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If any typos, etc, are glaring just point them out to me in a comment or PM and I'll get around to fixing it eventually
EDIT: First revision of this chapter has been made. Pending on what my editors/proofers think, and your comments, I may make more revisions.
Not long after Rainbow Dash left, Applejack and Dexter arrived at the schoolhouse. Once inside, Applejack introduced Dexter to a purple earth pony with a striped pink mane and tail.
“Hello Dexter, My name is Cheerilee.” The mare greeted. “I will most likely be your teacher for your time here in Ponyville.”
“Hello Ms. Cheerilee.” Dexter replied politely, already vying for the teacher’s number one pet position.
“Any allergies or special needs that I should know about?” Cheerilee asked Applejack.
“Not that ah know.” She replied.
“Alright. Well Dexter, I know you must be eager to spend the rest of your day playing, but I’m going to need you to stay here with me for a while.” Cheerilee said as she turned back to the colt. “In order to enroll you in the school, I need to give you a placement test.”
After a goodbye wave to Applejack, Cheerilee led Dexter to a desk with a stack of papers and a couple of pencils. “The test is divided into sections. First is math, then science, equestrian languages, equestrian history, and magical theory.”
“Magical what?” Dexter asked in confusion. Did she just say magic was a school subject?
“Magical Theory, it’s the last section of the test."
“What the heck is that?” Dexter replied before objecting. “'Magic?' That can’t seriously be a topic?”
Cheerilee didn’t respond at first, only giving Dexter a confused grimace “Of course it’s a subject. Ponies have to know about the magic of other ponies outside their own tribe, as well as magical hazards.”
“Magical hazards?” Dexter scoffed. “What is that like? Getting cooties or something? Or saying ‘Bloody Mary’ in front of a mirror will get a murderer to show up at your house?”
Now Cheerilee only appeared more confused, if not slightly concerned.
“No. . .” She began. “Magical hazards like how a pegasus jumping on a cloud can produce lightning, which in turn can cause a fire. It’s nothing as extensive as magical kindergarten but it is fundamental knowledge.”
Dexter looked at her as if she had grown two heads, before he let out a snort and started laughing.
“A pony... jumping on a cloud... that’s completely absurd, lady!” He laughed. “You’re telling me the pegasi, or whatever you call those flying horses, can jump on clouds and produce lightning?!”
“Dexter!” Cheerilee suddenly chastised, breaking Dexter out of his laughing fit. “I will not tolerate you calling anypony a ‘whorse.’ Especially if you’re talking about an entire tribe. You will keep such language out of my classroom.”
Dexter didn’t know calling someone a ‘horse’ could be taken as an insult.
“Huh?” Dexter replied.
“Do not call anypony a ‘whorse’ again, understand?” Cheerilee repeated firmly, though Dexter was still confused.
“Listen” She huffed. “Just take the test. You will be taking them by section, there is no time limit so just keep taking the test until the questions become too hard for you to answer. Once you’ve finished a section return it to me so I can give you the next one. Any questions?”
Dexter only shook his head, at this point he wanted to make sure he didn’t say anything else to make the teacher more upset.
“Good, you may begin.” She said before turning away.
Dexter looked down at the test’s first question.
2 + 2 = ___ “Seriously?” he muttered to himself. The following questions were of the same caliber, but after a while they started to get harder. Well, at least harder by pony standards.
What is the area of a four by four square? “Really? Do they think I’m stupid or something?”
A train leaves Canterlot moving at 20 lengths per second . . . “Are they trying to put me to sleep?”
. . .
The last question of the math section required a fifty line proof, something Dexter scoffed at and finished in five minutes. “I thought she said the questions would get harder.”
“Finished already?” Cheerilee said as Dexter approached her desk. She worried slightly for the colt, those who return placement exams quickly usually did so because they stopped early. Which would indicate that the test taker didn’t get very far.
She passed him the science section, which he also promptly returned fully completed. However, a part of Dexter felt disappointed by the test. It felt lacking, as if the test left entire areas of science untested. He didn’t know if that was intentional or not. Though he did suppose said subjects could have been lumped into the ‘magic’ category. However, he doubted it.
“Finished already?” Cheerilee said in surprise. “I haven’t even gotten halfway through grading the first section.”
Next came the ‘Equestrian languages’ section. The first third of it was straightforward and easy, most of the ‘equestrian language’ mirrored English. However, a third of the way through he turned the page to see a bunch of glyphs that were completely outside the realm of his understanding.
“What the heck is this?!” He exclaimed, catching Cheerilee’s attention. “This looks like some stupid dyslexic girl mashed her face into a piece of paper in an attempt to fabricate unpronounceable words.” He may have been exaggerating.
“What?” Cheerilee responded. “What’s wrong Dexter?”
“This,” Dexter said, pushing the test forward on his desk. “I can’t read any of this garbage.”
“Dexter, that’s not garbage. That’s Unicornian, the written language of the unicorn tribe.” Cheerilee said as she tilted her head to read the page he was pointing at. “Did you say you can’t understand any of it?”
“Yes”
“Well, that’s unfortunate.” Cheerilee said as she took the test and gave him the next section. “But not unheard of, many ponies living in isolated areas that consist mainly of one tribe tend not to learn the other scripts until they’re adults. But that won’t happen with you, I’ll make sure you learn the other languages.”
“Why? Unicornian looks retarded, the name sounds retarded too.” Dexter retorted.
“Dexter...” Cheerilee chastised again. “You should respect the culture of the other tribes. But to answer your question, you might find yourself in a part of Equestria that predominantly uses one of the three tribe’s written language. If that were to happen, you wouldn’t want to find yourself unable to read.”
“Learning that crap is a waste of time. All unicorns must be idiots if they chose a retarded pictographic system for a written language. It is astoundingly inefficient in comparison to an alphabetic one. So unless I can better understand science in Unicornian, which I highly doubt, I’d prefer not to waste my time.”
“Dexter! We’re going to have a talk with Applejack about your attitude.” Cheerilee reprimanded. Normally she would just chastise the colt again, and give him another warning. However today was a day of first impressions. She didn’t want the colt to go home thinking he could shoot his mouth off without consequences. “That is the second time you have insulted another tribe of ponies, you’re not tribalist are you?”
“Eh . . . no.” Dexter replied, already regretting his words. “I uh, I just don’t understand it.”
“Yes well, you shouldn’t insult something just because you don’t understand it.” Only if Dexter took those words to heart, they would have saved him a lot of trouble in the future.
The next two test sections were complete flops. He knew absolutely nothing about equestrian history, and magical theory was either ‘completely ridiculous’ or written in ‘Unicornian.’ After flipping through the former section and handing it back, he hardly even looked at the latter.
“Are you sure you're finished with that, Dexter?” Cheerilee said in surprise. She still wasn’t done grading the math section. “You haven’t even answered the first question.”
“I can’t answer it, the questions are insane.” He replied flatly.
“What?” Cheerilee replied, looking at the test. “C’mon, you can answer this. Number one: who raises the sun?”
“I don't know, God? The Universe? The Tooth fairy?” Dexter quipped.
“Be more specific, which goddess? Remember she is one of the ruling princesses.”
“You can’t be serious, 'princess?'” Dexter replied. The idea of someone or ‘somepony’ raising the sun was, again, absurd. “Typical backward pagan culture, they believe their royalty are supernatural.” He muttered under his breath.
“What was that?” Cheerilee asked.
“Nothing . . .” Dexter hastily replied, he didn’t want to get the teacher upset again. “Look, I just don’t know.”
“C’mon Dexter, I’m certain you’ve heard of Princess Celestia before.”
“Yah. . . of course I have.” He lied. Dexter had to admit, even though he was trying to pass himself off as a native, there were times he did a horrible job at it.
“So the answer to question one? Who raises the sun?” Cheerilee asked, though when Dexter didn’t respond she started fishing again. “You know . . . one of the ruling diarchs. The elder of the royal pony sisters? An immortal alicorn?”
“What?” Dexter replied with growing disbelief in his voice, “You’re telling me . . . The authoritarian ruler of this country is an immortal pony who can raise the sun?”
Confused by Dexter’s reaction, Cheerilee just nodded. It didn’t help when Dexter burst out laughing.
“You think your leader raises the sun?!” He laughed, louder and harder than he thought his little pony body could handle. “And that she’s also immortal, a goddess? Bwahahahahaha!”
“That’s all true, yes . . .” Cheerilee responded, still confused by the colt.
“Miss Cheerilee, do you know how big the sun is? How hard it would be to move?”
“Dexter? Are you saying you don’t know about the diarchy or of the princesses?”Cheerilee asked.
“Diarchy? Wait, there are two?” Dexter asked.
“Princess Luna, she raises the moon . . .”
“Of course she does!” Dexter unleashed another bout of laughter. “Talk about propaganda . . .”
---
For the next hour Dexter sat silently while he waited for Cheerilee to finish grading his test, wearing a forced smile which screamed 'I'm the perfect student.' Every so often he could hear Cheerilee mutter phrases of disbelief, catching her staring up at him from time to time.
But it wasn’t until Applejack returned that either of them spoke.
“Cheerilee,” Applejack greeted.
“Hello Applejack,” Cheerilee replied. She had just finished grading the last portions of the test when she walked in.
“So, how’d he do?” Applejack asked, tilting her head toward the colt.
“I . . .” Cheerilee shook her head with a slight frown. “Utterly baffling is how he did.”
“Baffling?”
“I don’t understand his test at all.” Cheerilee said, motioning toward the stack of papers before her. “He completely blew away the Math and Science sections of the test; and I don’t mean just for a colt his age. He completely blew the entire test out of the water!”
“His math score alone indicates that he should be taking classes at the Royal Canterlot University. Same thing for his science score.” Cheerilee explained.
“What? Are you say'n he should be in college?” Applejack grimaced. “Did he really do that well?”
“For math and science, real well is an understatement. But... thats only half of it. He has no knowledge of equestrian languages, culture, history or magical theory.” Cheerilee went on. “He didn’t even know who Princess Celestia was when I asked him.”
“Really?” Applejack tilted her head in confusion. “Dex? Yah don’t know who Princess Celestia is?”
“You mean the pony that supposedly raises the sun?” Dexter scoffed in reply. “Newsflash for you ladies, Celestia doesn’t raise the sun. But even if she did that doesn’t make her a goddess. She’s lying to you.”
The mares shared a glance of bewilderment. From their faces, Dexter would have guessed he was speaking a different language.
“Uh, Dex. She does raise the sun.” Applejack countered.
“Um, no. No she doesn’t.” Dexter countered. “You don’t really believe that she does, do you?”
Applejack nodded.
“Both of you?” Dexter asked Cheerilee, she responded with a nod as well.
“It’s both fact and common knowledge Dexter,” Cheerilee replied.
“My goodness, everyone believes this?” Dexter said in disbelief. “You’re all indoctrinated with delusions so fanatical it’s a wonder your society even has the concept of science. . .”
There was an awkward moment of silence as the two mares shared another glance of confusion.
“He appears to legitimately not know who the princesses are,” Cheerilee turned back to Applejack. “Nor any other facts about Equestrian history. So on balance, I have to rate him as average for his age. I can’t justify putting him in a higher class with such large gaps in his fundamental education. He will be in the same class as Applebloom."
“Sounds fair,” Applejack replied.
“AVERAGE?!?” Dexter shouted, standing up so fast he nearly knocked over his desk. Immediately he was next to Cheerilee and Applejack. “How can you say that I am AVERAGE?! I am far greater than AVERAGE!”
“Dexter?” Cheerilee said, taken aback by his sudden outburst. “Dexter, you’re clearly exceptional in certain areas. But you’re lacking in other basic parts of your education. I can’t justify placing you in a higher level class.”
“Because I didn’t answer that ‘Magic’ Crap? Or because I wouldn't regurgitate your propaganda?”
"It's not propaganda, Dexter." Cheerilee countered with a frown. "We're not lying to you. I know this may be difficult to accept, depending on what you were taught, but-"
"Either your incredibly incompetent," Dexter cut, knocking the papers on Cheerilee's desk to the floor. "Or this ineptitude is intentional!" He turned to Applejack. "I refuse to be in a class where I am forced to regurgitate fallacies purporting some stupid horse-princess."
“DEXTER!!!” The mares cried in unison.
---
“Ow ow ow ow!” Dexter wasn’t exactly a happy colt at the moment, he was quickly learning that pony methods for disciplining a foal were highly effective.
After his little outburst, Dexter was chastised again by both the mares. Applejack also promised him a bunch of chores as punishment for his foul language. However, things really got worse when Cheerilee informed Applejack about his earlier indiscretions.
Apparently calling all someone a ‘horse,’ was an insult. Double that when applied to the princess.
Applejack quickly apologized to Cheerilee, before promising that the colt would be disciplined. The teacher merely nodded before saying farewell and watching them leave.
Dexter's pain started shortly thereafter.
The moment Dexter and Applejack cleared the schoolhouse, Applejack’s teeth clamped down on the colt's ear. It was rather uncomfortable, and somewhat painful when Applejack began to walk. Though it was very effective at keeping the colt at Applejack's side.
In truth, it wasn't anything worse than what Dexter's own mother would do. She had grabbed Dexter by the ear on the few occasion he misbehaved with her.
“Quit yer bell-aching.” Applejack said through a mouthful of ear, answering his third plea for her to let go. However, she granted his request soon enough. “Ah don’t want ta ever hear you talk’n like that again ya hear?”
“I’m sorry!” Dexter said, rubbing his ear. “I won’t do it again!”
“Good ta know, I’ll hold ya ta that.” Applejack replied, anger lingering in her voice. However, her heart melted at the sight of the saddened foal.
“Dexter, Ah’m sorry about pull'n yer ear. But Ah cant in good conscience let a foal Ah’m in charge of act badly. It’d only be fer ya in tha long run. Ah also can’t let yah have a tribalist attitude either. I know tribalism ain’t uncommon in other parts of Equestria, but thankfully that nonsense ain't here in Ponyville.”
“That hurt . . .” Dexter answered.
“Hey, Ah know what ya mean. Mah parents did that ta me whenever they caught me lying. Broke me of that habit real quick.” Applejack replied. “And I can understand ya wanting to be ‘above average’ in school. But if what Cheerilee said is true, yer gonna have to learn a lot if you want to catch up ta other foals yer age. Ah think ya should visit the library after school tomorrow and get some history books ta read.”
“A library?” Dexter asked, almost forgetting everything else.
“Yup,” Applejack smiled, nuzzling the colt. Despite how odd it felt, Dexter appreciated the gesture. “Mah good friend is actually the librarian, Ah’m sure she’d be happy to help you get some books.”
“I think I’ll do that.” Dexter nodded.
. . .
“Miss Applejack?” said a masculine voice, startling the two ponies. Looking up, they found two unicorns. The guards were both completely white, except for blue eyes and blue manes. Each wore identical sets of golden armor, and bore identical stoic expressions.
“Ah, you must be the guard I heard was coming ta check on me.” Applejack replied in relief.
That got Dexter’s adrenaline to spike. So these were two members of ‘the guard.’ They were slightly intimidating from Dexter's point of view, being much taller than the small colt.
The closer guard nodded in response to Applejack. “I am Corporal Hard Lance. Have you noticed any strange behavior in the other town's folk?” He cast a glance at Dexter. “Or out-of-place individuals?”
Crap.
Dexter started to sweat, internally dreading. Were they here about the vandalized boutique, or did Cheerilee call the 'thought police?'
“No, Ah can’t say Ah’ve noticed anything noteworthy. In fact, you two are the most ‘out of place’ ponies Ah’ve seen all day.” Applejack flicked a hoof at the stallions. “What’s this about anyway? We don’t usually see many guards in Ponyville.”
“There was an incident at the Ponyville hospital involving an unidentified device.” He replied. "I can't explain the circumstances at the moment, but the guard have made the situation a high priority."
Double crap.
“Really? Is that it? Ah heard something about a changeling being found in the hospital.” Applejack questioned, though the guards maintained their stoic expressions.
“Yes, a changeling was discovered at the hospital last night. However, I must order you to refrain from speaking about it. Disseminating that information might cause a changeling scare.” The guard stated simply, earning a nod of agreement.
The guards then shifted their stoic gazes onto Dexter, locking on like laser guided missiles. The colt shrank under their sudden gaze as he huddled at Applejack's side.
“Dexter.” The guard stated firmly.
“Umm . . . heh” The colt replied with a nervous chuckle. However, after an awkward moment of silence, during which the two guards said nothing and stood waiting patiently, Dexter spoke up. “Y-yes, that’s me.”
“You were at the hospital recently, correct?” Lance inquired, his tone was still firm and direct.
“Um, yes.” Dexter replied.
“Did you notice anything unusual or noteworthy during your stay?” The stallion asked.
“Umm. . . No.” Dexter answered. Dexter was by no means a judge of what was ‘usual’ or ‘unusual’ in pony society. Granted, the whole experience of waking up in a hospital run by ponies was unusual for him. But he wasn’t about to try and explain anything to the guards.
“According to the hospital records, you slept in room four thirteen, where a novel piece of medical equipment was discovered the following morning.” The guard stated directly, there was nothing accusatory in his tone. “Would you happen to possess any relevant information as to how it ended up in your room?"
Triple crap.
This was the exact reason why he kept his laboratory, and his amazing scientific abilities, a secret. Revealing his abilities could lead to blowback and sticky situations. A fact that is apparently unchanged in the pony world.
But what set off warning bell’s in Dexter’s mind was not what the guard asked, but what he didn’t ask. Dexter remembered cannibalizing a number of other medical devices in order to get parts of the device he built, an act which would probably be considered vandalism and attract law enforcement. However, the guards made no mention of it whatsoever.
“No.” Dexter lied flatly. Maybe even too flatly. Something he would have realized if he caught the strange look of confusion and scrutiny Applejack cast at him the moment he voiced his lie.
There was another moment of silence as the two guards continued to gaze at Dexter. Eventually the other guard, Hard Lance’s partner, broke the silence. “Please turn to your side.” He instructed the colt.
However, despite the instruction, Dexter only huddled closer to Applejack. He was completely confused by the command.
“Turn to your side and present your cutie mark.” The guard repeated, maintaining his stoic expression and tone.
“Why?” Dexter protested, getting more and more nervous by the second.
“Dex, don’t be afraid and show em yer cutie mark.” Applejack said with an encouraging nudge.
“But I don’t wan-“ He began to protest again, however he was cut off by Hard Lance this time.
“Refusing to present your cutie mark to the guard when directed is a class three misdemeanor.” The guard stated. “Now turn to your side.”
After another moment of hesitation, and a nod from Applejack, Dexter turned to allow the guard to see his cutie mark. However, after a moment Applejack’s voice broke the tense silence.
“The hay do ya'll think yer doing?” Applejack said, causing Dexter to turn back and resume his place by her side. One of the guards had taken out a piece of paper and was now holding it in the air with his magic. “I know you’re not trying to flank-print a colt.”
“Ma’am, we were instructed to retrieve a-" The guard began, however he was cut off by Applejack.
“It don’t matter what you were instructed to do. Ya’ll can get a look at somepony’s cutie mark but you can’t flank-print em unless yer arresting them, much less a foal when you don’t have consent.” Applejack retorted.
“Parental consent, you’re not his parent according to hospital records.”
“Yah, but Ah’ve been made his guardian, and Ah say no. Yer not getting consent from me unless you have a good reason. Why do you want to get a copy of his cutie mark?” Applejack asked.
“For internal record keeping purposes,” the guard replied without missing a beat. “Our detachment has been directed to thoroughly document the incident at the hospital.”
“Paperwork?” Applejack scoffed incredulously, not trying to hide the anger growing in her voice.
“Very important and urgent paperwork . . .”
“Get outta here...” Applejack flicked her tail before motioning Dexter toward her side. “C’mon Dexter, we're going home.”