//------------------------------// // Chapter 27: Back In Jack (Part 3) // Story: Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “And that’s how I killed the reanimated Abraham Lincoln in a boxing tournament in Las Vegas,” Deadpool said, laughing heartly at himself while everyone at the table looked at him with a strange expression. Sans Solaire, of course, since one couldn’t tell his expression to begin with his helmet on, and Jack Harkness, who just stared at Deadpool with whimsical amusement. For the princesses, however, none could hide the wide-eyed and downright puzzled faces each one bore, though at least with Luna she was the first to snap out of it. “Wait, wait, hold on a moment. There’s no way you defeated all the zombie versions of your country’s leaders,” Luna said, shaking her head. “At least not with half the scenarios you just described.” Deadpool rose from his seat and pointed an accusing finger right at Luna’s muzzle. “Objection! First off, I’m Canadian, so they weren’t my leaders! Secondly, there were still all those unimportant presidents that died under mysterious circumstances before I could get to them!” Deadpool’s finger turned into a fist as he shook it at the heavens. “But I still know Reagan’s ghost is up there, just waiting to reenact Star Wars again! Revenge of the Reagan shall be the doom of us all!” “Quite an interesting time with this guy around, am I right?” Harkness asked, a wide grin on his flawless features. Looking to Luna, he asked with a wink, “How you manage to keep your hooves off him right now is beyond me.” Luna finished the rest of her wine and frowned. “Oh, trust me, the willpower needed to keep my hooves from his neck is enormous.” “I must attest that Mistress Luna is quite irked with companion Deadpool right now,” Solaire whispered to Harkness. “Since the dates Celestia go on are usually due to her sister’s hoof in play, Mistress Luna may be feeling left out now that Deadpool is in charge. Although, there might be some real worry mixed in there whenever Deadpool is involved.” “I take it that Deadpool has the habit to do the unexpected?” Harkness asked. Celestia snorted, flipping through her menu. “If it’s possible something could go right or wrong, then there’s a good chance that when Deadpool is involved it will always go wrong.” Celestia paused momentarily, then shrugged. “I’m quite certain it’s a law by now.” “Perhaps Murphy’s Law? Interesting chap, Murphy—or I should rather say, Augustus De Morgan—was. His most well known law is using a misinterpretation of his own name, thus making said law true when applied to himself,” Harkness said with a joking smile. Celestia looked up from her menu, eying Harkness with a curious gaze. “You seem quite knowledgeable in this field, Captain.” “Please, just call me Jack,” Harkness corrected her. Leaning back in his seat in a more comfortable position, the white’s of his teeth shone forth once again in a self-assured smirk. “And trust me, once you get involved with time travel, Murphy’s Law becomes one of the most consistent things you can count on.” His smile grew wider. “De Morgan was also quite the handsome fellow, though, of course, pales in comparison to your radiant beauty, princess.” Celestia stared at him unamused, though he still caught the noticable hint of red in her cheeks. “Well, aren’t you the smooth talker, Jack. You do this for every one of your dates?” He chuckled. “Heck, I do this with people I pass by on the street.” Celestia nodded, eying him once over yet again. “Yes, quite, you certainly seem open to your portrayal of… well…” “Hitting on anything that has half a mind to appreciate my compliments?” Harkness guessed, Celestia nodding in turn. “Well, being from the 51st century tends to do that. We’re much more liberal in turns of sexual prowess. In fact, most taboos you’d expect when sex is concerned are no big deal at all. Inter-species relationships are also quite popular, as you can clearly see now.” Harkness leaned forward on the table. “Also, did I mention we produce a pheromone that make us much more sexually attractive? Not that I’d need that in the first place, at any rate, as I’m sure you can see for yourself.” Deadpool leaned close to Harkness and whispered, “I think the pheromone was overpowered by our trip through the porta potty.” “You guys used a porta potty to get here?” Twilight asked, grimacing instantly. “A time traveling porta potty, I might add!” Deadpool sniffed at his suit, then shuddered. “One that was left dormant for hundreds of thousands of years without being emptied, I might add.” “It was quite an enjoyable experience of fast travel if I must say so myself,” Solaire added. He pounded on his chest, showcasing the proud symbol of his warrior sect on his tunic. “For Warriors of Sunlight, we often appear in far away lands to do battle for the assistance of a companion in need, though only in golden phantom forms, which is an odd sensation indeed. The best I can describe it as is being—” “Yeah, yeah, interesting life story you got there, Solly, but we have more important things about to be going down,” Deadpool interrupted, glancing down at his watch. “Hey, I wanted to hear more about what Solaire had to say,” Twilight piped in. “You can hear all you want from your dead boyfriend later, Twinkie, but right now is not the best time.” Twilight’s cheeks turned a shade redder as she huffed under her breath. “He isn’t my boyfriend.” “And I’m not dead,” Solaire added. Deadpool groaned, hopping atop his seat as the seconds ticked by ever so slowly. “Fine, undead coltfriend, my bad. Come on, come on, hurry up! How can this guy be late? Shouldn’t it be practically impossible?” Luna rose from her seat, eyes narrow to slits as she approached Deadpool over the table. Grabbing him by the collar and forcing him down, she looked him dead in the eyes, muzzle against his masked nose. “Deadpool, did you bring another time traveler here?” “Is that a rhetorical question?” “Deadpool, I swear…” “So it’s a sarcastic one?” “Deadpool!” A strange hulking, groaning sound could suddenly be heard beside the group, right before their table. Like a broken down car on its last leg, the sound continued as the air distorted and a strange object appeared and disappeared, like a flashlight being turned on and off, until it finally settled itself in this world, ending on a wheezing noise as the car sound took its last breaths. The object could best be described as a blue box with the words ‘Police Box’ printed over the top and a few windows across its sides. The box opened, and out came a mysterious figure who stopped mid-step when he caught sight of the group. Standing quite awkwardly before all their eyes—even Luna, who still had Deadpool in her grip—the Doctor looked to them, then back inside his box, and then back to the group while pointing back to his box. “Did I come at a bad time? Because I can certainly arrive any time later or earlier if it’d be more convenient for you all. It just seems you’re… quite busy.”