There are a great many things I regret having done in my life -- I have messed it up so badly, I wish I had another chance to redo it -- I want to redo everything from when I was eight years old.
Do I really want to go that far back? Ugh, maybe not that far back... How about from my 18th birthday?
Maybe I won't make the same mistakes twice. Who knows? Maybe I might...
There's a part of me that wishes to visit Ponyville -- I wonder if the ponies there are just as friendly as they appear on TV -- maybe even more so! One could always hope, I guess...
Of course, there's a reason they call it the idiot box -- maybe I shouldn't -- but I still wanna go there!
I wonder what it would be like to wake up laying next to Twilight Sparkle -- wouldn't she be shocked?!
I wonder what she would think of humans for real-real...but maybe I'd like to be a pony instead.
I wish I could make up my mind what I really want...why can't I focus on just one thing?
These thoughts, among others, were ones that preoccupied my mind as I drove home from work. It was yet another normal day for me, taking a bit longer than I had wanted it to, but all in all not a bad day. I've had worse.
I turned on the radio to listen to something -- I flipped channels and hit the scan button, but found no music to my liking. I considered turning on the CD player, but remembered that I've already listened to all my burned discs at least 20 times over, so I left the radio off and listened instead to the sound of the tires humming along the pavement. I allowed myself to stew in my thoughts when the phone rang, the particular ringtone indicating that my wife was calling once again.
God, I hate that woman...
"Hello? What do you want?" I asked rather brusquely. I should have pulled off to the side of the road, but chose not to, considering my mood. I was in a hurry to get home and didn't have time to be taking calls from anyone, especially her.
"Where you at? Can you stop by Hardee's and get me a burger on the way in?"
"Ugh. Yeah, I guess I can," I replied before she hung up on me.
God, I hate that woman...why did I ever marry her in the first place? Oh, that's right -- her parents didn't want us living in sin and neither did mine...
It gets boring, taking the same route home every night. It gets boring, having to answer my wife's calls when I'm on my way home. It gets boring, the same routine, day after frustrating day.
I pulled into the fast-food joint's drive-thru and got my wife her food request and drove the rest of the way home -- she was waiting for me under the carport and didn't waste any time taking the food as soon as I shut off the car. Some times I wished I could teleport home from work, but knew that such a thing was impossible.
"You're welcome," I called after her as she snatched the food from my hand after I got out of the car.
"Fuck you," she retorted and closed the door behind her.
God, I really hate that woman...
Brenda went upstairs into our room with the food. I went downstairs to get on the computer and played a few games and checked out a few things before getting tired enough to go to bed. I readied my work clothes for the following day and stripped down to my skivvies before getting into bed, silently wishing for a change of pace before trying to get some sleep. Brenda let the TV blare until she fell asleep, then I turned it off. I continued to silently repeat my wishes inside my head, my thoughts turning to what I might do if at least one of them was granted. I had no idea of what lay in store for me, though...
Sunlight streamed in through what appeared to be an open window -- I was half-expecting my alarm clock to wake me, but that didn't happen. As I allowed my eyes to adjust to the brightness of the light, I noticed something purple wrapped around me -- that wasn't what caused me to scream, though. I was looking at what was supposed to be my body, but -- I had white fur! I had hooves! I was tiny! What the fuck just happened to me?!
"AAAAAAAHH!!" I screamed. I woke the mare next to me -- she turned over and cooed softly to me.
"It's okay, Sweetie Belle, I'll take you back home in a little bit. Let me get freshened up first."
"WHAAAAT? Did you -- just call me -- Sweetie Belle?!" I asked incredulously, giving the lavender mare a very worried look. She returned my look of apprehension with one of mild curiosity as she got out of her bed and turned to look in the mirror. I turned to look and saw her staring at me by way of her reflection as she levitated a brush and began straightening her mane and tail.
"Well, you look just like her -- if you're not her, who are you and what are you doing in my bed?" she asked as she continued her brushing, now addressing her coat.
I groaned and gave her an annoyed look. "If I had known this was going to happen, I wouldn't have made my wishes last night -- looks like all of them were rolled into a single one and granted."
"What did you wish for?" Twilight asked me as the corners of her mouth turned upward in a smile -- it appeared to me as though she was trying to stifle a few giggles.
"I guess I should tell you -- my name is Michael Walker and last night I made several wishes -- I wanted to redo my life from my eighth birthday, I wanted to visit Ponyville, and you in particular. I had no idea everything would be wrapped up into a tidy little package like this," I opined as I looked down at my body. "I suppose it could be worse -- I could have ended up in Diamond Tiara's body. At least I'm a unicorn and can work magic -- I think." I tried to rise to my hooves but fell over, causing the librarian to chuckle.
"So, you had a male name? It looks like you probably weren't a pony last night, were you?"
"Jeez, whatever could have led you to that conclusion? -- yeah, you're right -- I was a male human, living in a world full of humans -- what are you looking at me like that for?"
My explanation had caused the mare to give me a big grin as she readied ink and parchment to take notes. "I have a lot of questions for you," she grinned. I sighed heavily in response and told her to ask away, doing my best to explain my reasons, my origin, my life to that point, and other aspects of my home world that piqued her curiosity as my explanations became more tangential to the answers to her questions. I lost track of how many sheets of parchment she went through before we stopped to take a break.
"You know, Michael, you have a fascinating history -- I'm surprised you wanted to come here -- your world sounds so interesting I want to go there!" she exclaimed cheerfully. I responded by giving her my best are you serious? look, causing her expression to drop somewhat. "Is it that bad?"
"I don't wanna have to see my wife again -- she'd be furious," I stated matter-of-factly. Twilight nodded her head as she recollected my explanation.
"Well, perhaps you might be willing to tell me more about it -- I'm still curious to see it, though." My stomach growled at its state of emptiness, causing the mare to giggle. "I suppose I should ask you what you want for breakfast -- please, follow me to the kitchen, I'll have Spike cook something for us."
I followed her out of her room until we reached the stairs leading down. Twilight headed down without a second thought as I remained standing at the staircase, looking down somewhat balefully. She entered the kitchen without bothering to check behind her, and as I gingerly took a step forward, I lost my balance and tumbled down the stairs.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow," I grunted as my body impacted each step all the way down. Twilight heard the thumping and came back into the main room to witness me falling down the stairs and giggled almost uncontrollably as I came to a very undignified stop at the base of the staircase.
"I'll have you know that hurt quite a bit," I declared, holding my horn with my right fore-hoof as she continued to giggle. Spike popped his head from out of the kitchen.
"What was all that thumping? Oh, hi, Sweetie Belle -- what brings you here? Did Rarity kick you out of the house again?"
"Ugh! I'm not really her! I may look like her but --" I tried to explain before the drake was on top of me, an angry scowl on his face.
"You must be a changeling then!" he growled, poking a sharp claw in my neck. Twilight saw this and used her telekinesis to pull him off me, fixing a stern gaze at her assistant.
"Spike, that was uncalled for! If you had let ... um, do I call you a male or female?"
"Yeah, the gender thing has my mind all screwed up too, Twilight. I suppose you probably could call me Michael, but -- I dunno. I was not prepared for this!" I replied as I sat on my hocks and held my head in my forehooves. "What am I supposed to do now? I was hoping for something better than this!"
"I'll help you with that if I can, Michael -- but right now I suggest we eat. Perhaps a visit to Carousel Boutique might be in order as well," the librarian mused as she trotted into the kitchen. Spike stuck his tongue out at me and blew a raspberry before following the lavender unicorn. I rubbed my horn again as the pain slowly subsided and trotted as best I could after them.
"Hey, Sweetie Belle, wanna try your hoof at cooking?" Spike grinned impishly.
"Ugh! Just let me get a glass of orange juice, okay? Can I have a couple of pancakes as well?" I asked, trying not to get too angry at the drake for his crass attempt at humor. I tried lighting my horn to use levitation, but it didn't seem to work. "Um, Twilight, why's my magic not working?"
"You're not doing it right, Michael -- you need to relax and concentrate, visualizing your aura wrapping around the glass and moving it with your mind," she replied, a grin on her face. I scrunched up my face as I tried to concentrate, the librarian giggling at my feeble attempt to work magic. "I said relax, Michael! If you try too hard, it's not going to work!"
I renewed my concentration, foxusing exclusively on the empty glass, which I managed to succeed in levitating to the table. Twilight fetched the orange juice from the fridge and gave me an opportunity to pour it. As soon as I had poured the liquid into the glass, it promptly turned black and began issuing smoke from the top of the glass.
"What?! How did that happen?!" I exclaimed in surprise.