Dear Fluttershy:
Do you honestly think I care if Fax Machine gets turned into a cozy? I mean, a fucking cozy would be less useless than him now!
With love(?), Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear everypony:
I swear, the next time I start singing around my cottage I’m going to have an army of trained bears to rip apart anypony stupid enough to try to spy on me. I regret to have to do this, but I see no other way to make everypony understand that I want ponies to stop pestering me into singing in front of large crowds.
Sincerely, Fluttershy.
P.S.: Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t regret letting my bears loose on anypony!
Dear Pinkie Pie:
Hey, do you want some more jerkass-weed?
Your favorite drug dealer, Princess Celestia.
P.S.: Don't act like you don't want it. I know how much you love smoking this shit!
Dear Big Mac:
Don't make me tie you up and sell you as a sex toy to Twilight.
Your horny sister, Applejack.
Dear Applejack:
If you’re going to sell your brother, you’re going to need a replacement, right?
And it would have to be a really horny replacement, am I right?
And you probably don’t know anypony else who’d be suitable for that role, right?
Your old friend, Trenderhoof.
Dear Trenderhoof:
Do you want me to call the guard and have you sold off to Princess Celestia? I’d bet you’d love to join Flash as part of her slave harem.
Your not-friend, Applejack.