Sombra, former king of the Crystal Empire and the dark overlord of hatred and fear, spooned up another clump of chocolate oat-swirl ice cream and shoveled it into his mouth, sighing quietly as he chewed. It just wasn't fair. All he'd wanted was to have an entire empire full of crystal slaves to do his bidding and to spread hatred and fear throughout the world; was that really so much to ask? If the explosion of positive emotional energy that blew his entire body apart was any indication, it apparently was.
If only that stupid little princess hadn't stolen the Crystal Heart and ruined everything. He could be ruling an empire instead of ruling absolutely nothing. He could be sucking down the blood of some first-borns from a crystal goblet instead of eating ice cream from a cardboard tube. He could be beating his servants for bringing him the wrong color horseshoes, even though they were actually the right color and he was just making up an excuse to beat them. He could be in his Crystal Throne of Darkness right now instead of on this fancy couch.
It was a nice couch, though.
He spooned out some more ice cream and sighed again, eying the now-empty carton as he held it in his magic. Grunting slightly, he tossed it away and pulled another from the freezer. The lid was tossed aside, and his spoon dug into the fresh carton of earth-tone dairy product. It may have taken him three months to put all his parts back together, and his career as an evil overlord might have been over, but at least he had ice cream. The sofa was pretty comfy, too.
The front door opened, disturbing the little bell above the doorway, and Rarity stepped into the boutique. She gently hummed a tune to herself as she trotted across the floor, several shopping bags suspended in her magic. "Sweetie Belle," she called out, "I got you some of those bon bons you like! Could you be a dear and—" she stopped dead, gasping dramatically as she caught sight of what was on her sofa. "Good heavens!"
Sombra furrowed his brow. "What?"
"What?" Rarity said back. "What?! What?!" She trotted closer, glaring at the dark unicorn. She thrust a hoof down toward the sofa. "That brown stain had better be from your ice cream!"
Sombra turned to look, finding that there was indeed a little spot of brown on one cushion. He looked to the brown ice cream in his tub, then back to the brown stain on the couch. "Um, yeah, I guess it must be. Sorry about that."
"'Sorry?' Do you know how hard this fabric is to clean? Gah!" Rarity turned toward the stairs as Sweetie came into sight. "Sweetie, quick!" She pointed a hoof toward the stairs as the filly recoiled. "Get my emergency fabric cleaning kit!"
Rarity turned back to Sombra as Sweetie bounded away. "And you," she growled. "What have I told you about eating ice cream on my fainting couch?"
Sombra gulped, though he didn't swallow any ice cream. "Uh, not to ever do it?"
"No," she replied slowly.
"To use a napkin?"
"No," she snapped.
"That all those who defile the fainting couch will have their hooves removed, one-by-one, until they can no longer stand without screaming in agony and pleading for death?" He giggled a little, unable to contain the glee that such concepts brought to his black heart.
"Ugh! I told you to be careful," she groaned. "Honestly, would it kill you to pay attention just once?"
He winced a little, turning his eyes down toward the floor. A dreadful silence fell over the two, and Sweetie trotted over and opened up the cleaning kit she'd been sent to fetch. Rarity brought a hoof to her mouth, realizing what she'd said. Sombra spooned more ice cream into his mouth as Sweetie began to scrub at the little stain on the couch.
"Dying isn't fun, you know," he reminded her.
"I know. I'm sorry, dear," Rarity said, dropping her hoof. "I didn't mean to say that." She took a moment to sigh. "Really, though, would you please be more careful? You know how much I hate having to clean up a big, sticky mess."
A wide smirk formed on Sombra's face, and he turned to Rarity again. "That's not the impression I got last night."
Rarity held her hoof to her face again as her cheeks burned with red. "Oh-ho-ho," she laughed, "you naughty unicorn, you."
"And you love it." Sombra stood up, taking a step toward her. "Don't you, my Mistress of Shadows?"
Rarity giggled. "You abominable tyrant."
"I'm right here, you know," Sweetie commented.
Sombra took a step closer. "Say it."
"You horrid, despicable beast," she cooed.
"Say it," he hissed again.
Rarity bit her lip momentarily before adding, "You slave-driving, vicious fiend."
He couldn't fight the grin on his face as he stepped even closer, their muzzles almost touching. "Your master commands you," he growled menacingly, making the fur on the back of Rarity's neck stand up.
"You...." Rarity drew in a slow breath, narrowing her eyes. "You monster."
Sombra jammed his lips against Rarity's, and she moaned into his mouth.
"Ewww!" Sweetie remarked as she rubbed a rag against the couch. "Get a room!"
The two lovers pulled away, both gazing into one-another's half-lidded eyes. "Come with me, Mistress of Shadows," Sombra whispered.
"As you command, my Dark Lord."
Fortunately for Sweetie's eyes, "get a room" is exactly what they did. Unfortunately for Sweetie's ears, the walls in the boutique were pretty thin.