//------------------------------// // Baking Bad // Story: Too Many Twilights // by Octavia_Melody //------------------------------// Back at the Mirror Pool, a very different sort of Twilight was emerging from the water. She was a clone who looked more like Twilight than Crazy Twilight did, with the exception of a brown satchel across her back and a devious glint in her eye. This particular Twilight decided to walk deep into Everfree Forest and began collecting large blue flowers that were growing out of the moss on boulders. This Twilight, an evil Twilight, picked as many of the rare blue flowers as she could find with her teeth and dropped them into her satchel. Evil Twilight then decided to head into Ponyville, singing to herself along the way. “My little ponies! I used to wonder what fools mortals be! My little ponies! Until you all shared your secrets with me!” she sang, “Magic cupcakes! Thrills and chills! I’ll take over Ponyville! Do you know you’re all my very worst friends?” “Those lyrics don’t make any sense!” said the disembodied voice of a certain pink pony. “It’s called foreshadowing!” Evil Twilight argued, “Besides, you’re still back in Ponyville. How do you even know I’m here?” “I’m just a narrative device, not the real Pinkie.” Pinkie’s voice replied, “I sound like Pinkie because of her fourth-wall breaking abilities.” “You’re just going to confuse the readers.” Evil Twilight said, “Since this story is a blatant rip off of ‘Too Many Pinkie Pies’, they’ll assume you’re a Pinkie Pie clone.” “Nope, just a disembodied voice.” Pinkie’s voice corrected. “Is this metanarrative moment even relevant to the story?” Evil Twilight asked. “Nope. Not really.” Pinkie’s voice answered, “You don’t even have fourth-wall perception for the rest of the story.” “Then what was the point of this conversation?” Evil Twilight asked. “There was no point.” Pinkie’s voice said, “This is just to kill time before you reach Ponyville, since the story won’t be transitioning away from you anytime soon.” “I’m almost out of the forest now.” Evil Twilight observed. “Okay, I love you, bye-bye.” Pinkie’s voice said before fading away. “No one’s going to pick up on that obscure Animaniacs reference!” Evil Twilight replied. “The term is ‘nopony’.” Pinkie’s voice whispered, “You’re supposed to say ‘nopony’.” “The term ‘nopony’ doesn’t apply to the reader.” Evil Twilight corrected, “Besides, you already faded away. The fourth-wall moment is over.” “Groovy!” Pinkie’s voice said to the reader, “Get it? Evil Twilight in a forest? Evil Dead?” *** Once she had reached Ponyville, Evil Twilight decided to head for Sugar Cube Corner. She ignored everypony who passed her or greeted her, single-mindedly pursuing her goal. She stealthily snuck into one of the side doors, leading straight to the kitchen. Luckily for her, it was empty for the time being. Evil Twilight quickly and quietly went about her work of placing her sample of flowers on a counter and crushing them into a powder with her hoof. She then retrieved various vials and bottles of tonics and potions with her teeth from her satchels. She used the nearby pots, pans, and utensils to mix the blue powder and potions with flour, water, and sugar into a big blue ball of dough. She then patted the dough into little balls and placed them individually into spaces on a cupcake pan. She then preheated the oven and placed the cupcakes inside to bake. “First you crush these bluish flowers, then you add some potions to the mix!” Evil Twilight sang, “Then you go and add a cup of flour, a little bit of sugar, then you bake! Tasty cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes! Cupcakes!” “That barely resembled the original lyrics, hardly even rhymed, and your timing was way off.” Pinkie’s voice critiqued. “Shouldn’t this commentary work more with Crazy Twilight?” Evil Twilight suggested, “She’s the one who might actually hear voices in her head.” “Nope, you’re more fun.” Pinkie’s voice argued, “But you can’t really sing all that well.” “It’s not how well you sing, it’s how well you sell.” Evil Twilight observed. Once the oven had dinged, Evil Twilight placed mitts on her hooves and carefully removed the freshly baked blue cupcakes. She turned the oven off and secretly added the blue cupcakes to the cupcakes that were already for sell on the sales rack in the front of the store. She then went back outside before anypony could make heads or tails of what she had done. The blue cupcakes sold like well...hotcakes and store owners Mr. and Mrs. Cake were very surprised when their customers began asking for more. “You got any more blue cupcakes? They’re magically delicious!” a green pony with a shamrock cutie mark and a suspiciously Irish accent requested. “We didn’t make any blue cupcakes today.” Mr. Cake replied, “I don’t know what everypony’s talking about.” “They’re always after me lucky charms!” the green pony lamented. “What do lucky charms have to do with cupcakes?” Mrs. Cake asked. “They’re always after me lucky charms!” the green pony repeated, “Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids! They’rrrrre great! Crunchatize me cap’n!” “What in Celestia’s name is he talking about?” Mrs. Cake whispered. “I have no idea.” Mr. Cake replied, “These blue cupcakes that we didn’t even make sure have everypony acting strange.” “Maybe Pinkie made them.” Mrs. Cake wondered. “That’s what I’m afraid of.” Mr. Cake confided. *** By this time, the real Twilight had caught up with Crazy Twilight. Crazy Twilight collapsed on the ground and burst into tears. She was surrounded by Twilight, Spike, and Pinkie Pie. “It’s not fair!” Crazy Twilight blubbered, “It’s just not fair! Why can’t I be the real Twilight?! Why can’t you be a clone?! I have a life too, you know! You should’ve never cast that spell in the first place!” “Look, I...don’t know what to say...” Twilight said, not knowing what to say. The real Twilight placed a hoof on Crazy Twilight’s shoulder but Crazy Twilight brushed her aside. “I just want to go home.” Crazy Twilight sobbed, “Wherever home is, that is.” “Why don’t you go home with me tonight?” Pinkie suggested, “We’ll have a sleepover! We can play games, and sing songs, and tell stories, and write fanfiction, and...” “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Pinkie Pie.” the real Twilight advised, “We don’t know who this pony is, or where she came from.” “Uh, Twilight?” Spike interjected, “We all know that she’s your crazy clone that you conjured from the Mirror Pool.” “I know, Spike.” Twilight replied, “It just seemed like something I would say in a situation like this.” “What’s fanfiction?” Crazy Twilight asked, starting to calm down. “I can answer that question.” Evil Twilight announced, trotting toward them, “Fanfiction is an inferior form of literature in which so-called fans of an already existing work write stories based around those characters and settings. Fanfiction is generally poorly written and composed by people too unimaginative to come up with their own ideas.” “That’s not true!” the real Twilight argued, “Fanfiction can sometimes be better than the work it’s based on!” “Yeah! My favorite story is ‘Cupcakes’!” Pinkie Pie added. All three Twilights plus Spike stared at Pinkie in abject horror. “What? I like cupcakes.” Pinkie Pie explained, “Why wouldn’t I like a story called Cupcakes?” “Okay, these fourth-wall jokes are getting too distracting.” Pinkie’s voice observed, “Everypony cease and desist! Hasbro’s orders!” “I’m the real Twilight.” Evil Twilight asserted, “These other two are just imposters.” “That’s ridiculous.” the real Twilight replied, “Spike and Pinkie have been with me the whole time. Why would they think that I’m a clone?” “Because of this.” Evil Twilight said before hugging Spike and kissing him affectionately on the lips. Evil Twilight locked lips with the baby dragon for an uncomfortable amount of time. Spike forced himself away, his face completely flushed red with embarrassment. The real Twilight’s jaw dropped, as did Pinkie’s. Crazy Twilight just sort of jealously glared at Evil Twilight. Pinkie put Twilight’s jaw back in place as she struggled to regain composure. “How...how does that prove that you’re the real Twilight?” the real Twilight asked. “Because any real Twilight worth her weight in gems would be honest about her real feelings instead of treating her special somepony like a simple pet.” Evil Twilight observed. “He is not my special somepony!” Twilight retorted, “He’s not even a pony!” “Oh, I see how it is!” Evil Twilight mocked, “You think ponies are superior to dragons. He really is just your pet.” “That’s not true!” Twilight replied, “I love Spike like I love my own brother!” “And just what particular way do you love your own brother?” Evil Twilight suggested. “Get your brain out of the pond scum!” Twilight demanded, “Come on Spike, we’re going home!” “Actually, Twilight, I need to be alone for a little bit.” Spike said, before wandering off into the distance. “So which Twilight do you wanna take home, Twilight?” Pinkie asked suddenly, “Cause I still want her!” Pinkie pointed at Crazy Twilight with her hoof. Crazy Twilight actually almost smiled at the suggestion and sort of hid behind Pinkie. “Well, I’m not taking her home!” Twilight scoffed, pointing accusingly at Evil Twilight. “I’ve got better things to do than associate with my lesser self.” Evil Twilight said, “Have an A-1 day.” The real Twilight followed Pinkie and Crazy Twilight in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner. “Have an A-1 day?” Twilight wondered, “What does that mean?”