Twilight was so shocked at the crudeness of this new creature, that all she could do was stare. She hadn't even registered Rainbow Dash shaking her head as she got over the head trauma she had gained.
And she could tell this was only part of the unappealing nature of this creature. It was black and white all over, and seemed to have red eyes, telltale signs of either a practically perfect being who's so perfect, it's annoying, or so full of itself that it thinks it is perfect, maybe both if they are really unlucky.
Needless to say, she didn't like this guy at all so far.
"So, tell me, who's in charge of dis joint?" The thing spoke.
"Who are you?"
It smiled a toothy, creepy smile, and spoke.
"The name's Lobo. That's 'L' as in 'lacerate', 'O' as in 'obliterate', 'B' as in 'disembowel', and 'O' as in, uh, aw, I guess I can use 'obliterate' twice, huh, whaddya think?"
Twilight was in full 'freak the buck out' mode, considering the way it spoke about it's name.
"Are-Are you d-dangerous?"
"Depends, are ya gonna try an' make friends with lil' ol' me?"
"What? Not the way you introduced yourself!" Twilight barked back.
"Then we's gonna be just fine, 'cause I ain't here to make friends, I'm here to not make one."
"What, that doesn't make sense!"
"Oh Twilight, what good is there in making sense?" Discord said, appearing right next to Lobo.
Lobo just punched the chaos god out for no good reason.
"Discord!" Fluttershy flew over to the unconscious draconequus and looked over the head injury.
"Sorry pal, ya spooked me." Lobo lied, he just did it because he wanted to.
"That there's a lie, pardner!" Applejack said back.
"Yer right, I just felt like it!"
"W-Well, aside from the fact that you just attacked a random pony, an admittedly annoying one at that, without provocation..."
"I'm gonna stop ya dere, dipstick, I ain't here ta listen ta ya bantah or somethin', I'm here ta win a bet, an' I'm here fer a week, so ya better git used to it." Lobo blew some of his noxious smoke into Twilight's face, who coughed in response.
"Girls, Discord's coming to!" Fluttershy yelled out.
"Wha?"
"Are you okay Discord?"
"... Who're you... who am I?"
"AH HA HAHAHA HAAAAAAAA!!! Dat's hilarious!"
"Discord getting amnesia's funny to you?" Pinkie said incredulously. "What the hay's wrong with you?"
"Well, I don' really care fer any of ya, so why should I care 'bout dat bastich over dere?"
"Seriously, who are all of you ponies? And who's that black and white thing? It looks stupid!"
Lobo kicked Discord in the head, knocking him out cold again.
"Seriously Lobo, stop hitting ponies!!!" Twilight yelled out.
"Make me!" Lobo said as he got back on his bike, and began to fly away, covering the mares in the obnoxious smog.
"*COUGH COUGH* *GASP* MY COAT!!! IT'S... IT'S... FILTHY!!!" Rarity cried as she ran towards her home to take as many baths as it would take to wash off the filth.
"UGH!!!" Twilight groaned.
"Uhh, what happened? And why does my brain feel like it forgot something then remember it again?"
"Shut up Discord." Twilight replied.
"But I'm injured... and I... AH!"
Discord magicked in a random person, whom was covered in some kind of goo.
"Wha... where am... oh thank God!"
"Discord!"
"It's not my... AHG!!!"
A giant pizza-burger appeared above Applejack, and it fell on top of her.
"Oh dear, please Discord, you need to rest up." Fluttershy said in a worried tone.
"Oh sure... my head."
"Seriously, where am I?"
"Who the hay are you?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I am Aber-"
"BRAIN PAIN!!!"
The man disappeared in a purple plaid flash.
"Discord!"
"I am iiiiiiiiiiiiinjuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuured!" Discord whined.
Lobo had burst down the doors to Bon Bon's candy confectionery, and walked over to the counter with the cowering mare.
"Hey, got any sour candy, I've been needing a bit of a sour tooth fixin' fer later."
"Oh... um... do you have any money?"
Lobo pouted, and looked over to the side.
"Gimme a moment." Lobo went back to his bike and flew off.
"*Sigh* I bet this is going to be a new day of weirdness."
"Bon Bon! It's has finally come, the monster from my nightmare, except this one is colored in black and white, which is WORSE!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Lyra went behind the counter.
"Lyra, calm..."
"SHUT UP!!! I'M NOT COMING OUT UNTIL IT'S GONE, G O N E, GONE!!! YOU WON'T HURT ME, HUMAN!!!" Lyra yelled out as she went into the broom closet, and locked herself in.
"Lyra, come on out."
"NO!!!"
Bon Bon sighed, and facehooved.
"Guess whose back, gimme some candy." Lobo said as he set down some coins, some of which had some blood on them.
"Where'd you..."
"Listen, jus gimme the candy, and lemme have my fun." Lobo explained, really wanting to just get the damn candy, and then punch that bastich in that castle place that bad-mouthed the bounty hunter.
"MEEP!!!"
"So, what's the verdict Dr. Stable?" Applejack asked.
"Your friend is suffering from major head trauma, and as a result, he is suffering from an inability to control his magic."
"So that explains why I am here for no *urp* r-reason." A random person said as he took a drink from his flask.
"MRPH MRPH MRRPH!" A red suited person thing said, muffled voice from his mask.
"S-s-shut up... you full body suited w-weirdo."
"Rick, Pyro, please shut up, I'm getting a brain aneurysm from all of this."
"MMMMRP!!!"
"PAIN!"
Pyro was replaced with by a short man with a crazy hairdo.
"Where the hell am I?"
"You're stuck in an alternate dimension because of a head traumaed chaos god, and now you are in deep shit, dawg!"
"Oh great, as if Kakarot was bad enough."
"GRAAAH!!!"
"The hell's wrong with her?"
"Don't mind her, s-she's just got a stick u-*urp*-p her ass."
Twilight whinnied, and trotted out angrily.
"Wow, she is pissed."
"Yep."
"Luna, I have to go to Ponyville to investigate the random complaints about a disturbing and disgusting creature terrorizing the populace, or as the more blunt of the ponies there said, 'a real jackass.'" Celestia explained as she trotted to her chariot.
"But what about the random attack and theft of Blueblood?" Luna replied.
"If the two are related, I shall act accordingly. If it is not, you shall be the one to investigate."
"You are kidding, right?"
"I am not."
"But TIIIAAAA!!! Blueblood's a self-centered-"
"I am aware Luna, that does not mean that he deserves everything he gets, only the retaliations that do not involve physical injury." Celestia said as she got on her chariot. "Besides, at the moment, he'll be too disoriented to make a fool of himself, so all will be good."
"How is that-"
"Goodbye Luna, and good luck!" Celestia yelled out as she took off.
Luna just stood there, speechless.
And then the implications set in.
"That little witch!"
Lobo had a fun day.
Made an ass of himself, check.
Punched someone, double check.
Rode his bike in a race, check.
Made a friend, NOPE!!!
Diagnose the indigestion, it was diarrhea, so check-a-roo.
All in all, an average day for the bounty hunter.
As he rode his SpazFrag 666, a chariot came down to his side, and the mare riding the chariot immediately deadpanned.
"Oh, it's you."
"Hey dere Celly, how's it goin' fer ya?"
"It has been a century since we first, and last met, and it was by far, the third worst time of my life."
"HA!!! Best Tuesday I ever fergit!"
"You killed several of my subjects over the alcohol content of the microbrews!"
"Oh yeah, 7 if I recall!"
"Go to Tarturus, you muscleheaded buffoon!"
"Already did, had lots'o fun there, HAHAHA!"
"Then go to the Nut House, because you are not welcome here." Celestia said sternly.
"Bug off, bastich!" Lobo began to drive straight... for... Twilight's...
'AHHHHHHH, Buck me.'
"Isn't there a way I can find out who this Lobo pony is?"
*CRASHING THROUGH A WALL!!!*
"What the hay!"
"Hey there, Sparkle-butt, how's that fer remodelin'?" Lobo said as he hopped off and landed on a sleeping Spike, who had the wind knocked out of him.
"MY HOUSE!!!"
At that moment, Celestia burst through the door.
"Get away from her, Lobo!" Celestia yelled out in a fit of rage.
"Princess?"
"Twilight!"
"Celly!"
"Lobo!"
"Monster!"
"Fraggin' Feetal's Gizz!"
"Lobo!"
"Purple pucker-face."
"Pinkie PIE!!!"
"Pinkie, not now." Twilight said to the mare, who was in a nearby flowerpot, with the flower and dirt on top of her head.
"OOPS!!! Sorry." She sunk down into the pot, and disappeared.
"Lobo, why are you here?"
"Next chapter."
"What?"
"Lazy writin', can't blame me." Lobo said as blew smoke, grabbed me through the computer screen, and... "OH GOD, MY EYE!!!"
"HAHAHAHA!!!"