Chapter 78 - The Spitfire
She was ready to agree with Twinkleshine that these sewers smelled the worst by far; worse than that of the underground river that carved out the Great Chasm. Minuette had thought about turning back, but knowing Twilight Velvet, she and Twinkleshine would be thrown off the cliffs for failing their mission.
It wasn't as if they couldn't succeed, though. Nopony, had stopped to accost them thus far, so their minimum of casting their horn-hiding spell was a success. Still, the Earthians they encountered were the worst. They were drunk. They were crazed. A few famished homeless stallions tried to make a pass at the unicorn mares, causing Minuette and Twinkleshine to scream off down the tunnels.
Their days' journey had finally paid off, for they arrived at the front gates of actual Earthian civilization. This "sewer town" had buildings constructed haphazardly on top of each other despite the lots they were planted on were organized in a predictable grid. Bright neon lights adorned many walls along with torn paper fliers and graffiti. A web of wires ran from pole to building, and vice versa. The presence of flamboyant stallions and their call mares, drooling Diamond Dogs, punky zebras, and Shetlands filled the already-congested streets. Minuette couldn't believe this was the kind of world Twilight Sparkle had been obsessing over throughout her life.
"Mini, I'm hungry," said Twinkleshine.
"Can't you eat some of that toothpaste?" asked Minuette.
"Those aren't edible! Plus, I need those to clean my teeth, which by the way, your breath still stinks."
"Anyway, we'll need to eat at a discreet location. I hope these 'bits' the Chieftain have given us are still acceptable."
"Oh, please hurry! I could eat a horse right now."
Cherish the thought. The thousand-year survival of the majestic unicorn tribe had not degenerated into cannibalism as of yet, but it wouldn't surprise her that this earth pony society had partaken upon it in their dark ages.
As much as they wanted to avoid public view, they couldn't take the alleyways, should they encounter muggers or murderers. A compromise was had when Minuette and Twinkleshine turned left and trotted down the streets closest to the towering sewer walls that were closest to the repugnant open sewer pipes. The ponies they passed by were in streets or sleeping in streets, and many of the stalls sold various mechanical trinkets like wrist phones and towering book piles that Twilight would salivate over.
They turned one corner and walked further down. Twinkleshine herself was salivating at the exotic cuisines sold at the seemingly endless row food stalls. Even the scent of burning flesh sold by the Diamond Dogs for their own brethren caused the cream-white unicorn to gravitate towards them, and Minuette pulled her away by the tail before she could even begin to commit to becoming a carnivore. As a response, Twinkleshine hissed angrily back at her fellow Magisister. She even growled, just like a Diamond Dog.
Her anger soon vanished when Minuette made a full stop at a corner. The two mares found themselves somewhat dumbstruck at the structure of the building, and yet in all its simplicity it was the most pleasant building they had seen so far.
It looked like three sugar cubes stacked upon each other. Too bad the ramshackle zebra-striped car across from it ruined the view.
Their curiosity of this strange building pulled them inside. It was clean, had a delightful checkerboard pattern floor as well as rosy red cushioned seating surrounding its art deco tables. A place like this should be bustling, but it was mostly empty, save for a trio of jacket-wearing male zebras with sunglasses. From Minuette's angle, one of them, the assumed leader, had a gold tooth.
"Now, let's be reasonable ponies," said the gold-toothed zebra. "We're not here to close this store down. We're here to help. All we're asking is a small and reasonable fee for our services."
"I'm sorry," said the orange-maned Earthian clerk. "We just reopened, and we don't have enough money to cover your fee."
"Well, that's a shame, Golden Harvest, or shall I say, Carrot Top? Here I was trying to look out for a fellow felon such as yourself, but this is the kind of respect I get?"
"I don't care if you rat on me. Just leave this shop alone."
"I'm not sure about that. This shop is owned by two earth ponies who have mixed pegasii and unicorn blood in them. Do you realize what would happen if I let slip that fact?"
"Zeb, you'd better get out of this shop or I'll buck you ten times in the face."
Zeb sighed. "I thought for sure we can work things out here. Boys, let's thrash this place."
"Mini," Twinkleshine whispered. "I think we should go."
"Maybe we don't have to," grinned Minuette. "I know I'm not supposed to use magic unless absolutely necessary, but I can get away with this one since the Chieftain isn't here."
"You're helping her?"
"I am. TIME STOP!"
A bright flash emitted from Minuette's hidden horn, and from it a wave magic instantly spread out to cover the world in unsaturated stillness. All around, everything was frozen perfectly still, including the aerial lunges of Zeb's two zebra compatriots. The only ponies that remained in color were Minuette and Second Magisister Twinkleshine, who recovered off the ground from her initial flinch.
"Are you insane?" Twinkleshine cried. "You know that time spells are forbidden. If the Chieftain finds out--"
"Help me move these zebras outside," said Minuette.
"First Magisister Minuette, are you even listening? Hey!"
Thus, Twinkleshine co-opted herself into helping Minuette, which turned out to be much easier than expected. The zebra stallions they moved weighed like cardboard, and they were so easy to stick them in the air or slide them on the ground. Carefully, they squeezed the three into their gaudy and striped car, and positioned all their limbs to make it appear they had been inside the whole time. To make sure they wouldn't be coming back, Minuette released the hoofbrake before returning inside the shop.
"Let time resume!" she cried.
The magic in her hidden horn flashed, and the world returned to its natural saturation. Golden Harvest blinked in surprise when the zebra Mafioso had instantaneously vanished, but she was also surprised when she noticed two hooded mares standing by the shop entrance.
"Um, may I help you?" Harvest asked.
"Good morning confectionary keeper," began Minuette. "My friend and I are famished, and we wish to partake in some of your vittles in exchange of our legal tender."
"What she means that we're hungry," said Twinkleshine. "Seriously, Mini? That's not how they talk."
"Just sit down," Minuette hissed.
Minuette and Twinkleshine immediately occupied the corner stools by the counter in the hopes of appearing incognito. The blue unicorn understood enough of Gaea's Eques dialect to realize in awe how much food they served in this little shop, and this was only a pastry shop. The myriad of cakes, pies, and fudge sundaes made her unexpectedly hungry, but she restrained from ordering on impulse due to limited funds they had. To her dismay, Twinkleshine ordered half a page's worth, and there was barely enough space on her part of the counter to decide on what to eat first.
"Confectionary keeper," said Minuette, "this is too much for us to consume."
"Oh, don't worry," said Golden Harvest. "It's on the house."
"What do you mean by that? Is this a sleeping residence?"
"She says it's free," said Twinkleshine.
"How come?"
"Because I know you two are unicorns," winked Harvest.
Golden Harvest resumed normal business, leaving Minuette frozen in her seat while Twinkleshine gleefully gobbled up her cherry pie. There was nothing for her to do other than slunk her head further into the counter as more and more customers filed in to Sugarcube Corner. Nopony but her seemed to notice or care about the loud car crash a few blocks down.
Spike didn't have much, and most of were books and paper workbooks Twilight have given him to further his studies. Sometimes, he often wondered why she insisted. They were on an adventure. They were out to save the world. And once or twice, their lives were at stake.
A dopey-eyed pegasus with bubbles as her Heaven's Insignia and muffin crumbs on her cheek showed him to his shared quarters where he would sleep. Inside, a small khaki cot at the corner had been set up and reserved for him, and there seemed to be a bowl of yummy gems on his nightstand. He wouldn't be sleeping alone, though. A few handsome stallions milled about before exiting cabin. They did not seem all that surprised to see a baby dragon. Then again, this was a ship filled with ponies of all three races.
As he put away his belongings into his reserved trunk, he noticed on the posterboard a childishly hoofwritten sheet surrounded by pictures of mares in sultry poses and other flyers of various rules and reminders. This one in particular read:
CAPTAIN RAINBOW DASH'S
RULEZ TO LIVE BY
1. Be hot
2. Be fresh
3. Be awesome
4. Party hard
He could only assume it was done by Scootaloo, that pegasus filly Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle immediately befriended, bonded, and bedded in their own separate quarters not too far from his cabin, yet closer to the mares' sleeping quarters. Seeing those pictures of the sultry mares reminded him of his one true love, Diamond Princess Rarity. Sure, those mares on the posterboard were pretty, but Rarity had class. Rarity had style. Rarity had grace.
Twilight later arrived right as he finished unpacking, and immediately he climbed on her back as a means of transportation. Applejack and Rarity was with her. Ah, if he could only ride on her back instead.
He immediately shook his head and slapped his spines. He shouldn't be having such dirty thoughts for a Diamond Princess as pure as herself, yet her nearby presence made him more nervous as the two other ponies glanced oddly towards him.
"You okay, lil' fella?" Applejack asked.
"I'm just a little nervous," replied Spike. "I mean, I have heard and read about sky pirates, but are they all as bad as they make it out to be?"
"I only heard rumors, but then again, you'd have to be a mad flank to stand up against the might of Pegasopolis and Gaea."
"At least they're throwing us a party. Say, where are Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Sunny?"
His answer came when the four arrived in an airship mess hall bigger than anything he expected. The entire room were filled with mares and stallions, pegasii or Earthian, garbed in bright fantastical neon clothes, some of which made Rarity squeal in delight and some of which made her stick her tongue out in disgust. Almost all of them wore neon headbands and wristbands while wielding neon glow sticks in their hooves, horn, wings, or teeth.
It was déjà vu again, and Spike and his companions found their immediate party up on the stage performing yet another Pink Pistols concert. Instead of diamond-studded outfits, Pinkie Guitar, Flutterbass, and Sunny Drums wore neon bracelets. The large speakers now took the appearance of nautilus seashells stacked upon each other whose wires cabled back to an audio mixer operated by, to Spike's surprise, a grinning white unicorn with blue hair and magenta shades.
"Good morning Spitfire!" Pinkie yelled into the microphone. "We are the Pink Pistols, and we would like to thank all of you for welcome us to your crew and electing me to be your Pirate Queen!"
The crowd roared, save for Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity who rolled their eyes in unison.
"The Pink Pistols is also honored to have a guest guitarist, and I'm sure you all know her by now. Give it up for your bodacious Pirate King--Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash exploded from behind the covered hoop in the middle of the stage just as fireworks exploded from their tubes, and behind her came a trio of ponies dressed in a potentially offensive eight-legged dragon costume. The heat and smoke did nothing to quell the screaming excitement of the crew, and the fireworks continued exploding all around even as Rainbow Dash and Pinkie immediately engaged in a dastardly dueling guitar solo before launching into song:
Welcome to this Crazy Time,
You're flying in the air without a care
Through a dark sky (dark sky, dark sky)
Spike could swear that the rest of the song degenerated into nonsensical words that sounded almost like Neighponese, but like the rest of raving audience, he didn't care. He could not help but bang his head and imitate goat horns with his fingers similar to that of the pegasii's wings. Applejack was kicking left and right with both her front and hind legs. Even Twilight started dancing, although it was, to his amusement, so bad that he could not help hiding his chuckle. Bad couldn't even begin to describe it. She kicked her legs like AJ's, but for some reason she made it look terrible. Good thing no other pony could see the lack of dance skills coming from his tutor.
As the song swelled in at its chorus, Spike suddenly noticed that absence of one mare he had his heart on. Without her, the fun in this concert drained out for him. He never expected her to dislike such music, and he felt guilty into liking it. Sure, Rarity was entitled to her own personal likes and dislikes, and it was something he tried to accept by forcing himself to resume enjoying the rest of the concert. He couldn't in the end.
Love did strange things for him, and it made Spike squeeze through gyrating equine legs towards the exit. Very few ponies came and went, and it might be that there was nopony operating the airship at the moment. He soon realized that came out the wrong exit, but he did not want to through the crowd again. An easier way would be to go down the corner.
When he turned, however, he bounced himself off of a hard and seemingly impenetrable metal. A deeply blue machination whirred its segmented neck down towards the baby dragon in order to focus its sole mono-eye upon him.
"SUBJECT 616, PREFERABLY IDENTIFIED AS THE DRACONUS 'SPIKE' CONFIRMED," it spoke. "GREETINGS SPIKE. HAS YOUR JOURNEY BEEN WELL?"
"Wait, I know you," he said. "You're Deep Blue! And you can talk?"
"WITH THE HELP OF DAME VINYL SCRATCH, MY MASTER OCTAVIA HAS GIVEN ME A VOICE MODULATOR COMPONENT IN ORDER TO FACILITATE PROPER COMMUNICATION UTILIZING THE EQUES LANGUAGE."
"But if you're here, then does that mean Dr. Octavia is onboard as well?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"Oh my gosh! Is she around? Can you take me to her?"
"AFFIRMATIVE. UPON CONFIRMATION OF DRACONUS 'SPIKE'S' PRESENCE, I HAVE BEEN INSTRUCTED TO ESCORT YOU TO DR. OCTAVIA'S OFFICE WITHOUT DELAY. IT WILL BE PRUDENT FOR ME TO CARRY YOU ON MY BACK FOR OPTIMAL TRAVEL WITHIN THIS SHIP."
"Dude, you could just say, 'get on my back'."
"I SHALL PRIORITIZE THE SPECIFIED COMMAND PHRASE WITHIN MY DATA BANKS."
Spike palmed his own face. It would be a waste of time to argue any further with a mechanical pony who seemed to have just received the gift of speech, but at least it (or he?) was patient and obedient enough to sit on its haunches and allow the baby dragon to climb onto its back. Deep Blue's back was adequately contoured for a utilitarian ride, and while its metal skin wasn't cold, it did not have the living pulsating warmth that massaged Spike's underbelly. The ride felt stiff, yet it was nonetheless secure. While It would be more comfortable for Spike to walk on his own, Deep Blue's metal bulk protected Spike from being accidentally knocked over or trampled by the partying crew stumbling from wall to wall down the halls.
The further Deep Blue took him, the more he started to notice a strange smell amidst the sweet punch and the smoky residue of the concert pyrotechnics. Spike had caught a whiff when the Spitfire decloaked before his eyes, but in here it started to get stronger. The smell wasn't anything pleasant, but who's to judge? A dragon himself might have its unique scent despite the times Twilight ordered him to take a bath after a few snowball fights with Pinkie Pie.
The smell was getting closer, and Deep Blue finally turned the corner as it followed the signs towards the infirmary. The heavy metal door swung open to reveal a small, if not homely office belonging to a feminine doctor. Octavia, garbed in a white labcoat cut short enough to expose her Nature's Call in the image of a musical clef, beamed in smile and surprise when her eyes spotted Spike, her "son".
Suddenly, Spike's mouth sealed shut, which preventing him from telling the good Doctor Octavia about the adventures he had since his parting from her and the love his life. He saw sitting on a bench towards the other wall a black pony-like creature that had a curved horn, insectoid wings, fangs, and atrophied hooves.