//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: One Bad Sandwich // by MrAnonymous987 //------------------------------// "Ugh, I should not have eaten that sandwich." I said to myself as I woke up, hand on my stomach. I rolled my face over the side of my bed and threw up right into the bucket I had set there before my little nap. But, as my luck would have it, the bucket somehow moved three inches to the side. "Why did I have to eat a cheese sandwich? Why don't I listen to my doctor?" I though about what I'd be doing if I were to have listened to my doctor when he said I had developed lactose intolerance. Playing video games, drinking soda, eating cookies. Everything I want to be doing. But hey, my reasoning was sound. How can someone who has been eating pizza and drinking milk his entire life suddenly develop an allergy to that of which he loves, dairy? But no, instead of being smart and listening, I laughed in his face and now I have to go mop up this mess I made. So I sat up and stretched. A long drawn out yawn woke me up so I could brave the day. I swung around so I was facing off the couch and hopped off. And lucky me, I fell flat on my face, in the green puddle of the equivalent of shit form my mouth. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" a female voice shouted at me from down the hall, then I heard footsteps coming closer. Great, now my sister is gonna flip shit because I threw up all over her nice hardwood floor. "For crying out loud, I take you into my house, let you sleep here, and you repay me by fucking the place up. Some house guest you are!" "Well sorry but it's not my fault I'm allergic to cheeeeee?" I slowly looked up and froze, astonished at the sight. "Uhh sis, come here." "I'm not your sister, and I'm right here." she said. "This is one totally fucked up hallucination." "You're telling me. Now make yourself useful and stop puking. Take a shower or something, I just got out of mine so the water is still hot." I watched a sky blue, almost cyan pony with a rainbow colored tail and mane walk to a nearby closet. She pulled out a mop and mop bucket and kicked it towards me. "Well, you gonna sit there gawking or go do it?" I scrambled to my feet, eager to get to the shower and clear away this crazy image, but every time I got on my rear legs, I'd stumble instantly and fall, so I ended up walking on all fours to the bathroom. But for some reason, it felt natural. I all but fell through the bathroom door and quickly hopped into the shower. Knowing how I sleep, and my condition, I felt that it was better to get what little clothes I had on wet than waste time to take them off. I turned on the shower and the head screamed as the water sprayed out, almost as if it was asking 'whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?' in a long, drawn out, high pitched fashion. I could tell from the temperature that I was just catching the last bit of warm water before it cooled back to room temp from not being used. It quickly got hot again though, and I put my face right in the stream. It felt nice until I thought, oh crap, what about my clothes? I looked back and saw that I was wearing something white. Only, it wasn't clothes. When I tried to pull it off, I felt pain. And upon further inspection, I found is was a layer of hair, or fur, or something. I also discovered my tail, and mane. Both of which were a similar blue to the pony I saw previously. Well, this is a nice wake up. Kind of like God, nature, your body, and hell, everything, is giving you a big 'fuck you' right in the face. Either this water is making it worse, I'm a total loon, something is entirely messed up, or that myth about cheese and dreams is true. I really hope it's the latter. Although, this doesn't feel like a dream. After I figured that staying in the shower would change nothing, I turned off the water and stepped out. I grabbed a towel off the nearby rack and dried myself with it quickly. I looked at it's print before tossing it on another wet towel I presume the pony I saw used from her shower. It had several ponies staring at the sky and some flying in the sky in the back. I'm not exactly sure what that's all about, but hey, I won't judge. I trotted out of the bathroom and looked down the hall into the room I slept in, which was probably the living room considering how open and welcoming it seemed. "So, now that your up. Where the hell do you live so I can take you back?" a cyan pony called to me from the living room. "I can take myself home thank you very much." I responded. "Then scram." she said when she appeared in the hallway, pushing a bucket filled with vomit. She stopped in front of me. "Umm. I don't know where I am, sooo." "You're at my house, happy?" "Could you be more specific?" "A cloud floating above Ponyville." "Wait wait wait. Ponyville?" "Yeah? Every heard of it? One of the like 5 towns on the planet?" "So you're saying, everyone here is a cartoon pony?" "Umm, duh. Sheesh, where have you been living, the griffon kingdom?" "No, I'm from the real world, you know, Earth." The mare stared at me funny for a couple seconds. "Ok, clearly you hit your head something nasty." "No I didn't, I ate a sandwich I shouldn't have and now I have the craziest screwed up dream in the world. God I could write a book about it someday, it probably wouldn't be a well made story and full of grammatical errors, but I wrote it so I'd be happy." "Yeah so I'm just going to take you to my friend Twilight's house and she can tell us whats wrong with you." "Good luck with that." I turned around and walked down the hallway. I felt the mare's eyes burning into the back of my head. "No. You're coming with me to my friends house." "I'd like to see you try." "All right." next thing I know, I'm lying sprawled out on the floor with a female horse on my back. "OW!" "Oh I'm sowwy wittle boy. Did that huwt?" she said as though taking to a baby. "Oh ha ha that's funny." "All right now let's go see what's wrong with you." She slowly stood back up and held me with her front hooves. She flapped a pair of wings I didn't notice previously and hovered above the floor with me in her grasp. "Ok that's pretty cool, I gotta admit." "Can it." She spat as she struggled to carry me down the hall and out her door which was conveniently open.