//------------------------------// // Trouble with Muffins // Story: My Little Heartbreak: Heartbroken // by Jet_Black1980 //------------------------------// Chapter 12 Trouble with Muffins Getting the door to the bathroom car was such a pain. How any species can do everything with hooves, let alone anything with them is beyond me. But this is the magical land of Equestria where equines talk, fly and have magical powers. I had to really push the door to get it to slide, then standing on both of my.. back hooves.. I had to wedge the other hoof into the crack just to slide the damn thing open. And don’t get me started on walking. Humans start out as crawling creatures. It is the natural default for all of us as babies. Slowly we grow out of our crawling stage and switch to bipedal motion. A process that proved advantageous for our ancestors as it freed up our hands for doing other things. One that had some trade offs like difficulty on the spine and much more difficult birth. Turns out the best bipedal form happens to have narrow hips. Go figure. Most other species stuck to walking on all fours. Had I been another species that was slightly carnivorous mammalian I could possibly relate more. Cats, dogs, bears, even raccoons walk in a manner that humans can emulate. Flat hands in front and ‘tip-toe’ in back. But not equines and other hoofed animals. No, see the actual ‘hoof’ part of a horses ‘foot’ is actually it’s fingernails. If a human were to be walking like a horse or pony, they would literally have to walk like a ballerina all the time. Plus there is the timing that happens between front and back legs... And right now, that’s exactly why the length of this train car seems like a near impossible. I am forced to walk incredibly slow despite my desperation in needing to use the restroom. The two doors on either side of me are my reward. “Fiiinally!” I say. This whole endeavor took me at least five minutes I’m sure. But when you got to go, five minutes might as well be five hours. That’s when I look at the two doors. Seems that humanity isn’t the only species plagued with the unmarked bathroom doors. In stead of something like “Colt” or “Filly” there are circles with pictures of blacked in horse like figures in them. Both looking vaguely the same. There are only minor differences, but nothing that to my eye would show me which one is for males and which is females. And really, I don’t want to wait around to see if a pony comes along to choose which is which. I whimper and start to dance a little, looking back and forth between the two signs. “You know what? To he-he-hay with it!” And I pick the door closest to me. “Um excuse me miss...” Says a rather olde timy voice from behind me. I quickly turn around with a look of desperation on my face. It appears to be the train conductor. “Um.. I think you want the Other door.” He says. “Oh. Right. Of course. Other door.” I say in a hurried manner turning and pressing on the door. “How Silly of me...” I push on the door but find that it won’t budge. “Um.. Is there some-p-p-pony in there?” The conductor looks at me with an odd look. He reaches his hoof up and presses a small square that seems to have a hoof indentation in the middle of it. I blink wondering how the hell I could miss that. “Oh.. Yes.. Um.. Excuse me.” I say as politely as I can. “Think nothing of it miss.” He says. I roll my eyes at the use of the word ‘miss’ but I could care less right now, I turn around, close the door and set my butt on the toilet, all at the same time not trying to think about what I am doing. I will say this. It’s different and yet kinda the same. Exiting the bathroom I felt much better, behind me was a familiar flushing sound and the walk back to the train car that I had left Twilight in was much shorter. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I looked at the train door again. How the hell could I have missed that? Just like the bathrooms there were small squares with a generic hoof print on them. I stomp my hoof down feeling stupid for missing such a minor yet almost blindingly obvious detail. Lifting my hoof I put it into the indentation and push, there was a click and I felt the door move more freely than when I tried for force it. Twilight and AJ were still in the room talking whiles Rainbow Dash had finally dozed off. The two of them stopped mid-conversation and then tried to beam their best smiles at me. I paused and involuntarily twitched. A small paranoid part of me felt that they were up to something, but it just hadn’t hit me what that something was. “Well welcome back, feeling better Ah take it?” Applejack asked. “Much. Yes. Thank you.” I replied with my head lowered down. I walked slowly and methodically back near the bunk. Then it hit me that I didn’t really know how to get back up onto it. I attempt trying by turning around and then backing up. “Well, good ta’ hear, seeing whiles you were gone for a while Twi’ and me took the time ta get a food cart down here.” She says as I continue to try to back up into it. However this isn’t going well. While pony spines on the show could flex and bend a bit more than they should, I am finding myself in a very uncomfortable position. Hunched far over with my legs dangling at either side of me, and a bed above me pushing me down. Almost if on cue there is a knock on the door and a waitress pony with a large poofy brown mane comes in pushing a car. “Food service!” She says in the most smiling and cheery manner she can possible as she rolls the cart in front of us. The wafting aroma of food enters my nose and I can almost feel my stomach gnawing at me. She then sees me in my less than comfortable pose. “Oy Vey! You’re going to wreck your figure sitting like that, Isn’t it uncomfortable?” She asks me. I fight off a twitch. If nothing in that sentence should be or can be offensive, then why do I feel the need to tell her that I could care less about my figure? I take a deep breath to take in the wafting smell of the food before me and that nagging feeling quietly goes away only to be replaced by the all consuming need to feed. “Not, at All..” I grunt waggling my hooves out in front of me. “Perfectly comfortable. I love it.” While I am merely wanting food, she takes my random hoof waggling as a sign that I want out. She grabs my front hooves in the same way I would grab another persons’ hand, and then tugs me out. “Wa!” I shout taking another trip to painful tumble land. Location: The Floor. “Oh, I’m Saaaaary!” She says dusting me off with her hooves. Her voice is high and nasally. “Here, let me help you up!” “Oh No, please don’t. You’ve done so much already.” I reply holding back a few choice words and emotions. She bursts out into hysterics and lightly smacks my shoulder almost throwing me off balance as I try to get myself up. “Ahahahahahaha! Oh you’re a funny one! Anyway, I’ve got plenty of breakfast items here, for you hungry pooooonies! Oh hey!” Fran Drescher. That’s who she sounds like. Ugh that was bugging me. She turns and looks at Twilight. “I know you! Ummmm Twilight right?” Twilight nods as the waitress pulls out and sets up three dinner tables. “With how often you commune to Canterlot...you might as well get a card for stamping, ride ten times get a ride for free. You would have at least five or six free rides!” She laughs in a single long drawn out ‘Haaaaaaaaa!’. “Oh! Is that one unicorn with you? Rarity? She’s such a doll! Oh but look at me yammer away, right, breakfast items are on the top, snacks are here and drinks are dispensed out of here.” She says making her way to the adjoining cart. “Raaaarity!” She says almost as soon as she enters. I sigh in an annoyed manner. “Great. Now my life has become one big pony themed sitcom with guest stars from the shows I watched as a kid.” I walk slowly over to the cart and look at the items at hand. There’s toast, cereal, eggs, hash browns, orange slices, waffles and pancakes and then a platter of hay. But no bacon. I am disappointed but not surprised. On the lower shelf are things like muffins, cupcakes, cookies, bananas. I look at the plate with eggs and hash browns on it, and that muffin is looking pretty good. But cereal could be nice.. My stomach once again growls at me. I reach up to take the plate. And with the clattering of my hoof on the plate I remember that I can’t. I look at the hoof in front of me. My head drops slightly on the edge of the cart and my hoof stomps on the ground. “I really. Really. Really Miss Fingers.” I mutter bitterly out loud. I cover my mouth with my front ankle when I realize that Applejack and Twilight are still watching me. This seems to trigger an anxiety about the situation. There are looks of confusion, worry and concern on their faces. “I mean! I’m Really Hungry!” I shout. Stay calm and take the muffin. It’s alright.. I try to take it by hooking my hoof around it, I’ve see thing grabbed like that on the show thousands of times. Then again on the show they were able to use their hooves in anyway they could imagine. How the hell are hooves sposta hold on to marshmallow skewers? It works. For a little bit, but not long enough for me to pull the muffin out. Without a thumb it slides out of my ‘grasp’. Annoyed I try again. And again it slides out of my grasp. “Ugh!” I try again. And again it slides away from me. I slam a hoof down. “Um...Do you need any-” Twilight begins. “No! I’m fine!” I respond determined not to let a muffin get the better of me. I decide to try something else. Curling my hoof, I pull it to the edge of the dining cart. Carefully I remove my hoof as not to bump the muffin onto the floor, then I squeeze it between my front ankles. Aaaalright. Now to push myself up. It kinda hurts as the carts’ corner kinda digs into the front of my legs. “Are you sure suga-” Applejack says watching me struggle. “Yes! I. Almost. Have. It!” I say finally pushing myself up and standing bipedal. There is a moment of victory over the muffin. And then I realize I don’t know how to walk this way either. What’s more, my spine is now in protest. It is wanting to force me down back to all fours. But I am not going to let it win. On wobbly hooves I lift my right hoof and attempt to move forward. It slams down on ground. But it has moved forward a few inches. I slide my left hoof up to meet it. There is another moment of wobbling. And... repeat.. Right hoof, lift and stomp, left hoof slide. “Really... It’s no trouble at all if you’re..” Twilight begins. “I’m doing just f-whoa.. Whoa! Whoa!” My spine is apparently saying that enough is enough and deciding that I am going to fall one way or another. ‘Either backward or forward’ it tells me. I go with the way that looks like it will the least painful. A face plant to the floor with extra embarrassment please. The quick face plant forward isn’t as painful as I thought it would be. There is still a tumbling and a crash, but it isn’t as painful. And with the warm soft spongy feel of crushed muffin under my face, it isn’t hard to figure out why. I sit up. The muffin falls unceremoniously off my face and chin. Looking down at it, I just want to cry. Again. “Dang Twilight, this is getting to painful to watch. I’m gona go see how the others are doing an make sure that they know there ain’t nothing ta worry about.” She smirks “That’s if they’re still alive.” She looks at me whiles I stare frustrated at the crushed muffin before me. “Good luck with ..that Twi’..” As she leaves I can hear her mutter under her breath “Yer guna need it..”