//------------------------------// // Chapter 12: Troubled // Story: Persona: Innocent Wish // by Trismegistus //------------------------------//         “Penzance,” sighed the mayor her eyes still wet with tears, “I need you to run this whole situation by me once more.”         Penzance hadn't stopped tearing since the filly’s body had surfaced on the lake. Although he immediately sent Arata, in his injured state, to get the mayor, and seemed to be handling the situation calmly, it was clear he was far from alright.         “I accompanied the three of them to the lake to help with their tasks. There had been reports lately of increased timberwolf activity and it seemed there would be more safety in numbers. Once we were at the lake we began taking water samples and the like, and then the timberwolves attacked.” Penzance paused and dabbed the tears from his eyes, “Autumn Tail had followed us and stumbled across the pack. She darted out of the forest, and in her panic fell into the lake. Before we had a chance to respond, the timberwolves were upon us, and by the time we were able to get to the lake,” Penzance paused one final time, “it was too late.”         “And why aren’t you injured like Blaze, Arata, and Vox?” The mayor pressed trying hard to make sense of the situation.         “I have thirty years of experience with the E.U.P. guard, and received the distinction of becoming its captain, my skills in combat should not be in question, and if that did not suffice, I can explain to you how I obtained my cutie mark…” The mayor looked down at the grim mark on Penzance’s flank and decided to let the point rest.         “Then I have one last question, if you’re such a skilled combatant why couldn’t you save her,” The mayor asked.         “I asked myself the same question…” Penzance turned to the blanket that now covered Autumn Tail. The team had moved her to Penzance’s command tent since the encounter at the lake. Vox hadn’t been able to stomach moving the body, so it was up to Blaze and Penzance, while Arata summoned the mayor.         “It isn’t his fault,” Arata chimed in from a corner of the tent. Blaze, Arata, and Vox had been present for the whole conversation, but no pony had dared speak until now. “Autumn Tail told me that she had followed me out to work a few times, and I was the one who didn’t do anything about it.”         “Arata stay out of this. Her death is on my hooves not yours.” Penzance turned to face him “You are too young to have that kind of guilt thrust upon you.”         “Sir,” announced a voice from the entrance of the tent, “The mother is here.”         “Send her in,” answered the mayor, “and again, let me do the talking.”         A slender mare walked in with her head sunk, and tears streaming down from her eyes. “Is…. Is she here…”         “She is…” The mayor said.         “Is this real..?” the mare said breaking out into a fit of tears.         “Would you like to be left alone?” the mayor asked softly.         “No… no I would rather have everypony with me,” she paused and tried to control her tears with no success. “How could anything have happened to her?”         “She followed the E.W.E.F. team out to the lake, without their knowledge, timberwolves attacked her, and she fell into the lake they were exploring.” There was a tense silence, “The timberwolves attacked the exploration team, and before they could fight them off she drowned.”         “No, that can’t be…” the mother gasped, “Equestria isn’t dangerous…”         “I take full responsibility for what has happened here,” Penzance said apologetically.         “No, she can’t be dead. Surely it’s some other filly,” the mother cried, “Where is she? Where is my daughter?!”         “Summer Breeze my dear, maybe you should take some time before you see her,” the mayor interjected.         “Who are you to say that?!” She snapped, “Have you ever had somepony knock on your door to tell you your daughter is dead?! Celestia, this can’t really be happening!”         “She’s right here,” The mayor slowly removed the sheet.         The tent was silent except for Summer Breeze’s cries. Nopony knew what to do. Blaze, Vox, and Arata all felt the guilt from knowing the truth but being unable to do anything about it.         “I can’t do this anymore,” the mother spoke, her words veiled in tears. “This is all just a bad dream. It has to be.”         “Would you like to go home?” The mayor asked placing a hoof on her shoulder.         “No, I need to be with her.”  She declared sternly, “Just leave, all of you.”         Without another word everypony, except the mayor, left the tent and went off in separate directions. …         Arata didn’t want to be alone, or return home. Although he hadn’t had time to fully process his own emotions, the feeling of guilt was already strong, and every thought he had led him back to what had just happened.  Deciding that he needed to talk to anypony else about this, Arata wandered to the supply tent, to find Vox.         “Vox, can I come in?” Arata hollered from outside the sealed tent flap.         There was a long silence until Vox responded. “Come in Arata.”         Vox was sitting at the table in the middle of the room. The pieces of her pistol were neatly organized on a cloth in front of her. Half of the pistol was hovering as she used a rag to meticulously clean it.           All three of E.W.E.F. team had exited the lake with wounds. Vox had several small cuts on her face, and her arm band was singed along the edges. If anypony paid too much attention to detail, they might have caught on that there was more to their injuries.           “Whenever I get… distressed… I clean the equipment,” Vox said placing the gun on the table. “I’ve always been worried that something will happen to me because of equipment failure. It’s the thought that something out of my control could affect me; that’s why I check gear so much. The first few times you came in I was working on a radio, it wasn’t broken or anything, I just wanted to be 100% sure it worked.” Vox paused and looked to Arata who was still standing at the door, “I’m sorry, you probably have enough on your mind without my rants.”         “That’s actually why I came,” Arata somberly admitted. “I have no idea how to handle something like this, so I thought I would check in with everypony else. I’d actually like it if you kept talking.”         “Okay,” Vox paused to focus on cleaning an intricate mechanism, “What happened to Autumn Tail, it wasn’t a problem with our gear, it was a problem with us. We just weren’t strong enough to save her! We failed! And worse, now we’re lying about it!” As she spoke Arata could feel the anger building behind her words.         “But if we told everypony the truth would they even believe it?” Arata sighed, “Part of me thinks lying about it is the best option.”         “So what!?” Vox set down the piece she was working on. “That doesn’t make it right. It may be easier for everypony to accept a lie, but do you really think that means we should lie to them!?”         “No, we shouldn’t. I was just trying to rationalize what we did.” Arata admitted.         “I know. I’m sorry I snapped at you. I just hate how it’s being handled.”           “Do you really think you could have handled it better than Penzance?” Arata asked.         “Well, no. I don’t…” Vox sighed, “But I feel like I’m hiding from my failure by lying!” She paused, and then continued cleaning. “Thank you for coming by Arata, but I think you should leave… I’m getting too angry.” … Arata left the tent, talking to Vox hadn’t helped him at all.  Maybe Penzance would be able to help him. Arata just wanted something to help lift the sadness off of his shoulders. Arata made his way to the mess hall to find Penzance sitting inside with a quill and parchment. “Arata, can I help you?” Penzance set the quill down and looked at him. “I wanted to ask you for advice, on how to handle what happened,” Arata sighed. “I see,” Penzance nodded. “To be honest, I have experience dealing with death in the E.U.P. guard, but the situations are hardly comparable.” Arata could see tears starting to form in Penzance’s eyes. “In the guard I knew that everypony I sent on a mission understood it could be their last. Even something as mundane as guarding the Princess on a visit out of Canterlot could be dangerous, as you saw a few weeks ago, but Autumn Tail didn’t, and that makes this harder for me come to terms with.” “What are you doing to get over it?” Arata asked. “I’m writing to Celestia.” Penzance stated. “I’m hoping that in her knowledge she will be able to help me find some way to justify this. I will do whatever I can to make sure my failure isn’t a stain on the E.W.E.F.’s record.” “Do you really think that this will be held against all of us?” Arata asked surprised that the entire group would be blamed for his failure. “Not directly, but I am sure given time blame will fall on the E.W.E.F. as a whole. I plan to take whatever action is necessary to prevent this from happening.”         “That’s… noble of you,” Arata added.         “It is what needs to be done.” Penzance lifted up the quill, and began writing again. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a letter to write.” …         Arata wandered out of the mess hall. So far nopony had been able to help him feel anything but sadness. Each one of them seemed too wrapped up in their own coping mechanism that they couldn’t take the time to help him.         Arata made his way out of camp, and out to the lake. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, or even if it would help him find peace, but it was better than staying at camp. The swamps seemed quiet and lifeless as he wandered through the trail.         When he finally arrived at the lake, it was as still as it always was. The light shone through the opening in the tree cover and glimmered on the surface. It was deceptively beautiful.         Arata propped himself up against a tree and stared into the lake, searching for something inside that would let him overcome his feelings.  He felt as if the weight of her death was on his shoulders, and that his power was useless. Arata had a persona longer than anypony else, and at times it felt like he was stronger than Blaze and Vox in the lake.         He even had the power to fuse personas, something that no other pony could do, and he had forgotten to use that power when it really mattered.         All of that seemed so pointless now. If he couldn’t use his powers to save somepony in danger then what was the point. There seemed to be no point to anything that was going on.         As he sat there thinking, fatigue began to set in. His eyes became heavy, and he slowly drifted off to sleep. …         “Hello Arata” Igor’s voice called out. “It has been some time since we last spoke, and many events have transpired since then.”  Igor paused and looked deep into Arata’s eyes. Arata heard a faint melody playing in the room; it was familiar yet foreign to him. It felt like a poem that reached out to his soul.   “I have called you here to remind you that life is like a river. There are many twists and turns that you cannot see coming, but when you do hit an unforeseen obstacle do not let it deter you. There is still much left to your journey, and it will require your full resolve to conquer the challenges that lie ahead.”   Igor paused once more. “This will not only be a trying time for you. Your friends will require your strength and guidance in the coming days.” Igor began to fade as Arata’s eyes opened to the orange evening sky. … Maybe Blaze would be able to help him; after all they had come this far as a team. Slowly making his way through the camp, Arata noticed that a few ponies had begun to give him strange looks. Whether this was from the wounds he had sustained, or if word of the death had spread this quickly, he couldn’t be sure. Blaze was sitting outside of his tent reading a book, with what appeared to be a pipe in his mouth. “Hey kid,” Blaze called out as Arata got close to him. Blaze’s usually neat teal mane was stuck in bunches, and he had yet to remove the heavy jacket that the team wore into the lake. “I’m guessing you want to talk?” Arata nodded as Blaze lazily got up and walked into his tent. Arata followed unable to figure out what kind of mood his partner would be in. “Try to relax kid, what’s done is done. We can’t go back in time and change it.”  Blaze took a slow drag from his pipe before lowering it onto the table. “You’re really taking this differently than Vox…” Arata muttered, a little shocked at how relaxed Blaze seemed. “She tends to panic when she’s not in control,” Blaze said, “Don’t get me wrong I do too, but not when there’s nothing I can do about it.” “But there was. We’re the only ones who could have done anything, we have personas…” Arata sighed. “You know that’s not true. We have a power yes, but we hardly know anything about it.” Blaze paused and gestured for Arata to join him at the table. Arata sat down as Blaze slid him the book he had been reading. “That’s where I’ve been keeping all of our debriefings when we get back. I thought it would be useful as time passed.” “Okay, so what, are you saying you found something in there?” Arata asked with a hint of annoyance. He had been through enough as it was; the last thing he needed was a lecture from Blaze.   “A pattern, the pony that went into the lake was always the one who defeated the stronger shadow. I have almost no doubt now that the shadows strength is directly tied to the pony it represents.” “If that’s true then-” “There was never anything we could have done to stop it. It had to be Autumn Tail.” Blaze concluded. “Somehow that doesn’t make me feel any better.” Arata sighed. “Now it just feels like I’m blaming a defenseless child for this.” “Don’t be so closed minded,” Blaze scolded, “There isn’t always somepony to blame for the negative things that happen in our lives. I learned that the hard way when my father died.” Arata didn’t respond, instead he watched as Blaze took another drag from his pipe. “When he died exploring I blamed Penzance for the longest time. All I wanted to do was sit in the Canterlot archives, read, and be as far from adventure, and him, as I could.” “What made you change your mind?” “A book,” Blaze added, standing and walking over to his shelf. “It’s the story of a mare’s life, as she remembers it on her deathbed. It starts when she’s a filly getting her cutie mark, and goes through how much she loved her special talent and everything she did with it.” “How did that help you?” Arata asked. “The twist at the very end is that she’s only a little older than I am. She doesn’t care that she is about to die, because she had spent all of her life using her special talent. ‘We are born to die’ was the last line in the book. It was at that moment that I realized it wasn’t Penzance’s fault. My dad died doing what he loved and I needed to accept that.”   “Okay, that’s actually kind of helpful. Everypony else I’ve talked too has just gotten sad or angry and dismissed me.” Arata said with a sigh. “I can’t blame them.” Blaze said taking a final drag from his pipe. “Nopony should have to deal with death.” “You should go talk to the others,” Arata added. “No,” Blaze firmly stated. “They don’t need me preaching to them. If they get help it has to be on their terms.” “Oh, okay,” Arata sighed. “Can I ask you a question?” “Only if I can do the same,” Blaze smirked. “Deal, when did you start smoking?” “Oh this thing,” Blaze said gesturing to the pipe, “I just smoke whenever I’m really stressed. Vox isn’t a fan of it, so I try not to. Now it’s my turn, what did you wish for the first time we were in the lake?” Arata was caught off guard by the bluntness of Blaze’s question. “I wished for a cutie mark, for my special talent.” “Are you sure that is exactly what you wished for?” Blaze pressed. “N... No. I’m not. I don’t know what I wished for, I just agreed.” Arata admitted. “Interesting, Arata I need you to think about this as hard as you can. We need to know what you wished for, and what it is we’re up against. Do you think you can do that?” “I’ll try.” Arata sighed, “I should go home.” “Try to rest kid,” Blaze called out as Arata somberly left the tent.