//------------------------------// // Rare Affair // Story: Guy Talk // by JonRS //------------------------------// Guy Talk Rare Affair "I'm Snips." "I'm Snails." "I'm Spike and this is Guy Talk where we objectify females in a society dominnated by them for entertaiment. Vinyl Scratch is in the booth as usual and today we have a very special guest who holds a very special place in my heart, the lovely and elegant Rarity." "It's such a pleasure to be here. I really appreciate you having me on, Spikey-Wikey." The unicorn said patting his head. Snips rolled his eyes at the scene. "Laying it on pretty thick there, Spikey-Wikey. We've had actual princesses as guest who didn't get introductions that glowing." The colt scoffed. "I'm just trying to make Rarity feel welcomed." "And he's doing a marvelous job at it, if I do say so myself. I'd even go so far as to say I feel right at home thanks to him." "You're welcome, Rarity." Spike sighed happily. "Lay off, Snips. It's good to see Spike come around after last week's episode." Scratch pointed out. "I know all too well the bitter sting the end of one's first romantic relationship can bring. It may not seem like it right away but you shall find love again." Rarity proclaimed. "He must have been a fool let a pony like you go." Spike said offended that somepony had to gall to leave a pony like Rarity. "Well, it was a lot more to it than a simple breakup." "Sounds like a story." Snails said leaning in. "Oh no! It's really such a long story." "Show's just started. We got plenty of time." Scratch informed her. Rarity looked around to find everyone looking at her, even Spike was anxiously awaiting. It seemed like a forgone conclusion that she would tell her story anyway. "I suppose I can tell you." Rarity sighed. "We're all ears." Spike said leaning forward excitedly. "I suppose it started the summer I got my cutie mark. Even though I had discovered my special talent, it felt like something was still missing in my life. I had found my purpose in fashion and design, but there was no one in Ponyville at the time who I could share my new found talent who understood what made a runway model great or what colors went with with which seasons. It seemed like finding my cutie mark left me more alone than ever." The unicorn put a hoof to her head and sighed. "You didn't have any friends? That's so sad." Scratch remarked. "Oh, I had plenty of friends. I was actually the most popular pony in my class. None of them actually knew the first thing about fashion though. It was like I was speaking a completely different language. It was simply terrible." "So what you're saying is they just pretended to be interested what you were talking about in order to be near you. That's so strange. Don't you think that's strange, Spike?" Snips nudged the dragon. "Shut up, Snips! I want to hear the rest of the story." The dragon growled at the colt. "I was completely alone. No one was unable to understand my artistry, until I met him. When we first met, I knew almost immediately he was different from the other colts. His blonde fur was perfectly brushed with a sheen that could blind Princess Celestia herself. His mane was a deep black bouffant styled with actual product. Actual product! Do you know how many colts bother to comb their manes, let alone practice proper mane care? It's like they just hop out of bed without a second thought as to how their heads look." "What's wrong with that? I thought fillies dug the messy look." Snips asked rubbing his mane. "The messy look isn't actually a mess. That's just the name, darling. With any style, there is a method to pulling it off. Luckily, I know exactly how it's done. Now tell me when was the last time you washed your mane?" "You mean like with soap and water? Because sometimes I get in caught in the rain and that's like the same thing right?" Rarity just stared at him before moving her chair a little further away. "Where was I again? Oh, I remember now. He was unlike any of the other colts. I had to speak to him. From the moment we met, it was like I met my other half. It was more like reuniting with an old friend than making a new one. He was smart, catty, and most importantly fashion conscious. His knowledge of trends and celebrity gossip greatly surpassed my own. Needless to say, we quickly became the best of friends." "It seems like things were going great." Scratch said. "Well, it was at first. Everything about us just seem to click. It woud seem a little too well. I began to suspect we shared similar romantic interests as well. That's why it came as a huge surprise when he asked me out on a date." "What do you mean? I thought you had similar romantic interests." Snails wondered as he scratched his head. "She means he's gay, dummy!" Snips said. "Wait a minute! Rarity's gay!" Snails proclaimed loudly. "I assure you that I am not gay! I was merely referring to the fact that we both prefer males." The mare said correcting him. "Oh, I get it now. Why didn't you just say that earlier?" The colt nodded. Rarity put a hoof to her face and mumble something very unladylike to her self before regaining her composure and continuing her story. "As I was saying, I was quite shocked when he asked me out on a date." "I thought you said he was gay!" Snails shouted causing Rarity's left eye to get all twitchy. "I got it, Rarity. Listen up, Snails." Scratch said catching his attention. "Rarity's straight, but she thought her friend wasn't. Got it so far?" "Okay." The colt nodded slowly. "She knows that because he asked her out and that's where we are now. Understand?" "Y-yeah, I think I get it now." Snails smiled. "Ok, you can continue." Scratch said allowing Rarity to continue. She looked at the colt wondering if he truly understood. She didn't know what she might say if he interrupted her with one of his inane queries again. "I didn't think to question it at the time. He was definitely no slouch in the looks department and we already had so much in common. It seemed only natural that we'd eventually started dating. Unfortunately, things didn't go nearly as well as I hoped." "What happened?" Spike asked. "It turns he had an ulterior motive the entire time. Becoming my friend and asking me out, it was all a ruse. Remember how I mention we had similar tastes in fashion?" "Yeah, it's why you were so impressed in the first place." Spike spoke up. "It turns out he only wanted to get close to me so I could make dresses for him!" Rarity revealed. "He wanted you to make him dresses. Why?" Snips asked. "It turns out that his parents didn't approve of his crossdressing habit. They refuse to let him buy dresses for fear of looking ridiculous. When I mentioned how I got my cutie mark, he must have thought of me as a way of getting what he wanted without his parents knowing." "How'd you find out?" Spike asked. "He brought it up on our first and consequently last date. When he brought it up, I assumed he was joking and laughed. He took it personally and said some things I can't repeat in the company of such impressionable ears. Without getting in too much detail, he called me a bigot and claimed I was what's wrong with society. He said he never wanted to see me again and just stormed off." "Wow! He sounds like a piece of work." Spike said. "It was still devastating to me at the time. I was young enough to believe that we were perfect for each other. I didn't just lose my best friend, but the one I thought would be my special somepony. I would have been fortunate if it ended there." "What do you mean? He dumped you, right?" Snips wondered aloud. "We were broken up, but he still wanted me to make dresses for him. The day after the incident he approached like nothing had happened and asked when I'd be able to deliver the items he requested. It was like he wasn't even aware of the unpleasantness he had caused between us. The way he acted made me more than a little unnerved. When I told him I wanted nothing more to do with him, he..." Rarity put a hoof to her eyes as tears began to form. Her lip trembled as she struggled to regain composure. "It's okay, Rarity! You don't have to continue if you're not comfortable." Spike wanted to hear the rest but not if it upset her so much. He couldn't believe some jerk would be so cruel as to actually threaten such a pure and innocent filly. "I appreciate your concern, Spike, but I'm fine. I think I can continue." She said steeling herself as she took a deep breath and released it. "So what'd he say?" Snips asked. "He was going to get his styling scissors, sneak into my room at night, and... and..." "Yeah?" They all said leaning in. "Cut my mane short!" She cried out. Snips, Snails, Scratch sighed in disappointment. "That's it? My mane is pretty short. Is that so bad?" Scratch asked. "Are you guys serious? Rarity's mane is a work of art that ties her whole look together. Anyone who would mess with such beauty is pure evil!" "Spike is right. He had crossed the line and threatened something absolutely sacred to me. I was not about to be bullied by the likes of him. When I told him, he just glared at me. The look he gave me was as cold and heartless as any I've ever felt. He walked away, but I could tell this wasn't over. He wasn't going to stop till he got what he wanted." "I don't get it. What's the big deal? You could make him a few dresses like that and get him off your back for good. Why didn't you just do it?" Snips asked. "I would have thought about it if he was up front. Instead, he tried to decieve me. When that failed, he threatened me presonally. Even if I thought he was capable of stopping with a few dresses, I wasn't about to cave to a bully." "You're so brave." Spike sighed. "You didn't think he'd stop if you made the dresses?" Scratch asked. "His erratic behavior made it clear to me that he'd keep me under his hoof as long as I did what he said. He was absolutely obsessed with fashion. He'd want new clothes just to keep up with the trends and I'd always be his go to. I wasn't about to let that happen." "So what he'd do next?" Snails asked. "He continued to ask and every time I said no. Eventually, he began to spread nasty rumors about me. He began to stalk me and play mean pranks on me. At one point, he started throwing mud at me and left packages of bugs and other things at my door. It got to the point where I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder for any sign of his presence. He had turned my life into an unending nightmare. That was when he did something I could not overlook. Something that pushed me into a dark place I've never been before or since." "What did he do?" Snails asked. "He threatened to punish Sweetie Belle. It was one thing to torture me, but my sister was just an innocent little foal at the time. I realized I couldn't ignore this any longer. I had to take drastic measures." Rarity remarked in a dark tone. "What'd you do?" Snips asked. "I snuck into his home in the dead of night and I gave him a taste of his own medicine." Rarity said with a devious smile. "How'd he take it?" Scratch said. "He didn't come out of his house for a week. When he did, he didn't threaten me or my little sister ever again" "What happened to him?" Spike asked. "He moved away before his hair could grow back, but I still feel a tinge of regret about the way things ended. Despite how awful he was, I truly admired how beautiful his mane was. It's a shame I had to destroy something so beautiful, but he pushed me to the brink when he threatened Sweetie Belle." "It's pretty strange that guy turned out to be your first love." Spike remarked. "It just goes to show that first loves rarely work out. You shouldn't feel too bad that things didn't work out the way you wanted." Rarity nodded. "I figured as much. I mean who's first love really ever led to anything." The dragon shrugged when the deejay raised her hoof tentatively. "I can say that." Vinyl Scratch squeaked. "Huh? I thought you were with other people before Octavia." Snips questioned her. "I was, but I never loved any of them until I met Octavia. They were just fun and sometimes curiosity. Even if I did let it progress into a relationship, I only did it cause it was better than being alone. This thing I started with Octavia feels different though. I could have a lot more fun sleeping around, but I start thinking about her and it just loses the appeal it had. No one has ever made me feel like that." "Whatever." Spike huffed. "I suppose there is always an exception that proves the rule." Rarity said with a bitter edge. "See this is why I'll never fall in love. It just complicates stuff." Snips spoke in a smug tone. "I don't know seems kind of nice." Snails thought aloud. "Alright, I think it's time to end the episode!" Spike said abruptly ending the conversation. "Sure, I guess it's about time. Are you alright, Spike?" Scratch asked. "I'm just tired of talking about love. This is Guy Talk, right? We should talk about something more masculine next time. Next episode is a no romance zone, got it?" "I guess, but that's kind of all we talk about." Scratch pointed out. "I don't care! Next episode we're talking about guy stuff. I'd like to thank and apologize to everyone who listen to this. Guy Talk signing off!" Spike said as his friends looked at each other with nervous expressions.