Confusion. The creature found himself in a forest. He last remembered lying down in his guild quarters. Moving to his feet he was surprised to find that he no longer had any instead he had hooves like those he had seen on a cow. He hastily checked and discovered that he still had hands but he also had a pair of horns sprouting from his head. It was all so confusing.
When confusing things happened there was usually one cause: the elf.
He reached back to see if he still had his battle-axe on him, guild members kept telling him to disarm before sleeping but they were just stupid, and so he took his axe in hand and let his rage fuel him.
“Nightseer!” he bellowed. “Show yourself and undo this trickery!” Satisfied with the impossible odds that his intended target heard him; he marched toward a clearing he saw in the distance.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Not a pony?” a confused John responded. “I turned into a pony, why wouldn't he?”
“Perhaps the universe hates you,” Discord stated matter-of-factly, “or maybe he has proven himself worthy of a form befitting his honorable fighting style.”
“Ha!” John was actually laughing. “Honorable fighting style? You have just proven that you know next to nothing about Hammer!”
“And now I know his name,” Discord smiled that knowing smile. “But I have to ask, why call yourself John?”
“Because it is my name!” anger flashing across John’s features. “I am John and that is all you need to know.”
Discord sighed, “I can see that you’re not going to be any fun.”
“That depends on your definition of fun,” John responded.
“Cute,” Discord began, “but I’ll just ask your friend when he gets here.”
“What makes you so certain he is coming here?”
“I am so glad you ask,” Discord was beaming. “The first clearing he would find in the Everfree forest would show him this very cabin.”
The roar of a bear was heard from outside followed by the sounds of paws running through plant life. Then there was silence.
“Oh,” Fluttershy squeaked, “my…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A cabin. Surely he would have sought refuge there; it was the only visible structure apart from the town in the distance. Small, cozy, and out of the way. No one would come by accidentally and if they did he would talk his way out of it like always. The thought brought a smile to the creature’s cow-like face.
“Talk your way out of this,” he muttered while tightening his grip on his axe.
He never noticed that he was being watched. As he drew closer a bear sitting by the cabin door let out a roar before running into the forest.
He was so full of rage that the creature never noticed the bear at all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John winced as he stood from the couch. He was in no condition for a fight.
“My equipment,” he turned to Fluttershy, “I’m going to need it if I have to take care of this.”
“What are you going to do?” her concern practically forming an aura around her.
“Hopefully,” John started while working his joints, “I am just going to talk to him.”
“Why…” she seemed to lose resolve immediately. “Why do you need your things?”
“In case talks break down,” John responded neutrally. That caused Fluttershy’s eyes to go wide and she visibly tensed. “Before you say a word I understand that I won’t be able to fight him, but he doesn't know that and I’m going to use that to my advantage.”
Fluttershy nodded and trotted off up the single set of stairs visible in the cabin. John continued working his joints, getting a feel for his movement and promoting blood flow, he had no idea how the following encounter would go.
“I’m thinking you might be fun after all,” Discord said while eyeing his bowl of popcorn.
“I make no claims on my entertainment value,” John made no effort to hide his growing smirk, “but I will promise my ability to survive.”
“In that case I’ll grab a front-row seat,” a snap of his claw later and he was gone.
Fluttershy returned a moment later flying while carrying black material in her forelegs and a bag by a strap in her mouth. She gently place the bag on the cabin floor and looked at John while hovering.
“Um,” she began, “here you go.” She held out the folded black material with worry in her eyes. John looked at the material and determined the reason for her worry, it was made of leather. That thought left his brain and was immediately replaced by the fact that his armor had changed as it now resembled something that would fit his current form. He reached out with a hoof and realized that he had no idea how he was going to hold objects with hooves.
“Well,” he began, “this is going to be awkward.” His gaze met Fluttershy’s with the question poised on his tongue but was distracted by the armor going over his head. She then helped him fit the material over his limbs. After a moment he was fully dressed with his bandages completely hidden. John then nodded at Fluttershy. “Thank you.”
“It’s no trouble,” Fluttershy claimed. “Everypony always has trouble at first.” She regarded John with curiosity and smiled.
The next distraction came in the form of something large pounding on the door.
“Wait here,” John said while reaching for the doorknob only to stop when he realized the futility of attempting an action that requires manual dexterity. “Um, could you open the door for me?”
Fluttershy flew over and turned the knob then gave a small push against the door. The door flew open.
“Oh not fucking fair!” John exclaimed. Standing in the doorframe was a large minotaur brandishing a heavily notched battle-axe. “Why didn't someone tell me that I could have been a minotaur?”
“Nightseer!” the creature bellowed. “Where is he?” John took a moment to lock eyes with the minotaur.
“He is dead friend,” John responded slowly. “You know me as John Gambit. You have questions but I do not have all of the answers." If anyone was surprised by a rage-fueled minotaur beating on a cabin door they would have been equally surprised by what happened next. The minotaur returned his weapon to its sheath.
“John,” the minotaur began, “what have you done?”
“Hammer,” John released a sigh, “it got complicated.”
“You handle the complicated,” Hammer stated. “Just tell me who I have to kill.” The gasp from Fluttershy reminded the duo that they had an audience. Hammer stared at the strange yellow pegasus for a long moment before he snorted and returned his attention to John.
“We can’t kill anyone yet,” John sighed. “I don’t know where we are and how to get back.” John applied a forehoof to his face and exhaled. “The point is that the complicated bits are going to take a long time and a lot of research. The least of which will be to try to find some powerful mage willing to help us,” removing his hoof he sat in silence for a moment. “We also have to face the possibility that we may never find a way home.”
That revelation did not go well with the minotaur. He stared John down and pointed a menacing finger. “Bring us home,” he spat in John’s face, “or I will kill you.”
“Kill me and you’re alone in a world of strange-colored ponies,” the frustration had broken through his calm mask. “I will do all that I can to get us home but I need help. It’s not like I can just pull an inter-realm portal out of my ass. You have to give me time and assistance.”
An uncomfortable silence fell upon the pair. A silence that was broken by a crunching noise from the corner. A quick glance revealed a bowl of popcorn sitting on a small table between two chairs with popped kernels floating to one chair while a pink hoof lifted some toward the other chair which contained a pink pony. A moment later Discord appeared in the first chair holding some popcorn in his paw.
“Don’t mind me,” he slyly stated. “I’m just enjoying the show.” With that he threw the snack into his mouth. “Although, I couldn't help but overhear that you are in need of a mage. Pinkie, do we know any powerful mages who could lend their support to these strangers?”
“Well duh!” the pink mare exclaimed. “There’s Discord but as his magic is based around chaos there’s no telling where in the universe of universes you could end up so that’s probably not the best choice. All of the princesses would work so we have Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and Twilight of course. Because most of the princesses would probably be too busy to offer much help I have to say that the best bet would be Twilight because her biggest royal project has been the rebuilding of the town library and it helps that she is the Element of Magic and magic kinda sounds like mage which is what you are looking for so I think we should all talk to Twilight.” A brief pause allowed John to realize that he hadn't caught much of what this 'Pinkie' had said and made Hammer think that he wasn't going to like this place.
“All right,” John began, “I have two questions. Who are you and who is Twilight?” A much exaggerated gasp interrupted the group’s respite.
“Oh my goodness!” Pinkie started dancing on the tips of her hooves. “I completely forgot! You are new to Ponyville which means you need a ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ welcoming party!” Her eyes scanned the room. “I need to get started on planning!” and she bounced through the door.
“Where are you going?” John called after her.
“To get streamers!” she called back. John made to call again but thought against it. Dealing with the pink one made his head hurt.
It was funny how confusion worked. In some cases it would bring entire armies to a standstill but in others it would inspire the desire to learn. The former was visible on Hammer’s features as he slumped in defeat while the later began forming in John’s mind and he made no attempt to hide it.
“Fluttershy,” John turned to meet her gaze, “can you take me to Twilight?” Fluttershy considered the question for a moment before answering.
“Yes,” she responded, “but only after you finish your soup.” Finding no cause to argue John simply nodded and then trotted back to his seat on the couch. She then looked toward the minotaur standing in the door. “Oh I’m so sorry, would you like some soup as well Mister Hammer?”
Viewing the scene before him Hammer could only show his confusion. But confusion gave way to hunger and he nodded his consent. Fluttershy led him to the chair Pinkie was using and made to retrieve a bowl for her new guest.
“This world is strange,” Hammer stated to no-one in particular.
“You don’t know the half of it,” Discord replied from the other side of the table. “Since you’ll be here awhile why don’t I tell you all about the magic of friendship?”