Umbra’s description of her replacement left you feeling... watched. Not in the ‘I think I’ve met this person but don’t remember’ way, but the ‘holy shit I think I’m being stalked’ kind of way.
It’s an immensely disconcerting feeling.
“So, uh, weird question, but does your replacement have a… criminal record?” You ask, dreading the answer.
The batpony looks up at you with a raised eyebrow. “No… I thought I told you before, Princess Luna won’t let crooks be a part of her guard. We do pretty thorough background checks.”
For some reason, that doesn't reassure you. “Are you sure?” you question skeptically. “Because I’m getting a nasty feeling about this Orchid character. No skeletons in her closet?”
Umbra shakes her head. “Nope. She’s as clean as they come. I got to look through her record during the evaluation. There was nothing that would raise a red flag.”
Well shit. Umbra knows her subordinates, so maybe you’re worrying over nothing. Maybe…
You let out a sigh. “Alright, I might be losing it over nothing I guess. But I still don’t feel the best about this…”
Umbra presses herself a little more firmly to your side, her cool hide soothing your nerves as she says, “You don’t have anything to worry about here, Anon. Myself, the princess, and the other guards are looking out for you.”
It takes some effort to not bring up how you were almost mauled by one of said guards.
”We would NEVER let anything happen to you.”
You rub your temples, vainly trying to stave off an oncoming headache. “You say that…”
One of your hands finds it’s way to the top of Umbra’s head, where you idly run your fingers through her mane, bringing a content, closed-eye smile to her face.
“...But I still can’t help but worry.”
Your guard cracks an eye open, taking in your concern with her smile diminishing. Then, it comes back just as quickly and twice as wide. “Tell you what? I’ll clear my schedule out so I can be by your side until this nasty feeling of yours blows over. Even if Orchid or somepony else is out to get you, they would have to go through me!”
You look at the grinning vampony pressed into your side with surprise. She just more or less agreed to give up her social life for an unknown time just to make you feel better. Your heart swells some. You really lucked out with Umbra…
Pulling the surprisingly light mare into your lap with a squeak from her, you wrap her in a grateful hug. A shiver runs down your spine as the little vampire soaks up all the warmth your arms generously provide. “Thank you, Umbra. That really means a lot to me.”
She opens her mouth like she wants to reply, but stops midway and nestles herself to your chest, looking up at you with soft eyes.
You really would be lost without her… The thought makes you hug her a little tighter.
For a few moments, you and the vampony just sit together and savor the company of the other. It’s the rare moments like these that you enjoy most.
“Hey, Umbra?”
”Mmm… Yes, Anon?” she asks tiredly, slowly falling asleep from all the heat she’s pulling from you.
“I’m still upset about the bitemark.”
“What!” Umbra suddenly squawks, her tranquil mood totally ruined. “But I said—“
“That it was an accident, I know. I’m still pissed off, though.”
The batpony huffs and wiggles out of your hold, taking her chilled hide away from yours. She lands hooves first on the bedroom floor and does a full body-shake, starting at the head and moving back in a wave like a canine would.
“Fine then, be a jerk,” she playfully jabs, sticking her tongue out at you as she does so.
“Gladly.”
Umbra snorts and then turns to look out the uncurtained window of your bedroom, seemingly eyeing a small portion of the town in particular. “Say, Anon?” she questions as she turns to you. “Why don’t we go see how the artisans district is doing? I’ve mentioned it to a few artsy friends of mine. Maybe a couple of them have moved in?” she finishes with a hopeful smile.
You frown. Just the mention of that district makes a pitch well up in your stomach. It’s a feeling that you know all too well. Something stupid and not your problem is going to crop up.
“I don’t know…” you reply with a frown beginning to form. “Like I told you before, this reminds me way too much of a bunch of other things we’ve had to do that end up going south.” You look out the window that Umbra was towards the little alleyway in the middle of the bustling city. It has notably more activity than the other day. “Maybe it would be best if we wait for another day.”
Now, it’s the major’s turn to frown. “Don’t be so paranoid. It’s just a little alleyway that Princess Luna hopes will promote the arts down in town. I mean, what could go wrong?”
Your palm meets your face with a painful smack. “Well, now that you said that, pretty much everything.”
Umbra just rolls her eyes before training them on you and crouching. Before you can even blink, the batpony springs behind you and begins pushing you toward the door with her head in the small of your back and her bat wings pumping.
”Oh no you don’t. I KNOW that you’ll find something worthwhile down there, so you’re coming with me,” Umbra states with determination.
You dig your heels into the floor, just barely slowing your advance enough to look behind yourself at the night guard. And you don’t like what you see.
Gold eyes narrow, shoulders set, and her mouth stretched into a thin line. The telltale signs that a female isn’t going to budge an inch.
God dammit.
“Alright, alright! No need to break my spine,” you tell her with no small amount of annoyance. “I’ll go to your damn art show. But I won’t like it.”
And just like that, the batpony is back to smiling wide enough to land her in the asylum. “Great! I knew you would see things my way,” she says as she lands next to you. “We did promise to help out the alley owner, after all.”
“More like you promised and dragged me into it…” you grumble, which Umbra totally ignores.
The trek out of your bedroom into the main gate of the castle is a short and practiced one. More than once, you and Umbra stop to talk to the occasional late-night noble or lunar guard off-duty. None of the short meetings are of any consequence. The walk into the town’s entertainment district, however, only makes the gnawing worry in your stomach deepen. It’s not anything you can see, but rather what you hear all around you.
“Did you hear? They say th—“
“—bbery. Yes. Thousands of bits worth of—”
“—Nopony knows. Just up and vanished. Bu—“
Everyone is whispering and treading warily. The bits and pieces of gossip you can catch seem to flow from every mouth in earshot.
“Umbra?” you ask the batpony at your side, who is swiveling her ears about with a frown. “Any idea what’s going on?”
She flicks her ears a final time and looks up at you, eyes narrowed. “Not any more than you do. It’s obvious that some sort of robbery has gone on, but nopony seems to know when it happened or where it happened. For all we know, it could be a harmless rumor. I’ll obviously go through any recent reports filed by the teams on duty tonight, but I’m sure that it’s nothing big.”
You cross your arms, skeptical. “I seriously doubt that Murphy’s Law isn’t going to stick its nose into this. What sort of things does the city have that could be of possible value to robbers?”
“Well, there are the obvious, cliché things like museums and banks, but…” Umbra motions her head further up the street, where the large, marble walls of the city’s biggest bank gleam in the moonlight. Just outside of the monolithic building is a squad of lunar guards, two for each side of the entrance. “With the presence of guards at high-value targets like that, it’s a nasty deterrence to any would-be crooks. It would take at least twenty thugs to overpower a decently trained team.”
As if fate wished to make a point, a commotion arises behind you just as you pass a string of restaurants on the wide street. Turning, you see an irritated, armored vampony toss a sloshed stallion out of a ritzy looking bar. The throw sends the poor drunkard almost twenty meters across the street where he crashes painfully in an alley, courtesy of the guard’s vampire strength.
“Alright,” you concede, turning back around with Umbra, “I can see why you think so, but what if the target didn’t have any guards?”
“Again, I really doubt that’s the case,” the major argues. “It only takes a week or two for the red tape of new deployment and patrol spots to go through. There was nothing of value built recently, so I can’t think of any place that could have possibly been stolen from!”
You scowl and bend closer to your guard. “And I’m saying that rumors don’t just pop up out of nowhere like this. There’s always a grain of truth to every story, even if it’s not much. As such, I think we should turn back. This has to be the convoluted bullshit that my gut was telling me about. I REALLY don’t want to get involved.”
“Ahem…”
An interloper’s softly accented voice just barely stops Umbra from launching into a tirade that would probably bust your argument.
You both turn to see a rather tall unicorn lazily looking between you and Umbra. Standing back to your full height, you take a step back and fully observe the mare who saved you an earache. The instant you do, you recognize who this is.
“Am I interrupting something?”
In front of you is one aloof Fleur de Lis, Canterlot’s top supermodel for six years running.
What the actual fuck is she doing here? In the middle of the night, no less? Why would she even want to talk to a bickering guard and the resident human? There is no possible way this could be a coincidence.
Umbra recovers much quicker than you. “Nothing much, ma’am,” she replies with a small grin. “Just me and my friend here having a bit of a disagreement.”
Fleur calmly nods, as if seeing an ape in clothes and a guard officer argue in the middle of the street is a normal occurrence. Then, she turns her attention to you.
You can’t help but freeze up as the pretty unicorn runs her lavender colored eyes up and down your frame, taking in everything without missing a single detail.The feeling of exposure is even greater than when you first met a batpony.
“I hate to cut in so rudely,” she says slowly, snapping you out of your thoughts, “but may I trouble you both for directions?”
You and Umbra share a quick glance. Her’s is suspicious, while yours is just confused, but you both think the same thing.
“Miss De Lis?” you prod.
The unicorn waves a dismissive hoof. “Please, none of that. Just Fleur will do.”
“Right, Fleur, why would you need directions? Haven’t you lived in Canterlot for years now? I figure you could walk anywhere in the city while blindfolded.”
Fleur lets out a dainty titter at the small compliment. “I think you give me too much credit, but it’s true. Canterlot is my one and only home, but I’m looking for a small, out-of-the-way spot.” The model closes her eyes in thought. “Hmm, it was a quaint place, an alleyway that was ordered refurbished by the crown. I met a young colt with a talent for portraits. He was a charming little thing, so I offered to model for him on a night off.”
Oh man. What a lucky little shit. Of all the mares who could have offered... Wait. Is Fleur referring to the artisan's district?
“This alleyway you mentioned, is it by any chance called the-”
“Ahh! The Artisan’s District! That’s it!”
Fuck. Just as you feared. You shoot Umbra yet another dirty look, to which she just rolls her eyes. She does that now, but she won’t be later when you and she are stuck in some convoluted mess yet again. Because if there’s anything that likes to stick to you like white on rice, it’s things you really shouldn’t be involved in.
“We were just on our way there as well. Care to come?”
And with that, Umbra puts the final nail in the coffin.
“That sounds delightful! It’s been some time since I’ve had any causal company,” Fleur responds with a small, yet dazzling smile. And with that, the two mares trot on ahead, leaving you to follow them through the not-so-crowded streets.
They both make small-talk along the way. Nothing that would be of interest to anyone save high-class women.
Ha! You just thought of Umbra as a high-class woman. Now that is one hilarious image.
“I must say, Major,” Fleur says, pulling you away from your musing, “I love the shine on your coat.” As if checking for some illusion, Fleur touches Umbra’s wither with a hoof, only to draw it back quickly. “Oh my! So soft too!” The model gushes. “How do you do it?”
Umbra beams at the praise. “Thank you! But I really don’t do much to maintain this. It’s more of a healthy diet and basic cleaning than anything.”
Healthy diet? What is she going on about? She’s done nothing but live off your blood for the last couple months...Wait...
Your eyes bug out of your head and you nearly trip once what the batpony said finally sinks in. She did not just say that out loud, did she?
Fleur’s smile melts into a look of slight confusion. “Ah, excuse me if this is rude to ask, but your diet? I was under the impression that the Lunar Guard used supplement potions in place of…”
The thin unicorn trails off and looks back to you with searching eyes. Or rather, she looks at the bright red mark on your neck with comprehension dawning on her face. Umbra, welcome to bitch-tier.
You barely stifle a curse as your hand reflexively shoots up to cover the ugly red spot, only incriminating you more.
Umbra doesn’t seem to realize what she said if the smile on her face is anything to go by… Or she didn’t care. That really seems to be more likely at this point.
“Ah…” Fleur responds, masking her surprise far quicker than you thought she could. “I didn’t realize that you and Mister Mous were…”
“Major! Anonymous!”
Saved!
The voice calls yours and Umbra’s name again as it dodges around alarmed ponies in the market street. Hardly a moment later, an out-of-breath Fine Etch skids to a stop in front of you, Umbra, and Fleur.
“Etch?”
The bat stallion gulps a few mouthfuls of air before he can reply. “Y-yes… ha… I saw you and the major and I thought you could help me because it’s awfultheycameandransackedthealleyandohmyLunait’saw—”
A charcoal hoof clamps down over Etch’s mouth, stopping the torrent of word vomit in its tracks.
You look down towards the hoof’s owner, catching a glimpse of her in a rare moment of seriousness.
“Mister Etch,” begins Umbra calmly, “you need to slow down. You’re going to pass out if you don’t breathe. I’m going to let go of you in a moment, then you’re going to stop and explain from the beginning, alright?”
Fine Etch blinks and nods quickly, shaking the hoof on his mouth.
“Good, now follow me.”
Umbra lets the stallion go and turns around sharply, walking to a secluded little corner in an outdoor cafe without even looking back.
You, Etch, and Fleur follow without comment.
Only a few times have you seen Umbra so… professional. Of course, she would act like this on duty, but that always seems practiced and robotic. She was just going through the motions without thinking, then. Times like now, however…
By the time you’re all seated, it’s as if the ponies on the street just knew they didn’t want to be involved and cleared out, leaving the area eerily silent.
You look around the small table in your size too small chair, taking in the sight of the others there.
Umbra’s eyes drill into Etch, who fidgets uncomfortably in the metal chair, making its legs squeak shrilly on the stone ground.
Fleur still seems calm despite everything, and is looking at the pair of vamponies just as you are. Her gaze may be set firmly on Etch and Umbra, but her ears turn about restlessly and her nose twitches in the night air.
During the lull, the Major dips her head under her left wing and reaches her mouth into her armor. A second later, she re-emerges with a pad of paper and a small pencil.
“Alright,” Umbra begins crisply, setting the paper down and holding the pencil with her teeth. “Let’s start. Tell me everything from the start. Include names, descriptions, places, times, and any other details you can.”
Etch roughly gulps and looks towards you for support.
You just nod your head towards Umbra. Poor guy. The Lunar guards can be pretty scary.
“W-well,” the stallion starts, “I wasn’t there when it happened, but a jeweler mare named Glimmer who set up in the district came to me and claimed to have been robbed while out to lunch. When I arrived at her shop, sure enough, everything was stolen. All the display cases were smashed and not a single thing was left. This was about… two hours ago?”
Hold on…
“Jewels?” you question, drawing the table’s attention to you. “Someone correct me if I’m wrong, but can’t a handful of gemstones be bought with pocket change in Equestria?”
Fleur takes the incentive. “Yes. Although beautiful, a fair number of gems can be mined from just about anywhere with little effort.”
“Why rob a trinket store over finding them yourself, then?” Umbra questions with a frown. “That’s what I want to know.”
“Er, I may have forgot to mention…”
Everyone turns to Etch, who smiles sheepishly. “Glimmer isn’t a normal jeweller, she’s an enchanter...”
Fleur’s eyes widen and Umbra sharply inhales through her nose. You? You just make a dumb comment.
“I’ve got a baaaad feeling about this, Scoob.”