//------------------------------//
// The Potency of Poetry Part 1 
// Story: A Changeling's Endeavors into the Subtle Art of Wooing Mares 
// by airbournesquid 
//------------------------------//

“Remember, pal; you need any help with Applejack, just call my name and I’ll come running.” Assured Thunderlane, still holding a bag of ice to his sore, black eye. 

“You can bet I will,” lied Caramel, slapping his friend on the shoulder. “I’ll see you around.”

Thunderlane offered one last reassuring smile before flying off into the bright, early morning sky. Caramel couldn’t help but laugh. Thunderlane’s ‘tips’ had been… interesting to say the least. The pegasus had, in order:
Taken a critical eye to his wardrobe, berating him for his lack of denim. 
Presented him with a pair of aviator sunglasses to 'make him look awesomerer'.
Suggested growing a moustache to give him a more ‘stallion-y’ appearance. 
Gave him a crash course in kissing which he wasn’t going to talk about to anypony. Ever. EVER.
Taught him several workouts to “Beef up those string beans you call legs.”
And gave him his entire written repertoire of pick-up lines. Caramel had managed to get through two pages before taking a cold shower. 

Ponies were weird.

All in all, Thunderlane had been of little help- unless Caramel counted the entertainment value, that is. Thunderlane's first attempt on Silent Song's affections hadn't been the last. On the contrary, he'd spent the rest of the night trying to woo her.
That ended about as well as you'd expect. 

Seriously, how did that guy get so much attention from Ponyville's mares? Caramel put it up to good looks and that sleek smile of his. That, and Thunderlane's job was an extremely physical one. Only a blind mare or a lesbian could tear their eyes away from wings as chiselled as that.  

He closed the door and sat down patiently in the living room, awaiting the knock on his door. Today was Twilight's turn, and you know what? He felt up for it. Maybe it had something to do with Thunderlane's encouragement, or maybe he'd just hit rock bottom and knew that the only way to go from here was up. Either way, he was ready.

"Sir?"

Caramel nearly jumped in surprise. The damned Solar Guard had been standing so still that he hadn't even noticed he was there. Moreover this was one of the first things that Wild Rain had actually said to him so far.
"Yeah?"

"The private was curious as to whether you were intending on using Mr. Thunderlane's advice, Sir." said the guard, a slight smile playing across his lips.

"And why would that be?" 

"Sir, it's bad advice Sir."

Caramel barked in laughter. When Celestia had said she'd have a pair of guards watching over him, he'd been distraught. Then again, his experience with guards was limited to those from The Hive, and they weren't exactly what he'd call 'kind'. These two, it seemed, wouldn't prove nearly as taxing as he thought they would. On the contrary, Wild Rain had just proved himself to be possible friend material!

"Yeah, I don't know why mares seem to love him so much, but it definitely isn't because of his poetic pick up lines..." the written list that Thunderlane had given him clawed its way back to the forefront of his mind. Caramel shivered. "You know what? I'm gonna go and take another shower. Answer the door if Twilight comes knocking, would you?"

"Yes Sir." 

Caramel briefly played with the idea of telling Wild Rain to drop all the 'yes sir, no sir' malarkey, but decided better of it. He'd spent his entire life bending his knees. First to his father, then to Master Daejin the Runeforger, and then to Queen Chrysalis. When your life consisted of following orders, It felt good to be addressed with a little authority every now and then.

The rest of the morning passed rather slowly. He showered, chatted with Wild Rain and tried to chat with Silent Song. He constantly checked the front door for signs of Twilight or glanced at the clock on his wall. She should be here by now. He gave his clock one last look before deciding to just head out to Twilight's treehouse himself.

The bad news: the guards had to follow him. 

Caramel had thought up an excuse to give to everypony beforehand. There'd been an attempt on his life and the Equestrian Guard insisted that he keep at least two of their own by his side at all times. Luna had even been enough of a bro to put his little cover up story in the second page of the Canterlot Daily, legitimising his lie. It paid to have friends in high places.

Caramel adjusted his disguise with a black eye and a recently-bandaged cut on his foreleg. If he was going to be playing the act of a near murder victim, he may as well look the part.

Sufficed that he looked pathetic enough, Caramel grabbed his saddlebags from the closet and set off towards Twilight's, His two bodyguards shadowing him. Caramel didn't fail to notice Silent Song's slight hesitation before stepping into the sunlight. He'd heard rumors that the Lunar Guards had an aversion to sunlight, and judging from Silent Song's grimace, there was a hint of truth to them.

"Hey Song, you okay?" he asked.

"Fine, Sir." She said emotionlessly. Caramel noticed the small hint of an accent on her voice.

"Well, you don't look too fine to me. What's up with your eyes? You're squinting."

"I..." she sighed, glaring at the ground. "Batponies have trouble seeing during the day, Sir. The light's too intense." her words were tainted with humility. Caramel scratched his chin thoughtfully before slipping back inside momentarily and grabbing the pair of aviators which Thunderlane had given him. 

"Here, maybe these'll help." he said as he set the sunglasses on Silent Song's face. Wild Rain immediately began snickering, and Caramel couldn't blame him. Silent Song looked nothing short of hilarious.

"A-are those Neigh Bans, Sir?" asked Wild Rain, barely containing his laughter.

"Only the best for my bat-buddy."

Wild Rain exploded in laughter, Caramel very nearly following in suit. Silent song gave an offended huff before tearing the sunglasses from her face and thrusting them into Caramel's forelegs. 
"Thank you, Sir, but I think I'll be just fine without these!" she snapped before curtly trotting ahead.

"Watch out for the post bo-"

*CRASH*

Silent Song trudged back to Caramel, a letter hanging behind her ear. Caramel plucked it from her head and placed it in his saddlebags to read later, much to Wild Rain's amusement. She wordlessly snatched the aviators from Caramel and grudgingly placed them back on her face. 

Wild Rain quickly sobered up from his laughing fit, wiped the tears from his eyes and fell in beside Caramel as they made their way towards Twilights treehouse. 

"Gee," said Caramel to Wild Rain. "What's up with her?" 

"Nothin' really, Sir. She just gets kinda aggressive when she makes a fool of herself. She doesn't really get jokes... Or laughing... Or Smiling."

Caramel frowned. "Sounds pretty grim."

Wild Rain shrugged. "Well, she is a Lunar Guard. They aren't exactly renowned for their humour, Sir."

"Huh..." Caramel watched Silent Song move in front of them. Everything down to her walk was honed to an organised perfection. Her armour was polished, her hooves were trimmed, and Caramel had no doubt that the sword swinging at her side had been sharpened to a razor edge. There was a stony resolve to her otherwise emotionless face- the cold determination of a true soldier.
'That mare cares only for her job.'

He'd met his fair share of her kind before;  spies, assassins, poison-brewers... Queen Chrysalis had made certain that every last member of her Secret Service was dedicated entirely to their profession. He'd been the same once. When somechangeling cuts off all of your connections to the outside world, your training quickly becomes the centre of your universe. 

"So what's that accent she's sporting?" he asked.

"She's from Stalliongrad." Wild Rain eyed Caramel inquisitively. "I don't mean to pry Sir, but you're taking an awful lot of interest in Sergeant Silent Song."

Caramel shrugged. "Call it an insatiable curiosity." In truth, he'd spent so long learning everything there was to know about everypony around him that it'd become a habit of sorts. Just because he'd stopped being a spy doesn't mean that he simply forgot all of those gruelling training sessions he'd had to go through to get here in the first place.

The rest of the trip passed in silence. It was a beautiful day, and Caramel could feel it in the other ponies around him. Love and happiness radiated through the air. Caramel drank deeply from it, and filled his stomach. Equestrians had a strange sort of love for the sun that he simply couldn't wrap his head around. Some ponies even took it upon themselves to go on 'holidays': long periods of time wherein a pony would go to the beach and lay motionless beneath the sunlight.
As far as Caramel could tell, it was kind of like a hibernation thing- Equestrians would wait for winter and then temporarily move to somewhere warmer, like the Minotaur Kingdom or Zebrica. It was like the whole of Equestria had this weird obsession with 'sunbathing'.

He wasn't complaining, of course. The warm, sunny weather meant that Ponyville was bristling with love. There was so much love filling the air that he could gorge himself recklessly and nopony would even notice that it was gone. When the sun was out, Equestria became a virtually endless food source. 
On retrospect, he should have disguised himself as holiday broker. 




Notes.

So many notes.

And so many notes could only mean one thing.

Twilight was getting a visitor.

As Spike well knew, Twilight Sparkle was a creature of protocol. She actually had a massive notepad under her bed which was simply labelled 'Protocol'. Its contents could only be described as disturbing.



Nutrition tab, section two, preparation: Hungry? Consult the cook book and select one option. Avoid dairy products for yourself and excessive pastries/candy for Spike. Cooking equipment is located in the cupboard next to the fridge, and various utensils are stored in the draw next to the sink.

Time management tab, section one, waking up on time: When referring to the alarm clock, set time between five and seven AM in order to meet current requirements. Ignore the snooze button. Don't wake up Spike until nine. Alarm clock instructions can be found in the bedside cabinet.

Entertainment tab, section four, entertaining your friends during sleepover: Due to the destructive nature of the last attempted sleep over, take extensive safety precautions to avoid injury and/or death. Don't bunk Applejack and Rarity together, and for the love of Celestia, don't allow Pinkie Pie near any sharp objects. As for matters of entertainment you can either-
A: Initiate spin the bottle.
B: Refer to joke book. 
C: Discuss favourite musicians, authors, directors or current crushes. Refer to the Hobbies tab for further information.
D: Begin a pillow fight. Avoid this option if Pinkie Pie is involved; bloodstains are hard to remove.

Emergency tab, section six, allergies: Avoid any and all dairy products. Consumption of  lactose shall cause both stomach pains and flatulence. Effects minor, but irritating.
Avoid wasp stings. Symptoms may include swelling of throat and mouth, followed by loss of consciousness. in the event of being stung, relocate to the local hospital and acquire immediate medical assistance.



There was four hundred pages of the stuff. Twilight had made him read it from cover to cover, just in case.. 

The thing about Twilight was that she didn't really understand the whole 'social norms' thing. She needed her Big Book of Protocol because for Twilight there was no 'winging it' or 'going with the flow'. Everything had to be organised and solvable via flowchart and/or manual, because to her there was no other way. 
Unbeknownst to many of her friends, Twilight had a legitimate case of OCPD. Everything had to be kept neat, and everything had to be kept in place-
And when somepony throws a spanner into the works, she tended to have... trouble dealing with it. 

She had sections in her beloved Protocol Book dedicated to visitors from various places around the world, from minotaurs to Saddle Arabians, but she didn't have anything on changelings.
Sure, she had instructions on capture and detainment, interrogation methods and proper prisoner management, but she had yet to create a section on how to properly greet/offer your hospitality to a race of otherwise hostile insectoid ponies.

Henceforth, this happened.

A horde of sticky notes clung to the table where Twilight sat half-buried beneath a mountain of books. A notepad hovered in the air behind her, a quill scribbling down notes furiously whilst she flipped through the pages. Every now and then she'd snap a book shut, only to snatch up another from the pile. 

Spike sighed, brought his mug of morning coffee to his mouth, and drank.
Today was going to be one of those days.

"Morning, Twi."

"SPIKE!" Twilight exclaimed, the book hovering in front of her disappearing with a 'pop'. "It's... It's not what it looks like!"

Spike drained his cup of coffee. "Really? Because it looks like somepony is flipping out over a simple visit." Twilight stared at him like a foal caught with a hoof in the cookie jar. 

"Spike please, you've got to understand that this isn't just any visit! This is a mission from Princess Celestia herself! It's of the upmost importance that I get this right. Plus there's so much unaccounted for! I mean, I know virtually nothing about Mr. Caramel's culture, what if I do something to offend him?"

Spike shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it, he seems pretty cool."

"W-well what if I feed him the wrong things? For all I know those cupcakes you baked for us could be poisonous to changelings!"

"Where are those things, anyways?"

"I had to dispose of them. Risk of a biohazard and all tha-" Twilight slapped a hoof to her mouth abruptly. Too late.

"You threw my cupcakes in the trash?" asked Spike.

"Sorry."

"Ugh!" Spike pinched the bridge of is nose and growled in frustration. "Couldn't you've just, oh I don't know, used a decontamination spell or something?"

"B-but what if one of the ingredients were poi-"

"Just..." Spike sighed again. It was halfway through the morning and he was already tired. "Just put away the books, brush your mane and have a shower. You kind of stink."

"But what about-"

"No ifs, no buts. If something out of the ordinary happens, we'll just roll with it, you know, like everypony else in the entire world does?"

Twilight opened her mouth to argue but a firm glare from Spike forced it shut again. Begrudged she trod off towards the bathroom with the look of a scolded foal across her face. It was a sad day when a baby dragon had to tell a national hero and certified genius when to wash themselves.
He glanced at the clock. "Hey Twilight, weren't you supposed be at Caramel's place by nine?"

Twilight looked at the clock and screamed. 

Spike could only sigh, raise his coffee to his mouth, and swig deeply. Yep, one of those days.  




"You look confused."

"Sir... That's a tree Sir." said Wild Rain, staring at the Golden Oaks Library disbelievingly. 

Caramel smiled. His reaction had been one of the same the first time round. A library inside a tree, it'd seemed so laughably stupid that he'd nearly cackled his ass off. Why would somepony put a library in such an odd place? How did the tree stay alive when it was hollowed out? Why was the rest of Ponyville so damned oblivious to how full-on strange it was?
Because ponies were weird, that's why.

"Come on Wild Rain," said Caramel, beckoning his guard. "If you think the library is weird just wait until you get a look at the owner."

As if on cue, the door burst open, and Twilight Sparkle emerged in a blur of purple. She sped through the doorway, past Silent Song and Wild Rain, only to come face to face with Caramel-

Or rather, head to muzzle.

*CRUNCH*




Caramel glared quietly at the fang. The little pointed tooth just hated the idea of staying in his mouth, didn't it? First Applejack's beat down, then the incident with the door and now this.
He should really think about investing in a good dentist, if there were any willing to work with a changeling, that is. 

"Sorry." said Twilight for the eight-thousandth time. A bandage was wrapped around her horn where his fang had lodged itself in the appendage. Luckily, the cut beneath all of those bandages was a relatively small one.

"It's okay, really." repeated Caramel, tonguing the new gap in his gums. Twilight had been nice enough to allow him access to her medicine box, the painkillers he took stopping the pain from overwhelming him entirely. He was lucky that Twilight's impromptu head-butt hadn't stripped him of his disguise. Being exposed in the middle of Ponyville wasn't something that would bode well for him. 

"Yeah well, I'm still sorry." her eyes flicked to the dislodged fang. "You know I could fix it for you if you wanted me to!"

Before Caramel cold respond, Twilight lit up her horn and shot a beam of purple energy at Caramel's mouth. To both their surprise, the shot went wide, deflected off of a window, passed between Silent Songs legs, pinged off of the surface of Wild Rain's armour and struck a cupboard, which promptly exploded in a shower of splinters and cutlery. 

Caramel stared at the wreckage that could've been his head. "How about no, Twilight."

"Sorry!" yelped Twilight, promptly blowing out the small flame that lingered at the tip of her horn. "The uh, well, head-on collision must've destabilised my horn. It's a common hindrance to unicorns who've recently suffered head trauma. Complex spells tend to get kind of iffy when that happens." 

"Right." said Caramel, eyeing Twilight's horn nervously. "Maybe we should lay off the magic for now." 

"Right, sorry."

"No need to apologise."

"Sorry."

Leaning against a wall, an exhausted Spike slapped a hand to his face in resignation.

Twilight shuffled nervously on her hooves before glancing towards the two guards. "So these are your guards? Princess Celestia told me she was assigning you some of her best." she said, putting on her best smile.
Caramel caught the small burst of pride that played across Wild Rain's emotions.

"But why is that batpony wearing sunglasses?"

Caramel snickered to himself as Silent Song hastily removed the sunglasses and slipped them into a compartment in her armour. "M-my eyes are sensitive to the sunlight, Ma'am."

""Right... Well, do you guys want so tea or something?"

Wild Rain opened his mouth to say yes, but Silent Song beat him to the punch. "No thank you, ma'am. Officers of the guard aren't permitted to eat or drink on duty. Right Wild Rain?"

Wild Rain rolled his eyes, nodding.

"Oh, okay. Caramel?"

"Yes please."

Twilight smiled and zipped to the kitchen. She looked a wreck. The dark bags under her eyes, the dishevelled mane, the BO, all combined to give the unicorn an abnormally withered appearance. And all of these sticky notes... It was no secret that Twilight Sparkle was rather passionate when it came to research and planning, but this? This was over the line. The surface of the table he sat at was swathed in notes, notebooks, and a variety of other note-recording appliances.
Twilight Sparkle liked notes. She liked them a lot.

Her habit of recording any and all things beneath Celestia's sun had actually worked to his advantage in a multitude of ways. She kept the letters Celestia wrote to her hidden in a safe at the back of her closet. Slipping into the library at night had been easy, and cracking the four-digit code of the safe (1138) had been even easier. Equestrians were skilled at many things, but constructing decent security equipment was not one of them. Of course he'd meant to tell Twilight about his midnight intrusions-he'd turned over a new leaf, after all-but, well...
Caramel glanced back at the smouldering remains of the cupboard.

Maybe he'd wait for a less hectic moment to tell her.

"So," said Twilight, placing a cup of tea in front of Caramel and seating herself. "as you well know I've been tasked with repairing the relationship between you and my dear friend Applejack." she spoke astutely, grabbing a nearby stack of paper and laying it neatly in front of her. 
"After much research I've devised a solution that should prove both effective and romantic, having seen much use in Equestrian society and earning itself a place as one of Equestria's most revered art forms-"

"Are you reading from a script?" asked Caramel disbelievingly. Twilight's eyes had been trailing back and forth across the papers she'd placed in front of her.

"N-no!"

He leaned back in his chair and raised a brow at Twilight, patiently awaiting the truth. 

"Maybe..."

"That's... Kind of unusual."

"Well I'm sorry for trying to keep my presentation organised!" she snapped suddenly. The regret was written across her face the moment the words left her mouth. "Sorry. Again. I just get a little cranky when I don't sleep for a while." 

Caramel gave the unicorn a closer look. Her eyes were rimmed red, and her posture sagged wearily. "Twilight," he asked. "when was the last time you used your bed?"

"Oh, I don't know," she said dismissively. "With all the research and preparations I've been doing lately I'd say maybe two, three days ago?"

"Four." said Spike, matter-of-factly.

"Four days?" exclaimed Caramel.

"Relax, I've went longer. Besides, I'm not really that-" she yawned widely. "-that tired."

"You look a mess." he said. "Seriously Twilight, four days?"

"I... I had a lot of stuff to do, I couldn't waste time sleeping!" she huffed. "Besides, it's not like I'm the only one who does it. The Royal Guard are trained to go up to an entire week without sleep, you know!"

He caught a pitying glance from Wild Rain. 

"You aren't a Royal Guard, you're an overworked librarian who's going to run herself into the ground! I mean, don't you remember that incident with Applejack?" he remembered it all too well. She'd insisted that she could harvest the entire orchard by herself. By the end of the day she had tuckered herself out to such an extent that when she finally came home for dinner, she mistook Applebloom for him, and him for apple fritter.
He still had the bite marks to prove it. It had been an interesting day. 

"Oh relax, it's not like I'm going to keel over and die or anything."

"No, but I'm pretty sure that stuff like this can only be bad for your health."

Twilight went to give him a dismissive wave, but was caught halfway by another yawn. "I'll be fine, seriously." 

An idea popped Caramel's mind. "Well how's this for an ultimatum: I'll listen to what you have to say, but only if you take a shower first."

Twilight recoiled. "Are you saying that I stink?"

he shrugged. "Kind of. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that you weren't able to find the time to wash, right?"

"W-well with all the study-"

"Okay. In that case, here's the offer. You take a shower, maybe comb that crazy mane of yours-"

"Hey!"

"-And I'll be the best student that I can possibly be. Sound fair?" 

Twilight thought on it for a moment before agreeing and resigning to the shower. Caramel let out the breath he'd been holding. He'd known Twilight almost as long as he'd known Applejack, and if there was one thing he'd learned about the mare it was that you had to be a little stern with her a times. She had a way of going off on her own little tangents or, evidently, dedicating herself so entirely to her projects that she forgot things the more practical things in life, like food, water and hygiene.

"Hey dude?" said Spike, walking over to Caramel and planting a scaly hand on his foreleg. "Thanks. I've been trying to get her to do that for an entire day now."  

He shrugged. "It's no problem, really." it wasn't. A spy had to be trained in all manner of things, including manipulation. It'd been one of his favourite studies. Every mind was its own little puzzle, each with varying difficulty. Twilight's had proved to be quite a challenge at times, to say the least.

Spike smirked. "yeah well, thanks anyways." he shuffled uneasily. "So I was wondering, could you... Y'know, show me your changeling self again?" he looked to the side, kicking at the air and blushing. "I kinda wanna see your teeth again."

Caramel smiled, morphing back into his changeling form and opening his mouth to display his teeth, minus one. Spike's eyes lit up with childish wonder as he examined his remaining fang. "Wow, they're actually a whole lot like mine." he said, reaching a hand up to his own mouth and fingering one of his viciously sharp canines. Caramel caught a small wisp of longing from the small dragon.

"Cool," he surmised. "but why do you guys need fangs? I thought you guys only ate love."

'We do, but the Changeling Empire is a dangerous place filled with dangerous creatures. When it comes to tearing out someone or something's throat, a pair of sharp gnashers becomes invaluable.' he spared Spike the dark details and shrugged.
"Meh, who knows? At least they look cool." 

They spoke for a while longer before Twilight finished showering and came trotting back into the room. Say what you would about Twilight; at least she cleans up well. Her mane had been restored to its usual, neat and organised self, and she'd rid herself of her unpleasant body odour. Sadly, there was little that they could do about the bags under her eyes, but Caramel imagined that they would go away when Twilight finally decided to get herself some shuteye. 
"Happy now?" she asked haughtily.

"Very. Now, what were you saying about Equestrian art forms?"

A twinkle came to her eye when he mentioned her research. No matter what mood she was in, Twilight was always overjoyed to share knowledge. She slipped back into her chair, gathered the papers around her into an organised pile and smiled, her grumpiness completely forgotten. "Right!" she said, levitating a thick slab of a book from the shelves and slapping in in front of him. Caramel leant forward and read the cover.

"Starswirl's Big Book of Poetry?" 

"Yep," answered Twilight. "Poetry has been revered as one of the purest art forms in Equestria for centuries! Ever since Starswirl the Bearded created poetry a thousand years ago, it's been all the rage. There's conventions on this stuff the whole year round! Celestia makes sure that she visits as many as possible, she's a huge poetry fan. Actually, hold on a second, I'm pretty sure that I have a photograph of her..." Twilight levitated yet another book from beneath her bed labelled 'Scrapbook' and flipped through the pages. "Check it out!" she held the book to Caramel's muzzle. A photograph of Celestia, complete with a (simply adorable) young Twilight nuzzled up next to her leg, filled the page. Behind them a banner drooped from the ceiling, reading 'Manehattan Poetry Convention'. 

"Wow," said Caramel. "You weren't lying. The princess looks... enthusiastic." A pair of square reading glasses sat on her face, and her mystical hair was bunched up in a ponytail. The large, cheesy smile she wore made it obvious that she was enjoying herself immensely.
Behind him Wild Rain giggled. "So nerdy..." Caramel heard him mutter to himself before Silent Song silenced him with an elbow to the side.

Twilight giggled into her hoof. "It's funny, really. Most of the time she's so royal and grand, but whenever a poetry convention comes around it's like she turns into an excitable little filly. It's actually pretty cute, once you get past the whole 'the Eternal Ruler of Equestria is acting like a five year old on Hearths Warming Eve' thing."

"Hah!" he laughed. From what he'd gathered in the company of the Royal Sisters, they were just as much normal ponies as any other Equestrian, the only difference being a taller stature and a longer lifespan. They had their likes and dislikes, hobbies and secrets, just like everypony else.
Caramel thought back to Luna's room, and Señor Bubbles; the big, stuffed whale she kept by her pillow.

Ponies were weird, and the Royal Sisters were no exception.

"So... How am I supposed to use this?" he said, pointing towards the poetry book.

"Well, there's a new poetry convention at trottingham in a few days, and Celestia's invited me along-like she always does. Only this time she's given me permission to take a few friends as well."

"So you're idea is to get me and Applejack to watch poetry together?"

"Not exactly. You see, at the convention everypony is allowed to perform, and-"

"And you want me to give it a whirl." he finished for her.

"Exactly." she plucked a history book from her shelves and flicked through the pages. "Poetry has been a widely appraised method of declaring your love throughout history. In fact, ponies have been known to be so charmed by a poet's work that they've actually gotten married over it!" She flipped the book around and showed him the grainy, black and white picture of a heavy-set, regal looking stallion halfway through getting his brains snogged out by a particularly happy zebra mare in a wedding dress.

Twilight snorted and shook her head. "Zebras have such a way with rhymes, it's no surprise that Prince Honourbound fell for one. I wonder how Blueblood would react if he ever found out that he was part zebra." she snapped the book shut. "Anyways, the fact is that everypony loves a bit of poetry, so what better way to declare your love? It's so... Romantic!"

Caramel was a great deal less enthusiastic. "I dunno," he said uncertainly. "Applejack isn't exactly the most wordiest of mares."

"Oh, don't worry about that." replied Twilight, waving him off with a hoof. "Anypony can respect a good piece of poetry, especially when it's written about them!"

"Hold up a second, you want me to write a poem about Applejack?" Caramel frowned. Although learning the Equestrian language had been easy enough, the writing was a whole different kettle of fish. He'd been practicing Equestrian writing and reading Equestrian books for over a year now, and he still barely passed himself off as literate. 

"Well, yeah!" Twilight noticed Caramel's grim expression. "Come on, anypony can do it." she reassured him. "All you have to do is find the appropriate rhymes that fit both grammatically and thematically, make sure your lines and stanzas follow a specific pattern, and incorporate one core theme plus several minor ones throughout! Oh, and you have to remember that whatever rhymes you make as well as the structure of the poem and the way it sounds could be construed by the more adept audience as a method of conveying themes and meanings."

"... Sounds like a cakewalk."

"I know, right!" answered Twilight, Caramel's sarcasm completely and utterly lost on her. "Here, I have several books dedicated to the training of poets as well as some audio recordings which-" she stopped abruptly. "Wait a second, I almost forgot to ask..."

Suddenly, Twilight lost the vigour she'd filled her voice with moments before. Awkwardly she cleared her throat, and put on what may have been the fakest smile that Caramel had ever seen. "I was wondering if you'd let me know a bit more about changelings before we get started, y'know, just to sate my curiosity?"

Caramel had never heard Twilight lie before. it stumbled off of her tongue in a way that was hilariously obvious.
He leant back in his chair and smiled. "Well that's lovely Twilight, but if you could, would you kindly tell me the truth?"

She looked to the floor, shrinking under his eyes. "I... Well... Ugh, fine! Princess Celestia has asked me to learn more about changeling-kind. She says that she's uncomfortable with you knowing everything there is to know about Equestria, but her knowing nothing about you. So she kinda sent me a letter asking me to spy on you."

Caramel's smile widened, filled with an aura of pride. Nopony spies on a spy. 

He supposed that this was Celestia's way of getting him back after what happened at the Grand Galloping Gala. From their last meeting, Caramel would've guessed that she was more than a little unhappy with him. His eyes drifted towards Twilight's cherry-red, embarrassed face. 
'Let's see if I can't earn my way back into Celestia's good books.'

"Well, it's not like I know any military secrets or anything, so..."

Twilight lit up with anticipation. "So you'll let me interview you?"

"We stay away from the subjects of armies, spy networks, and stuff like that, understood? Cultural and minor geographical information only."

"Of course!" Twilight already had her pen and notepad out, and was beaming in joy. "Where should we begin?"

Caramel leant forward, and took his first, long sip from his cup of tea. This was going to be a long day. 




Killing with poison was a messy business.

Frauk had used it only once before, years ago on his first mission. 
The rest of the world kept a blessedly large distance between themselves and the Changeling Empire-something about it being 'cursed land' and all the like. Of course, every now and then you'd get some courageous sod who wanted to dispel the rumors surrounding the Badlands, and Chrysalis couldn't have that now, could she?
He'd been a griffon senator. Forty years old, if Frauk's memory served him correctly. His... removal had been declared paramount to their nation's survival. Chrysalis had put the task upon Kaathe, and Kaathe had put it upon him. 

Frauk was not stupid. He knew that the experienced assassin had meant to test him. Should he have failed to kill the senator, Kaathe would swoop in from the shadows and slit the griffon's throat instead. Although it may seem like it from time to time, Kaathe never left anything up to chance. 

He'd sprinkled the senator's pillow with the pollen of a blackrose, a deadly flower found only on the small, offshore island of Volka. The death would be a peaceful one; the pollen was known to gently lull its victims into a slumber that they would never wake from. 

The senator was a father, and a loving one at that. Loving enough to let his son sleep next to him whenever he had nightmares... When he had checked to see whether the poison had done its job, he'd found two bodies, instead of one.

Frauk refused to use poison ever since. Kaathe, however, was a stubborn one. "Mercy and guilt are the makings of a coward," he'd told him, and that was that.
He loved Kaathe, in a way; If it weren't for him he'd still be scrabbling in the dirt, begging for drug money. But that didn't mean that he particularly liked him. He was cold, and vicious to boot, not to mention secretive. His mind wandered back to the ring around Kaathe's horn. How anything, changeling or otherwise, could marry somechangeling like that was beyond him. 

He stared off into the distance, the light of a distant town loaming over the hills in the distance. Well, Kaathe's poisons would not claim this one. No, this one, Frauk would give the mercy of the knife...




Dearest Princess Celestia,

I'm afraid that my efforts at spying have proved to be rather ineffective. Caramel more or less caught me out right off the bat. Lucky for us, he's agreed to share some of his knowledge on changelings, although he's tight-lipped about military and strategic information. Of course we could always try to interrogate it out of him, but as far as I can tell, he knows very little about anything that would give us a great tactical advantage over changelings in the battlefield. According to him, that information was withheld for reasons of national security. As for the changeling spy networks in Equestria, well, to put it rather bluntly he said that he'd prefer to die than betray his co-workers. He's quite the patriot in that respect. 
On a personal note, I'm overjoyed to be given this chance, Princess. There's a whole history and culture just waiting to be unveiled, and I get to be the one who does the unveiling! I know it's a little much to ask, but do you think that I could use the information gathered from Caramel to compile a book concerning changelings? As Caramel said, he'd be staying away from anything that would prove advantageous to us when facing the changelings, so seeing as there isn't much use  for these notes military-wise, I can't see all that much harm in it being released to the public.
Pleeeeeease? It could count as an early birthday present!

Anyways, due to the sheer amount of time, interviewing and overall writing that a full compilation will take, I've decided to break my notes into easily digestible  'chapters', if you will. These will be sent to you periodically, and each shall detail a different facet of changeling society. I hope you find this as fascinating as I do, Princess Celestia.


Love, Twilight Sparkle.






Part I, Concerning the Matter of Religion.


Changeling religion revolves around the worship and celebration of two idols. The first is Kor, the god of death, who rules over the mountains and deserts and all which draws not breath. He is considered many things by his worshipers; a god of rest, a governor of time, a steadfast friend to the recently departed, and a punisher of those whom he judges deserving.

The second is Yara, goddess of all that moves and bears the spark of life, Queen of food, joy and pleasure, the polar opposite of Kor. It was she who birthed the first changelings and crafted for them The Hive, wherein they flourished and grew into the Empire the changelings live in today (further expansion upon the details concerning the empire and its history shall be included in further iterations). She is a creator, and loves all of her children unconditionally, from the sinless saint to the murderous brigand. There are no exceptions. She does not punish, only reward-

But- and according to Caramel this is a rough extract from what he calls the "Truth-Runes", a collection of engravings that serve as a holy book of sorts- 'sinners be wary; for our time on this plane is short, and whilst wrongdoings may go unheeded in the realm of life, that which lies beyond shall not prove as forgiving.
Woe be upon any who have stirred the wrath of Kor, for the afterlife shall bear only the breaking of your mind and the unravelling of your soul.
Kor shall toss you, screaming and mad, into the flames of the underworld.'

A rather dark interpretation of heaven and Tartarus, if I do say so myself. 

The large majority of the changeling race worship these gods, and two celebrations are held annually in their honour, each lasting a single week and being placed at two opposite ends of the year. The first is the Celebration of Sleep, dedicated to Kor. Changelings treat this as a week of rest, and share it in peace with their families. 
The second is the Celebration of Day, dedicated to Yara. This is far more lively, being a week in which they celebrate the joy of living and the wonders of life. Gatherings for such celebrations are known to be colossal, consisting of thousands of changelings dancing, singing and feasting. According to Caramel, the lighting of bonfires and burning of intoxicating incense within them is something of a tradition. No swords are to be drawn nor any fights started during this week of celebration, and doing so is punishable by imprisonment.

Aside from these two weeks, changelings are also known to take Sundays off for prayer and social gatherings. This, more often than not, happens around a fire of some sort, be it a hearth or a bonfire or simply a torch. Flame is considered a representation of the two gods, seeing as it both creates light and casts shadows. It's considered bad etiquette to hold gatherings or parties of any kind without, at the very least, a candle burning.  

There is, of course, far more to divulge, but I'm afraid that there's simply too much to include in a single letter. What I've been told has been fascinating, and in some respects frightening. Caramel briefly mentioned fanaticism in the far reaches of the Changeling Empire, and sorcery deeply entwined with Kor being practised someplace called 'The Dead Plains'. Not the most inviting of names, I know. He said that these fanatics upheld sacrificial methods of worship: the killing of animals, self mutilation, suicide, it all paints a tremendously grim picture, Princess. Despite Equestria supporting a myriad of different, multicultural beliefs, I don't think we've ever encountered a fanaticism this twisted before. It's as interesting as it is horrifying. 

I promise that I'll have my next entry ready within the week. Hopefully Caramel will be feeling more talkative by then, I get the feeling that he's uncomfortable talking about his own kind.