A Hero's Cocktail

by Melon Hunter

Pink Lady

        The sound of methodical pacing came from Twilight’s bedroom. To the regular observer, this was no big deal; the normal occupant was often up and about at unsocial hours, trotting around and around her room, pondering some mystery of the universe. However, the regular observer would also notice that the usual sound of trotting wasn’t there, having been replaced by a scaly-sounding padding instead.

        Spyro had climbed out of the bed, and was now wandering in circles, trying to piece together the day’s events. So he’d somehow ended up in a place called Equestria, filled with ponies. That wasn’t so bad; the Dragon Realms were filled with portals to places that had all kinds of weird and wonderful inhabitants.

        But how he’d made the transfer, he had no idea. There had been no portal, and yet Cynder had both been unfazed by appearing here, and seemed to know one of the inhabitants. Despite her previous reassurances, he couldn’t help but feel she knew far more than she was letting on.

        Secondly, the inhabitants of this realm were quite clearly insane, or paranoid, or both. Of the two ponies he’d met, one had thoroughly violated the laws of time and space and fit in a drawer smaller than she was, and the other had tried to kill him at first sight. This did not bode well. He needed out.

        As he carefully pried the boarding off the broken windows, Spyro felt a pang of guilt. He was about to run away from his best friend, his only friend, when she’d brought him here. On the other hand, if he stayed, he would be exposed to either an intervention party or that crazy unicorn again.

        Shaking his head, he decided to at least take a look around the town before returning. Maybe there would be gin - gems - or perhaps tequila - talismans - or something to collect. At least he could get a better gauge of whether these ponies would party him to death or just ram him through the nearest wall.

        Spyro spread his wings and glided down from the balcony, enjoying the feeling of the cool night air washing over him. He could get used to this sort of thing again. Taking a deep breath, he sighed blissfully and closed his eyes. This was relaxing... or at least it was, right up until he collided with a dark pink mass, knocking his head against the floor.

        This is turning into a bad habit... he thought woozily.

-------

        It took a moment for Berry Punch, Ponyville’s resident drunkard, to process what had just happened to her, and why exactly there was a dragon trying to help her up. One moment she had been stumbling down the street, and the next? Pow! Something slammed into her and knocked her to the ground. She turned her head, woo, things were blurry, towards the dragon.

        “‘Scuze me, but *Hic* di’ ya’ git tha’ cutie mark of the po’y who just *Hic* hit me?” the incredibly drunk pony asked, unsteadily rising to her hooves.

        “What? No that was- Nope, didn’t see what it was. Sorry. Are you alright though?” Spyro lied, worried about what would happen if he was to make this one angry. She was a slightly darker color than that... Other pony, so if color was an indication of anything here, he should tread carefully.

        “T’s a shame. I wou’da... wou’da...  *Hic* You’re a dr’gon...” She squinted.

        “You’re drunk,” Spyro countered.

        “N’uh. Just a lil’ t’sy, s’all. M’ goin’ to *Hic*  th’ bar ta g’t... W’as tha word?” she replied, putting a hoof to her chin.

        “Hammered?” he suggested. Ok, so maybe everything here wasn’t so bad, it couldn’t be. They had alcohol.

        “M’hm. That.” Berry nodded. “W’na *Hic* come?” she asked, motioning towards a plain looking building at the end of the road with a hoof.

        “Yes,” came his very quick response. And with that, Berry stumbled down the street, Spyro in hot pursuit. As they entered the building, Spyro took in the interior, which was about as ordinary as most bars came. There were a few occupants, yet strangely none at the bar itself.

        “Hey Berry! Who’s your friend?” came a cheery voice from behind the bar.

        “Huh? Oh, t’is... Uh... W’as your name?” she asked, turning to Spyro.

        “Oh, it’s Spyro,” came his delayed response, as he turned to face the bar.

        “Well then Spyro, welcome to my humble establishment, The Busted Flank! I’m the owner and bartender, Dirty Martini,” the olive colored unicorn said with a slight bow. “What can I get for you two tonight?”

        “I’ll h’ve tha’ us’al,” Berry announced as she took a seat on one of the bar stools.

        “I’ll just have what she’s having.” Spyro nodded, simply eager for there to be liqueur in his system again.

        “You sure? Big Mac’s Hard Cider ain’t anything to kid about,” Dirty warned as he began to pour a golden liquid into two mugs.

        “Trust me, I can handle it.” Spyro waved a paw at him, before licking his scaled lips as the drinks were placed in front of them.

-------        

        Deep within Sugarcube Corner, Cynder brooded over a muffin and a cup of coffee. Pinkie bustled away in the background, preparing herself for the next party - Spyro’s party. She was beginning to wonder whether bringing him here had been a brash move. Sure, he needed some sort of support, but was this really the best -

        “-purple streamers, or orange?”

        “Huh?” She looked up to see Pinkie stood over her, proffering the materials. “Oh, um, purple, I guess.”

        “Okie dokie lokie!” Pinkie replied. She frowned slightly. “Hey, what’s up? Aren’t you happy to be here?”

        “No, Pinkie. It’s good to see you again. Honestly. It’s just - well, a lot of things. I don’t think your friend left the best impression on him -”

        “Oh, silly! Twilight’s just a little bit highly-strung! I’m sure everything’ll be fine! Just wait until he meets Spike - I’m sure they’ll get along like a house on fire!” Pinkie said happily.

        “Spike? Who’s he?” Cynder asked.

        “Twlight’s baby dragon assistant! I bet he’d love to talk to Spyro and learn all about his ker-azy adventures!”

        “I suppose you’re right,” Cynder said with a small smile. “Where are they, anyway?”

        “Well, Twilight’s decided to sleep on her sofa for the time being, and Spike is staying over at Rarity’s for some reason.” Pinkie frowned and put a hoof to her chin. “What would they be doing?”

        “Rarity? She another one of your friends?”

        “Oooh! Yeah, I’ll have to introduce you! And Applejack, and Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy - although she’s a bit scared of dragons, nothing personal - and Big Mac and Cheerilee and Lyra and Bon Bon and...” Cynder waited politely for about twenty minutes as Pinkie rattled off the names of every inhabitant of Ponyville. This would be one doozy of a party.

        “We probably shouldn’t swamp him, Pinkie. I think it’s enough of a shock to him to just end up in another realm without going through a portal first. Maybe we should make his welcome party a low-key affair,” she said gently.

“You mean only a four-tier cake?” Pinkie gasped.

“...yeah. Maybe even three,” Cynder chuckled. “Anyway, we should probably check on him and say good night. He may be an idiot, but he’s still my friend.”

“OK then!” They set out into the night, Pinkie merrily bouncing alongside Cynder. She felt a slight sense of foreboding as they entered the library. It had only been a couple of hours; surely nothing bad could have happened in that time, could it? Her questions were answered as they entered Twilight’s room - the bed empty, the window open.

“That little-” Cynder’s claws dug into the wooden floor. She screeched and let out a frustrated roar, a shadowy substance blasting out of her mouth. She heard a slight whimper behind her, and turned, tail lashing, to see Pinkie cowering in the corner of the room. Oh no... She hadn’t felt that darkness since... since...

        “C-C-Cynder?” Pinkie stammered. Immediately, she felt her heart soften.

        “Pinkie... I-I’m sorry. I... had a lot bottled up inside me. It won’t happen again,” she said quietly, staring at the floor. She was about to turn away when she felt a pair of forelegs wrap around her neck in a friendly hug.

        “It’s OK. I think there might be two dragons in Equestria who need a party,” Pinkie giggled. “Now let’s find your lost friend!”

        “Where would he go at this time of night, though?” Cynder asked as they walked out onto the balcony.

        “Well, there’s the new branch of Pony Joe’s Doughnut Emporium that’s just opened, or maybe the outdoor cinema, or... oh! The Busted Flank!”

        “The Busted What-now?”
        
        “It’s Ponyville’s number one bar! Well, it’s Ponyville’s only bar, so everypony goes there if they want a good time...” Cynder gripped the pink pony’s shoulders with her paws.

        “Pinkie. Where?!” she asked desperately.

        “Oh, right down there! You can’t miss it!” Pinkie exclaimed, pointing at a neon-clad building in a direct line of sight from the balcony. Cynder blanched, and spread her wings.

        “We have to stop him,” she said desperately.

-------

        Twilight was sitting in her study, completely unaware of the dragon she had knocked unconscious escaping, looking over an incredibly long list of notes she had written out.

        “So... Two dragons from a different universe... Involved with Pinkie... One of them needs help with a drinking problem...” The purple unicorn began to list through several things, drawing numerous diagrams to match each topic.

        “So maybe.... She ca-” Twilight was cut off as a roar echoed through the entire tree-structure.

        “That came from upstairs!” she exclaimed, rushing out of her study and galloping towards the stairs. Once at the top of the steps, she peered into the room where one of Pinkie’s ‘friends’ had been sleeping. She watched as the dragon, Cynder she remembered, and Pinkie stepped out onto the balcony.

        “We have to stop him,” the dragon said, her wings spreading wide.

        “Stop who?” Twilight asked, stepping into the room and walking towards the balcony. “And what exactly is going on here? What was that roar?”

        “Spyro... He... He ran away. We have to stop him before he hurts himself. And that roar was uh...” Cynder stopped, not exactly sure how to explain herself.

        “Cynder here just has a lot on her plate,” Pinkie explained.

        “Oh, but you can’t leave now! I have so many questions for you!” Twilight exclaimed, a magical force field appearing around the dragon and lifting her into the air.

        “B-But what about Spy-” Cynder began, only to be cut off by the lavender unicorn.

        “I’m sure Pinkie can go get him! Don’t worry, it’s just a few questions!” She began to levitate the dragon towards the door. Cynder shot a desperate look back into the room at Pinkie, who then said some of the most terrifying words she had ever heard.

        “Don’t worry Cynder! You can count on me!” The pink pony waved, and then jumped out the nearest window, which thankfully was the same one Spyro had gone out.

-------

        “A dragon, huh? We don’t see many of those around here. At least, not ones so civilised!” Spyro gulped, and nodded politely at the mulberry pony. At least she isn’t a unicorn, he thought thankfully. “Not much of a talker, eh?” He shook his head. The pony looked disappointed. “Well, I’ll be over here if you wanna chat, or something.” She walked away to a nearby table.

        Spyro let out a sigh of relief. He’d been in here for over an hour now, in a state of perpetual terror. Upon reaching the bar, he’d made the unwelcome discovery that he had none of the local currency on him, and so was entirely dependant on the generosity of Berry Punch. The pony occasionally sent drinks his way, but he’d only made his way to a second mug of cider, a far cry from the forest of glasses in front of his drinking partner.

        He felt the familiar compulsion tugging at him, urging him onwards. However, he knew that giving in and raiding the bar was tantamount to suicide. One unicorn could knock him unconscious. A bar full of them would leave him as nothing more than a smear on the floorboards.

        “I haven’t seen you around here before. You new here?” Another unicorn had sidled up to him, this one mint green, with a harp tattooed on her flank. Seriously, what is it with these ponies and having these tattoos? Some sort of a rite of passage? Will I need one? His head snapped up as he realised he was staring a little too intently at the picture, earning him a reproachful glare.

        “I guess you could say that,” he offered.

        “One of Spike’s relatives, I guess?” she asked, gazing at his scales.

        “Who? Uh, no. I’m nobody,” he said quickly.

        “Really? Two purple dragons in the same town? I’m surprised,” she said. “He’s the librarian’s assistant.”

        Library? “Wait - you mean the library that’s carved out of a tree, right? The one with the psychopathic unicorn?” he exclaimed. “She threw me through a window!”

        “Woah! Not too loud! Who knows if the next Gabby Gums is listening...” the unicorn said, casting her eyes about the room. “Anyway, where are my manners? The name’s Lyra.” She held out a foreleg.

        “Spyro.” He gingerly extended his own foreleg and shook the proffered hoof. As his paw gripped it, he heard a small squee from the unicorn.

        “Sorry! It’s just - hands. They’re awesome,” she said appreciatively, sipping her own drink, which was held in a turquoise glow matching the one around her horn.

        “But you - the glass - it - levitation - magic?” Spyro stuttered, trying and failing to string together a coherent sentence.

        “Eh, it’s nothing special,” Lyra said dismissively. “Opposable thumbs on the other hoof...”

        “Well that’s, uh, really great. I’ll, um, leave you to it,” he said nervously.

        “I figured you could use somepony to talk to, at least. You look awful lonely up here,”

        “Actually, I’m with her.” Spyro pointed to Berry Punch, who by this point had resorted to drinking the abandoned dregs of other bar-goers.

        “Oooh, unlucky,” Lyra chuckled. “Hey, Berry! Berry!” The dark pink pony turned her head slowly. “You forgetting someone?”

        “Wsst? Oh’m, s’rry. Outta b’ts,” she slurred.

        Lyra rolled her eyes, and beckoned to another pony in the corner, this one beige with a curly blue and pink mane. “Hey, Martini? Got any of that Skylander vodka left?” she said, addressing the stallion.

        “A few bottles. Why?” the bartender said tenuously.

        “Bring ‘em out. I think we need a little celebration for our new friend here.”

        “Wait, did you say a few bottles of vodka -” Spyro began.

        “Y’mean a toast?” Berry mumbled.

        Lyra’s golden eyes glinted, sending a fresh jolt of terror through the dragon. “Yeah, toast.”

-------

        Pinkie bounced down the quiet street of Ponyville, towards the Busted Flank, a grin plastered on her face. Something to the side of the lane caught her eye. It was the new Pony Joe’s Doughnut Emporium. She stopped bouncing, and stared at the structure. She hadn’t been able to visit the fine establishment yet, due to her schedule being filled with, you guessed it, parties.

        Maybe just a quick peek... No! I told Cynder... Really though, how could it be possible for someone to get hurt in Ponyville, it’s like, the best place ever! But still... The pink pony was at war with her cravings for doughnuts.

        Well... She didn’t say when I had to be back... And what harm could a few drinks be to a tough ol’ dragon like Spyro? She grinned. She would get the dragon away from the bar, yessiree, but she was sure it could wait a little while. She trotted towards the entrance and opened the door with a hoof, a gentle ring accompanying the action.

        And then... She was in heaven. She took in a whiff of the delectable scents the freshly made doughnuts were sending off. As a sweets maker herself, she could fully enjoy the taste that wafted through the air, of sugar glaze and chocolate syrup.

        “Oh may I help you tod- Oh! Hey there Pinkie Pie!” The light brown mare grinned from behind the glass casing that held the objects that the pink pony craved.

        “Hi there Extra Sprinkles! I just came in to get some doughnuts. I haven’t been in here since this place opened, and I had a little free time ,so here I am!” Pinkie trotted towards the case and her eyes grew wide as she looked inside of it.

        “Wooow-we, how many kinds do you have?” she asked, tongue lolling out the side of her mouth.

        “Well, we have everypony’s favorites, like glazed and chocolate coated, but we also have jelly filled, coconut, apricot, vanilla cream, cardamon syrup...” Extra listed out, pointing to a different doughnut with each name she said. All the while Pinkie’s eyes grew in size.

 “So, what kind would you like?” Extra Sprinkles finished finally, looking back up at Pinkie.

        Pinkie slowly lifted her gaze from the doughnuts to Extra, her tongue still hanging out of her mouth. “Five of every kind,” she said, pulling a small back of bits out of thin air.

-------

        “Gahhh... bl-blasted dragons...” The sensation of rough rock rubbing against his face made him raise his head from the floor. The darkness around him could only mean one thing; defeat.

        However, the fact he was aware of it at all also meant he was alive. That was far preferable to obliteration. So he’d cheated death twice. He got the feeling this was his very last chance.

        He put those thoughts to one side, grasping around for some clues as to what had actually happened. His paw happened upon a thin rod on the ground - his sceptre! Perhaps things aren't so bad after all. Picking it up, he cast a small spell to light the space he was in. A sickly red light guttered out of the ruby on his sceptre, illuminating a vast cavern, with no way in or out visible.

        An hour of searching was fruitless. He had only found one possible exit, and that was sealed, both with rock and with magic. He toyed with the idea of blasting away at the stone, but the feeling of a - no, two - background presences stayed his hand. They were without a doubt the most powerful magic users he’d ever encountered, able as he was to detect their presence at this range. Drawing unwanted attention to himself would not end well.

        “Ugh... what kind of ending is this? I, the great Ripto, deserved better than this!”

        “Oh really? Do tell me more; I’ve been deprived of a good story recently,” a sibilant voice said. The only occupant of the cave spun around and around.

“Who’s there?! Show yourself, you coward!” Ripto exclaimed.

        “Getting scared, are we? I’d have thought such a great and powerful magician wouldn’t be so easily intimidated by a voice in a cave,” the voice chuckled, a sarcastic tone entering its words.

        “I’m not scared!” Ripto retorted.

        “No? I’ll take your word for it, then. I see at least you had the sense not to break the seal on the cave. That would have been a rather messy situation. Why not come closer? It’s been awhile since I had a visitor.” A dim pink light appeared a little way into the cave. Ripto hesitated for a moment, then scurried towards the light. If it was some hideous monster he couldn’t fend off luring him to his death, at least that’d be preferable to starvation.

        As he neared the light, he found it was hovering above a bizarre statue. It was a creature seemingly formed from the parts of other animals, its goat’s head frozen in an expression of sheer terror. Ripto rounded the statue, not quite understanding.

        “Alright, I’m here. Now where are you?” he asked curtly.

        “I’m right above you. No, here. No...” The voice sighed. “The statue you have been walking around for the last minute.”

        “Wait... how? Are you enchanted?” Ripto breathed.

        “Petrified, more like,” it said morosely.

        “But you’re still speaking! And conscious! It... it doesn’t make sense!” he gasped.

        “Oh, my dear Ripto,” it crooned. To the magician, it seemed as if the temperature of the cave had dropped twenty degrees. “What fun is there in making sense?”