I never realized how uncomfortable my floor is. Lying in a pool of my own blood isn’t helping either. In my present state I can’t do much, aside from stare at what remains of the glass coffee table and contemplate how many of those stupid shards are stuck in me.
Bang. There she is, right on time.
“Jake? I brought you a surprise. You haven’t had an apple until you’ve had a zap…”
That pause probably means she’s figured out what happened.
Something thumps on the ground, and then a rainbow-colored apple rolls into my field of view. My mouth is so dry that even a sickeningly multi-colored fruit looks delicious.
Twilight’s front hooves block my view a moment later.
“Jake? What happened? Speak to me!”
I try to speak, even though my mouth can’t form the words anymore. “I tripped and crashed through the coffee table. What’s it look like?”
“I can’t even understand you, and there’s all this… I’m going to be sick.”
“Please don’t throw up. That’s not the image I want frozen in my memory when I pass out.”
Her nose nudges my cheek. “I’ll get you help. I’m not sure how… I don’t even know what my magic would do to you.”
“Did I ever mention that your breath smells like oats?”
“I can’t understand you! Just be quiet at let me think!”
I don’t really want to be quiet. I’m the one bleeding to death here, doesn’t that count for something?
Everything gains a purple tint. Either I’m blacking out or Twilight’s about to do something crazy.
“Just dial nine one—”
For a second feels like she’s trying to lift me up by my skin, and it’s just as painful as it sounds. Why couldn’t I just black out? Why’d she have to use magic? I know you’re trying to help Twilight, but why can’t you just let me die here in peace? I already dropped both my classes for the semester, and if I don’t show up for work tomorrow I’m fired. I might as well just die right here.
She’s pacing in front of me now. Her hooves are covered in blood. For some reason I find myself hoping she won’t touch the couch while she’s so messy.
“Okay… Okay… That didn’t work. How about this?”
The magic feels different this time. It’s got ahold of some more substantial part of me, or at least something that hurts a whole lot less. I feel myself rising off the sticky ground. I shiver as air flows underneath me. I’m freezing. That’s probably just the blood loss, right?
My head rolls to the side. The apartment looks even messier from four feet above the ground. No wonder she thinks I’m a slob. Something isn’t right though, and I’m not talking about the shattered coffee table or the blood. There’s an object on the ground directly underneath me. Was I laying on a pillow? It’s big, whatever it is; almost like a body.
The world’s growing dim now. The lights are going out, and I don’t mind. For the first time in a long time I don’t feel like coughing, and I don’t feel tired. Nice try, Twilight, but I think you showed up a little too late.
---
I’m still breathing. That alone is surprising. The mattress underneath me is better than the floor, but not by much. I must be in the hospital. Opening my eyes confirms this; the walls are bare, save for a few incomprehensible charts and a curtained window. All that’s missing is one of those machines that beeps in time with my heartbeat.
Twilight’s here too. She sleeping in a chair against the wall near the foot of the bed. She shouldn’t be here, and she shouldn’t be that big. Instead of her usual miniature self she’s almost as big as I am. Her hooves are on the armrests and her head is dipped forward, leaving her horn pointing directly at me.
How long has she been sleeping like that? Her neck’s going to feel terrible when she wakes up. Maybe I can get her attention. She’ll be happy that I’m awake. I hope I'm okay.
Except I don’t feel okay. It’s hard to pin down exactly why. Everything just feels different, from head to toe. My hair and teeth aren’t right, if that makes any sense. Worse still, I itch all over; almost like I need to shave my whole body.
I move a hand to scratch my head and end up hitting it instead. I try again and just feel something heavy and blunt bumping into me, like my hand is in a cast. Regardless, I guide the appendage along my scalp, savoring the simple relief of scratching an itch.
Then my hand runs into something else. There’s a weird growth in the middle of my forehead. It’s too long to be a cast. It’s almost like…
My eyes go back to Twilight. Her horn’s pointing directly at me.
No.
She didn’t.
Somebody knocks on the door and a moment later a nurse opens it. Not a human nurse, a pony. She’s taken me to the pony world. She’s turned me into one of them. I’m covered in fur, I have a tail, a horn, and no fingers.
The nurse pony looks from me, to Twilight, to the empty hall behind her.
“She’s still asleep, your maj—”
Twilight jumps out of her chair. “I’m awake! Is Jake still…”
Her giant eyes fix on me and she smiles. I don’t return the favor.
“I’m so glad you're awake!”
“Why did you do this to me?”
Her fading smile makes it clear enough that I’m speaking intelligibly again. “I… I saved you.”
“You turned me into a pony!”
She jumps into the air and hovers over me. She thumps me in the chest in time with her next few words. “I saved your life, you got that? Do you know why?”
“All you had to do was call the—”
She throws her hooves in the air. “It was too late for that, and I’m not talking about the blood loss. Don’t you want to know why you were coughing and tired all the time?”
“I went to the doctor… He gave me some pills…”
“You had cancer! When I started scanning you with my magic I felt it. I saved your life, and you’d better be happy about it.”
Her nose is inches from mine. Her breath still smells like oats, although this time it doesn’t bother me. Her glare still does, however.
“You didn’t answer my question. Why?”
“You were dying.”
“That’s not good enough. You could’ve found some other way to help.”
Tears well up in her eyes. “What do you want me to say?”
“Just… Just tell me what I am to you. What possessed you to turn me into a pony, besides keeping me alive? Am I really your friend or just an experiment?”
She’s going to cry. I can tell.
There’s another knock at the door. The nurse pony is still there, and her eyes are wide. She’s standing in the doorway, but she’s not the one who knocked. A hoof clad in a golden shoe is poised against the door frame.
“Twilight, could you give us a moment?”
I know that voice. The one pony on the show that actually sounds like an adult walks into room and motions for the nurse to leave. Princess Celestia is almost too tall for the doorway. Compared to the nurse she’s a giant.
Her magenta eyes move from me to the pony hovering in the air. “Twilight?”
Twilight looks away and nods. “I’ll… I’ll wait outside.”
“Thank you.”
A few seconds later I’m alone with her. Her mane really does flow in a nonexistent wind. It’s eerie to see in person. Her presence alone makes my skin tingle.
“Welcome to Equestria, Jake. I assume you know who I am?”
“Yes, Princess.”
Appending the title feels awkward, but I can’t help it. Pony or not, she looks every bit as powerful and authoritative as any ruler should.
She seats herself on the ground which, given her size, brings us to eye level.
“I’m well aware of Twilight’s extra-dimensional field trips. They started out as an exploratory mission and, I’m sorry to say, will now have to stop. I had no intention of her having such an impact on another world, let alone abducting one of its citizens.”
“She didn’t abduct me, she was—”
“Oh? That isn’t what you were shouting a minute ago. Now, as I was saying, Twilight will not be able to visit your world in the future and, I’m afraid, you won’t either.”
“Why?”
“As she was trying to tell you, you were dying. She didn’t drag you into our world where you instantly became a pony. In her haste to help you, she gave you a new body. A unicorn was the best she could manage.”
“I can never go back?”
“According to your world you never left. Your old body is still there and, based on Twilight’s reports about your kind’s dim perception of magic, nopony will have any reason to suspect what actually happened.”
We stare at each other for a minute. Her expression is stern, but not angry. That’s remarkable considering I reduced her favorite student to tears right in front of her.
“What happens now?”
“Provided you respect our laws, you’re free to live out your life wherever in Equestria you desire. Twilight and her brother, Shining Armor, have already volunteered to teach you everything you’ll need to know about being a unicorn. You couldn’t ask for better teachers.”
That makes my heart sink. “I’m sorry I made her so upset.”
“She’ll recover, once you apologize.”
That wasn’t a request, and I know it. “I will.”
“I know. She’s told me many things about you, at times more than I think she intended to.”
“What do you mean?”
A smile returns to her face. “You’ll understand soon enough. Let me just make one thing abundantly clear.”
All of the light in the room drains away except for the golden glow emanating from her horn. “I will never force you to act or feel a certain way, but I will demand that you treat Twilight with kindness and respect.”
The light is in her eyes now. Her stare is like looking into the sun. “Twilight is like a daughter to me, and there is a special place in Tartarus reserved for those that hurt my family.”
The room is back to normal in an instant, and once again she’s smiling like we’re old friends. “As I said, your feelings are your own, as are hers. What you two do with them is your business.”
She stands and walks to the door. “Twilight? You can come back in now. I’m afraid I need to return to Canterlot at once.”
Twilight opens the door and watches Celestia make her exit. Despite everything I just said to her, she looks at me and smiles. No matter what I say or do next, I’ve got an interesting life ahead of me.