//------------------------------// // Over A Barrel // Story: The Jack of All Trades // by Lord Zalgo //------------------------------// “Careful. CAREFUL!!” Applejack screamed nervously. “AJ, you’re not helping.” Phoenix replied calmly as he held the apple tree in his magic and slowly walked with it to the train station with Applejack walking beside him. “Phoenix, Ah swear, if anythin’ happens to Bloomberg-.” Applejack began. “Applejack, if you wanted somepony who’s better with magic to do this, you should have gotten Twilight to do it.” Phoenix said. Applejack looked away for a moment as she blushed lightly. “Ah... Ah didn’t wanna bother her with this, that’s all.” Applejack nervously replied. “But, you didn’t mind bothering me?” Phoenix replied with a wry smile. Applejack’s blush intensified as she walked at a quicker pace. Phoenix’s cheeks took on a slight red hue as he chuckled and matched her pace. When they reached the train that they’d personally hired, Applejack watched Phoenix delicately place Bloomberg in the last train car. The rest of the girls and Spike arrived as Phoenix and Applejack finished placing Bloomberg in a bed and tucking it in. Applejack then took out a book and began to read it aloud to Bloomberg as Phoenix backed away slowly with an uneasy look on his face. He walked into the next train car just as the train began to move. He walked in to see the rest of the girls and Spike looking at what they would be using as beds. “Ugh... This is awfully cramped.” Rarity said with a hint of disdain for the situation. “As long as none of you are claustrophobic, we should be fine.” Phoenix replied to which everypony shook their head to answer him. “Oh, good. Just me, then.” Phoenix said with a smile. Twilight looked around at the beds before turning back to everypony. “Uh... Guys? There aren’t enough beds for all of us.” Twilight said uneasily. Everypony looked around to discover that she was right. “Two of us could share a bed.” Pinkie speculated. “No, I’ve got an idea. Somepony needs to guard Bloomberg during the journey. I’ll just sleep in the end car.” Phoenix said. “You sure, Nick?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Yeah, don’t worry about me. What’s the worst that could happen?” Phoenix replied. Everypony began to settle in as the train chugged along the track. Night fell as the girls and Phoenix were conversing as Spike and Rarity tried to sleep. “Well, ladies, I’m going to the end car to check on Bloomberg and get some shut-eye.” Phoenix announced softly, trying to avoid waking Rarity and Spike. “You sure, Phoenix? You’re more than welcome to sleep in here.” Applejack said with concern. Phoenix let out a lone, quiet chuckle before turning back to her with a very faint blush and a smirk. “Is that an invitation, AJ? My, my. If only you’re family knew how naughty you are.” Phoenix said as he began to laugh quietly along with everypony else laughing louder. Applejack’s face became bright red as she buried her face into her pillow. Phoenix walked out and entered the end car. He saw Bloomberg still motionless in the bed. Phoenix approached it and sat in front of it. “She loves you, you know? Applejack, I mean. She treats you like her own child. That still counts as love, doesn’t it?” Phoenix said to the tree. It didn’t respond. Bloomberg was always taught not to talk to strangers. “...I wonder what it’s like... to be loved by her. Heh. I suppose I’ll never know.” Phoenix chuckled humourlessly as tears began to stream down his cheeks. “Look at me, I’m talking to a tree like a lovesick schoolcolt. Funny how my feelings changed so drastically in practically no time at all, isn’t it? ...Then again... She went from hating me to befriending me in such a small amount of time... You don’t think she could...?” Phoenix sighed as the tears continued to stream. “Who am I kidding, Bloomberg? Who could love me? If they never loved me... why should Applejack?” Phoenix cried in the presence of the tree. “You’ll have to keep this secret, Bloomberg, okay? And that includes you too, Spike.” Phoenix said a little louder. A startled voice came from the doorway. Spike walked into the car as Phoenix wiped his eyes and turned to him. “How much did you hear?” Phoenix asked. “A-all of it.” Spike replied nervously. Phoenix sighed. “Spike... Normally, I threaten those who find out my secrets... But...” Phoenix’s eyes began to water again as he slowly approached Spike. “I’m pleading to you, Spike. Please, don’t tell anypony about this. If Applejack found out, she’d disown me, even as an acquaintance. I don’t know if I could bear that.” Phoenix pleaded softly. Spike stood with his mouth agape. He’d never seen Phoenix look so open. So... Vulnerable. Spike nodded and promised to keep the secret, causing Phoenix to thank him and wrap him in a grateful hug. Unbeknownst to Phoenix, Applejack was standing by the door, face flushed, hoof on her heart and breathing slightly erratically. ‘He... He loves me?! He loves me. He loves me!’ Applejack thought with an excited smile on her face. Night rolled by as Spike slept in the same bed as Bloomberg and Phoenix watched the night roll by from the window. Earlier in the night, Applejack stumbled back into the train car with a blissful look on her face. The girls asked why she was so happy, but her lack of reaction let them know that she was drowning them out or just wasn’t listening. Sleep finally took Phoenix as he dreamt of the love he wanted. The love he could never have. As morning came, a commotion jolted Phoenix awake. He looked to the windows to see a herd of buffalo near the train. Phoenix didn’t know if they had hostile intent, but he knew he couldn’t take the risk. He ran to Spike and shook him awake. “H...huh? Phoenix? What’s... going on?” Spike asked sleepily. “No time to explain. We need to regroup with the girls.” Phoenix replied. The train car began to shake from side to side as the bed followed suit. Spike immediately forgot his drowsiness and jumped to attention. They tried to stabilise themselves as they walked uneasily towards the door. Phoenix pulled Spike close to him and used his magic to open the door. A strong breeze rushed through the door due to the momentum of the train’s speed. Phoenix refocused and opened the door in the adjacent car with his magic and kept Spike steady. “I’m going to throw you across, Spike. Just stay calm. I’m not going to let you get hurt.” Phoenix said to Spike over the harsh winds. Spike nodded as he braced himself. Phoenix threw him across the gap between the cars and guided him through the doorway with his magic. Once he was sure that Spike was safe, Phoenix prepared to jump as well, but a calf jumped between the gap and detached the cars. Phoenix shut the car’s door before the calf could turn around. He looked out of the window of the door to see that the buffalo were running alongside the car as its distance from the rest of the train got larger. He looked to the car he threw Spike to and saw Spike and the girls looking at him in complete panic. Soon enough, the train was out of sight and the car came to complete stop. The door opened and Phoenix stood rigid in front of Bloomberg. The buffalo were confused at first, but they became looks of anger when they saw him. “Shit.” Phoenix said under his breath. The buffalo grabbed him and pulled him from the train car and threw him into the centre of the tribe. Phoenix looked up to see a buffalo that was bigger than the others. The chief of the tribe. “Why did you bring this pony here?” The chief said, his voice shaking the ground. “He was in the train car. Clearly an Appleloosian spy!” One of the buffalo accused. Phoenix looked around to see that he was surrounded by the hateful scowls of many buffalo. “He does not resemble the Appleloosians.” The chief debated. “If I may speak, sir. I’m not an Appl-.” Phoenix was cut off by a buffalo striking him in the back of the head, sending him to the ground. “Silence, pony devil!” The buffalo in question yelled. The rest of the buffalo didn’t look as confident in their disdain for Phoenix as before. Phoenix coughed and blood emerged from his mouth as he did so as he rose back to his hooves. “Strong. Surprising.” Phoenix said. The buffalo struck him to the ground again as he gave him a glare. “What is surprising about it?!” The buffalo roared. Phoenix let out a bloodied, weak laugh. “Well... you know what they say about hoof-size.” Phoenix said weakly. The buffalo charged Phoenix and planted him into the ground. The chief and a few other buffalo finally pulled the attacker off of Phoenix. Phoenix coughed and wheezed as he desperately tried to cling onto life. The rest of the buffalo knew in that moment, that what they had done was not honourable, ethical or respectful to their ancestors. “Chief, we don’t have the means to save him. We have to get him to the ponies!” The calf from the train said urgently. Despite his obvious disliking of Phoenix, the chief also took on the sense of urgency. “Agreed. We must get him to Appleloosa.” The chief boomed as a buffalo placed Phoenix on the chief’s back. They moved as quickly as they could without causing Phoenix’s body any further trauma. As they arrived in the town, several ponies ran for their homes and locked the doors. Chief Thunderhooves ignored them until he saw a group of mares and a stallion in the distance. “They’re... my friends... You can... trust them.” Phoenix said weakly. Chief Thunderhooves and Little Strongheart approached the ponies. They looked towards the approaching buffalo and were ready for a fight before seeing the bloodied, beaten stallion on the chief’s back. The chief delicately placed Phoenix on the ground and everypony gathered around him. Twilight immediately began to cast a healing spell on him. “Phoenix, can you tell me what’s broken?” Twilight asked, trying to remain calm. “Just my spine... a few ribs... maybe everything else.” Phoenix replied weakly. Both Chief Thunderhooves and Little Strongheart looked as concerned as everypony else. Applejack’s teary eyes darkened as she looked to the buffalo intently and marched towards them. “What. The HELL! Happened?!” Applejack demanded. The buffalo recoiled for a second, but they understood her reaction. “When we discovered him in the train car, we tried to question him, but one of our own attacked him. We stopped him, but not fast enough to prevent his current state.” The chief said with a hint of shame. “We knew that we wouldn’t be able to help him, so we brought him here as quickly as we could.” Little Strongheart continued. Applejack’s scowl didn’t lessen. “It’s true... AJ... If it wasn’t for them... I’d be dead...” Phoenix said in their defense, feeling the effects of the healing spell. Applejack immediately kneeled by Phoenix as he gave her a weak, tired smile. She took his hoof and placed it on her cheek as she gave him a teary smile. After a few minutes, Phoenix was rid of his injuries and was back on his hooves. “Thanks, Twilight. And thank you two. What are your names?” Phoenix said to Twilight and then the buffalo. “My name is Little Strongheart and this is Chief Thunderhooves.” Little Strongheart introduced herself and the chief. “I assumed you were the chief of the tribe. Can you please tell me why you hijacked the train car?” Phoenix asked. “We only wanted the tree. It was to send a message to the Appleloosians.” Little Strongheart said innocently. Braeburn walked forward to them. “What message is that?” Braeburn asked, no sign of aggression in his voice. “Your people planted an orchard on our sacred stampeding grounds. We cannot fulfil our most important traditions.” Chief Thunderhooves said, showing the stallion the same lack of hostility that Braeburn had shown him. “Well, shoot. We didn’t know that. But, we can’t get rid of the trees. We’ll lose our main source of food and exports.” Braeburn said sympathetically, seeing that they both had good reasons to use the land. “Can’t you plant the trees elsewhere?” Twilight asked Braeburn. “Nope. That land is the only flat land ‘round these parts. There’s no other fertile land within our reach.” Braeburn said, somewhat guiltily about the situation. “Can’t you simply replant some of the trees and create a path for the buffalo? They could make it through the town as it literally has a path going through it.” Phoenix said. Braeburn looked down in thought as the buffalo were watching him intently, hopeful for an answer. “Yeah... Yeah, Ah think we can do that! Ah’ll have to take it up with the sheriff, but as long as we can avoid any kinda dispute over this, I’m sure he’ll go along with it.” Braeburn said cheerfully. Braeburn and Chief Thunderhooves walked towards the prison where Sheriff Silverstar’s office was. Twilight, Spike, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie accompanied them, while Pinkie complained about ‘not getting a musical number in this episode’. Phoenix asked Applejack to accompany him as he talked to Little Strongheart. “Little Strongheart, do you know where the tree in the train car is?” Phoenix asked. “We haven’t touched the train car, so it should still be there.” Little Strongheart explained. Relief filled Applejack as the three walked towards the tribe to retrieve Bloomberg. It took a few minutes for Little Strongheart to convince the rest of the tribe of the ponies’ innocence and the compromise that the sheriff and the chief were discussing. History repeated itself with Phoenix carrying Bloomberg in his magic and Applejack walking by him with a look of nervous horror on her face. “Come on, Phoenix, you’re so close. STEADY!” Applejack instructed. “AJ, I swear to Faust...” Phoenix said with annoyance. Little Strongheart chuckled. “Maybe you two should work on your marriage.” Little Strongheart said with innocent amusement. Both ponies blushed profusely. “W-w-we’re not married, S-Strongheart.” Applejack said nervously. “Yeah, have you seen her? She could do so much better.” Phoenix said as he chuckled at his own joke. Applejack stopped in her tracks as Phoenix continued to Bloomberg’s designated plant point. In that moment, Applejack realised why Phoenix had never mentioned anything about his feelings. He truly believed he wasn’t good enough for her. ‘Well, Ah’m sure as hay gonna change that.’ Applejack thought with determination as she caught up with the stallion and the calf.