/\/\/\/\
The Ticket Master
\/\/\/\/
Forgive a few errors. Was done late.
/\/\/\/\
“Thank ya’ kindly for all your help Twilight,” Applejack announced, wiping the sweat from her brow as she and Twilight pulled two carts full of apples from the thick of the orchard, to the barn, “Ah’ bet Big Mac that ah could get all the apples in the barn by lunch! If ah’ win, he’s gotta walk down stirrup street in one of Granny’s girdles!”
“No problem, Applejack!” Twilight beamed, giving Spike a quick scolding look for his eating the apples in the cart, “I’m glad the goal is for lunch time, I’m getting really hungry!”
“I know!” Spike agreed, tossing yet another apple in his mouth, as Twilight shook her head at him.
“You’ve been lounging around all day, while the two of us worked!” Twilight accused.
“Well, I didn’t want to miss snack time by working as hard as you two,” Spike said, lifting yet another apple from the pile in the cart, “Now if you’ll excuse me—“
Spike was cut off from his sentence when his stomach suddenly growled loud enough to pull the attention of the two girls walking in front of him.
“Are ya’ okay, Spike?” Applejack asked, looking to Twilight, who was significantly less worried about his condition.
“I- uh…” Burping loudly, Spike earned a grossed out look from Applejack, as Twilight watched the green fire materialize into a scroll.
Spike fell on his back, wondering what he had done in a previous life to deserve being the personal conduit for letters between Princess Celestia and her student.
“What does it say, Spike?” Twilight asked.
Turning his head, he lifted the scroll from his side and unrolled it, holding it above his face, while still lying on his back.
“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce The Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh, yadda yadda yadda,cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest!” Spike read, grabbing two tickets that were nestled in the scroll, “Wow!”
“The Grand Gallopin’ Gala?” Applejack repeated, “Shoot, Twi! Ah’ keep forgettin’ you’re the student of Princess Celestia herself!”
“Well, it certainly does have its perks,” Twilight laughed nervously, levitating the scroll and tickets from Spike, “Who should I take though…?”
“Yer’ not takin’ Spike?” Applejack asked instantly, perhaps seeing an opportunity.
“Well, he’d be included with this ticket,” Twilight answered, “Why? Did you want to come?”
“Oh, well!” Applejack said, flustered by the offer, “Ah’d really like tuh try mah’ hoof at sellin’ some sweets made here at Sweet Apple Acres! Ah’ could fix the leaky old roof in the barn, an’ get a new plow for Big Mac! And replace Granny Smith’s old hip!”
“Well,” Twilight shrugged, “If that’s the case, then I’d be happy to—“
“Woah! Hey girls!” Rainbow Dash cut in instantly, hearing their conversation from a nearby could where she had been napping, “Did I hear you guys talking about the Grand Galloping Gala?”
“You sure did!” Spike smiled, before Applejack could convey her ‘shut up’ gesture to him.
“Really?!” She asked excitedly, “Did you guys know that the Wonderbolts perform every year at the Gala?”
“I think so,” Twilight nodded, vaguely remembering demonstrations from the past years she had attended, “They always do such a good job.”
“Just picture it now!” Dash said, wrapping an arm around Twilight’s shoulders, “The Wonderbolts, flying through the sky, dazzling the audience… when in comes Rainbow Dash!
“I would draw their attention with the Super Speed Strut!”
Twilight cocked an eyebrow as the mare continued.
“Then I would mesmerize them with the Fantastic Filly Flash!”
Spike’s face crunched in confusion, pondering the odd name for a trick.
“And for the grand finale, the Buccaneer Blaze!”
Spike had no idea where she got this stuff.
“The ponies would go wild!” She continued giddily, losing herself in the semi-orgasmic fantasy of being noticed by her heroes, “And when they see it, they’ll have to ask me to join the Wonderbolts!”
“That sure sounds interesting…” Twilight mumbled, unsure if she was impressed with Dash, or sad that she believed her skills were so amazing.
“Don’t you see Twi?” Dash asked, suddenly in a panicked tone, “This is my one chance! You have to take me!”
“Well hold’yer horses for a sec,” Applejack cut in, deciding that this was the time to assert herself, “Twilight was tellin’ me about the ticket first!”
“So?” Dash answered, “That doesn’t mean you own it!”
Twilight felt herself shrink back as the two of them had it out in the middle of the orchard.
This ticket had changed from a blessing, to a curse in less than a minute.
/\/\/\/\
Alex had spent the morning since Twilight left, experimenting with different kinds of magic.
Again, the knowledge he had acquired from Princes Celestia was extremely helpful in many aspects of casting magic, but he still couldn’t muster anything more than a gust of wind. Which, he was confident would be good for some fart jokes, but aside from that, it was useless.
“Levitate!” Alex announced, pointing his horn toward a rock in the grass just in front of him, “…please?”
However, nothing happened.
Sighing, he blew a concentrated gust of wind in toward the rock in frustration, sending it tumbling away.
Seeing the rock roll away got the cogs in his head turning, as an idea started to form on how he could perhaps use magic—
“Get me outta here!” Spike called, running past Alex, and in to the library, slamming the door behind him.
Alex looked to where Spike had just come from, but saw nothing.
“Huh…” Alex mumbled, forgetting his current task, as he decided to go see what the problem with Spike was.
Opening the door, he looked around the library for the purple dragon, instantly seeing his tail sticking out from behind a bookshelf that had been pulled out from the wall.
“Hey, Spike,” Alex called, “I see you over there, guy.”
Spike didn’t answer.
“Dude, come on!” Alex said, his voice now showing irritation, “Out here! Now!”
“Uh… sorry,” Spike mumbled, slowly crawling out backward from his hiding place, “I just can’t handle those girls anymore!”
Alex frowned, “What’s going on?”
“Well, Twilight got these tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala, and everypony is fighting over who should get the spare!” Spike explained, “All of her friends are fighting with each other, over who should be going! I just don’t want to see any more of it!”
“The Grand Galloping Gala?!” Alex asked excitedly, “She has an extra ticket?!”
“Not you too!” Spike whined, falling on his back, groaning in defeat.
“Dude, I have no flippin’ clue what that is,” Alex laughed, surprised this joked worked so well, “But nothing makes me feel better as a pony, than when a bunch of girls are fighting over something.”
“That sounds terrible!” Spike said, sitting up, “How could you want to watch friends fight?”
“Not friends, Spike,” Alex shook his head, “girls!”
“I don’t underst- ooooh.” Spike said, suddenly understanding where Alex was coming from.
“And!” Alex announced happily, running over to a cupboard and clumsily opening it with his mouth, “I found this while exploring the house today!”
Spike shook his head. It was cooking oil.
“Toss that in your bag, and lets go find those girls! When we see them fighting, we just toss it on!” Alex said giddily, as he ran out the door, leaving Spike to look at the bottle in his hands.
“I… Wanna see how this turns out.” Spike said, tucking the bottle away in his bag and following Alex out the door.
Making his way outside, Spike bumped into Alex, as he stood in place, absolutely covered in something thick and sticky.
“Whoops!” Pinkie said, looking at her oven-party-machine, “Looks like I put the cake patter in the confetti canons again!”
A bell rung, as the open tray flew open, exploding confetti outward like a shotgun, completely covering his body in white and red ribbon.
“Sorry, Alex!” Pinkie smiled, as if nothing had happened, “I thought you were Twilight! I’m trying to get that extra ticket to the Gala!”
Alex licked his lips, and idly enjoyed the flavor of the batter on his lips.
“I don’t suppose you can clean me up instantly, can you?” Alex asked quietly, touching his hoof to his sticky chest.
“Sure can!” Pinkie beamed, running over to running water fountain, and placing her oven cannon underneath it, filling it with the running water.
“Oh, I don’t wanna be blasted again Pinkie…” Alex said, giving her a grave look as he backed up.
“It’ll alllll be over in just a second!” She said, “Close your eyes and count to five!”
Alex bit his lip, and did just that.
One.
Two.
Three.
He was suddenly doused with a blast of water, completely removing any hint of batter from his body, instead splashing it back on to Spike.
“Hey!” He called, before licking his lips, and realizing how much he liked the taste, “Never mind actually!”
“Well, I’m off to find Twilight!” Pinkie announced immediately packing up, and leaving just as quickly as she had arrived.
“This friggin’ place…” Alex mumbled, collecting himself as he looked back to Spike, “You ready to go?”
“Sure am!” Spike said from under the batter, giving a thumbs up, as his tongue quickly ran over the batter covering him.
Shaking some water from his coat, Alex headed off with his partner, ready to find the cat fights that were sure to present at the place they were going.
\/\/\/\/
Alex and Spike had been at it for a little over an hour, but were unable to figure out just where Twilight was hiding, and where her searching friends were.
His long trek through the surprisingly large town, led him to a massive hill, leading up to a rather mountainous section of the town.
“Where are we?” Alex asked, looking to his companion, who was now almost completely cleaned off of his cake batter, “I don’t recognize this place.”
Spike looked around for some kind of indication, but saw nothing to give him an idea of what part of the town they were in.
“Let’s ask her!” Spike said, pointing to a large red mare heading down the road, dressed in some kind of black, lace covered outfit.
Heading up toward the mare, the two of them slowly realized just what they were looking at.
“Is that a dude?” Alex whispered to Spike, as they got closer to the red pony, “I mean… he-she sure is built like one.”
“I think I met him,” Spike whispered back, “That’s Applejacks brother… I didn’t know he was the type to dress up and go in to town…”
Alex and Spike, being the horribly unaccepting bigots that they were, decided that they wanted nothing to do with the transvestite stallion of Ponyville at this moment, to avoid the awkward situation that would surely come with him.
Standing awkwardly on the side of the road, they let Big Macintosh walk past them.
“Afternoon.” He said simply, not daring make eye contact with the two of them out of sheer embarrassment.
“Uh, yeah,” Alex nodded awkwardly, “Nice day…”
With that, Big Mac continued his way down the hill, as Alex and Spike started making their way back up once again.
“That was so awkward.” Alex squeaked.
“I hope I never have to do something like that again…” Spike whimpered.
The silence between the two of them was brief, as their attention was pulled to the top of the hill, when somepony started yelling down at that.
It was almost inaudible, but it didn’t need to be loud. They could clearly see a massive wagon filled to the brim with garbage careening down the hill toward them.
Alex looked over his shoulder to the cross-dressing pony, and bit his lip.
Spike, who was long out of the way, look to Alex in confusion.
“Get out of the way, Alex!” Spike said, as Alex ignored him, and headed down the hill toward Big Macintosh.
Alex knew he could probably get Big Mac out of the way in time, but at the very bottom of the hill was a busy intersection, where anypony could get hurt by the out of control wagon.
“Hey!” Alex shouted, as Big Mac turned around and went wide eyed, “Move!”
Of all the days to make a bet with his sister… This would be the last time he lost to her.
Reaching him, Alex stood his ground, “Get out of the way!”
“No.” Big Mac said, shaking his head, “I’m big enough tuh’ stop it.”
“I think I can stop it with a spell,” Alex said, placing himself in the way, “If it keeps moving… Try not to crush me stopping it.”
Big Mac braced himself, ready to stop both Alex, and the cart when they collided.
The cart was only a few meters away, when Alex pointed his horn at the wagon, and pushed as hard as he could, just as Princess Celestia had told him.
At that very moment, Rainbow Dash, while passing over, noticed Spike standing on the hill, while completely missing the wagon rushing down the hill.
“Hey Spike!” Dash called, “Have you seen Twi anywhere?”
Spike opened his mouth, only to freeze when he realized what was about to happen.
The spell Alex had case succeeded.
The sheer amount of force he put out from his horn was incredible, slowing the cart to a stop. However, he quickly realized that he had lost control of the spell, as the narrow passage of wind ripped up the hill, lifting the cart off the ground.
“Uh… You might wanna stop yer’ spell now,” Big Mac said, pointing to the filth flying out of the back, though the air toward a certain Cyan mare.
A small drop of rotten-something landed on her arm, drawing her attention to the commotion on the ground.
“Hey!” She shouted at Alex, completely lost at what he was doing right now, “You got some of your crap on me!”
Alex didn’t even notice her, as he decided to try and expel all of his magic at once, stopping this spell from going on.
Giving one massive push, every ounce of wind blew out from his horn, sending the cart spinning off in to the air.
“Are you even listening?!” Dash shouted, as the wagon lifted off the ground, and headed straight for her.
“Eep—“
Dash was hit by the cart of garbage, and was lucky to be in the softest section, which also happened to be the part of the wagon that was filled with rotting food.
It only flew for a few more seconds, before it landed upside down on the ground at the top of the hill, trapping the mare underneath both hundreds of pounds of garbage, and the wagon itself.
It only took Alex two seconds to put together what had just happened, and who he had just hit.
“Oh fuck.”
/\/\/\/\
By the time the wagon was lifted off of her, and the garbage removed, Rainbow Dash was a very unhappy, and very stinky mare. Her blue coat was now stained a dark, toxic green, along with her mane, which was every shade of rotten green you could imagine.
Alex, Big Mac, Spike, and the owner of the wagon all stood at the top of the hill with her, feeling nervous for what was going to come next.
Stepping out of the pile of muck, Dash made a disgusting ‘splat’ with each step she took toward the white alicorn, who was feeling his tail go between his legs so hard, that it was pressing up against his stomach.
“You.” Dash growled, running an arm through her bangs, slicking them to the side of her head, and sending residual garbage on to the ground beside her, “You.”
Pointing to him, she stepped directly in front of him, and knocked his chest with her hoof, leaving a green stain on his pristine coat… and another. And another. With each one having increased force, before he finally had to take a step back.
The rage she was feeling was obvious, as her ragged breathing grew more and more shaky, leading up to what they all thought would be an explosion of anger. But, she shocked them all, when her next words, were calm ones.
“Spike, please tell Twilight that I’ll pass on those tickets.” Dash said, obviously masking the hurricane of anger that was inside of her, “I need to go home, and shower for the next year.”
Spreading her wings, she gave a few flaps, and achieved a very unbalanced flight, as she tried her best to compensate for the extra weight of garbage, and her feathers being matted together in sludge.
“Sorry…” Alex said, just loudly enough for her to pick up.
Ignoring him, she went on her way.
“Thanks for the help,” Big Mac said simply, “If ya’ ever need anythin’, just ask for me at the orchard.”
Alex nodded, still unable to form a sentence.
“And this’ll be the last time ah’m wearin’ this, that’s for sure.” He finished, as Spike turned to face him.
“So, you’re not a cross-dresser?” Spike asked.
“Sure ain’t!” Big Mac laughed, “Lost a bet.”
“Thank god.” Alex laughed quietly, “You looked like a pony Frank-Furter.”
“I’m going to go home and wash up,” Alex said, looking at the gross smears on his chest, “Know how to get back to library?”
“Eeyup,” Big Mac said, pointing to the part of town it was located in, “Just keep headin’ left.”
Nodding, that was good enough for him, as Alex started on his journey without another word.
“Sorry for the trouble!” Spike said, running off to catch up with Alex.
The silence that followed between Big Mac and the owner of the cart was deafening.
“I thought you looked good in the girdle.” He said finally, winking to the large stallion.
“Uh, nope.”
/\/\/\/\
Alex was thoroughly put out by the turn of events of the day, and spent the next hour in his shower, scrubbing his chest.
This stuff just didn’t come out!
It must have been so bad for Rainbow Dash…
“I should really make it up to her,” Alex had mumbled for the fifteenth time, as he turned off the hot water, and stepped out of the stall.
Blowing some air across his body as he shook himself off, he dried himself off in a matter of seconds—there were plenty of perks to this place!
Walking out of the bathroom, Alex quickly picked up on some kind of argument going on in the main section of the building. It didn’t take much figuring for him to piece together what was going on.
Poking his head out the door, four girls were all talking to Twilight at the same time, each one next to her, as they all wildly gestured and paddled on about how they should be the one to go to the Gala with her.
It wasn’t the kind of fight that required cooking oil, however.
Twilight was just about ready to burst, as her friends continued endlessly.
“Hey guys!” Alex shouted, picking up on her distress, “What brings you all to the library today?”
Silencing the room, he was happy to see each one of them address him.
“Oh, Twilight had a ticket to the Gala, that’d let me make some new friends in the royal gardens!” Fluttershy explained.
“Well, I think it would be more prudent if I were to go, and meet the stallion of my dreams!” Rarity followed her.
“Ah’d like to make some money to help out mah’family!” Applejack cut in.
“But I wanna go party!” Pinkie called, “It’ll be the most super-exciting-wonderful party ever!”
Twilight just groaned.
Scratching his head, Alex looked at the girls in disbelief. Were they really having this argument? And was Twilight really having this much trouble choosing who should go?
“Are you serious?” Alex laughed, “This is an easy choice, Twilight.”
Looking up from the floor, she gave him a sad look.
“I should send them back,” Twilight sighed, levitating the tickets off the ground, and pulling a scroll over to her.
“What? No!” Alex shook his head, “I know who you have to take!”
“Who…? Is it you?” She asked, wondering if he was just being a dick.
“Applejack!” Alex answered, pointing to the now very happy mare.
“She said she had to raise money to help her family, didn’t she?” Alex asked, “I mean, from what Spike told me earlier, she wants to fix a barn, get a new plow, and replace her grandmother’s hip.”
“Oh yeah…” Twilight mumbled to herself.
“Meeting cute animals? Kinda selfish in comparison.” Alex said, looking on to Rarity, “Same with you, and wanting to find love.”
“Well… I suppose…” Rarity sighed.
“And Pinkie, you party all the time,” Alex said, “What’s a party here, over one there?”
“I guess you’re right.” She accepted, nodding slowly.
“So, yeah!” Alex smiled, “And unless you can get more tickets or something, that’s what you have to…”
Twilight gave him a blank expression.
“You did you ask for more, right?”