I watched as the aide walked house to house again. "God damn it...." I grumbled, watching the kindly man go to work distributing information to each and every house. "...Stop it...stop not being an asshole...."
A loud clopping signified the Cosmic Dust duo approaching. "Oi...the buck ya doin' in the window?"
I looked back to her, the grey mare trotting over next to me. "...Nothing...Hadji's back...."
Before long Dust's neck was thrust next to me. Cosmic watching from her saddle, "You bein' an asshole again?"
I turned back to the window, watching the Muslim walking off. "...Yes...."
Cosmic's magic pulled my sideburn, "Ya wanna stop?" Her bright orange eyes boring through my head.
I looked away, back out the window the the now clear lawn. "...Yes...but he makes me mad...."
Cosmic grew a bit angry, "Why!?"
I leaned back in my chair, turning it away from the window. "I don't know! I mean, I'm not gonna go out of my way to be an asshole to him, but I just- I just don't like him!" I crossed my arms and stared at my lap. "I'm not racist...."
Cosmic started laughing, "Aye...ya' are...." She unloaded her head into my lap, "Now ya' gonna calm down before the princess shows up, or do I need ta' lock ya' in the closet?"
I scratched my head, moving to pick Cosmic up and hold her eye level. "Princess, wot?" I said, fumbling my words and reverting to an old accent.
Cosmic started snickering, "-Oi...the buck was that?" she asked in an extremely shrill tone, not anywhere near her usual raspy, husky voice. "You wot? Oi, cock'en oop, ya daff basderd!?" she mocked, laughing like an idiot.
I grew a bit perturbed, chucking her onto my bed, "Tosser."
"Oi, ya bucker!" she yelped, flying through the air and landing with a loud phoom on the blankets. "Knock that crap off, ya bastard!"
I stood up, running my hand over Dust's neck on my way to pull my angry mate from the covers. "Serious...what about the princess?"
Cosmic slapped her ears against her head, "I made a few calls with that phone thing, got someone comin' ta' help fund my little trip."
I carried her head atop my shoulder, pinning her cheek to cheek with me. With her stuck against me, warmth bleeding through my cheek, I started off down stairs. "What trip? And what fund?"
Cosmic grumbled from the close contact, "Ta' put my damn head back on! Need money to get ma' flank out there and huntin' that damn cure!"
I scratched my head with my free arm, "Wait...so you think it's real?"
Cosmic started grumbling, "They said it was in my home town, an' I'm doubtful my...colleagues, move the damn thing that cut my head off! Means it'll be there, and if they figured out how to fix it, it's gonna be there too!"
I stepped down the stairs, taking a hard right into my living room and throwing myself against the couch. Dust hurried after me, jumping up and laying across my lap. I pulled Cosmic up and held her on Dust's neck. "You never explained that. How exactly-" I pulled her head up, mock decapitating her, "-did this happen?"
Cosmic's ears slapped against my my fingers. "...Touch my horn to your head...."
I shrugged, pulling her forehead to forehead. "Alright now--"
I was cut off by a bright flash, suddenly finding myself in a brightly lit cabin, beakers, flasks and other scientific equipment littering the warm wood furnishing. "Buck you!" A sharp scream cut my scanning off, making me spin around and spot a group of ponies in fur coats overlooking a guillotine
"Cosmic...this is for magic!" a unicorn stated, poking the unseen pony on the chopping block. "With this...we can create the perfect, undying, soldier!"
I walked over, finding Cosmic, head and body in one piece, strapped to a slab with a few ponies preparing to behead her. A third pegasus walked around to the pull cord of the blade. "You'll be an Equestrian hero!"
Cosmic trashed around like mad, her body bound up in a leather sheet. "Buck your heroes! I'm not--"
A loud metallic woosh cut her off, followed by a sickeningly wet slice. I jumped back as Cosmic's head flopped to the floor, mouth agape, stunned. I felt ill, watching as the other ponies stepped away from the dead head.
"Did it work!?" A pony asked, looking at the unwounded stump. "No blood, did it work!?"
The pegasus walked over, plucking the head from the floor, "Cosmic?"
Cosmic's face grew enraged, "I'll bucking kill you all--"
Everything zoomed backwards, my vision going blank for a moment before rushing forward and showing me eye to eye with a set of clenched eyes, a single tear running from Cosmic's right. I held her back, "...Don't...." Cosmic demanded, "I just...it's gonna be there...."
I stared at her, wiping off her eye with my thumb. "So...this wasn't a volunte--"
"Don't." Cosmic demanded, her face going from hurt to bitter in a flash. "Just help me get my head back on!"
I nodded, "You know I wi--" A loud knocking cut me off. "What the hell...?"
I stood up, walking over to the door with Cosmic in tow. I swung it open, revealing a pair of humans in suits. One took off his glasses and looked me over, "Mr. Sander, Mrs. Dust, the princess has arrived."
Just behind the men stood a bright white alicorn with an iridescent mane. I took a step back, "Cosmic...this is your show." I turned to the smiling princess standing before me. "Ma'am...."
Celestia smiled down at me, "Mr. Sander...may I come in?"
I looked down at Cosmic, "Um, one moment please." I ran backwards, turning back into the living room and stacking a load of pillows onto a chair. I made a quick nest for Cosmic and placed her into it. "So...I'll go and take care of some stuff...leave the talking to you."
Cosmic wiggled her ears, "Oi...what you up to?"
I grabbed Dust, tucking her up against my shoulder and turning to the door, "Nothing...don't worry about it." I left Cosmic laying in the living room, hurrying to the door and throwing it open. "Celestia...she's in the second door on your left, please...enjoy your stay in my absurd home."
"Oh I'm--" Celestia stopped herself as she stepped inside, "It smells like vanilla in here...."
I rubbed my head, "Um, sure, vanilla...anyways, I've got some stuff to take care of, I'll wait for Cosmic to fill me in."
Celestia nodded, "She's the head, correct?"
"Yes ma'am. The surly English head." I spun around, hurrying up the steps with Dust cradled around my left arm, she held on tight, bouncing as I charged up the stairs and towards my bedroom. I set Dust down and locked the door behind me.
We stood apart, staring at each other, one of us doing so without eyes. I scratched the back of my head, shifting around, "So...Dust...we don't...hang out much."
Dust scratched at the floor with her hoof, turning her neck to the side.
"So...you wanna...." I walked over to the bed and sat down, "Come here."
Dust wandered around, slowly inching closer and closer towards me. She was reluctant, but after a lot of stalling she was within grabbing range. I reached out, grabbing her forelegs and pulling her onto the bed. "Come here! Little--" She tried to kick free, panicking as I sat upright and laid Dust on her back, holding her back hooves together and up, perpendicular to the bed. "Tickle the fuck out of you!"
Dust tried to kick free, bucking her back legs fruitlessly as I held them together, her forelegs thrust outward, trying to gain traction on the blankets tossed around my bed. "Oh no ya' dont!" I split her legs, holding one hoof in each hand and watching her neck snap back to me. "...You're goin' nowhere...."
I jammed my thumbs into her under hooves, moving them up and down the split between the muscles in her hooves. She tried to kick free, wiggling around like mad. I could hear a distant giggle from below. "I knew this would work." I laughed, rubbing Dust's hooves and causing Cosmic to let out a muffled laugh from downstairs.
I let her hooves go, moving down to her belly and prickling my fingers along her sides. I kept her pinned, running my thumbs up and down her tender belly and causing her to toss and turn, legs flailing and kicking me lightly while I worked her body like putty.
I could hear muffled screams and laughs coming from below, followed by a loud thud. I let off, turning my head and staring at the floor while Dust settled into the bed.
"Knock it off!" Cosmic screamed, echoing through the floor.
"Knock it off, me me me, I'm Cosmic, I sound like a scoucer and never have any fun, boo whoo whoo, bugger me' ass cause I ain't attached at the' neck." I mocked, sliding Dust back on the bed and adjusting my position, "Never put up with a Manchester lad, fuck you an' all that shit!" I grumbled, moving my hands to Dust's flanks. "Alright then, Dust...hold on."
I lowered my mouth to Dust's body, kissing just above her sex and spreading her with my thumbs. I was greeted by the warm smell particular to her. It was sweaty, hot, and extremely thick. It was like a locker room at a college gym, spent joggers and sport bunnies coming to mind as I grabbed handfuls of warm soft flesh, letting my fingers dig into her coat.
I moved my mouth down, taking one quick lick from the bottom to the top. Dust's legs snapped around my head, holding me in place while I licked her clit, tenderly sucking at it and digging my thumbs against her plump lips, a warmth radiating into my fingers and chin from her body.
I felt a pair of hooves press against the top of my head while her back legs wrapped around my neck and pressed against my collarbone. Dust was loving it. And given the green light by the important part, I went to work suckling and licking at her button. She pressed her hooves into my head, forcing me down and against her twitching body.
I pulled back slightly, Dust's hooves trying desperately to pull me back into place, but I had other things to do. I moved down, sticking out my tongue and thrusting it against her entrance. I was greeted by a warm sticky fluid, no particularly heavy taste, but the texture made my dip into her pussy wonderful. The warm wet muscle tensed up as I pushed inside. The depth wasn't much, but it was enough to send her over the edge, sending Dust's legs rattling around my head.
The pair of hooves on the back of my head kept readjusting themselves, trying to get the best grip for forcing me face first into pony pie. I gladly complied, taking hearty digs and pressing my tongue against her sugar walls and causing Dust to twitch and kick. I was pressing just the right buttons, sending the tender body of the hard ass mare into an absolute tizzy.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the constant shuffling and the sounds of Dust's pussy being devoured. I was wonderful, squishy, and warm, the perfect home for my tongue. I couldn't go deep, but the extra dexterity and my fingers pulling at her and teasing her button more than made up for it.
Dust was lost, tightening up constantly and working her muscles hard. I just kept thrusting my face forward, dipping my tongue against the tighter entrance of her body and licking at her lips. I pulled back a little, opening my mouth wide and enveloping her entire pussy, plump fleshy lips, winking button and leaking hole in all.
I sucked at the warm body, feeling Dust's legs fly off my head and tremble a they went bolt stiff, spreading wide as they twitched. It was instantaneous, her legs went limp, her forelegs lifting off my head and folding against her chest.
I pulled back, wiping off my mouth with my sleeve and sitting upright. "Well...that was fun.... And I probably just ruined her reputation with royalty.... Flawless victor--"
"Fucker!" Cosmic's voice boomed, my door flying open and Cosmic flying towards me like a bowling ball thrown by a pitching machine.
"Oh shi--" I was cut off as the blunt tip of Cosmic's horn slammed into my gut, knocking me back into the bed with Cosmic tucked against my stomach.
"Ya bastard! I'm talkin' with a damn princess and ya go--"
A royal tone cut her off, "It's fine...." Celestia stated, wandering into the room, "It's a good demonstration of your...connection." I looked up at her, barely able to lift my head up off the bed. She was blushing slightly, fanning herself with her wing. "And I am sorry, but she was very insistent about me, and these are her words, throw me at that bucker as hard as you can,"
"Damn bloody right!" Cosmic yelled, glaring at me, "Ya prick!"
Celestia let out a rough cough, "At any rate...your home will be cared for, your departure is set for two days, and we're having maps readied for your trip." She turned to the door out, "Good luck and...try not to enjoy your magical position too much."
The door clicked shut, leaving me with an angry looking head glaring at me. "...I screamed at a princess...." Cosmic stated, hardening her glare. "Yer' an ass--"
I picked her head up, "Yep." I slowly pulled her mouth towards my own.
"Oi no!" She turned her chin away, "I don't want ta--"
"It's your juice!" I yelled, fighting with her to force her head straight. "Do it!"
"Fuck off!" I heard a familiar twinkle followed by something heavy bashing my crown. I tossed Cosmic into a pillowed and covered my head, "Aye ya bastard! How ya like it?!"
I looked at Cosmic's rear sitting next to me, "Oh yeah!?" I pulled her flank over, "Sorry Dust...." I spread her legs, jamming my dry thumb right up her rear.
A pained yelp filled the air as Dust jerked. "Fucker!"
"Well, don't hit me next time!" I pulled my thumb out and rolled off the bed, "Jelly legged, pony, pissy- ...pap!"
Cosmic kept throwing things at me with her magic as I retreated. It was fair enough, if I was going to go on an adventure, I was going to have to, first brush my teeth, and second pick up some supplies.