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// Lack of a Better Name [Royal Guard Hank, Twilight Sparkle] 
// Story: Tall Tales' Not-So-Secret Shipfic Folder 
// by Tall Tales 
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Day in and day out, Hank the Pegasus Guard watched the beautiful protege of the princess and he yearned... but he knew she could never love a pony named Hank, which is a terrible name.

— Hank’s a Big Stupid-Head and Should Give Twilight Cookies When She Asks




Hank the Pegasus Guard had been in the Crown’s employ for nigh upon a dozen years. He had endured hundreds of ceremonies, stood placid and unmoving in the face of complaints by both angry nobility and foreign dignitaries alike, and held the record for most pastry binges by Princess Celestia weathered.

Few was the occasion where he was tested severely. The work of a royal guard was tedium, not danger. But danger was what greeted him in the hallway to Princess Celestia’s chamber, smiling widely and eyeing the plate of freshly-baked chocolate chip cookies Hank held steady on one wing.

“Can I have a cookie?” Twilight Sparkle asked. She blocked the way before him, just enough that he would have to brush against her to pass. The mare drew closer, muzzle opening in anticipation.

Hank resisted the urge to give in. She might have been Princess Celestia’s protege but these were Princess Celestia’s cookies! It would be upon his head should it be discovered that even one of her treats were missing.

“I am sorry,” Hank said, voice gruff and steady, honed by years of practice and repetition, “but these are not for you.”

Twilight pouted but Hank resisted. A bead of sweat gathered on his forehead, hidden by his helmet. He could not afford weakness. Not when the income was so generous and the work easy.

“Come on, just one! Pleaaaaaase?”

“No.” Hank moved forward, pushing down all temptation. “Please excuse me,” he said, moving past the mare with the plate of cookies on the side opposite to her. Twilight cried out a protest but Hank did not look back. To do so was to ensure his downfall.

“You—you big stupid-head!”