Pound Cake, Pinkie Pie, and the Dentists

by bahatumay


Pinkie's Back in Town

Pound felt awkward walking Pinkie back to his house. She seemed fascinated with the simplest things from parking meters to the graffiti on the walls to the sun itself, and she would get so excited over little things that he really couldn't concentrate.

Eventually, they managed to get back to Sugarcube Corner. Pinkie slowed to a stop. In the older days, they hadn't needed the bars over the windows or the reinforced doors, and the paint had looked new and fresh and inviting. Now, the whole building just looked tired and cold. Pinkie tried to crack a smile. “I… love what you've done with the place?” she tried.

“It's miserable, and it's all those dentists' fault,” Pound muttered. He pulled his key out of his pocket, undid both locks, and pushed open the door.

Pinkie whistled as she stepped inside, taking in the flaking paint, the warping wood of the floor, the displays of small cupcakes, more breads than they'd carried before, and big signs that said 'try our new sugar-free options!' She grimaced. This was not the Sugarcube Corner she remembered. This was all wrong. Totally and inconceivably wrong.

“I'm gonna go take care of something,” Pound said, heading towards the bathroom. “Don't touch anything. Mom and dad are probably still at the hospital and should be back soon.”

Pinkie looked around and crossed her arms like a shield over her body. “Not sure I'd even want to,” she murmured.

When Pound emerged, he found Pinkie now clothed in a little jacket over a pink shirt that had her cutie mark on the front of it, short jean shorts, and a pair of thick, pink suspenders completed her outfit. Pound stared again.

Pinkie met his eyes and grinned as she snapped her suspenders. “I keep clothes stashed all over Equestria in case of clothing emergencies,” she explained.

Pound wasn't sure if he should believe this, as he had personally had to clean this place top to bottom completely numerous times and had never found any such clothing; but he had already decided that Pinkie was a bit strange that way and decided to merely accept it.

There came a rattling at the door, and Pound jumped. The locks turned, and Carrot and Cup entered. Both stopped short at the sight of Pinkie Pie.

A silent standoff occurred.

Pound looked over and saw Pinkie was breathing a bit harder now. She swallowed and straightened up. “Mr. Cake,” she said in greeting. “Mrs. Cake.”

“Pinkie,” Cup said hesitantly.

Pinkie licked her lips. The next thing any of them knew, Pinkie had wrapped the two of them in a tight hug.

“It is so good to see you again!” Pinkie squealed. “Oh, I've missed you both! So much!” She pulled back. “You look so good, Mrs. Cake! And Mr. Cake! Handsome as ever!”

Pound let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding when his parents hugged Pinkie back.

“We're so glad you're back,” Cup said. “But I thought you were there for a few more years?”

Pinkie shrugged. “I got better,” she said. “Pound helped me get out.”

Both of Pound's parents looked at him, and Pound found himself more nervous than he had been in the insane asylum. “Uh…”

“Son, can we talk to you? In private?” Carrot emphasized.

Pinkie waited until they had gone into the kitchen, then pulled a glass out from the cupboard and held it against the wooden door to listen in. She frowned as she caught snippets of the hushed conversation.

“-crazy-”

“What were you thinking?”

“-Pumpkin-”

“How did you even-”

“-paperwork-”

“-fees and-”

And then Pound's voice broke through loud and clear. “I thought she could help, all right? Twilight helped me do the paperwork, she thinks so too. The craziness started with her, I think it needs to end with her, too.”

She could hear Carrot sigh. “Pound, son… this isn't a comic book or some fantasy story. This is real life. And what you did is really dangerous.”

Pinkie frowned. She wasn't dangerous.

Was she?

“I know. But… I did it for Pumpkin. And for me. And for all of us. If she can end this…”

“And if she can't?” Cup asked.

“It'll be my responsibility.”

“It might also be your life,” Carrot muttered. He sighed. “Fine. I'll agree with this. But stay safe, ok?”

“I will.”

Pinkie heard the sounds of a hug and knew they were coming out soon and so she'd better make herself look nonchalant. She quickly darted over, leaned against the counter, and whistled as they reemerged.

Pound coughed. “Maybe we should think of a plan.”

“Can we go see Pumpkin?” Pinkie asked excitedly.

Mrs. Cake looked uncertain, but Pound agreed. “Yeah. I'll take you there.”

* * *

Pound wasn't sure how Pinkie would react to being back in a hospital-like setting, but nothing seemed to phase her. She pranced right in and greeted the mare at the triage desk.

“Hi, Nurse Redheart! How are you?”

The white mare looked up in surprise at the familiar voice, and that surprise turned to shock and horror as she recognized the speaker. She took a step back but misjudged the distance, and toppled over backwards over a short table.

Pinkie giggled. “You sure picked a good place to fall,” she said. “You're in a hospital!” She peered over the desk railing. “You ok?”

Perhaps it was the distressed squeaking, or Redheart's desperate strugglings to slide and put as much distance as possible between her and Pinkie. Either way, Pound got the distinct impression that Redheart was deathly afraid of Pinkie Pie, and so grabbed her arm and dragged her away. He already knew where Pumpkin's room was, anyway.

“Remember to rest!” Pinkie called back. “And if you get a headache or your vision gets fuzzy, go get tested for a concussion!”

* * *

Pinkie looked down at the supine form of Pumpkin and slowly ran her fingers over her hand. The dentists couldn't just go buy their own supplies, so much of what they'd use was stolen or expired. That made for a terrible combination with some pretty bad side effects.

“How long?” Pinkie asked.

Pound noted that her mane seemed to have flattened somewhat again. “Two weeks,” he answered. “Nearly three, now.”

“But she is going to wake up, right?” Pinkie asked.

Pound was silent.

“Right?” Pinkie asked, a bit more quietly this time.

“We don't know,” Pound admitted. “The doctors said she'd have the greatest chance of recovery if she woke up within the first forty-eight hours.”

“And it's been almost four hundred and fifty six,” Pinkie murmured. “But you think she'll wake up?”

“She has to!” Pound said. Hot tears began forming in the corners of his eyes. “She just has to!”

Pinkie straightened, her resolve strengthened. “Then this means war,” she said firmly. She took Pound by the hand. “Come on. I've got a plan.”

* * *

Pound hefted the crowbar he'd been given. “I'm not so sure this is such a good idea,” he protested.

“It's a great idea!” Pinkie said. “I'm the bait, and while they're distracted with me, you hit them on the head with the crowbar! Simple enough, right?”

“Well, yeah; but-”

Pinkie pressed a finger over his lips. “Ah, ah, ah!” she chided. “Butts are for sitting. And for spanking, when somepony's been a bad little filly.”

Pound flushed slightly red at that mental image.

Pinkie removed her finger and trotted out into the middle of the street. She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a cupcake. “Oh, my!” she called. “Look at me! I'm going to eat this beautiful, sugary cupcake!” She extended her tongue and gave the frosting on top a long lick around the edges. “Mmm, so sugary, and so unhealthy for my teeth!” She licked it again up the side this time, really getting her tongue all over the cupcake, and Pound needed to look at the ground to try and maintain some semblance of composure.

'Stupid sexy Pinkie,' he groused silently.

Pinkie continued her display, using her tongue much more than necessary as she played with the cupcake. Finally, she took a bite and chewed dramatically. “Mm-hmm!” she moaned. “So delicious!”

The first dentist appeared in the shadows, horn glowing. He circled around Pinkie, carrying a pair of forceps in his magic. A second appeared in the shadows above, dropping to the ground. A third came from another alleyway. They drew close menacingly, their masks over their faces and their tools held high.

Pinkie finished her cupcake and grinned. “Pound?” she called. “Now would be a great time for you to do your part of my plan.”
She paused as the dentists came closer. “Pound?” she called, taking a step back. “Any time now…” She looked back to the alley where Pound was hidden, and gasped.

He was surrounded by no less than four dentists, who were holding him down and pressing a mask of laughing gas over his mouth.