//------------------------------// // Chapter IV // Story: The Shameless First Person Self-Insert // by sbloom85 //------------------------------// Today was the day. The day I leave Canterlot for the Crystal Empire. Princess Celestia suggested I board the train early so no one would see me. How long has it been since I came here? Four months already? I had my suitcase packed up before I went to bed last night. I probably didn't get much sleep before my pseudo alarm clock woke me up. I got out of bed, did my morning routine and picked up my suitcase. I walked to the door, opened it and couldn't believe who was standing outside. “Good morning, Rose. Are you here to see me off?” She shook her head and smiled. “No. I'm going with you. I didn't have any vacation time when you asked me, but I've got a few days saved and I'm taking them. I have a few things to care of before I can board though.” I nodded with a yawn. “No problem. I'll probably pass out in the train after I get settled in.” I walked out of the room and Rose followed me down the hall. “I'm a little excited. I can't wait to see the Crystal Empire, though I am a little afraid of Shining Armor.” Rose looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Why should you be afraid of him?” I told her what I did when I met Cadance. “Oh. He might let it slide since you're chummy with the other princesses.” I nodded, unsure if she was right or not. “I hope you're right about that.” We walked outside through a back door and started toward the train station. It was still dark, so I caught glimpses of Luna's guards. I could tell they were following me, then they'd break off to make sure my path was cleared of any ponies that might see me. Rose nuzzled my leg and sighed. “It's about time you really got out of the castle. The Crystal Empire is a beautiful place.” Probably more amazing in person. “So I've heard.” She giggled. “I am so excited. The empire is the only place in the world where crystal flora grows.” We approached our designated train car and I pulled out a key Celestia had given me the night before. I looked to Rose and smiled at her. “I guess I'll see you later.” She nodded. “Sweet dreams.” I opened the door and let out a groan. I heard her chuckle as she walked away. I entered the car, closed and locked the door before looking for a spot to lay down at. It'd be difficult for a pony to see me, but I didn't want to take any chances. I went inside a private... room? I don't know what they called it, I've never been on a passenger train before. Anyway, I went inside, parked myself on a cot and closed my eyes. I woke up to the sounds of a door opening and chattering ponies. Obviously we hadn't left the Canterlot station, since the train was boarding. “Boy, howdy! Ah sure can't wait ta get ta the Crystal Empire. Ah bet y'all are excited too.” Applejack. “Most definitely. Twilight, dear, where is that Scott fellow?” Rarity. “He should be on board now. Let me take a look.” “But... what if he's asleep? We probably shouldn't bother him.” Fluttershy, barely audible. “Think I should wake him up with my party cannon?” Damn it, Pinkie Pie. “As much as I'd like to see that, we better not, chances are you'll give him a heart attack.” Rainbow Dash. I sat up and leaned against the wall as Twilight opened up the door. “There you are. I'm glad to see you're awake.” I groaned and slowly stood up, minding the low ceiling. “Barely. Is Rose here?” Twilight looked confused. “Rose? You mean Rose Petal?” I nodded and she looked behind her. “We haven't seen her, but she's probably on her way.” I walked into the main part of the car and all eyes shifted toward me. The only one who wasn't shocked to see this strange creature was Pinkie Pie, who had her party cannon pulled out. “Good morning, l-” I was rudely interrupted by the firing of the party cannon. Confetti and streamers were blown out of it and the resulting explosion almost blew out my ears. As a result, I fell on my ass, almost knocking myself out on the wall behind me, I covered my ears, closed my eyes and let out a scream. Rainbow Dash gasped and glared at her friend. “Darn it, Pinkie! Why'd you have to go and do that?” I suddenly felt a bunch of hooves touch me and I looked to a distraught Twilight Sparkle. It looked like she was trying to talk to me, but her words were somewhat muffled. “Scott!” I yawned to try to fix my ears. “Are you alright?” It seemed to help and I shook my head. “Not right now, but I'll live.” The only one who wasn't trying to comfort me was Pinkie. To say she looked sad would be an understatement. Her normally poofy mane was deflated and she started tearing up. “I-I'm so sorry, Scotty.” She said between sniffles. I waved her over. She slowly walked to me with her head hanging low, like she was expecting me to hit her or something. If I was raised differently I might have, instead I gave her a hug. “Accidents happen, Pinkie.” I broke the hug and looked her in her big, blue, tear-filled eyes. “Next time don't fire off the cannon inside a confined space.” She wiped the tears with a leg, sniffled and giggled a bit. “I'll try to remember that. Again, I am so sorry, Scotty.” Twilight waved a hoof at her friends. “Come on girls, gather around. You too, Scott.” I followed the group and we sat in a circle around her. She cleared her throat and looked around. “Does everypony remember what they're supposed to do?” Applejack nodded. “Yep. Ah brought the apples, zap apple goodies and the cider.” Rainbow Dash nodded too. “I'm ready to pull off a sonic rainboom when ever you're ready for it.” Rarity nodded. “Yes, and I think it's gratifying to know we're raising money for charity.” Fluttershy gave a meek smile. “All of my animal friends are on board.” I looked around and nodded. “Sounds like everyone's ready for their thing.” I turned my attention to Pinkie Pie, who was still recovering from her depression. “Think you'll be ready Pinkie?” She nodded. I then turned my attention to Twilight. “What's this about a charity?” She looked confused. “Celestia didn't tell you?” I shook my head. “We decided that the money spent on raffles will go to FAMARP.” I raised an eyebrow. “The Foal and Mare Abuse Recovery Program.” My mouth fell open a bit. “What? That actually happens?” I never imagined stallions beating their wives and children, but then I shouldn't be surprised. Twilight somberly nodded. “Unfortunately. The majority of the cases occur in larger cities like Baltimare, Manehattan, Phillydelphia and even Canterlot, but it's not uncommon in smaller towns like Ponyville. I'm surprised you haven't read up on it.” I shrugged. “To be honest, that wasn't a topic I thought about. Once we come back, I'll make sure I do.” The car door opened once more and in comes Rose. “Ugh... sorry I'm late, everypony.” She closed the door, saw me, made her way over and sat beside me. “I had some last minute paperwork to fill out.” I saw her levitated in some boxes. “I also brought doughnuts in case anypony gets hungry. There are enough for three each.” “All aboard!” I laughed and rubbed Rose's head. “Just in time, too.” She smiled and nuzzled my side. “You get the doughnuts from Joe's?” She nodded. To say his doughnuts are the best in Canterlot would be an understatement. If I were to compare them to doughnuts I've had on Earth, the closest would be Krispy Kreme. I felt the train start moving and Twilight magically opened the first box and passed them around. I realized I haven't eaten anything yet and the smell of the doughnuts made my stomach growl. Rainbow took a bite out of her doughnut and looked to Twilight. “Do you have the fair all worked out?” Twilight nodded. “As a matter of fact, I do. In addition to the traditional fair, we'll add our Ponyville twist and Scott here will close the fair.” Rarity smiled and looked my way. “You'll be singing that song, won't you, darling?” She raised her head and put a hoof on her chin in thought. “Oh dear, what was the name of it?” I smiled. “Hooked on a Feeling. I'm glad you enjoy it.” Applejack grumbled. “Twilight's played it back so many times that it's stuck in mah head. Ah catch mahself hummin' it while workin' the orchards.” I chuckled quietly. “That doesn't sound like much of a complaint to me.” She let out a hearty laugh and nodded. “Nah, it sure ain't.” Fluttershy dug nervously at the floor. “The chorus is a little startling, but I like it.” It seemed everyone enjoyed the song. That's good to know. “Hey, Rainbow Dash.” She looked to me with a smirk. “How would you like to help me close the fair?” She looked interested in hearing more. “As you know, the song ends with a fade out, but the chorus lyrics keep looping. What I want to do is have you perform the sonic rainboom at about the fourth loop to finish it.” Her eyes widened and her wings flared. “Heck yeah! But there's one thing, how am I going to know when-” Twilight raised a hoof. “I know a spell to amplify voices. It's a common spell for events with large audiences.” Rainbow nodded understandingly. “Okay, so that takes care of that. I am so looking forward to the fair,” she grinned and rubbed the floor like she was about to charge, “and maybe do a little jousting.” I smiled and she gave me a somewhat sad look. “It sucks that you're not a pony, Scott. I bet you'd be awesome at jousting.” Fluttershy cowered behind her mane and let out a high-pitched whimper. “Please tell me you don't want me to joust with you again.” Rainbow let out a teasing hum. “Maaaybe. We'll see what happens when we get there.” Fluttershy whimpered again and she laughed. You are evil, Rainbow Dash. Twilight yawned. “It's going to be a long train ride, I suggest we get some rest.” Twilight's yawn was contagious, everyone else yawned also and went to their own benches. I laid down on the floor and looked to Rose. “I think I'm going to crash right here.” She nodded and curled up beside me. “That sounds good.” She used her magic to levitate my arm and laid it over her barrel. Rainbow looked at us and shook her head. “Weird.” She looked at AJ who was laying beside her. “What does that mare see in him?” AJ chuckled. “The same question could'a been asked about you and Gilda.” Rainbow glared at her friend. “I was never attracted to her like that and you know it. I'm fine with interspecies relationships because we know what's out there, but we don't know anything about his.” AJ nodded in agreement. “True, but he was the one came up with this whole thing, remember?” Rainbow groaned and curled up into a ball. “Whatever. I'm gonna take that nap now.” Should I be mad at Rainbow for talking about me like that? Probably, but I have to agree with her. I'm still unclear about why Rose finds me attractive, but at the same time, it feels good being this close to someone... or in this case, some pony, so I don't really care what she says. I hope she finds someone to hold her the way I'm holding Rose, only then will she understand. I must have dozed off again, because the next thing I felt was the train slowing down. It seemed everyone else was waking up too and I heard a mighty yawn escape from Rainbow Dash. I also felt Rose shuffling in my grasp, so I let her go and slowly stood up. “Okay... did anyone think about how I'm going to get out of here without being seen?” Rainbow shrugged then looked to a waking Twilight. “Hey, Twi. Got any idea on how we're getting Scott outta here?” Twilight groaned. “Well, I have two ideas. I could either turn him invisible, or cast a masking spell that will make him look like a pony.” I tapped a finger on my chin. Invisibility sounds good, but if my appearance were to be altered, I wouldn't have to worry about ponies running into me. “Mask my appearance.” Twilight's horn lit up and a quiet hum emanated from it. Soon, a bright light quickly flashed and their jaws dropped. “So? How do I look?” Rainbow burst into laughter. “You look good as a mare.” I rolled my eyes back and looked to Twilight. “If stallions hit on me because of this, Twilight...” The flustered princess chuckled. “Sorry. I haven't spent a lot of time practicing a stallion version.” I nodded. “Will I be able to see my mare-ified version?” Rarity nodded and beckoned me to follow her. “There's a vanity mirror in my personal room.” She slid the door open and we walked in. Yeah, she's got a vanity mirror, big surprise. So yeah, I'll look like a mare, and a damned fine one if you ask me. She kind of had a build similar to Fleur De Lis, with a light tan coat, a long light brown mane that covered one of her sky blue eyes, not in the emo kind of way, but in a sexy way. Yeah... Twilight's going to pay for this, but I need to figure out how to do that. “Everypony off for the Crystal Empire!” I looked to Rarity. “That's our cue.” She nodded and I motioned for her to go. “Ladies first.” She giggled, slid the door open and winked at me. “Now I know why Rose Petal likes you.” We got off the train without incident and began heading toward the crystal castle. Despite all the depressed looking ponies, preparations for the fair looked like they were almost done. I shook my head at the ponies and sighed. “This looks bad.” Twilight nodded in agreement. “I haven't seen them like this since their return. I wonder what's going on?” I looked back to the train and saw some guards unloading the stuff for the fair, then forward again. “Let's go meet up with Cadance.” I looked up and noticed that Rainbow was looking a bit restless. “You want to go on a flyabout, don't you?” She hovered beside me and gave me a confused look. “Flyabout?” I chuckled, seemed like a good term to use instead of walkabout. Twilight looked at us and nodded. “That seems like a good idea, Rainbow. Maybe you can learn something from the ponies during our meeting with Cadance.” Rainbow saluted her and flew off. I looked to Twilight and smirked. “How did you know what I meant?” She laughed. “I noticed it too, Scott. She really did need to stretch her wings. Besides, she'll gain quite a bit of insight while she's up there.” I almost forgot about that. Rainbow Dash has a hard time learning when she's grounded. But up in the air? Nothing escaped her. We made it to the castle and were greeted by Cadance and Shining Armor. Twilight and Cadance danced and sang before the latter trotted up to me. “I don't believe we've met before.” She extended a hoof. I took it and... damn it, I kissed it again. “I believe we have, Your Majesty.” Cadance blushed and giggled. “Oh, forgive me. Let's go inside. I imagine you're quite uncomfortable looking like that.” To be honest, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Hardly anyone ogled me and the ones who did tried to be discreet, but failed miserably. We went through the castle and the guards stared at me. One started to give me a wolf whistle, but thanks to Shining Armor, he didn't. I'm sure he'll have a few words with him later. We made it to a secluded room and Cadance ordered the guards not to enter under any circumstances before closing the door. She looked to Twilight and nodded. “Okay, Twiley, change him back.” Twilight nodded and the familiar light enveloped her horn. One quick flash later and she was done. Upon seeing that I looked like my old self, she gave a satisfied nod. “There.” Shining's eyes widened as he examined me from head to toe. “Whoa. So you're the one who came up with this idea.” I nodded. “I hope your idea works.” I shrugged. “So do I, but from the way it looks out there, I think it's going to be a temporary fix.” I chuckled. “I guess you have no problem with me kissing your wife's hoof not once, but twice then.” Shining rubbed the back of his neck and groaned. “As long as you don't do anything else, we're good.” I clapped and rubbed my hands together. “Now that has been settled, how long until the fair starts?” Shining gave me a smile. “Tomorrow. I'm looking forward to what all of you have brought. With Twiley's thorough planning, it should go off without a hitch.” Speak of the devil. I looked to Twilight and pointed a finger at her. “Hey, do you think we can do the song earlier?” She nodded. “I don't see why not. I was hoping it would be one of the first events, but.” I laughed. “That's what we'll do then. I'll be the first event, that way I can start mingling with other ponies.” Everyone nodded. “Great. We got a plan. We should probably get settled and then check the place out.” The rest of the day went as well as one would expect. We were taken to the mess hall to grab a bite to eat then were taken to our individual rooms. Rose insisted that she was paired up with me. The guards were initially shocked to see me, but when they found out I already met Cadance, they relaxed. I opened the door to our room and let Rose in. Once she was in, she twirled around on the carpet and giggled to herself. “What are you so happy about?” She turned to me and smiled. “It's so refreshing to be away from Canterlot.” She trotted to a window and opened up a curtain. It was dark outside, so the lights that came in were from lit torches outside and the moonlight. “The town here is magnificent, Scotty. I can't wait to show you the crystal heart tomorrow.” I laid down on the bed on my back and she hopped up and snuggled beside me. “I don't remember when I was this excited about something.” She gave me a peck on the cheek. “I have you to thank for that.” She let out a heavy sigh. “Life was pretty dull before you showed up.” I bet. Doing the same thing day after day pretty much all day? I'm surprised she hasn't gone insane yet. I stroked her mane as she nuzzled against my side. “Maybe Discord dragging me here was a good thing for both of us.” She looked up at me and looked sad. “What are you going to do if he can send you back? Don't you miss your family? Your friends?” I nodded. “I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I told you a little bit about what goes on there, and I don't want you to know more about it.” I chuckled. “Being around you is quite confusing for me.” She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” I shrugged. “Before I came out here I never thought I'd meet anyone, you know?” She nodded. “I've had quite a bit of female friends, but they were already taken. I had a sad life going and I wasn't sure if I was going to make it through the rest of the year there.” She laid her head on my chest as I continued my ministrations. “Then I met you.” She giggled. “You're so sweet, Scotty. I guess we can give it a shot starting tomorrow.” I nodded. “I'd like that. How about dinner out? Just the two of us.” She nodded and laid my chin on her head. “It's a date.” The fair was ready to begin, so Cadance, Shining Armor and Twilight escorted me to the stage where I'd be performing. Despite the many down ponies, they seemed a little excited about it. Twilight walked past me and on the stage. I couldn't see much, but I saw her horn briefly fire up. “Is everypony having a good time so far?” Her voice boomed. She must have used that spell to amplify her voice. The crowd cheered and applauded. “I'm glad to hear that. To kick off the fair, I have a special presentation for you. The one responsible for this year's fair is not a pony, nor is he a creature anypony has seen outside of the Canterlot and Crystal castles.” There's my cue. “Please give a warm welcome for Scott Bloom!” The applause gained strength as I began walking out and I could hear the song start. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I would never think about doing anything like this back home this was completely out of character for me. I was almost out when the third loop of the intro played and was out by the fourth. Twilight cast a spell on me, most likely the voice amplification spell before going behind the curtains and I... started singing. By the end of the first chorus, the crystal ponies were starting to get into it. I had to admit, after seeing how down they were this morning, seeing them excited like this brought a tear to my eye. I can't wait to see Cadance and Shining's reaction to this. It was time for the final chorus. As I began, I threw my arms up in the air, encouraging the crystal ponies to join in and join in they did. I was on the fourth loop and when I shouted 'hooked on a feeling', a sonic rainboom exploded overhead, putting an end to the song. The crowd exploded in cheers and applause and there was enough energy radiating from them that a tangible energy wave made its way to what I'm assuming was the crystal heart. It's a shame it wasn't nighttime, the resulting light would've been beautiful to see illuminating the sky. Rainbow Dash and Twilight joined me and we bowed. I stood back up and with a smile, I raised my arms once more, quieting the crowd. I wasn't big on speeches, but I had to say something. “Thank you all. I don't know what has been bothering you, but to see you excited like this makes me glad to be here.” Yeah, I just said that. It should last another few hours, then I'll head back to the castle, clean up and dress up for my date with Rose Petal, my little pony. Son of a bitch, am I really that into her? Do I really want to stay?