Chapter 2: Go With The Flo
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Setting up a hidden base was the first step for any Irken Invader. But that was going to be difficult. It seemed that at least three of the planet's inhabitants had already caught sight of Phlip-Phlop's ship. TIR had described them as the majestic Pegasus. To this, his master expressed disbelief by squinting her right eye while widening her left. Her eyes quickly straightened out again when she saw that the Pegasi were swiftly following her. She'd have to find a way to escape her pursuers before she could land inconspicuously.
With that in mind, she initiated her ship's rear exhaust overloaders. She then accelerated while using the smoke as a diversion. However, she gasped when she saw that the dark cloud hadn't slowed them down at all. They actually kept up their speed after punching Pegasus-shaped holes through the smoke.
Phlip-Phlop gritted her zipper-shaped teeth. She didn't want to have to use force just to ensure cover. Unfortunately, her tactics that didn't involve aggressive incapacitation were not available to her in this aerial scenario. With three consecutive button presses, her ship released some small pellets. Upon contact with the Pegasi, the pellets expanded into one-size-fits-all netting. These bindings immediately followed up by sending electrical surges through their victims.
The shock wasn't lethal. It was designed to keep rebellious slaves in line. As it stood, however, the three nets only served to send these locals into the open grass below. To reduce any more chance of detection, the Irken Invader would have to try elsewhere on this giant rock.
"And now for the Dance of Detainment," said TIR cheerfully.
"Oh, for Purple's sake!" Phlip-Phlop moaned. Yet, the robot continued to dance and play music anyway.
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It had only been four minutes since she dealt with the Pegasi. To Phlip-Phlop, it felt like forever.
"TIR, can you please stop dancing and scan a visual for anything unusual?" she asked with one hand steering while the other was held against her head.
"But of course, Lady Phlip-Phlop," replied the unit as his eyes went red.
Eventually, the Irken found an area that looked like it had been abandoned due to property decay. She flew her ship around and behind the stone ruins. Hopefully, no one would decide to look around back. The engine whirred a bit as the ship came to a stop right next to a few tree stumps.
An initial analysis of the atmosphere concluded that the air was inhabitable enough that Phlip-Phlop wouldn't have to suffocate or waste her spacesuit just to breathe. By adding TIR's scan results to the computer's primary scanner, she learned that the planet's local inhabitants composed of more than the 'majestic' Pegasus. The most common inhabitants were actually earth ponies and unicorns along with the occasional gryphon. A whole swarm of some bug-like entity were subtitled with the word "change" and four question marks after that.
"Computer, why are there question marks in the files?" Phlip-Phlop asked out loud.
"Data collection is incomplete," replied the female-voiced A.I. "Further planetary reconnaissance is necessary to fill in the gaps."
"I shall begin the Dance of Confusion," proposed TIR as he boogied down to an electronic beat.
Phlip-Phlop sighed exasperatedly. "Darn it, TIR." She shook her head as she started tapping away on her alien keyboard. "I'd better let the Tallest know I successfully landed."
Some violet static crossed the screen before an image came closer into view. However, it lacked the Tallest at their usual hub. Instead it looked like another Irken Invader staring at the screen in confusion.
"What is this?" hollered a loud boy's voice, "Who are you and where are the Tallest that are supposed to be on this frequency?"
By Green, he sure is demanding, thought Phlip-Phlop. "It seems we've crossed frequencies."
"In that case, I demand that you hang up and wait until my important call is finished!"
"You don't have to shout," remarked Phlip-Phlop, "and since when do you give me demands? You're an Invader too, right? We have equal status and stature."
The boy on screen punched his armrest. "I am Zim! How do you not know this? I created more havoc and destroyed more worlds than the rest of the Invaders combined! Fear me and shower me with respect!"
"Why does that name sound familiar?" muttered Phlip-Phlop. Her antennae suddenly poked up in realization. "Wait, now I remember. The data banks said that an individual named Zim single-handedly ruined Operation Impending Doom I."
Zim's awkward blinking filled the screen. "Yes, well,... that's all in the past! I have the most important mission in Operation Impending Doom II, the invasion of Planet Earth!"
The girl crossed her arms. It couldn't have been that important if they didn't bother updating him about the move to the Third Impending Doom.
"You know what? I'll humor you," decided Phlip-Phlop, "I'm going to log off and let you say whatever it is you want to the Tallest first."
"What? Er, I mean, that's right! You will yield to my command! Victory for Zim!" He was interrupted by what looked like a blue-eyed SIR running rampant and spilling chocolate shakes and bacon grease everywhere. "GIR, no! Don't throw that bac-!"
The monitor went back to being static. The Invader on Planet Equus couldn't help but chuckle.
"Wow, and I thought TIR was impossible," she muttered as she re-entered the interstellar transmission number. This time, two Irken showed up on screen. They hastily threw away what appeared to be an intense game of Poker before facing forward more enthusiastically.
"My Tallest, I have successfully landed on planet Equus," Invader Phlip-Phlop reported, "Plans for a large-scale takeover will begin immediately."
"Wait, you mean it was actually there?" Purple inquired before Red punched him in the shoulder. "I mean, that's terrific, Phlip-Phlop. Keep us posted."
"Understood," saluted Phlip-Phlop before ending the call.
---
"Do you have any threes?" asked Red.
"Go fish!" told Purple while chomping down another handful of popcorn.
"Dang it," swore Red as he drew another card.
---
"All right," announced Phlip-Phlop to herself and the nearby TIR, "first we need to get to know our soon-to-be slaves on a slightly more personal level." She walked over to her ship and activated the fairly unused Disguise Pod, capable of giving Irkens a nearly endless supply of costume options to fool inhabitants of any planet. One of her PAK's metallic legs reached out and slid the touch screen outside the pod.
"Ugh, why are so many of these options in bright pink?" she muttered. She then slid the screen once more. "Oh! That's perfect."
The metallic limb retreated back into her pack as she walked into the open pod. Once she was standing still, the pod closed and began its work. Outside, TIR continued dancing while seeming oblivious to the sound of drills and a chainsaw.
"Agh! I forgot how much this hurts!" the Invader's voice pierced the casing.
After that agonizing ten seconds, the Disguise Pod opened with a hiss of steam. With a clip and a clop, a lime green pony stepped into view. She opened her eyes revealing golden irises on unnoticeable contact lenses. A mane that reflected the same blue light as that of the sky flowed down her neck. It led to a backpack attached to some metal blades in the rough shape of wings.
The Pegasus lifted one of her front hooves and frowned.
"Oh my Red, I hope this conquest goes as swiftly as possible," Phlip-Phlop's voice exited the mouth of the pony. Her metal wings shivered in disgust. "I do not want to get used to this."
TIR took a break from his dancing to silently give his master a once-over. "You look amazing, ma'am."
"Well, that makes one of us," she said, refusing to reciprocate the enthusiasm. She then cleared her throat for a tone of professionalism. "We have no idea how advanced the enemy's technology is. Therefore, I shall perform a perimeter observation of the nearest civilization." Blue boosters burned underneath her metallic 'feathers' as she guided herself into the sky. "I'll come back here when I can determine that I require more assistance. Keep watch over the base."
"Yes, ma'am!" TIR saluted before watching her master fly away. "And now for the Dance of Solitude."
---
After gliding around and ensuring that no one followed her, Phlip-Phlop hovered closer to the ground before voluntarily stopping her wing boosters. She looked left and right before strolling forth into the town. A sign a few feet from the edge was written in some crudely drawn scribbles. She had versed herself in several different animalian scratch writings. This knowledge was enough to distinguish a few crooked "e"s to decipher it as a welcome sign. It referred to the location behind it as 'Ponyville'.
Before going anywhere, she held up her left hoof and her hidden arm recorder opened. "Invader Phlip-Phlop Entry: The First Hour. The founders of one of the nearby locations appear to have a similar superiority complex to that of my home planet. End recording."
With that, the slot flattened out to a less conspicuous, cylindrical shape. She took a quick glance left and a quick glance right before proceeding to cross the boundary into this 'Ponyville'. After a bit more trotting and the minutes had passed, Phlip-Phlop discovered how simple yet accurate such a name was. It was indeed a village populated by several of the brightly colored pony creatures. The number of tints of pink was very painful to look at.
Wait, now her vision only had one tint of pink covering a rather large area.
"Hi!"
"Yipe!" Phlip-Phlop scrambled away several inches. "Holy squeedly spooch! Where did you come from?"
"I came running from Sugarcube Corner as soon as I sensed a new friend in town." The pony invader of personal space smiled brightly.
Way too much pink, Phlip-Phlop thought while shivering. "I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?"
"That!" echoed the pink mouth.
Phlip-Phlop shook her head. "No, that other thing."
"That other thing!"
The Pegasus-suited Irken deadpanned. She then turned to walk around this pony.
That lack of intelligence... why does it seem like I just saw that two hours ago? she wondered.
"What's your name?"
"Agh!" Phlip-Phlop reared back onto her disguise's flank. She rapidly looked behind her and back in front of her. "But... you were just... over... and now you're... huh?"
"Hm... that might be a teeny bit difficult to remember all of that," commented the pink mess thoughtfully. "Can I call you something else for short?"
Okay, intelligence may be lacking, but her ability to distract and confuse the enemy is impressive. I can't let someone like this know my true identity. Come on, Phlip-Phlop. Think of a fake name.
"Flo," she said.
"Hmm?" the pinkness perked up.
"You can call me Flo," repeated Phlip-Phlop.
"Hi, Flo! My name is Pinkie Pie and I'd love to be your new best friend!"
Sweet mother of Violet, the pink has even contaminated its identity, Phlip-Phlop groaned internally. Slowly, she nudged the pony creature a hoof's length away from herself.
"That's very kind of you to offer, truly," she said with as sincere as she could with false gratitude, "but I'd like to avoid such a distraction right now. Please excuse me." Again, she walked around the obstruction. She kept one eye focused on the irritatingly pink color until she was sure that it was far enough to leave her sight. She sighed in relief as she turned to face forward.
"Are you sure?"
Phlip-Phlop's false eye twitched. "C-Can all ponies levitate upside-down like that?"
"No, silly," giggled the pink-pied pony, "Only Pegasuses can float like this comfortably."
As if to prove her right, gravity suddenly kicked in. The pink fell to the ground. It then proceeded to transform into a standing pony.
This specimen seems a bit high on smoky vapors if not sugar.
Pinkie reached behind her and pulled out a fold-up card.
"At least consider coming to the big party later today!" the pony exclaimed while practically shoving the item into Phlip-Phlop's mouth. "We'll be having cake, ice cream, and dancing to celebrate Official Random Holiday Party Day!"
Phlip-Phlop curled one of her metallic feathers around and spat the invitation out into the wing's grip.
"I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that occasion," she admitted.
"That's funny," noted Pinkie, "Rarity said the exact same thing this morning."
I don't know who this 'Rarity' is, pondered Phlip-Phlop, But he sounds like a sensible man.
At that point, her squeedly spooch decided to gurgle against her belly area.
Well, in all the excitement, I kind of forgot to pick up snacks for the long conquest. Maybe I should at least stop by and stock up on carbohydrates. She took a breath. Don't look too desperate. Weakness is the enemy.
"I will consider your offer, Pie," Phlip-Phlop stated calmly.
"Woo-hoo!" the pinkness hooped and hollered as she performed several backflips in a row. "See you there, Flowy!"
"Flowy?" echoed Phlip-Phlop before calling out, "Hey wait! I only said I'd consider...!"
But the intense level of pink had suddenly been reduced to a bare minimum tolerance level.
"She's really gone this time?" she asked out loud. She shook her head. "What a strange creature." She decided to open the card to check the details regarding time and location, but she got caught up on the last line. "Wait, when did she find the time to write my alias inside of here? She just met me."
---
As TIR finished his seventy-fifth repetition of the Dance of Solitude, the hum of wing boosters indicated his master's return. She landed and galloped over before placing one hoof on top of his head.
"TIR, it looks like I'm going to require your assistance sooner than I thought," stated Phlip-Phlop, "I'm going to be doing some resource gathering in a heavily occupied area. I'll need you to be an extra set of eyes on the situation." She pointed over to the Disguise Pod. "Naturally, we'll both need to be incognito. Find a suitable disguise and come to this location." She lowered the card into the robot's view.
"Of course, Master Phlip-Phlop," acknowledged TIR while taking hold of the invitation in his metallic hands.
"That reminds me," the fake Pegasus continued, "you shouldn't refer to me by name if we need to communicate while in the area. Just use generic titles."
"Certainly, ma'am," TIR graciously obliged.
"All right." Phlip-Phlop nodded while taking a step back. "I'm going to go ahead so that if one of us is somehow captured by a trap, the other can still offer some form of rescue assistance. Wait at least five minutes after I go in before entering yourself. Smaller numbers means fewer eyes to catch their prey."
With that, her wing boosters flared again and she flew off. After a couple of seconds, TIR rapidly clapped his hands.
"How wonderful! A dance party!" He wandered over to the Disguise Pod. "I can't wait to raise the roof and tear up the floor!"
The chainsaw and drilling noises didn't deter him in the least.
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"Flo" cautiously entered the building. Inside of her PAK, her metallic leg kept a grip on her silenced plasma pistol just in case. Though, the attendees of the party seemed preoccupied with mindless chit-chat and stomping around in rhythm-less motions. While keeping her eyes active and looking around, she gave a half-hearted "Good day" and "Excuse me" as various ponies moved in and around her personal space.
Upon getting a visual of the refreshments table, Flo cringed at the amount of pink that topped the items. However, she managed to take a deep breath and fight the empty bile in her single-organ gut. Determinedly, she reached a hoof toward a seemingly edible purple cupcake topped with a green apple slice.
The joint of another specimen hit the table before she could reach her destination.
"Why hello there, little lady," said some guy's voice. "I haven't seen your face around before. Who might you be?"
She turned her head and eyes slowly and awkwardly enough to be mechanical. The organism obstructing her objective was apparently a pony of proportions. He had this half-smug look that reminded her too much of Tallest Purple on that one day of getting high on potassium sulfate. That was to say, she didn't like the way he was looking at her. She also didn't appreciate how he had interfered with the simple task of nourishment.
"Flo," she replied curtly.
"Ah," the man-pony nodded, "Flow like a river, huh?"
She rolled her eyes. "Sure, whatever." She turned back to the small cake and proceeded to grip it with microscopic magnets in her hidden phalanges. She took a tentative bite to ensure that her squeedly spooch wouldn't reject it. To her relief, there was a distinct lack of regurgitation.
"I'm pretty free-flowing myself," the male added.
Oh my Red, is he still talking to me? wondered Phlip-Phlop in annoyance.
"How would you like a bite of my sugar, hint hint?" he nudged her shoulder.
She swallowed a larger mouthful of her treat. "No thanks. I'm not interested." She failed to notice the guy's open mouth of shock as she trotted toward the chips and dip.
Hmm, she thought as she observed one of the fried triangles of corn flour. There's roughly a ten percent concentration of halite crystals. She took a crunchy bite out of the item. She coughed out crumbs and her body shivered. The rest of this, however, is not worth that little bit of nutrition.
"Hey, are you okay?"
She turned at the voice. Apparently, this man wasn't taking the hint.
"My health is satisfactory, yes," stated Phlip-Phlop flatly.
"Well, it just sounded like you got a chip down the wrong pipe or something."
Chip? she thought. Are bio-mechanical pieces normal among this species, or... is he onto me? Well, either way... this gives me a reason to test their conductibility with my stunning weapon.
Casually, she extended a small metallic limb with the Irken pistol in grip. It was low enough that most of the attendees of the event wouldn't see it unless they were looking extremely closely. Once it was within a couple inches, it released a small hiss and jolt. The male pony shook a little in place before his eyes shut. He collapsed onto the floor without another word.
His spine isn't emitting any smoke, observed Phlip-Phlop. So, these Equus creatures are purely biological after all. What a shame. Her limbs pulled in a few more of the small cakes into proper storage.
Suddenly, the front door slammed open. A feathered freak with a beak and a horse's bottom barged in with a smile.
He shouted, "Salutations! Where might be the dance floor that I can shred to pieces?"
While most of the ponies in the room stopped and stared at him in silence, Phlip-Phlop slapped her face with her hoof.
What part of incognito don't you understand? she thought with a silent groan. TIR, you idiot.
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