The Tale of Twitchums McButternubs
Chapter 6
The Tuxedo - Part 2 in "The Wedding Trilogy"
“She’s pregnant?!” Pinkie cried in shock. “How is that even possible?! I mean, I do impossible things all the time, but that! That’s biology!”
Twitchums nodded solemnly at the hurt mare. She suddenly sulked, her poofy hair deflating with a small hiss. She plopped herself on her flank and began to cry.
“Pinkie I’m sorry.” Twitchums trotted over to her and placed a hoof on her shoulder. She quickly smacked it away, rising on her hooves as she did so. Her tears were still flowing, but her sobs had ended.
“Twitchums, I shouldn’t have led you to choose between your fiancé and me. But…” She fought back the sadness that was still eating away at her. A smile appeared. “But that’s the way the world works. And if I can’t have you, then nopony can. I’m going to tell Rainbow Dash and then she’ll dump yo pony ass.”
Twitchums gasped in shock. “You wouldn’t dare!” He was horrified. How would his fiancé react to him cheating on her! Sure, Rainbow Dash was fine with Applejack and Twitchums; but Pinkie Pie and Twitchums? Hell no. He bolted to the door and blocked it off, hoping to barricade Pinkie within the room and calm her. She began laughing maniacally and sprouted large wings from her back, flying out of her window in the process.
“Bwahahaha! She’ll leave you for sure! And then you will be mine!” She creamed as she flew into the distance. Twitchums sighed and returned downstairs where Rainbow Dash was still talking about cakes. Gummy looked around the empty room and smiled. He then got up his hind legs, packed his bags and left, never to be seen again. Rumor has it that our scaly hero wound up in Sea World after creating a trans-dimensional portal that brought him to Earth. The End.
Twitchums stared up at the boutique before him. Rarity had been expecting him to stop by so he could be fitted for a sexy-shmexy tuxedo. He sighed and knocked hoof against the door.
“Who is it?” A voice sang from behind the door.
“It’s Twitchums, yo.”
“Please, darling, let yourself in.” Twitchums opened the door and ducked under the doorframe, his horn gently tapping it. The boutique was surprisingly dark. He saw a lone spotlight in the distance across the main room with a round pedestal. On it stood an alicorn manikin that wore a bedazzled tuxedo, the plastic rhinestones glittering in the bright yellow light.
He shrugged and walked over to it, noticing the putrid colours of his mane making up the predominant colour-scheme involved in the tuxedo. He smiled when he noticed the lovingly engraved prison numbers across the tuxedo’s chest, exactly the same from his old jumpsuits from the penitentiary. When he noticed Rarity wasn’t near or approaching, he quickly tossed on the tuxedo, entirely unsure what to expect.
He stood upon the pedestal, staring down at a mirror next to him. He noticed that the tuxedo was incredibly tight fitting, especially in his pony crotch where the heart-clad pink fabric clung around his… stuff… sensuously. He also noticed that the collar of his tux was open wide, a fake tuft of brown chest hair attached in between giving the appearance of it belonging to Twitchums.
“Mine.” Rarity’s voice said softly from the darkness. He heard the door to the boutique lock. The sounds of her hooves against the tiled floor echoed slightly in the building giving Tiwtchums a shiver down his spine. He tried to jump off of the podium only to find his hot pants were too tight and refused his legs movements. Rarity appeared before him, her normally pristine coat appearing slightly grey and dulled.
“Rarity, what’s wrong?” Twitchums asked cautiously.
“Nothing! Why is it that you ask?” She slowly began rubbing her hoof through his hideous mane, cringing slightly as she did so. She pulled her hoof away and wiped it on his tuxedo. “You know I fell in love with you since my eyes first lay upon your puny one?”
“Rarity, I told you already that our past love could never interfere with my current fiancé-ship with Rainbow Dash. We must stop!” He dramatically cried, stomping a hoof on the ground. He began to take off his hot pants, while Rarity tried continuously to pull him into a kiss. With his pants off, Twitchums pulled free from Rarity’s wandering hooves and hopped off of the pedestal.
“Tom, block the door!” Rarity screamed suddenly as Twitchums attempted to bolt to freedom. Twitchums flew toward the door and hit into a massive boulder that apparently had just appeared. He stared up at the rock angrily.
“Damn you Tom!” He shouted as Rarity wrapped her hooves around him and pulled him toward the inner-boutique. “Damn Youuuuuuuuuuu!”
Tom suddenly started to feel sad. He was in love with Rarity. Or maybe not. Cause he’s a rock.
Twitchums opened his eyes slowly. Rarity had viciously molested him for several hours and finally decided enough was enough, leaving the alicorn unconscious. The lights in the room were still off, but some daylight shone through te closed blinds revealing a boulder standing before him. Tom was pissed.
“What do you mean I’m trying to take your girl?” He asked the boulder.
It said nothing back, because it was a rock.
“For your information, I had no desire to do anything to her!” Twitchums cried out defensively.
Tom was getting angrier now, but held it deep inside.
“Woah calm down, I’m not calling her ugly. I’m just spoken for is all. If I weren’t engaged, having an affair with Applejack and secretly planning to get Princess Celestia I would surely have boned your woman.”
Tom began to calm down. He realized that Twitchums was right. But then sadness came over him.
“Tom, I know you’re sad, but Rarity does love you. She just needs something more… physical.”
“How much more physical can a rock be?” The author asked aloud to no one in particular. His roommate looked over at him and questioned the random outburst. The author bitch slapped his roommate and returned to the story.
Tom sighed silently and tried backing away from Twitchums. But he couldn’t move because he was a rock.
“Tom, you’re a great man. Just stick with her. I’m sure she’ll come around.” Twitchums stood up and trotted toward the door. Suddenly, he remembered something about Rarity. While they were making freaky love he had noticed that her coat was grey and her usual generous air had gone. NOTE! IMPORTANT PLOT POINT. Twitchums shrugged it off and left the boutique.