For six ponies, this is gonna be a tartarus of a night, hopefully us three do not catch such things. I’ve never been a formal kind of stallion, I don’t go for the high life, I settle with what I have and earn my way through life.
Now the rich ponies, let me tell you right now that 90% of them are plan Self-centered, smug, superior, rich flankholes and they can all rot in tartarus for all I care!
Oh and then there’s the leader of the douchebag patrol: Prince motherbucking Blueblood! Yes, I had the mispleasure of meeting the KING of all these motherbucking douchebags, how Rarity saw anything in this pony before is a question that’ll be answered when God proves his existence in our world in other words: NEVER! But there are good ones of course…
But as for me, the finale was worth it! Not the moment when Fluttershy screamed to the animals “YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME!!”. Not when the whole Gala collapsed, but when (SPOILERS COVER THIS TEXT CONVEINIENTLY! READ THE END OF THE CHAPTER YOU LAZY BUCKTARDS!!), It was worth it!
So here the trio of us arrived, after a musical number happened with the Mane Six, we entered and were greeted by Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle who had a Blue dress with stars on it, it looked quite nice and fitted Twilight’s simplistic needs of the dress.
“Lightning Bolt, Cloud Kicker, Firefly! Good to see you made it” Celestia greeted happily
“Likewise, Princess Celestia” I said giving a short bow to the Princess
“I hope you all have a pleasant night tonight, do enjoy yourselves” Celestia granted us to go have fun
“We will” Firefly and CK said, bowing and leaving as Celestia put her head to my ear
“You know what’s happening don’t you?” Celestia asked
“Yeah, don’t worry, I’ll play along with the ruse!” I said, leaving Celestia and Twilight to their next guest
The three of us split, Firefly went somewhere, Kicker probably is ready to find a lucky pony to bed and do the 69 with somepony if you know what I mean! Me, what was I gonna do? Spy on the Mane six for a while? Nah! I may as well wonder around, see what Equestrian high society is like and hope I don’t bump into the (Dramtic voice pending…) DREADED PRINCE BLUEBLOOD!! (cue dramatic like music).
You know what? I may as well start outside and then work on the inside, no sooner than I entered the gardens, I saw none other than Princess Luna, unlike Celestia, she wore a midnight blue dress with a crescent moon shaping the bottom of her dress, it didn’t seem as neat as Rarity’s designs so maybe a Canterlot seamstress did the dress. But she seemed a bit lonely as she stared into her night sky, I decided to go talk to her.
“Hello, Princess Luna” I greeted her as I came to her side
“Greetings, Gavin the Human” Luna greeted back
“I like to go by Lightning Bolt if that’s okay, I never liked my true name anyway” I requested
“As thee wishes, pray tell Lighting Bolt, what is it that thou is here for?” Luna asked me
“A simple greeting is not illegal in Equestria is it?” I asked rhetorically
“Nay, We suppose it is perfectly normal in modern times for such greeting” Luna replied
“I’m guessing the Gala is not your kind of thing is it? Or something to do with your return?” I assumed
Before I knew it, Luna was off on an explanation about her return.
“Nay, it is not that we do not enjoy such things, it is in our absence, things have changed, more advancements have been made in life, Tia is happy once more that we have returned and we have seen she has a gained a faithful student that shows loyalty unseen since the time of Starswirl the Bearded himself. But our jealousy and anger has caused us to turn into a monster, we regretted such actions since that “Nightmare” appeared, it is a torturous experience we wouldn’t wish on another subject, not even Discord himself, but we forced Tia’s hand with our actions much like Discord did and not a day goes by without regret and sadness as we missed our sister. When we returned, it was not happy arms welcoming their lost Princess back, instead they knew we were the former Nightmare that attacked and ponies still fear us as much as we try to show we art friendly towards our subjects!” Luna explained her banishment
“That kinda sucks huh? But they will see you are a different pony in time” I comforted
“But that’s not all dear Lightning, when we returned, nopony knew of our existence until our return, surely Tia mentioned us even once to her diligent student: Twilight Sparkle? No, we were forgetten and torn from History’s pages like it were a foal’s mistake! We cannot even use the royal Canterlot voice now, or even our royal language seems to be frowned upon, nobles are anything but noble, they are self-centered scumbags that make us want to tear our insides out! Do not get us started on the leader of all those slime-bags Prince Blueblood! Where did Tia dig up such a stunted slime-ball? He acts superior and is unworthy of the royal bloodline! To be his aunt is the most displeasurable feeling we’ve ever come across next to being in Discord’s presence again! When did the Royal guards come such pushovers? Our nightguard has been reduced to a mere mare-scout! But no longer, we will make them to the true glory they once were! The only comfort we’ve had was Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, at least Tia did something right with her except, when did Alicorns get reduced to foal-sitters? Especially for the Protégé of our sister! Does the Alicorn race no longer command the respect it once was? Are no more than mere child playthings? The thought of such, It…It…phew, we think we exhausted ourselves with that rant” Luna ranted on
“It’s quite alright, Luna, It’s good to let off some steam and you must of held quite a lot in” I understood Luna’s need to blow off steam
Luna looked quite out of breath on her ranting, but still I guess I can understand her actions and such, I would be a little ranty if stuff like that happened if I'd return like that after 1000 years
“Still, we should not of done so, it is unprincess-like to do so in front of our subjects” Luna said uncertainly
“Well I’m technically not your subject since I’m from another planet right? And besides, a lot of ponies and humans like to rant to me about stuff anyway” I waved off Luna’s worries
“If thou insists, but perhaps thou should leave us, the Princess of the Night has a lot of thinking to do this night” Luna said for me to leave her
“As you wish Princess, but remember, it’ll take time for the ponies to get used to you, but nothing will change until you take action Luna, Princess Celestia can only do so much” I said as I left her presence
I could feel Luna’s eye on my back as I walked back inside towards to high-society ponies, it seemed Luna had a fair amount of things she hated about the future, probably for good reason.
To be honest, if the kid me saw Earth just before I got sent here: I think he'd want to stay a kid forever and ever in that same time period
If I had thought any conversation with the nobles was gonna be good, I would of just speared myself, I would go into detail but that’s boring! Put it this way, greetings, they rub their richness in your face and you get angry and want to bash the living hay out of their smug face and then I would leave them. And for the purpose of my sanity, I ain’t gonna even go over Blueblood, let’s just say I gave him a cryptic hint of the future involving a pie of apple proportions!
Elsewhere, Fluttershy wasn’t having any luck with the animals, Twilight was still next to Celestia, Rarity was getting annoyed by Blueball’s presence, Applejack wasn’t selling a darn thing, Pinkie wasn’t having that kind of party, and Dashie wasn’t getting a chance with the Wonderbolts.
Firefly kept getting hitted on by some stallions, but she said NO! And even bitch-slapped the living buck outta one of them! Like HOLY BUCK ON A FISHSTICK!! Cloud Kicker was failing at getting anypony in bed and to top it all off, I WAS SO BUCKING BORED!! The food wasn’t that great, I sucked at dancing, the nobles were pissing me off so much, and to top it all off I think my I.Q went down at least 10 points by the end of the night.
In other words: I really wanted to blow this popsicle stand!
But when such thoughts came, a very angry Fluttershy crashed through doors chasing the animals.
“YOU’RE…GOING TO LOVE ME!!” Fluttershy boomed as the whole gala came tumbling down
“Run!” Celestia motioned for Twilight to make her exit
“We should head back home before stuff gets crazier, right ladies?” I said, deciding we should leave
“Yeah, just give me a minute, I forgot my purse at the bar” CK said
“Kay, we’ll be outside waiting” I said as Firefly and I went outside the castle
So Firefly and I were waiting outside, the air was chilly, the moon was shining brightly along with the stars.
“It’s a bit chilly huh?” Firefly started the conversation
“Yeah, in my world, when the female is cold, the male offers their jacket but for the life of me, but I cannot figure pony suits out right now for the life of me, otherwise I would give you mine” I said
“That’s okay, this night has kind of been a bit heated hasn’t it?” Firefly replied
“Yeah, but at least I know I have friends with me, Kicker may not have found a pony to bed, we may not have had fun but we still had each other” I said
Silence followed as I stared into Firefly’s eyes, those beautiful eyes of hers as she stared into mine, I don’t know how to explain it but it seemed all the sudden I was being pulled towards her by some force, that or some shipping demon has magically possessed me into doing something I can't stop.
My lips met hers before I knew it and we kissed…OH SWEET CELESTIA WE BUCKING KISSED!
Now, that whole thing where fireworks and that come while you kiss your crush, that didn’t happen but the eternity of the kiss did happen even though it lasted 5 seconds, but oh sweet goddesses the kiss was my first kiss and it was so BUCKING AWESOME!! Oh and romantic but awesome as well…I never knew how to do these things, my body just went full auto-pilot with it. It felt so damn right, you could just feel it you know? That spark of lover you feel in your heart.
After 5 seconds we pulled away all the sudden realizing what we just did, we kind of pulled away and sort of pretended that didn’t happen as the massive blush came rushing to my face as I looked away and so did Firefly it seemed. Thankfully, Kicker came back breaking the tension as we headed back to the Ponyville train without a word.
“So, I know this night wasn’t a complete success…” CK started sometime through the train-ride
“It was kind of a fiasco” I said truthfully
“But, I say we hit a drink at the bar to celebrate us getting through that” CK said
“Fair enough I suppose, to erase all that stuff, those nobles still irritate me right now” I said, hoping the kiss doesn't get erased, cause that was on SUPER-AWESOME status rank
“Well as long as nopony hits on me, I’ll be fine” Firefly said
“As long as noble blood isn’t around I’m fine” I said
“And as long as nopony rejects me, I’m fine” CK said
Tonight may not have been a very fun night for us, but I helped a Lunar Princess blow off some steam, I predicted the Apple Pie-ocolypse on Blueblood and I got a BUCKING kiss from Firefly TARTARUS BUCKING YEAH!!! So it wasn’t too bad, and besides I have 2 best friends a Human/Pony could ask for so I can deal with snobby nobles any day! I started to feel tired after a fair few glasses of cider.
I better finish this cider and get to bed…I feel so woozy all the sudden….