//------------------------------// // Sun Filly's Order // Story: One Crazy ... Crazy Family // by Dragon Fruit //------------------------------// Bum, bum, bum, filly in the sun. …… No that can’t be right, it’s filly on the sun, or was it lying in the sun? Oh well doesn’t matter, they already put a mare on the moon, so why not a filly in the sun? Alright then, once more everybody! Bum, Bum, Bum, Filly in the sun Oh quite so fun! Filly in the sun. She saw a potato patch Growing on a roof of thatch. She popped the potatoes into corn And Timberwolves came with fangs of thorn Munching the potato corn all day long Side by side with the changeling throng Bum, Bum, Bum, Filly in the sun! And speaking of sun fillies, there’s dearest Princess Celestia! ...oh goody. Oh she’s seen me too, funny you’d think a princess would be above grudges. That just proves the fact that no pony’s perfect, so ha ha princess rainbow-sherbert-for-a-mane. But ohhh whats this? Why it’s the trio of fillies who so graciously freed me from that stuffy boulder of a prison. I never thanked them did I? Oh how rude of me! I simply must repay them! Discord’s lips curled into a smile. …. …. …. What? Can’t a dragonesque flitter from first to third person narration? What about second? Even fourth? You know breaking the 4th wall and all that..Telling a person how to speak is quite rude you know? Such consistency in speech can get terribly boring mind you, so don’t get angry when I flip my speech or hceeps ym pilf. ...No, I think talking backwards will be reserved for Celestia, after all, none of you have done anything to earn such Discord fun time have you, but my change in tense is a requirement for you all to hang out with one as wonderful as moi. In other words, deal with it. Oh dear, the nag is glaring at me, really is a wonder her face hasn’t frozen like that yet, in fact… Discord snapped his fingers. “Discord what are you doing here?” the horse-harpy demanded. Discord put on his most innocent look. “Me?” He flipped upside down his eyes level with the old biddy. “Why, I’m just doing my job, dear princess perfect” He heard a snort and glanced toward the trio of fillies. The white unicorn was trembling behind the yellow earth pony with the bow, who was stepping in front of her as if I might leap at them any second (tempting, completely assure you, nothing is as much fun as scaring young fillies). You know, I’ve always wondered how earth ponies could do stuff like that, considering they don’t have any claws or Faust forbid...thumbs. Then there’s the orange pegasus. Well, this filly looks like she appreciates quality when she sees it. The little orange puff of feathers was barely concealing a smile. Very well then, on with the show. “Discord!” Drat. Celestia was still glaring at Discord, unaware of his devious prank, which sort of put him out, as this prank in his opinion, was quite brilliant indeed. Discord turned his beautiful face back to the sun goddess's mug. (Just because she’s called a Goddess does not mean she’s automatically beautiful. She’s much too symmetrical) Oh well, might as well give the old girl what she wants. “Yes, your majesty” Funny, even with her face frozen, her eyes manage to twitch. “What job is that?” Damn when is she going to realize his brilliant prank? Time to up things a notch. Discord flashed on a police uniform, waving his french rapier in front of him heroically. “Why patrolling Equestria, doing good deeds, just as you ordered.” Oh Faust, it was getting harder and harder not to laugh. Believe it or not Celestia’s glare grew uglier. The poor dear’s only making things worse for herself. Suspicion really isn’t an attractive look on her. “You don’t do anything good unless it’s asked of you Discord.” Can’t disagree there. What I consider a good deed has always been lost on the pathetic pony populous (try saying that three times fast) . It’s as my old buddy Sombra used to say ‘No good deed goes unpunished’; a positively wicked expression isn’t it? Last time I tried doing something good (ie make the world more fun and less boring) I got turned into a lawn ornament for over a millennium. Some ponies...so ungrateful. Discord mentally sniffed. “Be that as it may my dear, that does not mean I am necessarily doing anything bad either.Funny, very funny, but not bad. “In fact, I’m here to do a,” cue spanish accent, “ berry berry good deed right now.” Down with the Spanish Accent now. “And that would be?” “Ummm..Princess Celestia” a mini hick accent spoke up. Celestia turned to face the fillies, and to Discord’s utter delight, all three fillies shrank back at the unintentional sun/wrathful/fury-of-a-thousand-suns glare. She’s obviously trying to look confused, but it only makes her face look worse, ergo, making the fillies look like they’re going to wet themselves at any moment. Hello, warm buttery popcorn, have you met my stomach? We’re in for quite a show in 5…(Celestia’s still trying to llok confused),.. 4…(fillies looking like they’re about to cry...and here’s my soda!)...3…(Celestia is FINALLY feeling her face)...2…(Princess Sunshine is turning toward me)...1…(I’ve already put in my ear buds)...and… “Discord” she said quietly...wait quietly? What, no flames of anger? No bright bursts of power? No playing Chase the Manic? Celestia you disappoint. I flick my tail and my movie snacks disappear. Celestria was obviously trying to stay in control here, for the sake of the traumatised fillies. “Put my face back” “dnatsrednu t’nod i yrros,” I reply, crossing my arms and pouting (translation: sorry I don’t understand) “Discord,” ohh warning voice, sooo scary. Sorry dearie no elements of harmony around here. “Ti ezorf tsuj i, retsamksaT ereht thgir si ecaf ruoy.” (Your face is right there taskmaster, I just froze it) “Fine, I’ll call Fluttershy.” Damn it. “Taht rof deen on, whoops, I mean, No need for that. I’ll behave.” Cue halo, “I’ll be good.” I snapped my fingers, and the biddy’s face relaxed. I think I liked it better before. “See?” Celestia turned to the still terrified fillies. “Girls, I’m so sorry, but I need to deal with this,” Her eyes flicked towards me. The uni-oonie and the bow wonder nodded. Brainwashed little tikes, Celestia’s trained her subjects well. The feather ball on the other hand, stared at me curiously. Cautiously of course, but curious all the same. “Scootaloo?” And there’s the nag again. “Uh, yeah I understand.” Discord mentally snorted. Nice save kid. Princess Priss didn’t seem to notice, but the other two were giving her rather worried looks. Two less than a decade old fillies are more observant than a I’m-not-allowed-to-say-or-I-die-painfully old alicorn sun goddess. Go figure. “Very well then, I’ll teleport you three home now.” Celestia’s horn glowed all twinkle twinkly little starry, and the three little ponies were poof poofed all the way home, leaving me with a not so happy Alicorn princess. I could just poof away myself, but if her snootiness actually sent away three poor little fillies, it must either be very important, or very interesting and I can assure you that there is a big difference. It’s like how paying your taxes is very ‘important’ (debatable) but it is just a pain in the tail to actually do. Thus, I’m hoping it’s the latter. “Discord, I have a deal for you.” And yes, I know there is a Faust out there, thank you oh great Mother. I think this a good time to mention, I’m still upside down, so let me just correct myself…”Get off of my back Discord” Oh what a kill joy. I settle with floating hammock style in front of her. “Okay then, I’m all ears” Jack rabbit ears DO come in handy! And they make me feel so cuddly. “What’s the dealio?” Now it’s the I’m-the-Queen-of-everything-so-do-as-I-say face. This is going to be good. “Discord, how is it even after all this, your heart is still so hard?” ……. ……. ……. ……. What the Taturus? “Umm excuse me? Say what now?” No demand, no witty comeback, no Fluttershy the proxy slave master threat? (Don’t get me wrong, the mare is an absolute gem, and I love her to bits, but let’s face it, that’s how she originally started out as) What angle was the her Royal Highness playing at? Of course being the wonderfully ingenious me as I am, I give no indication of my confusion, despite my initial statement. Just cock your eyebrow up just a bit, and bam! Perfect nonchalance. “You heard me Discord” “Yes. Yes I did.” A motioned her to continue with my lion paw. She actually shook her head at me! “Never mind Discord.” Finally, an end to all this silly mare, emotional, mushy gushy business. On to the good part. “I have a proposal can can benefit both of us.” “Okay then boss lady shoot” ...what you expect me to pull out a gun? How barbaric! And more importantly, how predictable! Shame on you. “Those three fillies you saw,” Fillies? Celestia was asking me to deal with fillies?! What was the world coming too? But Discord the magnificent managed to keep his cool. “Yeeeesssss?” “You saw the pegasus, and she seemed to notice you too.” Mare wasn’t as oblivious as I first thought, just more devious. “So what? You want me to scare them straight? Prevent the next great evil?” Celestia wrinkled her nose. “No.” I heard her mumble, “If I wanted to make sure that didn’t happen, I wouldn’t be asking you.” That made my rabbit ears perk...hey if I have jack rabbit ears and a deer horn, am I part of some sub-species of Jackalope? “You’re adopting her.”