Previously on Stuck…
Church finds himself and several other ponies, including the rest of the Mane Six, Shining Armor, Celestia's personal guard named Cutlass, and Celestia herself, in the archives of Canterlot Castle. There, they search tirelessly for a magic spell they can use to reverse the chaos that Discord has bestowed upon them.
Celestia has taken every precaution in weaving her way to the archives, so that the mischievous draconequus would not be able to find her and the few ponies left following her. You see, Canterlot has apparently fallen to chaos. Changelings have been discovered in the Royal Guard, upsetting all military structure. Upon rousing her sister from her sleep, Celestia discovers that Luna is gone and a Nightmare is in her place.
Church and the ponies succeed in finding a spell to fix everything. Having sorted all the mind-swaps (courtesy of Discord), Church asks Celestia to get him home. In the process, she pokes around inside his very mind, and stumbles upon a stray thought of his that indicates exactly how he views his current situation: As a dream. A fictional reality. This upsets Celestia.
But what upsets her more is that, in his rage from having an alicorn reading his very thoughts, Church said a few things that he'd regret otherwise. He told her that they were not friends. Celestia tries to send him home, to be rid of him, but finds that she cannot. Because, for whatever reason, Rainbow Dash doesn't want to switch back. Church then flies off angrily, and finds a nice tower to be alone on.
The sun pops up.
"HEY RAINBOW DASH!"
"...Huh...?"
I look around and see a pony flying towards my tower. It's one of the gimp suit ponies. The orange and yellow one… what's the British car? Spitfire I think.
She lands neatly on the balcony, kicking up dust that of course gets in my eyes.
"Where's…" she takes a breath, "the princess?"
"I dunno…" I shrug.
She lifts up her flight goggles and squints at me. "Have you been crying?"
I suck in my gut and sit up straight. Who does this pony think she is? Accusing me of crying! Pfft, I'm a MAN, damn it!
"That bad, huh?" She asks with a cocky smile on her face.
I slouch in defeat and she takes a seat next to me.
"Come on, talk to me."
"You… really want me to explain everything to you? Cuz it's a really long story."
"Dash, you and me are gonna be teammates soon. We might as well get to know each other, right?" She nudges me in the side and gives me a sly little smile.
I take a deep breath… "Well…"
"Wow Church, that really sucks."
"Gee, thanks..."
"Hey. I call 'em like I see 'em. So, like, you're really a dude?"
"Yes," I deadpan. "For the eleventh time: I'm a guy. We've been through this, remember?"
"I know, I know, it's just kinda hard to wrap my head around that."
"The 'being a dude' thing is the hard part about all this to understand?!"
"Well," she chuckles, "since you put it that way…"
"Ugh, you're no help," I complain.
"Hey. I listened, didn't I?"
"Yeah, I know."
"I always try to help my comrades, even if they have been possessed by an opposite-gender ghost from another reality. Or whatever the heck you are. How's that working out for you by the way? The whole 'you're a girl now' thing?"
"Honestly? Being a chick doesn't seem like such a big deal next to being a fucking horse – no offense."
"None taken. I think."
"I think I've kinda gotten over the initial shock, even if this whole thing," I gesture to the whole world around us, "is still pretty. Freakin'. Weird. But right now what's really bothering me is just… this whole thing with Celestia."
"Well, she was poking around in your head, I think I'd be pretty ticked too if somepony did that to me… freakin' unicorns."
"What do you think the worst thing I said was?"
"The part when you told her you were sorry that she thought you two were friends. Definitely that part. It was just awful. Especially since you're the one who offered to be her friend in the first place. What kind of prick does that?"
"...Yeah, you're probably right."
"I mean, saying something that bad would take a colossal douche– I mean uh, you're gonna go back and patch things up with her, right?"
"I probably should but.... I'm not very good at apologizing," I shrug helplessly.
"Well…" She puts a hoof around my shoulders. "Don't worry so much. Just go in there and say you're sorry. It's OK if you suck at it, they'll appreciate the gesture either way." She smiles gently at me.
"Thanks, but... well I guess I'll try."
"That's the spirit! Now go get 'em champ!" She slaps me on the back. Except with a hoof, so it kinda hurts.
"Uh... I kinda have no idea where they are…" I admit with a shrug.
"Oh… where were they before?"
"They were in the archives when I left them."
"As good a place as any, let's start there." She stands up and flexes her wings.
"K." I get up and look over the balcony. Man, it's a long way down.
POP
A wild Discord has appeared.
"Oh, there you are, Not-Rainbow! I've been looking all over for you and-"
I cut him off, "Get lost you stupid chimera!"
He gives me a surprised look. "Well, well. There's no need to be so testy! What's got your tail in a twist?"
"You mean aside from-"
He snaps my mouth shut with his bear paw. "Oh never mind. I can see when I'm not wanted. You probably just want to spend some time with your new filly friend here."
"Filly friend?" Spitfire asks.
I squirm in his grip. Let me go you crazy goat-bearded monstrosity!
"Don't worry, I'm certainly not one to judge your… unique tastes in companionship. I'll just leave you two alone."
With that, he pops out of existence again.
Spitfire and I exchange awkward glances.
Back at the archives…
We flew in through the same window I left from. I lead the way back into the large library-like room we were in. By the looks of it, Celestia and the gang are long gone.
"Where do you think they would have gone?" I ask.
"Eh, I'm not sure, where does Celestia hide when stuff like this happens?" Spitfire asks with a half-hearted sarcastic smirk.
If that was a joke, it's lost on me. "She doesn't seem like the kind to hide but I have a feeling that she left the castle…" ...Anywhere but here...
"Well, I don't really know my way around the castle… which way did you guys come from?"
I helpfully point to the door on the other side of the room.
"Well, retrace your steps I guess?"
"So go deeper into the castle? That's what you're saying?"
"Have you seen the streets of Canterlot? It's practically a riot. I don't think they'd be out there."
"Well I haven't seen the streets..."
"Trust me, you don't wanna."
I sigh and turn to walk towards the door on the other side of the room. Hey… it looks like there's something on the door.
Suddenly, the entire room becomes pitch black. Who turned off the sun? I can't see anything! As my eyes adjust I see a cloud of purple sparkly dust float in front of the door and then disappear.
"Spitfire, did you see that?"
"Yeah, it took something!"
"What? Let's get it!"
We run for the door and throw it open.
"It's getting away!" Spitfire shouts.
The cloud whips down the hallway, we slide on the STUPID marble floors when it hangs a sharp right and just when it looks like it's about to get away with whatever the hell it took, the sun pops back up.
Still running, I squint and see the dust cloud slow down and dissipate into thin air. Spitfire stops a little ahead of me, and puts her hoof on what looks like a sheet of paper.
"It had a note," she says.
"What's it say?" I pant.
"Church, gone to Ponyville. Signed, Twilight Sparkle."
"That purple idiot," I shake my head. "What if Discord found that? Then again, he knows where everyone is anyway. Or something like that, I think. I wouldn't imagine we'd be able to get a train to Ponyville – God that's a stupid name for a place – do you know how far away it is?"
"Ponyville? About a half hour. By wing."
"By wing? I just learned how to fly. Today. Dunno if I'm up for a long haul just yet…"
"Eh, what are you worried about? Those wings can break the sound barrier, ya know. You'll be fine. Besides, I'll help ya out. I gotta join the rest of my team there anyway. I had them go ahead without me so I could keep an eye out around here for you-know-who."
"You mean Discord or Nightmare Bitch? Cuz we just missed Discord, remember?"
"I thought he was 'reformed'."
"Oh god, that's right, you guys 'reformed' a bad guy… Whatever, there's an open window in that room, let's get out of here."
"Right behind ya."
We enter the room, some kind of lavishly decorated sitting room, and immediately the sun goes down again. Both of us are blind for a moment, but the first thing we can see afterwards is that we're both standing in a purple haze.
The door slams closed behind us.
Spitfire jumps up and shoots off towards the open window, I try to follow as fast as I can on foot. The window slams closed and she flies into it like a bird into freshly cleaned glass, making a tremendous 'thud.' I cringe as she falls to the floor and the curtains draw closed over all the windows in the room.
Somehow, it feels like what little moonlight is left gets sucked out of the room. It's completely pitch black in here, I can't see a thing. And… it feels cold. Like the life got sucked out of the room with the light.
"Spitfire? You ok?" I ask the darkness.
"Ugh. I think I broke my nothe." She sounds like she's a mile away from me.
"I'm coming. Where are you?"
"Over here." Her voice is distant, and it seems like it echoes from the walls of the room, making it harder to pinpoint.
I take slow, careful steps, trying not to trip or bump into something. "Marco!"
"What?"
"It's a game, say 'Polo' when I say 'Marco'… Marco!"
"Polo?"
We bounce the names back and forth until I finally find her, leaned up against a wall. She was way closer than she sounded.
"Your face was introduced to that window pretty hard. You ok?"
"I think I sprained a hoof when I fell, and I'm pretty sure I broke my nose."
"Well, that's not too bad, right?"
"Yeah, I guess not."
I lean up against the wall, next to her. "That stupid purple haze, all around. I feel like we're sitting in it… it just feels strange, like… not normal… somehow."
"Whatever it is, it doesn't want us to leave."
"Well, maybe if it turns to day again, we'll be able to get out. Seemed like last time when it turned to day, this purple crap just disappeared. What the hell is doing that anyway?"
"The purple crap or the day-night thing?
"The day-night thing."
"The night is definitely Nightmare Moon. All she wants is for it to be nighttime forever. But the day… I dunno, could be Princess Celestia, could be Discord. He did that too, last time, when he flipped Ponyville upside down, he made it day or night every other minute or so. Hopefully one of them will raise the sun again, soon, and we can get you to Princess Celestia and fix this whole mess."
"Oh. Um. About that… I kinda have no idea what we're gonna do. Apparently since I'm not Rainbow Dash, their little magic necklace things won't work anymore."
"Yeah… well, let's just hope the Princess has a plan. For now, we'll have to settle with you apologizing to her."
"Somehow I doubt my apology will make Nightmare Bitch stop being evil, make that stupid chimera stop being an ass, and stop wedding-crashing bug-horses from invading the fairy tale castle."
"Well, when ya put it that way… it kinda just makes me want to sit here and do nothing."
"Eh, it's alright. That's kinda what I want to do, too."