"Lord" Urist Of The Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman"
After sprinting for about a day, Urist of The Divine TwinkleButts realized he was not thirsty nor hungry. The Lord yawned, and rubbed the inside of his mouth. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts felt fangs. 'Why did I drink the blood of that thing,' the Lord said, stomping the ground, 'now I have become an enemy to every civilization!'
After stomping the ground for a while, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts just sighed loudly, and continued on his walk.
Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts arrived on the outskirts of the city. There was a large statue out in front that showed some sort of unicorn with wings. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts checked around for a statue of Armok, but to the Lords dismay, he found none. Quizzically, the Lord went into the town in search of a shrine to Armok. The Master Axeman was seen by a pony clad in armor and, instead of talking, the pony immediately fired a crossbow bolt at Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts, which the Lord easily deflected. The Lord took one step, and suddenly, peasants came out from their homes. Expecting the whole town to converge on him like on his other travels back home, a mother horse was slain by the Lord via a punch to the face. The horse child was slain by the Lord by an axe to the face. while blocking yet another bolt with his reflexes. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts picked up the body of the child horse and threw it at the crossbow... horse. The crossbow horse dodged, but the crossbow horse threw up on the sight of the child's body exploding on impacting the nearby wall. As the crossbow horse threw up, another armored unicorn came, this one with no weapon. The Weaponless Unicorn was about to say something, but then Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts threw the mother horse at him, knocking off his head. The Weaponless Unicorn was slain, making the Crossbow Horse throw up once more in utter disgust. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts then fled into the house, where two child horses were huddled in a corner.
The Lord look around a bit and found a large chest containing everything the family once owned. The Lord threw the chest at the children. One child horse was slain after being crushed, the other child horse was knocked unconscious. The Lord ran to their bodies and, seeing how they were some evil, malevolent, non-Armok worshiping race, butchered their corpses and took 30 'Earth Pony Colt Meat' from their bodies.
So these things are called ponies?Aren't these what Dwarves rode before I slaughtered them?, The Lord thought.
The Lord sighed and licked the blood off of his body. When he was done licking, the Crossbow Horse finally arrived into the house. The Crossbow Horse fired a bolt, but it was deflected by Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts' <<Copper Shield>>. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts threw a Earth Pony Colt Corpse at The Crossbow Horse. The spinning Earth Pony Colt Corpse strikes The Crossbow Horse in the upper-body, tearing apart the left lung, right lung, and heart! The Crossbow Horse has trouble breathing and the Earth Pony Child Corpse has lodged firmly within the wound!The Crossbow Horse retches. The Crossbow Horse Suffocated.
Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts got down on his knees and prayed that Armok would torture those merciless and foul creatures forever.
Armok, Cool Guy
"Sorry Bud," Armok said, eating High God Intestines, "can't do anything about that uglyhorsegod's ugly horses, although I would torture them forever... along with those evil creatures called 'Cats'."
"Lord" Urist Of The Divine TwinkleButts, "Master Axeman"
The Lord got off his knee and went to the door leading outside. After opening the door, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts was met with and army of one-hundred peasants. The Lord smiled. First, off there was a father, and his son, trying to avenge their mother/wife and brothers/sons. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts swung his mighty Bloodsteel axe and decapitated the father.Unicorn Stallion died of having no head disease. The Lord then threw the father into the son. The Unicorn Stallion's Corpse stuck the Unicorn Colt's head, shredding the brain. Unicorn Stallion Corpse has lodged firmly into Unicorn Colt's head! Unicorn Colt died of having no brain. Urist dove into the bodies and began butchering them in front of the crowd. Everypony threw up. Then, of course, the smell was far too strong for pony noses. Everypony was knocked unconscious. Because of his superior will, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts was able to brave the puke sea and decapitate every sing unconscious pony. Those that woke up went right back down due to the stench of both blood and vomit ever present, so nopony was left alive, foreverypony had died of idiot disease.
Instead of running away like a first-time adventurer, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts instead opted to butcher EVERY LAST CORPSE. Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts gathered all of the skins and bone, raided the now abandoned workshops for their iron, and took every last spleen. With the first three things he gathered, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts was able to make a new set of nice, light, armor. The Lord removed and dropped his heavier set of armor, except the cape, and the lord moved to a Armorsmith's bench.
Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts created, and equipped, an <<Iron-Studded Unicorn Pony Leather Armor>>!
Desc:
This Iron-Studded Unicorn Pony Leather Armor was crafted by Master Armorsmith Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts.
Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts created, and equipped, "The Horned Helm", a legendary Iron-studded Unicorn Pony Leather Helmet!
Desc:
The Horned Helm was crafted by Master Armorsmith Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts. It has a pair of miscolored pony ears (left blue, right red) and has a unicorn's horn in the middle. Engraved on the Unicorn's horn is a picture of Alvie of the Damned TwinkleButts, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts' best friend, giving a thumbs up. Engraved on the rim of the helmet is the words "Armok is good, Armok is blood."
Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts created, and equipped, "The Horned Trousers", a legendary Iron-studded Unicorn Pony Leather Trousers!
Desc:
The horned Trousers was crafted by Master Armorsmith Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts. Engraved on the upper left leg, on the front, is the picture of "The BloodRunner", Urist TwinkleButts' (Urist of the Divine TwinkleButt's dad) legendary Adamintite Toy Halberd, that slew 500 nightcreatures in one night. Engraved on the upper left leg, on the back, is a piece of cheese that Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts ate on the 3rd of Slate.
Tired of all the banging and the clanging and the woozout, Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts went out of the city, and into the fields, once more. Reaching a place he felt comfortable (steep cliffs of two Z high surrounded him on seven sides, only one side open), Urist of the Divine TwinkleButts curled into a ball, ate a spleen, and went to sleep.