//------------------------------// // Dude (Looks like a Lady) [Aloe, Lotus, Caramel] // Story: Tall Tales' Not-So-Secret Shipfic Folder // by Tall Tales //------------------------------// "Do you not think we are going too far?" asked Lotus. Aloe chided her, "Non! Caramel shall be the most beautiful stallion in all Equestria!" — Caramel Sweets Aloe and Lotus circled Caramel, eyes inspecting every inch of his body. They prodded their hooves into his flank and swept them over his coat, even going so far as to touch Caramel’s teeth and feel the firmness of his hooves. Caramel bore with the situation, letting the sisters do their work. He had asked for this after all. The spa’s preparation room was comfortable, designed to make a pony relax and give them a feeling of privacy. It was also intentionally well-lit so the sisters could see what their client needed, quite unlike most of the spa’s dim atmosphere. Finally, the two sisters finished their scrutiny and stepped back. “So?” Caramel asked nervously. “What do you think?” “Well, Caramel,” Lotus began, “there is nothing wrong with your appearance. You look perfectly fine.” “I must agree with my sister,” Aloe said, “I do not see anything wrong. And your hooves are as immaculate as ever. We really should have another sleepover to discuss hoof care tips, Caramel. You do not visit often enough.” “Well, thanks. And that sounds nice, Aloe. Sorry if I haven’t been around, I’ve been busy with replacing the Apples’ horseshoes and making sure they don’t stress their hooves too much from all the bucking in harvest season, and you know how the Apples get about that. It would be great to have a break.” Caramel paused, realizing he had gotten distracted. “But that’s not why I’m here.” “Then why are you here, Caramel?” Lotus asked. “You asked us to look at you to see if anything was wrong and there is not.” “But why can’t I attract any mares? They just say they aren’t interested in me. I thought maybe it had something to do with my looks but....” The two spa sisters looked at each other, communicating silently before turning back to Caramel. “Ahh, mare troubles,” Lotus said, understanding in her face. “You are wise to come to us. I think we know your problem already.” “I will be blunt with you, Caramel,” Aloe said, putting her hoof on Caramel’s shoulder. “You are a handsome stallion but there are many handsome stallions. In times like these, it is personality and what you can offer a mare that decide their interest in you.” Lotus nodded. “And I have found that many mares like a stallion who is dangerous. Mysterious! They want a lover who will earn it, who will seduce them. And you, Caramel, you are....” Lotus trailed off, afraid to aggravate the stallion’s already anxious personality. “...not any of those,” Caramel finished sadly, shaking off Aloe’s hoof. The two sisters looked at each other, unsure of what to say. Eventually, Lotus said, “Caramel, that is only what mares find attractive. We well know that alone does not decide a lasting relationship. It is your personality that will see it through. You are a good stallion, Caramel, and a kind one. That will get you further than you know. I am sure you will find a pony to call your own.” Caramel smiled at her. “Thanks, Lotus. It just seems so silly now, thinking that there might be a way to make myself more interesting.” “Well, I would not say that,” Aloe said. “It does not hurt to make yourself look more attractive in the meantime and there is another method we could try.” Caramel said, “But I thought you already told me there was nothing you could do.” “Non! I did not say that. I said that you were already handsome and while we could always make you more handsome, it would help little with your situation. But there is another way.” “Sister?” Lotus looked at Aloe, unsure where this was going. “What are you thinking?” Aloe smiled and showed them a magazine with an illustration of a beautiful cartoon mare on the cover. “See here.” The mare was standing upright, looking stern at something far-off. Her long silver mane fell in glossy strands that accentuated her green eyes and a tight-fitting leather outfit with silver accents further complemented her appearance and displayed her lithe form perfectly. Most of all, she had a ridiculously long sword that even the whole cover of the magazine couldn’t capture strapped to her back. “Very beautiful, no?” “Well, yes,” Caramel said, “but I don’t see what this mare—” “No, Caramel, you misunderstand. That is no mare. That is a stallion.” “What?” Caramel peered at the magazine, trying to see if what Aloe said was true. Certainly, there were features that looked masculine if you looked closely, but there were also soft features that resembled those of a mare’s. “It is a Neighpon comic,” Lotus explained. “Characters such as those are common. Aloe is an avid fan, though I do not understand the appeal myself. Nevertheless, there are many who share her opinion.” “And how do you think this will help me?” “Why, Caramel!” Aloe said. “Is it not obvious? We will get you in touch with your feminine side.” “My... feminine side?” Caramel asked hesitantly. “Of course! Many mares like a stallion in touch with their feminine side. Just look at Rarity. She detests stallions who do not groom themselves and regularly complains to us about it, constantly wishing for a more sensitive and fashionable stallion. And that is what we will do. We will give you... The Rarity.” Caramel looked confused. “What does she have to do with this again?” “Not the pony, Caramel,” Aloe said kindly, “but the spa treatment we give her. That is the official name we gave it a while ago.” “Which you would know if you visited more often,” Lotus added, prompting Caramel to look sheepish. Aloe ignored the interruption and continued, “It is a lengthy and thorough regimen of everything a pony requires to look their most beautiful. We will have to adjust the treatment to accentuate your natural looks. For instance, I do not think we will be needing to give you a hooficure. They’re already perfect on their own.” “Though your hair and coat could use some work,” Lotus mused. “Something to make it look softer and give it luster.” “And, of course, a custom mud facial to help soften the features. Not too harsh, I think, but still deeper than the usual ones we give.” “I’m not sure,” Caramel said, watching the sisters discuss what treatment to give him. “I mean, this seems a lot to ask of you....” Aloe shook her head and smiled at Caramel. “We are friends, are we not, Caramel?” She waited for Caramel to nod before continuing. “Then please, let us do this for you. It would be nice to spend time together and this is not as difficult as you might think. You already have the potential within you. We just have to... bring it out.” Caramel looked dubiously at the Neighpon comic one more time before nodding resolutely. “Alright. I’ll do it.” Aloe guided him into one of the doors leading deeper into the spa before returning to her sister. The two mares looked at each other. “Sister,” Lotus began, “I have never seen you try so hard to convince a pony. What makes this so special?” Aloe grinned widely in response. “Sister, an opportunity like this comes rarely. This is a chance to see what we can do. We rarely get stallions and never one who wishes for a complete treatment. And this time, we do not need to limit ourselves to a ‘stallion’ regimen. We can use everything we have to offer!” Lotus shook her head, somewhat disappointed in her sister. “You would use Caramel for this?” “No, Lotus, I would never. Caramel is a friend and you know everything I have said is true. He deserves an honest attempt from both of us. But if it also gets me something I want, then so much the better!” Aloe sighed dreamily. “Oh, sister, I can see it now. He will be so beautiful!” “As beautiful as Braeburn?” Lotus asked somewhat hesitantly, but there was a stronger current of excitement in her voice. “No, my sister... MORE! AHAHAHAHA!” Aloe laughed wildly and the spa lights flickered for just a single moment. “Oops!” Caramel called out from within the spa. “Sorry!” Lotus sighed. “You read those Neighpon comics too much, sister.” Later, Caramel would indeed gain the attention of many ponies. Sadly, very few of them were mares, but he soon found that he didn't mind that much. He didn't honestly care one way or the other, but it was always the boys who somehow seemed to corner him. — Caramel Sweets