//------------------------------// // Some 'Splainin' is Done // Story: Yes, Another Human in Equestria Fic // by Squeaker //------------------------------// The first sound to make itself clear again was my heartbeat. After a moment, a few voices started to rise between each beat, but they were muffled and indistinguishable from one another. B-thmp… it eats… b-thmp… where did… b-thmp… you okay, Fluttersh… Suddenly, with a brief whooshing noise, the sounds started to come to my ears more clearly and I listened with bemusement, still dazed and unable to move. “… Fluttershy?” “Y-yes… I’ll be fine.” A strong country twang sidled in. “Lucky for you ol’ Rainbow flew in in time to save ya, sugar cube. All kinds of dangerous critters live in the Everfree Forest, and I don’t reckon I’ve ever heard of one like this. Who knows what it was gonna do with you?” “Um, actually, I don’t think it’s from the—” A door slammed somewhere and frantic hoofbeats cut Fluttershy’s already low voice down to nothing. “I’m back! I checked every book in the library that might have information on bipedal, hairless creatures, but I couldn’t find anything like… whatever this is.” “Who cares what it is? Let’s boot it back into the Everfree where it belongs!” Rainbow Dash snapped. “Um, I-I was saying, I don’t think it lives in the Everfree—” “Fluttershy?” Twilight cut in, not even noticing that the Pegasus was speaking. “You said that she spoke to you, right?” “Well, um, yes. At least, I think so… it was more like shouting, and I think it said… um…” “If she talked earlier, she’ll probably be willing to talk to us when she wakes up; let’s wait a little longer and—” “Hold it!” I felt a rhythmic pulse of air start to flow over me as Rainbow hovered above my still unmovable body. “’She?’ What makes you think it’s a mare?” “Oh,” Twilight said in surprise. “I don’t know. But if it… she can talk, it seems a little rude to refer to a sentient—“ “Rude? It scared the ever-loving hay out of Fluttershy and you don’t want to be rude?” Rarity’s dulcet voice broke in suddenly. “Now Rainbow, darling, just because one has been done a wrong turn it doesn’t mean one is required to respond in kind. Twilight is quite right. But, er… we don’t know what gender this creature is, do we?” “Well, let’s just check then,” Rainbow snapped. “Rainbow!” Twilight sounded exasperated and maybe a little embarrassed. “You can’t just go and… look at somepony you just met to—” “It ain’t a pony, though, Twilight,” Applejack pointed out. Rainbow Dash landed with a soft bump on the ground beside me. “Exactly. There’s no harm in checking; it’s not like we’re gonna offend anypony.” “But—“ “Here, help me take off its clothes. Where was it that needed to be all dressed up anyway?” “Rainbow Dash, simply wearing clothes is not the same thing as ‘dressing up,’” Rarity scolded gently. “Dressing up, shmeshing up, just help me.” I felt a tug at one pants leg. Wait, what? I thought blearily. “Wait a moment, Rainbow, take off its shoes first,” Rarity said helpfully. “Shoes?” Twilight trotted closer. “Those are the oddest shoes I’ve ever seen.” “Well, they must be shoes, mustn’t they? What else would they be?” Rarity sounded puzzled herself. Ponies in socks? I thought. “In any case, they’re filthy and they tracked dirt all over Fluttershy’s cottage. Though with all the animals here it’s a wonder it was so clean in the first place.” Rainbow had pulled off one of my not-really-socks, and paused in her ginger pawing at the other. “’It’ the cottage or ‘it’ this thing?” “The cottage.” “Oh, for crying out loud, just look already,” Twilight sighed. Both my socks were gone. My suddenly cold feet twitched. I felt Rainbow grip one ankle of my sweatpants in her mouth. “Give me a hoof, somepony,” she mumbled through the fabric. Hold on a second… “I’ve got it,” Twilight muttered. There was an unaccompanied tug (which I later learned was magic) on the other leg. “Ready?” “On three. One…” “Two…” “Three—“ In less than a millisecond I figured out what was going on, and for the second time in two days, I popped up with a shout. “WOAH, HOLD YOUR HORSES FOR A MINUTE!” Grabbing the knees of my pants I looked about frantically as everything fell into place. I didn’t have much of a chance to get my bearings, though, because I almost immediately found myself dangling in the air upside-down. I blinked, swinging about in confusion. Rainbow Dash had reared up on her hind legs and was tensed to jab a hoof in my direction. Flicking my eyes around, I recognized the pale violet aura of Twilight’s magic surrounding me. Glancing back down, I met Rainbow’s suspicious gaze again. “What did you say?” With a quick snap of her wings she was hovering at eye level with me. “You are in no position to be giving orders… uh… THING!” “Um, I am a mare, by the way. I mean, a filly. No, just 'girl' is fine,” I babbled. Rainbow shoved her snout into my face, magenta eyes intense. “THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT! WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE GONNA DO TO FLUTTER—“ “Stop!” Rainbow Dash turned away in surprise at the protest. Though it couldn’t really be called shouting, Fluttershy had mustered up enough volume for everypony to hear her over Rainbow Dash’s rant. “Please, can everypony please stop yelling!” Peering down myself, I immediately felt guilty again. Fluttershy was crouched on the ground with her hooves over her ears and eyes. Rainbow hovered for another minute then dropped to the ground next to her friend. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry.” “Um, me, too,” I mumbled. Everypony looked up at me as I managed to release my grip on my sweats and offered a placating wave. “F-first thing, I’m really sorry about all this trouble. I didn’t mean to scare anypony, and especially not you, Fluttershy. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, and I promise, no more shouting.” They all stared at me silently. Starting to get a headache I waved my hands about in the appropriate motions as I Pinkie Promised. “I’m not here to cause trouble or hurt anypony. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my—ouch…” I rubbed my eye ruefully and blinked down at Twilight pleadingly. “So, um, could you let me down please?” “Well, it’s not that we don’t want to,” Twilight began. “It’s just that… well, we’ve never seen anything like you before. We’ve no way of knowing if we can trust you.” Applejack spoke up again. “And did you just… use Pinkie’s…” “I was thinking the same thing!” Rarity exclaimed. “And, um, earlier…” Fluttershy was barely audible once again, but we were all subdued enough to listen to her this time. “…earlier… I was saying… how did you know my name?” Rainbow’s eyes widened. “Wait, what?” She stared up at me. “How in the hay do you know all this stuff?” “I swear I’m not a spy,” I said plaintively. “But I know how this looks, and I’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.” We all fell silent again. “Well, we’re listening now!” Twilight said with forced cheerfulness. “Yeah, I know. But can you at least turn me right-side up? I think I’m about to faint again.” The fur on her cheeks turned pink. How does that even work? my mind somehow had the frivolity to wonder. “O-of course. So sorry.” The Unicorn gently swiveled me upright and my stomach churned at the application of magical pressure it was never going to get used to. “Urp…” I swallowed and took a deep breath to begin, but fell to coughing before I got a word out. My throat was bone-dry. Everypony was looking up at me expectantly. Fluttershy seemed to have disappeared. “Sorry,” I croaked. “How long was I out?” “Just a few hours,” Twilight replied. “I guess you would be thirsty though. Um, how about—“ She paused as Fluttershy trotted back in with her eyes on the ground and a tray with a cup of juice balanced on her head. Stopping next to Twilight, she lowered the tray to the ground. “I was thinking the same thing. R-Rarity, do you mind?” “Oh, of course not, darling,” Much to my delight, the white Unicorn levitated the teacup and raised it up to my level without spilling a drop. Too thirsty to remember my manners, I grabbed the cup away from the blue aura surrounding it and gulped it down loudly. My eyes widened at the delicious, cool taste. “Apple juice?” “O-oh, is that alright? I mean, I can get you something else if you don’t like it, I just thought—“ “Nonono, it’s really good! Really, I love apple juice!” She looked relieved. “Thank you, Fluttershy. And you too, Rarity.” I paused, thinking, as I turned the cup upside down and tilted my head backward, trying to get every last drop into my parched mouth. “And thanks, Applejack. This is from your orchards, isn’t it?” “Uhh… most likely. Now, I think we all would like to know how in the world ya know all our names and such.” “R-right. You guys might as well all sit down. This might take a little bit.” They all sat, looking more perturbed than they had since I’d come to. “Okay, um, let’s see… I’m from a place called Connecticut, on a planet called Earth.” I peered down expectantly, hoping for a reaction. Twilight nodded once as if she understood, but everypony else just kept frowning up at me. Hmm; I’ll have to see what they know about it later, I thought absently. “There, the main inhabitants aren’t ponies, they’re people like me. Humans.” I paused and watched with interest as Twilight produced a quill and notebook from her saddlebags and began to take detailed notes. “Um… the reason I know so much about all of you is um… kind of weird to explain.” Hesitating, I realized that I didn’t have a tactful explanation tucked into either sleeve. “So, I guess, uh, I’ll just say it then.” But I didn’t say it. I just bobbed in midair silently and fidgeted, crossing my legs and balancing my empty cup on my knee as everypony stared at me. “Well, are you gonna say it or what?” Rainbow finally snapped, growing impatient. “Yeah, I guess I have to.” Running a finger over the rim of the cup, I gnawed my lip uncomfortably for another second. “There’s this show… that we watch. Well, some of us, not everyone likes it—anyway, the show is about… Equestria.” Nopony spoke and I let it sink in. I suppose that if an alien had teleported into my house and told me it and its cohorts had been watching me without my knowledge, I would have been a bit disturbed too. “’About Equestria,’ you said?” Twilight seemed to be having difficulty balancing interest and nervousness. “Yeah, something like that. More specifically, it’s about… the Elements of Harmony. All you ponies,” I clarified, gesturing vaguely at the mares assembled below me, unable to look at them. There was a soft “oo-ooh!” and a thud as Rarity fainted in typical fashion on Fluttershy’s couch. “But…” Applejack sounded properly disbelieving. “How is that possible?” “And you swore you weren’t a spy,” Rainbow Dash was muttering, but even she was subdued. “Well, I mean, I’m not really. It’s not like I was on a mission or anything like that. In fact, the general consensus is that Equestria—“ snapping my mouth shut I realized what I was about to say, I looked up at the ceiling and touched it with one finger distractedly. “Equestria what?” Twilight prompted. “Er… Equestria is… fictional.” Twilight dropped her quill as Rainbow snorted and stamped a hoof. “That’s stupid.” “Sorry. Some ponies—people—humans… I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” I sighed, covering my face with my hands. “Anyway, I’m one of the ones who follow the show and since it covers each of you, I know some stuff about each of you.” “What’s the name of this show?” Twilight had recovered and had her quill at the ready again. “If you don’t mind my asking.” “No, I guess you have a right to know… it’s called…” I trailed off and my eyes shifted about embarrassedly. What I feel no shame in saying to members of my own species suddenly felt excruciatingly awkward. “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” Once again we all sit in silence, then Rainbow Dash slowly responded. “Your little pony?” “No, no, not mine. ‘My.’ ‘My Little Pony.'” “That’s what I said.” “No, we don’t say ‘your little pony’ it’s ‘My Little Pony.’” The blue Pegasus was at eye level with me again with one snap of her wings. “Well if we aren’t yours,” she began in a mocking, sarcastic tone, “then just who’s little ponies are we, huh?!” I shrugged in full meme fashion and shook my head frantically. “I honestly have no idea. You’re all your own ponies, right? Nopony is anypony’s…” I got confused. Who’s ponies were they in the first place? That’s a Gen 1 question I don’t even know if I care about the answer to. “It’s just the name of the show, okay? I didn’t come up with it.” Rainbow scoffed and returned to the ground. “Sooo, this show,” Twilight piped up, trying to diffuse the situation. “Exactly what kind of information on us has it given you?” “Well… let’s see… I know all of your names of course—I mean, the names of the Elements of Harmony. You’re Twilight Sparkle, the prized pupil of Princess Celestia—“ (her cheeks pinked again) “—who represents the Element of Magic. The Unicorn on the couch—is it normal for her to stay out this long?” “She’s fine,” Applejack assured me. “… is Rarity; she runs the Carousel Boutique, and she’s the Element of Generosity. Applejack, you run Sweet Apple Acres with Granny Smith and your siblings Big Macintosh and little Applebloom, and you’re the Element of Honesty.” AJ’s eyes widened at the mention of her family and she scuffed the ground with a fore hoof uncomfortably. I bit my lip and moved on. “Um, Fluttershy, you know that I know your name already. Sorry about that.” She made a small noncommittal noise, hiding behind her mane a little. “You love animals and you represent Kindness. You showed it really well when you gave me that drink earlier, even though I scared you.” She gave me a tiny nod. “And you, Rainbow Dash.” Hoping to smooth over our earlier encounters, I didn’t hesitate to lay it on thick. “Are the fastest flyer in all of Equestria, and the only pony know to have pulled of the legendary Sonic Rainboom, not once but twice, and your Element is Loyalty. Also, most everypony who watches the show would tell you that you make the whole thing at least 20% cooler.” “’Cooler?’” Twilight echoed. I was tempted to tell her (with all the love in my heart, of course) that she made the show at least 20% more adorkable, but I wasn’t sure we were on good enough terms for that to come across well and kept my mouth shut. Rainbow had automatically puffed up a bit in pride, smiling and chuckling smugly. “Well, maybe some of you weirdo humans do know some things about Equestria,” she allowed. While I only gave her a polite nod, inwardly I was patting myself on the back. Makin’ friends LIKE A FAUST. Glancing around, I made sure I hadn’t missed anypony. “And, um, there’s one more of you… the sixth Element, Laughter. And her name is, um, P-Pinkie Pie. She’s, well, pink, works at a bakery for the Cakes, and she likes to party. Where is she, anyway?” “There’s some kinda weddin' in Canterlot that the Cakes hafta to cater this evenin'.” Applejack responded. “Pinkie’s still at the bakery makin’ up the rest of the chow.” “Oh, I see…” It had seemed odd that the pony of party had not been here to greet me, uninvited guest or not. “And that’s all for the Elements of Harmony. There are some other char—um, ponies in the show that we know names of too. Lily; Rose; Daisy; Trixie; Princess Luna; Derpy. We even know about some of the celebrations you have here in Equestria, and the ones that I’ve heard of seem to have some kind of equivalent for our world: Hearth’s Warming; Hearts and Hooves Day; Nightmare Night.” “You say your world has similar holidays?” Twilight was simply enthralled by this onrushing of new information. “What do you call them where you come from?” Her poised quill trembled in her magical grasp in her excitement. “What? Um… let’s see—“ “Twi, can that kinda question wait ‘til later?” Applejack interrupted. “Wh-what? Oh, ah, you’re absolutely right.” Rainbow took flight again and hovered in front of me. “Yeah, I mean we haven’t gotten to the point yet,” she reminded me impatiently, but the aggression had left her voice. She looked me square in the eye. “Just how do we know we can trust you?” I met her gaze steadily for a moment, then blinked, realizing I had nothing. “Well, you can’t, I guess, until… you get to know me.” Understandably, she was not quite satisfied with this response and continued to bob in front of me, frowning. “I mean, trust has to be earned, right?” “But of course it does!” Rarity had recovered and was brushing out her mane with a brush produced from her saddlebags. “But, when, darling…” She stashed the brush away, mane restored to its curly purple glory. “…are we to learn we can trust you? After all, we can’t just let Twilight keep you up there for as long as it takes to really get to know you.” Twilight blinked, having apparently let this fact slip her mind. “Of course not, but… really, think about it.” I look Rainbow in the eye again, knowing she would be my best ally on this point. “Just one pony—and a bunny—,” I added quickly, noticing Angel perched on Fluttershy’s back and frowning up at me, “—got me under control in about ten seconds flat. Really, you could take worse risks.” Also, at this point, the lack of solid ground under my feet had left me feeling slightly ill. I wanted very badly to return to the floor. We all sat or hovered in silence for a moment, then Rainbow snorted and glanced down at Twilight. “Yeah, it’s—I mean, she’s right, you know. If she tries anything, I think I could handle it.” Despite the light threat, her tone was casual and her words seemed to be genuine. Twilight stared up at me for another moment, then very gently lowered me to the floor of the cottage. Grabbing the teacup from my knee before it could fall and break, I eagerly stretched my legs toward the advancing wooden planks, ready to be back on solid— VERY SOLID GROUND. My knees buckled, and I pitched forward, flailing wildly, and face planted in the most inelegant manner possible. The sensation was extremely similar to the one that accompanied the recollection of my land-legs after a failed fishing trip with a friend. Come to think of it, the trip had failed because boats made me similarly sick. After letting myself lie for a several seconds, watching the teacup I had lost hold of spin, I sat up, head whirling, and swayed from side to side, disoriented. Then, I jumped at the sound of unabashed, hysterical laughter. I looked up woozily to see Rainbow guffawing at me. Rarity and Twilight glared up at the Pegasus. Rarity scolded her. “Rainbow Dash! What if she’d been hurt?” She covered her mouth with her hooves, holding in giggles. “Sorry…!” The image was full of so much d’aww that my fingers automatically twitched for a screenshot. Grinning up at her, I waved the concerns away. “Don’t worry about it; I’m fine. Go ahead and laugh if you want.” She did so, flopping onto her back on the couch and cackling at my lack of grace. Managing to find my feet, I straightened my clothes, dusted myself off, and extended a hand toward Twilight. She blinked, tilting her head. “You know that I know who you are, but I just realized that I never introduced myself properly.” The purple Unicorn’s mouth popped open and she gasped. “Oh my gosh, I didn’t even think to ask! I am so, so sorry! You’re absolutely right!” She cleared her throat and raised a hoof. “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle.” Beaming, I curled my hand into a fist and held it out. “My name’s Violet Rose. Violet Rose Summers.” She smiled back at me. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Violet. I hope we can be good friends!” She gave my fist a hoof-bump. Oh. My. Gawd. I don’t even know what I thought I was going to tell my bronies back home.