckily for all of you we had a group of five ponies… er… four ponies and a griffon in here who just set the fastest time in ending the test ever,” she referred to Dash, Storm, Matteo, Twister, and Thunderlane.

“How… did she know it was us?” Storm thought out loud. Fleetfoot caught ear of him and tapped her goggles. 

“We were able to track eveypony's movements using these handy dandy infrared goggles! How could we tell who’s who? Every cadet uniform gives off a slightly different subtle heat signature we can identify. NEAT, HUH?!” She pulled back and snapped the goggles against her face and held her breath, trying not to curse against how much it stung. Spitfire shook her head and hovered in front of Fleetfoot.

“What Fleetfoot is taking forever to mention… is that this particular test… while it was goofy and operated by a very silly pony…” as she spoke Surprise floated up behind her while waving her arms wildly. “It was also meant to also show your willingness to work together.”

“I thought so,” Matteo chuckled beside Dash. Dash blinked and looked up at him, then back to Spitfire. Dash hadn’t even thought of that. Since it was also a bit of a “disaster” scenario, she reflexively worked with the others to solve it. Had she just impressed the Wonderbolts without thinking about it?

“Don’t get me wrong. We are looking for the best, and you are expected to compete for that role, but there are times when one must put aside their differences in order to survive or reach a common goal,” Spitfire finished.

“Hold on a second!” Storm Front raised a hoof. Spitfire lifted an eyebrow at him.

“What is it, cadet?”

“How did you get us into the battle dome? I was a bit groggy, but awake enough to know we took the first left after the stairs,” he asked the question that was on Dash’s mind. Soarin chuckled and hovered down by Spitfire.

“Should we tell them?” he smirked. Spitfire glanced at him and shrugged.

“Why not, they just wowed the hell out of me,” she nodded at Storm, and then turned looked towards the entrance. “WONDERBOLT MAGIC AND EFFECT RESEARCH UNIT SIX, ENTER!” she yelled towards the steel shutters. Dash blinked. Magic and effect research. Where had she heard this before? Spitfire had once mentioned something like before…

Dash’s eyes widened and she turned to look at the entrance with everypony else. The metal shutters lifted and through the doors walked four unicorns, all wearing Wonderbolt officer uniforms. A collective buzz ran through the crowd as UNICORNS wearing WONDERBOLT attire just revealed themselves. Spitfire glided over and hovered above them.

“Everypony say hello to some of the lesser known, but much more important members of the Wonderbolts. You think we discovered how most of our effects work? Absolutely not. We only train and perfect them. If not for these hard working mares and stallions, I doubt we’d do much else besides fly around aimlessly,” she smiled right as Fleetfoot popped up right in front of her.

“Quit stealing my show!” she joked while completely blocking Spitfire. “Yep! We had to dupe ya! Our unicorn friends here used their magic to distort your perception of the hallway and lead you into the fake mess hall! Didn’t notice any unicorns mixed in with the crowd? Well, that’s what happens when you’re groggy from lack of sleep!”

Dash sighed heavily, but not without a small smile curling on her lips. What a trickster… but seriously, unicorn Wonderbolts. Dash remembered when Spitfire mentioned them back during her first encounter with them all. She had almost completely forgotten about it because of what had happened right after: the restoration of Soarin. 

“Alrighty!” Fleetfoot rubbed her hooves together. “Since we kinda interrupted breakfast, we have a brunch planned in an hour. Everypony go shower up, I’m sure pie isn’t fun to wear,” she stopped and looked at all of them, but nopony moved. “Well… go on…” she tried to beckon them out the door. Again, none of them moved. Fleetfoot blinked, then realized why. “Ohhhh… you’re all smart! There are no more tricks planned until after brunch!” she patted a hoof to her chest. Still nopony moved. “Hey, come on! I’m serious!” she pouted at them. Soarin shook his head and floated up beside her.

“We have yet to even set up the second test, go ahead and get cleaned up and get some food. We’ll inform you what’s next after brunch,” he spoke for her. At his word, all the cadets began moving out. Soarin snickered and smirked at Fleetfoot as she puffed out her cheeks and glared at him. “What?”

“Don’t what me!” she poked his nose. “They seriously don’t trust me at all now? I’m hurt!”

“And you wonder why nopony around here takes you seriously…” Soarin chuckled while shrugging.

Down below Dash walked up between Storm Front and Matteo. They both looked at her as she looked between the two of them. Storm was the first to start snickering. Dash soon caught on and began giggling. Matteo cracked a smile as he saw the two losing their composure. He started chuckling himself as Dash and Storm Front laughed away. What a twist. They were competing to be recruited by the Wonderbolts, but they all seamlessly and spontaneously cooperated under pressure. To top it off, it was something the Wonderbolts were looking for. Thunderlane and even Twister cooperated with them as well. Despite feeling duped and still a bit flustered, Dash could tell it wasn’t only going to be an interesting day going forward, but also an interesting experience as she made new friends and learned so much in the process.


--- To Be Continued ---