//------------------------------// // Chapter 3 - Feeling So Small // Story: See How You Like It // by Silver Rose //------------------------------// CHAPTER 3 – FEELING SO SMALL It didn’t take long for Diamond Tiara to regret her decision to accept Silver Spoon’s conditions. Only an hour had passed before she felt a twinge in her bladder that she needed to go. Thinking Miss Cheerilee wouldn’t be so cruel as to actually make her use her diaper, she raised her hoof in the middle of the lesson to get her teacher’s attention. “Yes, Diamond Tiara?” Miss Cheerilee acknowledged her. “Miss Cheerilee, may I please use the restroom?” she asked in her kindest voice, hoping and praying the answer would be yes. “I’m sorry, Diamond Tiara,” Miss Cheerilee dashed her hopes swiftly. “I’ll ask you please wait until the end of the day if you can.” Another twinge of her bladder signaled an impending doom the likes of which made her previous embarrassments today seem miniscule. Her eyes widened as she tried to focus on the lesson as Silver Spoon eyed her knowingly. It was going to take a great deal of strength for her to make it through Miss Cheerilee’s afternoon lesson without bursting at the seams. The clock seemed to tick on endlessly as she patiently waited for the end of the day, squeezing her legs together as the urges to release became stronger and more frequent. I’m not a foal, she thought to herself over and over again with an iron will to make it through the day and prove to Silver Spoon she was wrong. Ahead of her, Scootaloo was in a similar position. Like Diamond Tiara, she too was not going to give up despite wearing a diaper. She strained as much as she could, but like every day since her accident, it was a battle she quickly lost. She sighed in defeat as the padding became heavier, hoping nobody would notice. Part of her wondered if Diamond Tiara would actually manage to hold up. No, Scootaloo shook her head a little, putting those thoughts out of her mind. I shouldn’t care about what happens to her. That’s her problem. Diamond Tiara’s problem though was quickly spiraling out of her control. She had drowned out Miss Cheerilee’s lesson nearly an hour after she had been declined to go to the restroom. Her hooves were in her lap now, holding herself in futility. Some of her classmates were starting to notice her panicking, including Silver Spoon. Her cheeks had flushed red as sweat began to trickle down her brow. She forced herself to ignore the audience she was attracting, focusing only on the clock. There was only an hour left in the day. If she could just hold on until then, she would be free. She kept looking forward to that point in time an hour from now, when she’d turn to Silver Spoon and make her apologize, when all the ponies would recognize that, even though she had to wear a diaper to class for a few days, she was not a foal herself. She would show them all exactly the kind of pony she really was. The second hand seemed to slow down in the last hour as the hands crawled slowly towards three o’clock. She squirmed and gasped, clutching herself and wincing in pain. Miss Cheerilee could see Diamond Tiara squirming and whimpering in her seat. This was not the kind of thing she intended to happen and she was afraid her student would hurt herself if she kept trying to hold it in any longer. “Diamond Tiara,” Miss Cheerilee conceded. “If you still need to you the restroom, you can…” “Yes!” the filly gasped, clawing at her desk and pushing herself off. Her eyes nearly rolled into the back of her head as the numbness of her bladder was overtaken by standing up on all fours and feeling the weight of her urges pull down towards the exit. Tears were welling at her eyes as she commanded each of her hooves to move as fast as possible, out of the classroom and to the restroom. She could feel it starting to come. It didn’t matter as long as she was out of Silver Spoon’s line of sight, as long as she didn’t show her a side of herself she hadn’t shown the world since she was a foal. Hold it, she commanded herself as she picked up the pace down the aisle of desks towards the exit. Hold it, hold it, almost there, almost there, almost… In her binocular-like focus on getting to the door, her back right hoof walked forward before her front right hoof did, throwing her off balance. She gasped as she slipped on the wooden floor and toppled over. Her sense of falling overtook every other command over her body, reacting only towards making sure she was not hurt in the fall. She managed to stop herself, but in the one moment where her attention was lost, it happened. She didn’t even realize it at first as her bladder had almost numbed entirely to the urge, but as a sensation of steamy warmth crawled over her bottom, it slowly dawned on her what was happening. She could feel the weight of the diaper pulling downward, the elastic around her waist tightening on her backside as the garment began to droop and darken just the slightest. She couldn’t stop if she wanted to. The numbness had made it so her muscles could not respond at that moment. As the weight of the diaper pulled downward, she looked ahead. She had reached the door, and so behind her was the classroom, looking at her, staring at her as she remained frozen in fear. Maybe they didn’t see, Diamond Tiara told herself, desperate to convince herself everything was still fine. Maybe nobody noticed at all. But as she turned around, she could see their eyes, all of their eyes, upon her and her sodden diaper. Her lips parted as if to say something, but instead they just hung there, frozen and aimlessly searching for the words to say that would make everything okay and finding nothing. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle were dumbfounded, Scootaloo looked away, and Silver Spoon was doing her best to suppress the slightest smile of victory. It wasn’t until Miss Cheerilee approached her that she snapped out of her frozen state. “Diamond Tiara,” Miss Cheerilee approached her cautiously. “Are you okay?” Diamond Tiara made a dash out of the room towards the restroom. She locked herself inside and began to pant heavily as a thorny knot of anxiety began to constrict itself around her heart. She quickly examined her diaper and noticed its state. There was no way anyone didn’t see what she did. Just the mere realization of her circumstances reduced her to tears. “Diamond Tiara?” she heard Miss Cheerilee’s voice through the restroom door. “Go away!” she screamed at the door, forcing Miss Cheerilee back. "It's your fault you didn't let me go sooner!" Miss Cheerilee backed away from the door quietly, returning to the lecture for the end of the day. In the classroom, commotion was already brewing over the image the school ponies would never be able to erase from their minds. “She did it in front of everyone!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed. “Did you see the look on her face! I’ve never seen Diamond Tiara so terrified in all my life!” “Ah can’t understand why she made such a scene,” Apple Bloom questioned. “If she hadn’t held it like that, ah doubt anyone would have noticed.” “She had to prove herself,” Silver Spoon confirmed proudly. “Just like always, she had to have her way. She really is just a big foal.” “Enough!” Scootaloo shouted at the top of her lungs, banging down on her desk with her two front hooves and bringing the room to silence. The orange coat of her face was turning bright red in frustration for conversation she was hearing around her. “Couldn’t you see she felt horrible enough as it is? None of you have to say or do anything to make it worse, so stop it!” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle couldn’t tell if Scootaloo felt sorry for Diamond Tiara or not, but seeing their friend so visibly upset, they complied with her wishes, as the other ponies. As Miss Cheerilee entered the classroom again, the lesson was finished in relative quiet with the softest sounds of Diamond Tiara’s tears coming from down the hall. --- Diamond Tiara kept herself locked in the restroom until the school bell rang and class had ended. As the sound of hooves passed out the door and down the hall, she waited for them to pass before she decided to open the door again. She only opened it a crack, but paused as her line of sight met Silver Spoon looking at her through the crack in the door intently. “Go away,” Diamond Tiara sputtered, still breathing heavily from her crying. “I don’t want to talk to you. I thought you were my friend.” “I told you, I’m not friends with foals,” Silver Spoon repeated. “Maybe when you grow up, we can be friends again.” “Grow up?” Diamond Tiara asked, her voice croaking under her sadness, but Silver Spoon did not acknowledge any other clue as to what she meant and walked away, leaving her alone as she entered the hallway. The warmth of her diaper was growing colder, making her walk funny as she made her way back to the classroom for her saddlebags. She opened the door, expecting only to find Miss Cheerilee still there, but looked to see her putting a small purple sheet over her desk and hoisting Scootaloo on top and laying her down. Diamond Tiara stared for a moment, realizing Miss Cheerilee was about to change Scootaloo’s diaper, before turning away and heading back to her desk to get her stuff. Scootaloo waited for Diamond Tiara to make some snide comment, but she kept her mouth shut as she slowly walked to her desk and gathered her things. “Diamond Tiara,” Miss Cheerilee reminded her. “Remember you have to stay after class for being late.” The pink filly cringed at the reminder. As if this day couldn’t go on any longer, she groaned inside as she took her seat and put her head down in her desk, shutting out the world. Scootaloo watched her from atop the desk as Miss Cheerilee removed her diaper, cleaned her up and diapered her anew. Looking at Diamond Tiara, she felt content and a sense that karma had taken its course on the pink pony for all the mental anguish she had put her through over the years. Yet through that sense of satisfaction, a strange feeling, a burning sensation beat within her and from it blossomed a feeling of guilt that lightly shrouded her heart. Was she herself any better to think Diamond Tiara got what she deserved? Was that not her in that position yesterday? Was it fair to think on that same level? Scootaloo could not make sense of this feeling of guilt as she looked at Diamond Tiara, but wanted to make sense of it all the same. “Is something wrong, Scootaloo?” Miss Cheerilee asked as she helped the orange filly sit up. “Diamond Tiara,” Scootaloo called out. “You need a change too, right? Come over here.” Diamond Tiara raised her head, glaring at Scootaloo with still-puffy eyes. “Why?” she managed to ask. “So you can watch and make fun of me for it yourself?” “Because you’ll get a rash if you don’t,” Scootaloo argued back. “And trust me, you don’t want that.” “It’s not like you care,” Diamond Tiara pouted, putting her head back down. “Forget it.” “Do you really want to stay in that wet diaper?” Miss Cheerilee asked. “Scootaloo and I aren’t going to make fun of you for it and you’ll feel a lot better.” “I’m not a foal!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “I don’t need my diaper changed like one!” “And you think I do?” Scootaloo growled right back at her. “That’s your problem - you never think before you speak and your words hurt whether you mean them or not! I’m not wearing this because I’m a foal; I’m wearing it because I can barely feel anything below my flank! Now get over here and get your diaper changed!” “Scootaloo,” Miss Cheerilee addressed her, petting her mane gently. “It’s okay. You don’t need to get all excited.” “Sorry,” Scootaloo muttered as Miss Cheerilee helped her back into her wheelchair. “Sorry, Diamond Tiara.” “It’s okay,” Miss Cheerilee told her reassuringly. “If she doesn’t want a change, we can’t force her.” “Actually,” Diamond Tiara spoke up, her eyes looking downward. “I don’t think I’d mind it too much.” “Do you want me to change you or would you rather take care of it yourself?” Miss Cheerilee asked, making sure Diamond Tiara understood she had a choice. “I’ve never changed a diaper,” she stated. “Much less my own, so…” her voice trailed off, not wanting to say it outright. Instead, Miss Cheerilee smiled and patted on her desk. Diamond Tiara got her saddlebag with her extra diapers and brought them over. Fully able, unlike Scootaloo, she got on the desk herself and lay down. She instinctively looked to Scootaloo, waiting to see her reaction to the sight of the class diva getting her diaper changed like a foal, but Scootaloo didn’t show any interest whatsoever as she pulled out a Daring Do book and began to read while Miss Cheerilee took care of the other pony. Diamond Tiara crossed her front legs as Miss Cheerilee began to untape her diaper. “How do you put up with other ponies making fun of you?” Diamond Tiara asked Scootaloo in a rare moment of openness. “I don’t have to put up with it from other ponies,” Scootaloo replied, not even looking up from her book. “You and Silver Spoon are the only ones who ever do, and even then, it's mostly you.” “That can’t be true,” Diamond Tiara replied. “Everyone was making fun of me today, so I was sure you get made fun of just as much.” “Maybe you had it coming,” Scootaloo told her. “Maybe they thought you did too.” Even Silver Spoon? Diamond Tiara thought, thinking back to how her best friend had treated her. All the teasing, the bet… ratting me out yesterday… does Silver Spoon not like me anymore? The thought brought fresh tears to the corners of Diamond Tiara’s eyes while Cheerilee was cleaning her up. This feeling of helplessness, feeling so alone and weak… she felt she could curl up into a ball and shrink into nothingness altogether. “Oh dear,” Miss Cheerilee sighed, wiping at the filly’s eyes with a tissue. “It’s been a long day, hasn’t it?” Diamond Tiara nodded as she looked up at Miss Cheerilee from the vantage point a foal would have if they were being changed. She whimpered softly as Miss Cheerilee finished putting a new diaper on her, taping it up, and helping her sit up on the desk. The cool dryness of the new diaper really did feel good, but her heart still ached for the reality of her situation and how those around her saw her. Miss Cheerilee couldn’t stand to see Diamond Tiara in so much pain, even though she knew she would be better for it in the end. She pulled the filly close and gently rubbed her back comfortingly. It was like a feeling Diamond Tiara had known only so long ago. “There, there,” Miss Cheerilee soothed. “Everything’s going to be okay, you’ll see. This is only temporary. In a few days, this will all be over.” “Why can’t it be over now?” Diamond Tiara sniffled, holding onto Miss Cheerilee in return, sensing a compassion she had not sense in many years, not from her work-addled father, not from the nanny who took care of her but only in the sense of it being a job… had this feeling always been here inside her and had she forgotten what it felt like for so long? “I want everything to be okay now.” “I know you do,” Miss Cheerilee continued to coax the filly. “I knew the first day would be hard for you, but it will get better. I won’t let you feel like this is the end of the world.” As Scootaloo was running late with Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle waiting outside, Miss Cheerilee quickly helped Diamond Tiara down and folded up the purple sheet, putting it back in Scootaloo’s bags along with her other diaper supplies. “I’ll be right back, Diamond Tiara,” Miss Cheerilee told her as she wheeled Scootaloo outside so Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle could make sure she got home okay. --- As Apple Bloom wheeled Scootaloo through Ponyville with Sweetie Belle, the two chatterboxes could barely contain their excitement after witnessing Diamond Tiara’s punishment firsthand. “And did you see how poofy it was?” Sweetie Belle’s voice cracked with the biggest grin on her face at being able to witness the perfect justice for all the times Diamond Tiara had picked on and bullied the three of them. “It looked like it was even bigger than yours, Scootaloo!” “Yeah, and the way she tried so hard to hold it,” Apple Bloom commented. “She looked just like a little filly getting potty trained!” “Guys, stop it,” Scootaloo spoke adamantly. “Did you forget who you’re talking to?” “Well, we know you’re not a foal, Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom told her reassuringly. “But if there’s anyone who deserves to get treated like one, it’s Diamond Tiara!” “You guys sound like you did when we were planning to make Babs look like a fool,” Scootaloo told them straight out, noticing her friends were getting too carried away in the joy of seeing their bully get comeuppance. “Scootaloo, that was diff’rent,” Apple Bloom defended her and Sweetie Belle. “Babs was just a normal filly like us.” “And so is Diamond Tiara,” Scootaloo found herself saying to her own surprise. “We’re no better than her if we talk like this behind her back.” Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle looked down at the ground, disappointed in how they were acting now that Scootaloo had reminded them of the lesson they had learned before. “I suppose you’re right,” Sweetie Belle admitted. “But it’s Diamond Tiara,” Apple Bloom repeated, as if Diamond Tiara was a force unequal to other ponies and unequal of the same treatment. “Do you really that sorry for her?” Scootaloo shrank in her wheelchair, looking down then up into the distance of the setting sun. She decided to be honest with her friends; “I’m not sure.” --- Miss Cheerilee returned a few moments after seeing the Cutie Mark Crusaders off to find Diamond Tiara at her desk, contemplating what had just happened. “Miss Cheerilee… did I really deserve all this?” she asked softly, ready to burst into tears again. The sight of the heartbroken filly made her heart twinge as she second-guessed if this punishment was right. She wanted Diamond Tiara to understand what Scootaloo was going through, even if just a little, but she had not expected the filly would have taken it as harshly as she did. “I’ll tell you what,” Miss Cheerilee offered to Diamond Tiara. “Why don’t you tell me what you’ve learned from today? If I feel you’ve learned your lesson, I’ll send a letter home with you saying the punishment’s over.” “Okay,” Diamond Tiara gasped excitedly. “I learned… I learned that some ponies can’t help being in a position that makes them embarrassed and that I shouldn’t make fun of them, even if it is embarrassing.” Miss Cheerilee nodded thoughtfully, smiling a little bit. Diamond Tiara’s heart leapt at the sight of her teacher’s approval. “Does that mean it’s over?” “You’re definitely on the right track,” Miss Cheerilee acknowledged. “Let’s give it a few more days.” “A few more days?” Diamond Tiara whined, throwing her hooves over her desk in exasperation. “But I thought I got it!” “You’re missing what that means to you,” Miss Cheerilee hinted. “When you figure that out, come tell me.” Diamond Tiara grumbled a little bit, shutting her eyes disappointingly that she’d be back here tomorrow, all padded up. She hung on Miss Cheerilee’s words thoughtfully. What that means to me? But it doesn’t mean anything to me. Once this is over, I’ll be the same as I always was. What could it possible mean to me? Unfortunately, the clock struck four and Diamond Tiara was let go from Miss Cheerilee’s care for the day, back home. After embarrassing herself in front of the entire class, she didn’t think anything of walking through the center of Ponyville in a diaper. The stares of strangers meant little to her after seeing the stares of the ponies closest to her. She made her way back home, quick as she could, already late from staying after class. As she arrived home, Randall dutifully took her bags. Walking through the door made her feel so much more tired than she normally felt. She yawned as she trudged into the mansion and made her way upstairs. Loving Care was waiting for her at the top of the steps. “Good afternoon, Miss Tiara,” she dutifully greeted. “Would you like to remove your diaper for the day now?” “I don’t care,” Diamond Tiara muttered, walking right past her nanny. “I think I’m going to take a nap.” “Oh…” Loving Care replied, taken aback by Diamond Tiara’s lack of usual assertiveness. She watched, worried as the filly entered her room and closed the door softly. Throwing herself down on the bed, Diamond Tiara curled up into a ball on her bed. The day had been so long. So many things had gone wrong, but despite how horrible she felt, she could not stop thinking about what happened after school, what Scootaloo had said to her, how Miss Cheerilee had comforted her. She curled tighter at the thought of Miss Cheerilee, how it felt to be comforted and shown compassion. Nobody showed her that feeling anymore. She had almost forgotten it had existed, and it made her feel good. It made her feel worth something despite how worthless she had felt immediately before that feeling had surfaced. She thought about that feeling more and more, until a face, so very blurry in her mind, resurfaced after having been forgotten long ago. Mommy… Diamond Tiara thought, a small tear forming at the corner of one of her eyes. Is that how it felt when you were here?