'How long have I been gone?'
It is rather important to note that three things had happened to me after being turned into a stone scarecrow, besides being turned into a fucking stone scarecrow. Firstly I had figured out so many fun ways in which to make those peace-loving hypocrites beg and plead for mercy, the second thing is a secret, and the last thing was that I lost track of time. It just seems that whenever some pony decided to reminisce on some Equis-shattering event near my statue that it was always in the one-thousand year increment.
Needless to say, I was shocked at the state of my old home. Not surprised, as it looked pretty similar technically, but now it looked even more decrepit and ruinous. The simple wooden hut looked like it got into a fight with a tree, vines weaved their way through various cracks and holes in the walls while the roof even had two trees going through it.
I just sighed as I attempted to make my way inside in order to see the full extent of the damage, key word being attempted. For some stupid reason the door did not feel like budging. So I did what any technically-not-sane-but-still-acts-like-it person would do, snarled at it for a bit before kicking it inwards. What I didn't expect however, was for it to snarl back.
Rather than falling to the ground like I expected, my foot had gone straight through it and kicked into something hard on the other side. I tried to pull my leg out but it seemed that the bastardised piece of mother nature had other plans as I was violently yanked inwards, crashing through the door and hitting the wall on the opposite side.
I'd taken this time to think about what the hell just happened, out loud of course, "Right, so I break out of boredom and decide I want to get to know what the ponies fear nowadays using the same methods as usual, when all of a sudden my fucking door decides it wants to eat me. Yea-fucking right!" I casually got up to my feet, dusting off my sweater as I looked towards what had thrown me.
"That's it?! Some wooden piece of shit dog thinks he can live in my home while I'm gone and attack me as soon as I get back?!" The dog was snarling at me, it's head held low as it bared sharp wooden teeth and looked at me with glowing eyes, "How about fuck no!" I disappeared in a burst of fire and reappeared in front of the dog, much to it's surprise, and punched it right between the eyes. It yelped as it found itself being launched through the now door-less doorway.
"Why don't you," I stepped through the doorway, looking down at the stupid mutt that was cautiously stepping away, "find some other house to crash in you little bitch!" This time it tried to jump away as I disappeared in fire once more, only to move back into my foot that hit it just above it's hind leg, causing it to fly right into a tree. There was an audible crack but whether it was from the dog or the tree I couldn't tell.
I slowly moved towards it, my breath slowly becoming ragged as I stared right into its orbs. I could just feel the thoughts running through it, and they all lead to the same thing. When I'd moved closer, pointing a knife at it, it cowered away slightly and I could suddenly see what made the cracking noise. A smile wormed its way onto my face as I vocalised what it had been thinking all along, "Run."
So it did, with a hilarious limp that caused it to fall to the ground a few times. My show got ruined though when I saw green flames lap away at the wounds, almost burning them away.
I sighed and looked back towards my house. "Alright, first things first, make sure everything is as you left it, you can look for a new door tomorrow." After rummaging around the dilapidated home for a few minutes my search came up practically empty, which is a good thing. Nothing found means nothing taken as robbers or hideaways would've left some kind of scraps. I moved my way carefully around the new trees in my home, tracing my claws down the lines between boards that ran vertically down the wall. After a few tries I managed to find the secret entrance, by ramming my hand through the boards and just breaking them out of the way to reveal a flight of stairs leading down.
I found myself smiling again, slowly moving down the steps into my true home. When I reached the bottom I found a welcoming sight, my grindstone sat in one corner of the room while various gloves and knives hung from the ceiling and littered the tables scattered across the room. "There truly is no place like home."
After making sure that I still had some metal lying around and polishing up a few of the knives I closed the door, slamming a few bolts across it just in case. I headed towards the large fireplace that dominated one side of the room. Somehow the wood in place had not rotted so it should be good for one return trip if I was lucky. I grabbed a lever on the inside of the fireplace and pulled downwards, the cold iron stick scraping across the flint sides and creating a few sparks that lit up the fireplace wonderfully.
You want me to explain why I'm doing all this? Well fine then. When I'd first wound up on this stupid continent I'd found myself slightly attached to the dream world, which you should've guessed by now. I could influence them slightly and get a vague reading of what they were about but I couldn't do much else. That was, until I had somehow managed to catch fire.
"AHHHH! Someone help me!" I was rolling around on the grass while Wind Chaser and Free Fall just looked on, shocked looks on both of their faces. I was hastily patting at the fire that lapped at my ankles, not really paying attention as it changed colour from the usual red and yellow to a more precise blue. Though I did pay attention as it became much, much hotter. It looked like the fire missed its breakfast because rather than lapping away at me it was taking enormous mouthfuls. Pretty soon I was absolutely covered in it, my clothes turning to ash as my skin flaked and fell, before my entire body decided to skip a whole state of matter and skip right into exploding in a ball of gas that quickly dispersed into the atmosphere.
And then I woke up.
No it was not a dream sequence.
Well technically I didn't wake up and had found myself in a dream sequence, literally. The world around me seemed to ebb and flow as I looked over it, thousands of bright images all around me. I noticed that when I focused on one it seemed to darken slightly, so I stopped and continued to look around. It didn't take long before I got bored and decided to find out what the hell they were. So I focused on one in particular, the image slowly growing darker as it now came closer. Over time it came to envelop everything around me.
For some reason I was now in an arid plain. The long grasses came up to my knees and I swear I could see a single, albeit cliché, tree in the distance. There was a noise, and I turned to look to it. The grasses slowly withered as I gazed towards a group of smaller zebras all running around two larger ones. I flexed my clawed hand while I walked towards them, why did I feel like I knew them?
Knowledge ran through me fluidly of things I shouldn't have known, but felt like I had for years. One of the smaller zebras had noticed the setting sun that fell with the dying plains, deciding to investigate what was happening. While it looked around the other ones disappeared. When its eyes settled on me it shrieked before running off.
I don't know why but I couldn't help but smile. The soft dirt ground slowly gave way to grated metal and the tree in the distance caught fire. I turned away from the fleeing zebra and raked my claw along a newly formed wall. Sparks flew wildly as I moved. I felt like I should move this way even though all common sense told me otherwise, so I moved forward. It didn't surprise me when he zebra had been charging towards me, colliding with me as its head looked behind.
I towered over the small bundle of stripes. It looked up at me slowly, despair evident in its eyes. I was chuckling, 'why was I chuckling?' "Didn't daddy tell you Shi'na?" I moved my face closer to it, only inches away, "don't desert the herd, because lions roam the lands!" My jaw elongated and sharp teeth grew from my mouth as I snapped at the shivering foal with a roar. Its eyes turned to pinpricks as it screamed and fled, tears flowing freely.
'Why am I doing this?' My thoughts were quelled by the sight of two lionesses running past me and towards the fleeing zebra at a speed that should have been impossible. I turned on my heel and walked down a new corridor, swiping at the zebra as it ran past. It screamed as blood poured from its newfound wound, the lionesses pouncing not a moment later.
They didn't get to him though, they just vanished, along with everything else. A growl escaped my lips while I moved towards the burning tree, the flame turning a beautiful blue. The flames leaped towards me and I caught fire again, just without the same pain as the first time. This time it felt calming, like I'd just taken a shower or something. No steps were skipped this time as flesh and bone alike melted, consciousness never leaving me until every single molecule turned to gas.
And then I woke up, on the campfire no less, with Wind Chaser and Free Fall yelping and jumping away. I just laughed as I moved my claw to cover my face from the sun overhead.