My Little Pony: Northern Aggression

by A. Tuesday


1.5 First Day on the Job

The staredown was in full swing at this point.
In one corner, you had the three of them – the usually extravagant and proud Rarity, now shifting nervously on the wood floor, her eyes darting between the floor and the ceiling, not wanting to upset the silence she was so very well maintaining;
Fluttershy, who just bore her eyes into the desk in front of her, refusing to lock vision, rigid in posture, yet it was easy to see she was scared beyond belief;
and Pinkie Pie, who was basically carrying all of them onwards at this point, her hair caught in the middle between perky and depressed, in a sort of limbo of inflation and deflation, glaring into the eyes of her competitor, not entirely sure what was going on, but refusing to break eye contact.
And in the other corner, you had him – a man sitting at his desk, half-worried, half-confused, his wispy goatee a distraction to the almost attention deficit Pinkie. He stared at all three of them, but mostly into Pinkie Pie’s unyielding eyes, somehow entranced by them.
He blinked. Breaking the silence, Jefferson Davis blurted out, “What are you doing?”
“YES!” Pinkie shouted, startling everybody else in the room, “I win the staring contest! It’s okay mister – I’m kind of unbeatable, just saying.”
Davis squinted at the pink pony, as if trying to see through her jubilancy. After a good moment or two, he exhaled, and rubbed in between his eyes with his fingertips. “Of course,” he muttered under his breath, “The war starts, and I have this to deal with.”
Rarity had regained her confidence, albeit not all of it. She asked politely, “Um, if I may, Mister, um - ?”
“Davis,” the Confederate Commander-in-Chief said slight impatiently, “President Davis.”
“Right, right. Mr. Davis, um, you asked to see us and well, you haven’t actually said anything.”
He sighed again. Pinkie Pie noticed how stressed out he seemed. Or, maybe it was just his lack of ability to handle things.
Either way, he was one grumpy Gus.
“Yes, well,” the president continued, “That was before I found out I’m talking to a living, breathing, political cartoon. I’ve still got things to – ugh.” He stopped midsentence, unable to complete his thought. Impatience and arrogance seemed to boil up inside of him.
Pinkie Pie watched as he reached over to a small balance beam, and began to feverishly tap on one side of it, incredibly fast and (it seemed to her, anyway) randomly. Davis held a hand to his face as another gentlemen came into the room., looking stately like his president but without having that sense of power.
“Yes, Mr. Davis?” He asked. He then looked down at the three ponies, who in turn gave him a passing glance, all except for Fluttershy, who just stared at the ground, still. The man pointed a finger towards the three of them, and asked, “Is this- um, er – is this a, ah, bad time, Mr. President?”
“Pay no attention to them,” Davis dismissed, “Go get those papers I told you to put in your drawer. And Lee. I need Lee in here, now.”
“Right away, sir.” And with that, the man left the room.
“Lee?” Pinkie Pie asked, “Who’s that? We’re going to meet him? Oh, I hope he’s nice. And I hope we don’t scare him. I don’t know why I scare everybody here, but I do know one thing – you guys sure scare – “
“Look!” Davis said, rather loudly. Noticing the ponies’ reaction, he sighed again, regretfully. “Look, I have a lot on my plate, now, okay? I’ve got a war to fight, and a new country to run – Lee will explain everything once he gets here.”
“Right, but why are we here?” inquired Rarity, “Why couldn’t you just…let us go?”
Davis said matter-of-factly, “If you were fighting a war….wherever you came from, and suddenly something showed up, and it had an unsurpassed amount of power, larger than you’ve ever seen, and it had absolutely no purpose being there and it would get killed otherwise…would you leave it there? Or have it work for you?”
“Leave it,” Rarity retorted, “If it doesn’t want to be part of somepony else’s conflict, then it doesn’t need to be.”
“You three agreed.”
“Only when that crazy Union general threatened to blow our friends’ brains out!”
Jefferson contemplated this for a second. “Union, huh? A Union man did this?”
Pinkie Pie nodded. “Oh, yeah. It was scary as hay, I thought they were all going to die!”
The president nodded slowly, a smile forming on his face. “The Union are bad, aren’t they? What if they had killed your friends?”
“Well, I – “ Pinkie Pie began, but then stopped. “I – I dunno! I guess I’d say something to them, or - or do something – I mean, killing is seriously serious business. I might even fight them at that point! Those were my friends!”
“Yes, Mr. Davis?”
The voice came from behind. The three ponies looked behind them to see a man with white hair, stretching down until it literally became part of his equally-wispy beard. He held a small thing of papers in his hand.
He gestured to the Confederate president. “I heard you needed me and….” He trailed off, looking at the ponies. “Erm….w-what?”
“Ah, Robert!” Davis said delightedly, standing up a bit too quickly. He shook the man’s hand, and removed the papers from his other. “Great to see you. My equestrian friends here – “
“Hey!” Pinkie Pie interrupted, “How’d you know where we were from? I thought we hadn’t told you that?”
The man was as confused as ever. He looked at the pink pony, then to Davis, then to the pony, then to Davis, at a loss for words.
Jefferson gave a wave of his hand. “Don’t mind her, she rambles a lot. Anyway, my equestrian friends here need a little more ‘guidance’ on what they’re doing as Confederates, and I have a bit to do.” He held up the papers. “Since I imagine they’ll be going with you, is there anyway possible you can take them to the encampment and explain things a little bit?”
“Uh…” Robert started, “Y-….I don’t…erm….uhh….”
“Great!” Turning to the ponies, “Girls, this is Robert E. Lee, my head officer here in the Confederacy. Lee this is…um, well, you’ll find out, I suppose. Go right ahead then, I shan’t keep you longer!”
And with that, Jefferson almost trotted out the door, seemingly eager to get away from the ponies.
Robert E. Lee just stood, unable to comprehend what the hell was going on at this point, at the ponies. There was only silence, and a staredown seemed likely to occur again.
Then Pinkie Pie shattered the silence. “Your beard…it’s SO COOL!”

“So, I am still trying to run this through my head – you’re from a place called Equestria, and some of you can perform magic?”
Lee sat down outside of his tent on a small stone bench, along with the three ponies, who were nestled in the grass. Pinkie had been very flamboyant, as always – despite missing her friends, she did her best to put on a smile. There was no use in crying over what couldn’t be controlled, she supposed.
Rarity had gradually warmed up to Lee; not really talking to him as much as Pinkie, but enough to speak comfortably to the Confederate officer.
Fluttershy, as before, refused to make eye contact, and only spoke when directly called upon. She did, however, seem less tense – a good sign.
The question hit Pinkie’s ears, and it amazed her that someone hadn’t picked this up yet. It was a fairly basic concept – some ponies, unicorns to be specific, did magic; others didn’t. They were from another place, where ponies are the norm, not humans.
Instead of blurting this out, though, the earth pony just nodded, rather eagerly. “Yup. Our friend, especially. Unicorns can perform magic, and through some sort of bad accident – we kind of ended up here, in this strange place. Well, not strange to you. Strange, isn’t it? And then you guys took us in, and separated us from our only friends like heartless monsters, and – “
Pinkie felt another hoof come down on her shoulder, as Rarity reprimanded her friend. “Pinkie Pie! What have I told you about your tongue?”
Pinkie Pie looked down at the ground, and brushed her front two hooves together. “,,,to think before using it…”
Surprisingly, Robert E. Lee just laughed. Pinkie Pie looked up, in better spirits, and both Fluttershy and Rarity looked at him in confusion. The unicorn of the group asked, cautiously, “Mr. Lee, um…why are you laughing?”
“Your friend…her blatancy, it’s hysterical! And her wisdom…she has no idea how right she is.”
All three cocked their heads to the side simultaneously. “Come again?” Pinkie asked.
“To be honest,” Lee began, sighing happily, “I hate this war. I don’t like the idea of a Confederacy, I feel the Union should be together, and I disagree with the ideals that made the Confederacy the Confederacy.”
“What ideals are those?” Rarity interrupted.
Lee started, “Well, the idea of sla – “ But he stopped. It seemed to Pinkie that he was keeping something from them, but not necessarily out of derision. More like…protection, almost. “You’ll find out sooner or later, I suppose. Based on what I know about where you three come from, I’m not sure you’ll like it. But, I digress.”
This was beginning to be an intriguing concept. Even Fluttershy had become less skittish and was actually looking back and forth between the officer and her friends. Pinkie asked innocently, “Well, then, mister –if you don’t like the idea, then why are you here?”
Lee sighed again, this time, out of reminiscence rather than contentedness. “My state, Virginia – I love her. That’s where I come from. You come from Equestria, I guess; well, I come from Virginia. Virginia joins the Confederacy – so do I. If I’ve got anything to be proud of in this whole thing, it might just be my loyalty.”
“Loyalty?” Pinkie Pie gasped. “That’s my friend Rainbow Dash’s Element!”
“Element?” Lee had absolutely no idea what she was talking about.
But Fluttershy did. Her face seemed to contort a bit, as she looked back towards the ground, sniffling a bit, and trying to blink incoming tears out of her eyes.
Rarity lent a comforting hoof. “Oh, Fluttershy, don’t cry…”
Lee looked with sympathy to the pegasus, then to her pink friend, whose face seemed apologetic. “What’s wrong?”
“Oh. Rainbow Dash was our friend…she kinda came here with us, and was sent…over there…”
“To the Union?” The officer seemed appalled at this. “Why would they split you three up like – no, wait.” He exhaled, realizing his mistake. “Never mind. I’m sorry.”
There was an awkward pause on that campground in Alabama, with Fluttershy trying to suppress tears, Rarity comforting, Pinkie Pie somber, and Lee looking around nervously, realizing what had just occurred.
Then, changing the subject, “So, you three are here…for what reason exactly? How are you supposed to serve the Confederacy? No offense, but – you’re all colorful miniature horses. Too small to ride, I think.”
I highly doubt we could carry their weight, Pinkie Pie thought, although the other way around might work. Maybe we can play a game of chicken! All we need is a pool –
Rarity’s Canterlot-esque voice destroyed her friend’s thoughts. “Mr. Davis simply said that you’d give us something to do.”
“Well,” Lee said, standing up and stretching, “Since you three are here, I might as well give you something to do. No point in having you three sent over here and through all this trouble unless there’s something over here for you to be a part of, right?” He allowed himself the slightest chortle. “Now, let’s see what we can do…”
The three ponies stood up straight, all meeting eye contact with the Confederate general, except for Fluttershy, of course. Lee took notice of the pegasus’s antics, and questioned her about it.
“You, in the yellow – I apologize, I don’t know your name.”
The yellow pony whispered something incomprehensible.
“Come again?”
“Fluttershy,” she said, louder.
“Okay…Fluttershy…what did you do when you were…at home?”
She looked to the ground, once again speaking so low that whatever she said couldn’t be picked up by the even best of ears.
“One more time, miss. I can barely hear you.”
“I cared for the animals.”
“The animals? Whose, exactly?”
“All of them.”
Lee was taken aback by this revelation. “A-all of them?”
Fluttershy nodded.
Lee put a hand to his face. “We do have some animals, mostly just horses, though. Not like you three, though – horses here, that are much bigger than you three.”
“Horses?” Rarity questioned, “There are other – “
“What about you, Miz um – Rarity. Miz Rarity, what are you good at? What do you do?”
She looked to the side. “Well, I was sort of a fashion pony. I made alterations, tailoring – ran my own clothing business. I even made my own dresses – “
“Dressing?” Lee asked eagerly, “Like, dressing wounds?”
“No, no” Rarity replied, trying to get out of this, as she knew where it would soon lead to, “Dresses, not dress – “
“Dressing wounds! Perfect! We could use you on the medical staff! We’re always shorthanded, so this is great.”
The unicorn tried to say something, but ultimately couldn’t. She felt too worn out to even counter the general’s rash statement.
Lee moved on to the next and final pony, anyway – Pinkie Pie. “And you, miss…”
He didn’t even ask what Pinkie Pie was good at. The pink pony felt his eyes scanning her over, looking her all around, lost in deep contemplation. She could see his thoughts arguing with one another in his eyes.
He exhaled. “You…” he began, “I think there are a number of things you could do around here…”
“Like what?” Pinkie asked nicely.
“Well…are you any good at putting on a show?”
“A show? Like, what kind of show?”
Lee began pacing. “Well, if this ramshackle lost cause is going to get anywhere against American, we’re going to need more troops. And nothing brings in troops like propaganda. A few warnings, good pictures, a good symbol…something easily recognizable, a shining image of the Confederacy…”
He extended his index fingers and thumbs, and placed them together so that they formed a rectangle. Winking, he brought the rectangle closer to his eyes so that he looked at Pinkie Pie through his window.
“Yes, of course,” Lee said, approvingly, “A dash of Pinkie Pie - or ‘Dixie Pie’ - maybe, just maybe, is what the South needs.”
Pinkie Pie had no idea what the general was talking about, or what “propaganda” was, or what he meant by “Dixie Pie”. She hadn’t heard of that flavor pie before.
She wondered if her friends in the North had just as much of an eccentric first day as she had.
“Eccentric”, however, was not the word the three in the North would’ve used.